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Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Totally random musing for the day…


Earlier I was thinking about Duckie and what a dipshit he is. Note, recently we battled over child support because his pay has increased and mine has remained flat the last few years and he didn’t deserve (according to state guidelines) what he wanted. Yes, I pay him child support (and I just finished three years of alimony) all because he is a slacker who was content to sit back and work low end jobs and never try to improve his career until I left him. Note again – I won the child support disagreement by the way.  I digress.

Anyways I was thinking about that whole situation and for some reason started to reflect on my decision to leave him. I can remember after I first told him we had a problem and I didn’t have any feelings towards him anymore. I spent much of the next six weeks wading through my grief over my dad’s suicide and mulling over what exactly I WAS feeling.  I can remember creeping around the idea of divorce.
  • Grieving for the idea of the kids having to deal with us splitting on the heals of their grandfather’s death.
  • Being scared to deal thinking about the legal implications of what I was tip toeing around.
  • Being mad at myself for even contemplating the idea.
  • Being annoyed at how Duckie couldn’t leave me alone as I requested time and time again.
  • Being terrified of telling my family what I was thinking about and how they would react.

And oddly I remember somewhere deep down inside being exhilarated at the opportunity to start over, to be done with Duckie, to stop having to carry the weight of him on my shoulders, to not have to baby him along anymore and a million other things that would be better without him in my life.

I know that sounds callous, but it was a very authentic feeling.  My life has certainly had it’s challenges over the last three years and there have been plenty of times I wished I wasn’t alone, that I had a partner to lean on during the hard periods.  But without a doubt, my life has been so much better, so much more fulfilling, so much more filled with growth and exploration and the discovery of a whole new Miranda.

I don’t know that I even could have comprehended how much I’d have changed in such a short period of time.

Miranda

Thursday, February 21, 2013

Moving Forward


Ever had a moment that stopped you in your tracks and you just knew it was what you’d always dreamed about, that you were in exactly the right place at the right time?  I’ve had more than a few of those with Peabody and another really great one last night.

He asked me to come over for dinner and we were just hanging out at his house. He was grilling and we were drinking wine listening to some of our favorite music.  We talked all through dinner and cleaning up and ended up sitting in his living room laughing and talking for another hour while we reminisced over our recent amazing trip to Hawaii. 

His favorite book is On the Road by Jack Kerouac.  He’s been after me to read it and I just haven’t had time yet.  Peabody told me he had something different for us to do and asked me if I’d ever listened to a book on tape. I told him I hadn’t and he said he’d been planning to read the book to me (omg read the book to me!!  My inner nerd is still doing a full out swoon) but thanks to an eye infection he’s been dealing with that was sidetracked and he’d downloaded the audio book to his iPad. 

We ended up listening to about an hour of the book while we lay on the couch and somewhere in that hour I was infused with such happiness and peace.  I thought to myself, this is one of those moments I will always remember.  In that moment, everything felt like what I imagined my life would be like when I was a kid.  It’s hard to capture the moment in words but it was definitely one of those moments that give you pause and make you very thankful.

In other news, our trip to Hawaii was AMAZING. I cannot say enough about how great it was and what a defining moment in our relationship it was.  We certainly found out we are great traveling partners which is good because we both want to travel a lot in the coming years.  It was so great to see the girls and meet the Fisherman and Gwyn’s man.  It was just a really, really good trip.

Since we’re terrible at updating the blog these days I’ll take the liberty to tell you if you haven’t followed us on Facebook, Jules and the Fisherman are getting hitched come September. Yep, Jules the girl who was so not interested in commitment has been totally swept off her feet and she’s going to be the first one of us to take the plunge.  It was quite a sight to see Jules all giggly and lovely dovey I have to say.  Seeing how happy she is makes me so incredibly happy for her!

Gwyn and her man are just so incredible together.  You all know Gwyn is tough and I think this guy is just the right fit for her.  I was very impressed with him and so was Peabody.  He is a super star in the boyfriend Olympics helping her out, putting up with all of us, and hell he even sent her mom an edible arrangement for Valentine’s Day. Yep, he definitely seems to be a keeper!

Times are quite good for us girls right now.  I’m even taking the first steps to finally go back to school to get my nursing degree.  Big things are happening for all of us right now! I think we’re at a point where we need to decided the future of this blog since we’ve obviously changed track with it in the last six months.  I guess we need to decide to either start a new chapter or if it’s time to finally close this book …

Miranda