Saturday, April 30, 2011


I took this quiz this afternoon while I was killing time waiting to meet a friend for lunch and the beach. I found it funny. Clark IMed me yesterday to tell me he's leaving the island (yay!) on May 15th. Miranda thinks his point was hoping for farewell sex, which ain't happening! It did however make me think about my submissive vs dominant side and how far he pushed me sexually. I have moved from loving him to hating him, but I will always appreciate the things he taught me to enjoy. As you can see though, I never really learned submission. If you want to take the quiz, here's the link. ;) - Jules

You Scored as Switch
(((Note: This quiz is not totally comprehensive because of the length such a quiz would be. I kept it sex-based because I felt that psychological profiles and motivations were too complicated and vary too greatly among people that practice BDSM.))) You know what you want but it has nothing to do with your own role in the bedroom. You have the ability to be flexible in that area which can be useful for exploring you sexuality with your partner.
Exhibitionist / Voyeur
Degradation Lover

Six Degrees of Separation?

I think it's smaller on an island. This could all be coincidence, but I'm thinking maybe not. Gavin has been around all day today. He's actually getting kicked out of his place because one of his roommates moved out and didn't pay the rent, so he's trying to butter me up to move back in for a little bit while he figures his shit out. Things are up in the air on that end, but I digress. He finally went home to check on his kid who has a concussion and he had left the kid home alone. He called a few minutes ago to tell me that he didn't think he could come back down because his son had left home while he was down here earlier this evening and the mom found out and called to yell at him. I did too, I told him to stay home and take care of his kid!

Anyway, he came over earlier today while the kids were in school and we had fantastic sex and then I picked up Chloe, ran some errands, dropped Chloe off with a friend of mine, and went to grab us crab legs for dinner. When I came back home, Gavin was here with a friend of his. It's this guy that he's wanted me to meet b/c he wants us to have a threesome. I told him "No" initially, but I actually liked the guy. He was funny and engaging. Nothing happened today though, other than we got high. We were laughing and talking and he starts telling me about his son that's in the hospital and how he's been back and forth for the past week or so and trying to manage the other kid. His kids  go to school at the same school where Owen's kids go and Owen told me that he was helping a really good friend of his out last weekend and watching his son because the parents were having to go back and forth between the hospital for their other kid. What are the odds? I'm hoping they aren't close enough friends that this afternoon comes up as a topic of conversation.

On that note, Gavin is totally begging to go to the swinger's party in town next weekend. He was talking to the aforementioned guy about it and the guy told us that a lot of the parents at his kid's school are into that lifestyle and how a friend of his got propositioned at a PTA meeting, which now makes me super curious about Owen's previous affair. By the way, clearly we have Chloe at the wrong school. This place makes me laugh, it's so incestuous.

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Are You Happy?

The stress factor with school escalated up a few notches the other day when I realized I hated my practicum site, that they were totally unethical, and that I wanted out. I met with my supervisor on campus last night and accomplished getting out. It left me with some free time this week and what does Jules like to do her in free time? Yep, the boys!

Owen texted me this morning to see when I was free this week. His birthday is on Thursday, so he's wanting some birthday sex. Incidentally, April is my favorite month because we fuck like bunnies this month with all the birthday sex mixed in with our normal sex. I told him as it happened I was free until 2pm today. He suggested lunch at my place.

In the interim, Gavin called to see what I was up to today. I told him I'd quit practicum and was in the process of finding a new site. He said he had to work and suggested I come hang out at the beach where he was trimming trees. I said I would and then about 15 minutes later he showed up at the house wanting some late morning sex. Who I am to deny this request, so I happily complied. I blew him and then he flipped me over and gave it to me super hard until he filled me with cum. Once he finished I pretty much rushed him out of the house to work because I knew Owen would be here in like 15 minutes (Yep, I'm a busy girl and I love it - judge all you want.)

Owen walks in and I'd told him since it was his birthday week he could have anything he wanted only I kind of took it back a little. He came in and I was playing with my glass toy (still my favorite!) and he climbs on top of me and starts rubbing his cock against me while I am playing with myself. Finally he tried to enter me with the toy in but it's such a weirdly angled toy it wouldn't work, so I pulled it out and eagerly took him in. He had me cumming in seconds and then he said he wanted my ass. He asked if he could go straight in and I said yes, but that I wanted to flip over. He flipped me and I just thought I soaked the sheets the other day. Holy Mother he had me cumming so hard there was a puddle...lol. I swear it was literally some of the best yet b/c I think I was just super stressed out and he relaxes me so much that I just totally let go. He came pretty quickly for him because it was just that kind of good sex today, but I felt guilty for not giving it to him exactly like he wanted.

