Who Gives A Shit?
Let me assure that this is going to be a wayyy TMI post. If you are not interested in hearing about nasty sex, you might want to skip it. It's going to get graphic, so consider yourself warned.
Several of you have asked what Clark's sexual stuff is since I've only alluded to it. Here it is...full on. When I first started seeing him last year, he mentioned scat to me several times. If you are blissfully unaware of wtf I'm talking about, I mean shit play. I declined and finally got so freaking sick of saying "No" and he was so pissed that I kept saying it that we ended things. Now, I'm not talking about he just didn't mind if his dick got a little messy while we were having anal...I mean he wanted us to shit on each other. He wanted me to rub it on his dick. He even went so far as to asking me if I would ever consider sucking him off while he had shit on his dick.
Now admittedly when I have anal sex with other men, I prepare. If you're wondering, I use enemas to prepare and they are pretty effective. I would go so far as to not prepare with him, but that was the extent of my willingness to engage.
When he contacted me again in August, I expressed concern that I still possessed these boundaries. He said he would convince me, but accepted it. We did have some messy anal sex over this past month, but it was never enough. It wasn't the full on that he wanted and I just can't provide that for him on so very many levels. First, I think it's a hygiene issue!! Second, the smell gets to me even when it's my own. Third, it just feels too taboo even for me. This is my line folks, he found it (again).
He woke me up this morning texting me and I reiterated very succinctly what I'd said last night. I have feelings for him and if he wants to be in a healthy, loving relationship then I'm his girl, but these are my limits. He told me that he doesn't think he can ever find true happiness because he's so angry inside and that's why he has so many "kinks". RED FLAG, anyone?? We texted some more on and off throughout the day, but I'm just over it. At one point this afternoon I started to re-engage some. because I did see a very sweet side of him...but it's clearly destined to fail, so I'm going to cut my losses now and move forward.
-Jules
Several of you have asked what Clark's sexual stuff is since I've only alluded to it. Here it is...full on. When I first started seeing him last year, he mentioned scat to me several times. If you are blissfully unaware of wtf I'm talking about, I mean shit play. I declined and finally got so freaking sick of saying "No" and he was so pissed that I kept saying it that we ended things. Now, I'm not talking about he just didn't mind if his dick got a little messy while we were having anal...I mean he wanted us to shit on each other. He wanted me to rub it on his dick. He even went so far as to asking me if I would ever consider sucking him off while he had shit on his dick.
Now admittedly when I have anal sex with other men, I prepare. If you're wondering, I use enemas to prepare and they are pretty effective. I would go so far as to not prepare with him, but that was the extent of my willingness to engage.
When he contacted me again in August, I expressed concern that I still possessed these boundaries. He said he would convince me, but accepted it. We did have some messy anal sex over this past month, but it was never enough. It wasn't the full on that he wanted and I just can't provide that for him on so very many levels. First, I think it's a hygiene issue!! Second, the smell gets to me even when it's my own. Third, it just feels too taboo even for me. This is my line folks, he found it (again).
He woke me up this morning texting me and I reiterated very succinctly what I'd said last night. I have feelings for him and if he wants to be in a healthy, loving relationship then I'm his girl, but these are my limits. He told me that he doesn't think he can ever find true happiness because he's so angry inside and that's why he has so many "kinks". RED FLAG, anyone?? We texted some more on and off throughout the day, but I'm just over it. At one point this afternoon I started to re-engage some. because I did see a very sweet side of him...but it's clearly destined to fail, so I'm going to cut my losses now and move forward.
-Jules
I think the key phrase is, "but it was never enough." It never will be, you never will be until he deals with the demons inside. This is just a symptom, but if he can't respect your boundaries for the long term, and that really means never asking for it again until you ask for it, then all he is doing is suppressing his feelings and anger.
ReplyDeleteBe careful as you re-engage, don't encourage him, keep yourself safe.
BTW - I've been a reader and follower for a while and I love your (plural) blog.
You're right on and I really am done. I think the SW in me was trying to "fix" him, which clearly is way beyond my ability. I've deleted his phone number and his IM information. There will be NO re-engaging. I caught myself, but thank you. We're glad you love it. It's good therapy for us!
ReplyDelete-Jules
PS I'll also never, ever ask for scat play...ever.
ReplyDelete-Jules (LMAO)
Ok so I just now got the significance of the title of this post and almost spit out my coffee. I think this is the perfect time for you to join our experiment......
ReplyDelete-Gwyn
LOL, Miranda actually came up with the title. I live by the experiment everyday, except for very rare occasions.
ReplyDelete-Jules
I vote nothing is sexy about shit...hence my problems with him as of late! I will say that I'm stupid and caved today though. So much for no more contact...
ReplyDelete-Jules