We finished and he rolled over and laid on my pillow rubbing my body for a while. I was finally able to move again (and I do mean that literally) and I rolled over and started licking and sucking him. He said he'd cum too much and too hard mere minutes before and couldn't get hard again that fast, but he wanted to play with me with my toys. He did and I came again really hard and then I actually had to ask him to stop b/c it was too intense. He was surprised...I've only told him once before that I couldn't cum anymore right then. He had literally depleted me. I was lightheaded and deliriously happy.

When we were showering, I invited him back Friday for lunch if he can break away since I have to work on his actual birthday. As I was finishing my shower and he was dressing, I asked him "Are you happy?". He stammered out "Wh-wh-what do you mean?" Instantly I realized what I'd said...I was simply asking if he was happy today and leaving satisfied because of my aforementioned guilt over getting it my way. I think he took that question on a much deeper level. I quickly clarified and he assured me he was very happy with today. Bless his heart though, clearly he's not happy- happy or he wouldn't be having an affair.

While we were fucking, Gavin was calling me telling me where on the beach he was. I called him back after Owen left and headed up to meet him. I'd never been to this particular spot and it was amazingly beautiful. We hung out on the beach, ate lunch, drank some beer, swam, and I got to watch his hot ass climb up a big tall coconut tree and trim it. I don't know why, but there is something super sexy about that to me.

Over dinner tonight, Russell made an interesting observation. For a long time, he lost interest in cooking. I learned how and we pretty much split it now as to who cooks here, which is funny because I refused to cook when we were together. Anyway, he remarked that he had a theory about why he was interested in cooking new things and why he was interested in cooking again period. He said it's because I cook for people to enjoy and I'm finally ready to do that for you again. We're getting back to good and that makes me happy. It was the goal of this divorce and I see it coming along day by day. We've both let go of a lot of the hurt and anger and that feels fantastic.

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

TMI Tuesday - Last Rites

Last time you cried.
Probably a couple weeks ago thinking about my dad. - Miranda
Friday, after a sobering conversation with a realtor. -Gwyn
Last Thursday when Chloe won her school's storytelling contest - Jules

Last time you had an orgasm.
Last night with Coach and his awesome hands! - Miranda
Hmmmmm I guess that would be with Popeye on our visit to Hawaii. I'm still a born again virgin since then. -Gwyn
Saturday night with Gavin - Jules

Last time you said I love you.
This morning when I was leaving for work (said to Coach)  - Miranda
Last night. Don't get excited, I said it to my Mom and Grandmother. -Gwyn
10 minutes ago when I dropped Chloe off at school - Jules

Last time you kissed someone.
This morning when I said bye to Coach. - Miranda
Popeye holds this honor as well. This is getting a little depressing lol. -Gwyn
Last time I saw Owen  - Jules

Last place you want to be right now.
Sadly where I'm at right now - at my desk at the hellhole I call work. - Miranda
Ditto Miranda. I can feel your pain through our shared office wall. -Gwyn
At Gwyn and Miranda's work - sounds awful! - Jules

Last place you want someone to touch you.
Hmmmm my armpit? I read something once about the armpit being an erogenous zone and just thought that was the weirdest thing ever. - Miranda
I don't like people touching my stomach. I don't really know why, I just know I don't like it. -Gwyn
I'm with Miranda on the armpit thing - gross! - Jules

Last thing you want to do in bed.
Eat. For some reason I really hate eating in bed. No clue why. - Miranda
I think it'd be pretty hard to come up with something I wouldn't want to do in bed. If it were up to me I'd work from my bed. Haha Miranda I eat in my bed all the time. Maybe you don't want to mess up your fancy duvet? -Gwyn
Go to the bathroom, otherwise I would love all activities to be centered there. - Jules

Last time you wanted to kill someone.
Yesterday during mine and Gwyn's very annoying 4 hour hellacious meeting that included people slamming their hands on the table and others crying. - Miranda
I'm pretty much in a constant state of wanting to kill someone. There are a couple people on my list today. -Gwyn
Last week when another mom at Chloe's school was mean to her. I put Russell on her and after his very condescending convo with her, I doubt we'll ever have another problem. If I'd handled it, the bitch would be in the hospital wishing she were dead. You do NOT mess with my kid. - Jules

Last time you were really mad.
Probably when I was psycho and broke up with Coach. - Miranda
Omg Miranda if we have to tell you one more time - you weren't psycho!!! I've been really mad since yesterday at approximately 10am when the meeting from hell commenced. Outside of work I'm pretty laid back and don't really get mad about much but work really has a way of bringing it out in me. So does the soccer field. -Gwyn
See the above reference to killing and right now that Miranda has convinced herself that she's the one with issues. Miranda, you were NOT psycho, hello! - Jules

Last time you got dressed to the nines.
Hmmm, it's been a while.  I "dress up" every day for work but I don't do the full out hair/nails/makeup/dress package for work.  Probably a few weeks ago when Coach and I went to a concert. I wore this cute little hippie looking dress that was very low cut with a cropped jean jacket and cowboy boots.  To be fair it was a country concert. Not exactly black tie but it's about as dressed up as Miranda gets these days. - Miranda
Saturday night to go out with some friends. I wore a short black dress and some platform heels...curled my hair...full makeup....perfume....jewelry...the works. I didn't pay for the cab rides to and from the club or for any alcohol that night so I guess it was a good outfit choice. -Gwyn
My brother's wedding...in 2008. I don't even own pantyhose or closed toed shoes anymore. - Jules

Last time you used sex to get what you want.
Last weekend I was annoyed that Coach was caving to the demands of his EX. We were on the balcony at my apartment that night talking about it and I was trying to pump him up to fight back. I was sitting on his lap and a little innocent gyrations soon turned in a a full reverse cowgirl style sex attack in one of my Adirondack  chairs.  It was hot! And for the record, after we were done he totally did stand up to her. - Miranda
Well, since I haven't had sex in a few months this is a tough one. I used to use it with The Barber to get what I wanted but mainly that was just his undivided attention and that clearly didn't work out for me. I've never really used sex as a weapon with Romeo (the last person I slept with excluding Popeye) but I will say that my recent virginal status has made him crazy and he pays me more attention now than he did when I was giving it up. If you count using cleavage/legs/ass to get what I want then I'd say the last time I did that was Saturday night lol. -Gwyn
I don' t use sex to get what I want. I use my words for that. - Jules

Last time you picked up a guy at a bar.
Technically Coach and I met at a bar when we first went out. Before him I'd say it was either the friend of SoCo's or the Jolly Green Giant. - Miranda  
Omg I forgot about the Jolly Green Giant! That was quite a night! The last guy I picked up at a bar was Baby Boy. Incidentally, when Romeo and I first met I 'picked him up' at a local sports bar. He was sitting alone and I was drunk and feeling talkative so I just sat my happy self down next to him and started chatting away. In college I was notorious for bringing guys home from the bar and not sleeping with them hahahahaha. -Gwyn
That would be Mormon Boy last summer with Miranda. - Jules

Monday, April 25, 2011

I Wish It Was Still the Weekend

So Gwyn and I just got out of an enormously annoying 4+ hour work meeting and instead of being a dutiful employee and getting some work done with what little is left of my day, I’m choosing to blog.

Despite my DC trip being canceled so Coach could come home and meet with his lawyer, we did have quite a lovely weekend.  Lots of time just hanging out, running errands, seeing family, and lots and lots of sex.  For a 43 year old man I swear I think his penis must be only 21.

Thursday we were just lazy and did dinner and a movie (Hall Pass – hilariously funny).  We had both had a couple drinks at dinner and I decided to play my favorite game with is to whisper dirty things that embarrass Coach in public.  It’s so easy to get him hot and bothered and then he gets all embarrassed in public. It cracks me up.  As we were driving from dinner to the movie he got me back though.  He made a crack about teaching me a lesson by embarrassing me in the car and next thing I knew he had pulled up my skirt and was using his magic fingers on me while he was still driving.  Hot!  Too bad he didn’t realize it wouldn’t embarrass me but it was the perfect after dinner desert.  The only time I even noticed other cars was when we pulled up right next to a big monster truck and I glanced over and noticed they could have seen right down in the car.  HA!

Friday morning he woke me up my favorite way by kissing and playing with me and then he spent some time with his boys, we went to the gym, and later to my nephew’s birthday party.  At the party my ever-tactless brother in law made the funniest comment. All the adults were in the kitchen talking (why is it at a party everyone ends up in the kitchen?) including me, Coach, and Duckie.  I was holding someone’s ridiculously cute baby and the baby’s mom asked me and Coach if we were ready for another one. HA!  I simply laughed and said that Leo and Ladybug belonged to me and Duckie.  Then my brother in law had to jump in with an explanation that was both tactless and hilarious.  He said:

Alright, this is awkward.  Leo and Ladybug belong to Duckie and Miranda who used to be married.  Coach is Miranda’s boyfriend. But Miranda and Duckie are still married. It’s all weird but we love them anyway.

HAHA!  Duckie was quick on his feet and said, “Yeah we like to mix things up.” Everyone laughed because that statement is classic for my brother in law.  That’s just his way of dealing with life’s little awkward situations – to make them even more awkward.  For the record, everyone else in the kitchen said they thought it was great that we could still hang out like that together.  Later at the party Duckie told me he’d gotten his copy of the divorce paperwork in the mail that day so we are actually officially divorced now! Hurrah!  I haven’t gotten my copy yet but I can’t wait to see those bad boys in my mailbox.

Saturday afternoon was entirely lazy with errands, going to the gym, and watching movies and lots of hot sex.  It was capped off by Coach and his EX having a huge fight because she doesn’t want the kids anywhere around me for some reason.  Coach had wanted me to come to his youngest son’s soccer game but I told him not to worry about it. Until they get all this visitation/child support stuff negotiated I was fine not being around them.  I certainly don’t want to give the EX any reason to be any bitchier that she already is.

Sunday was more sex, the gym, and laying out by the pool where I got the weirdest splotchy sunburn before we headed over to his family’s Easter celebration.  Or course SoCo was there since he and Coach’s sister are all lovey-dovey.  It still weirds me out to be around him at the same time as Coach and his sister. 

It wasn’t quite the weekend I was expecting but it was still a great one!


Saturday, April 23, 2011

Same Ole, Same Ole

Jules has been sucked into the end of the semester school crunch. I've also kind of figured out what I want to do with my life and that's been super overwhelming for me with regards to how to make it go from brain child to actual reality. I had one of those moments this week though where the universe totally took me where it wanted me to go and it was kind of trippy.

This week was fairly uneventful from a boy standpoint. I was supposed to see Owen on Thursday morning, but it was cancelled due to my child performing at school and his need to go bid on a side job. We were going to try to reschedule for this morning, but there's just too much going on around here today to get away with Easter and all. I'm actually really big on holidays from a totally pagan standpoint,  so holiday times are totally kid focused.

Gavin has been ever present. We had breakfast together the other morning as I was on the way to a conference. I picked him up from the dirt bike shop where his son's bike is worked on and he told me how hot the guys at the shop think I am and that if I flashed them, he could probably get a lot of work done for free. I declined. He's such a barbarian sometimes, but the image made me laugh.

He came over the night before last but I was on the porch smoking with one of our neighbors and since he wasn't the center of my attention, he left. He's so funny. Actually that whole evening was hilarious. This neighbor totally has a crush on Gavin. I felt it the very first time I met her at his house and she turned into a giddy school girl when he showed up after she had just spent 30 minutes prior totally dogging him and his gf. When she left, Russell came home from his date and we totally smoked more. I'm joining the pot should be legal campaign.

Anyway, I digress. Gavin came back over yesterday and hung out around lunchtime. I fed him, he gave me beer and then I took a bunch of kids to the beach. He came back last night for sex since he hadn't had any the night before. I was totally focused on a paper and told him it was an in and out mission. He looked sad, but I had shit to get done and needed him to cum and go. It was actually really fun sex that was filled with lots of talking and laughing. Russell taught me that it was bad to laugh during sex, but sometimes things are funny and it doesn't seem to throw Gavin off. When we finished, I got back on my laptop and he got dressed and said "Well, ok...goodbye I guess". Sometimes he's such a girl. :)

Your voting on the poll continues to perplex me. It was so evenly split and I was so sure it wouldn't be. I may be sending out mixed signals that I'm not really in tune with, which is unlikely but plausible I suppose. For those of you that voted yes, I'd love to hear why.

PS I'm talking to a few new boys on Plenty of Fish. I was planning for the summer drought of Owen working in town and Gavin going to the mainland, but Gavin told me this week he's probably only going to be gone for a week or two.

Friday, April 22, 2011

A Little Comic Relief

I had to take a moment this morning to share a funny story. I've written about my grandmother before on this blog (I have a separate blog all about her, but I've been so busy with life that it's been neglected) and it's safe to say she's one sassy lady. I don't know if it's the impending arrival of my uncle for Easter or if Fridays just bring it out in her but this morning she was a ball of hilarity.

I called her a few minutes ago to discuss retrieval of some Netflix dvds that she has at her house for me. One of them is something I ordered (Modern Family if you're curious) and the other, according to my grandmother, is "some strange movie with that weirdo Angelina Jolie that your mother ordered for me but I'm not watching that crap." My guess is it's the movie Salt but who knows for sure. And that's not the funny part.

We had a brief conversation about taxes - she is very bent out of shape at the amount of taxes she had to pay and keeps insisting that she "is standing right at the door to the poor house." This coming from a woman whose checking account has more money in it than I make in a year.

Now here's where it gets really good. She asked me if I had read the paper yet because there is a big article about how everything we do on our iPhones and iPads is tracked, allowing them to spy on our private lives. Then came the crowning jewel of this morning's conversation, "I don't care if they see what's on my iPad. All they're going to see is Tom Jones singing Sex Bomb and pictures of Alec Baldwin without a shirt on. I've also been watching Tina Turner and her legs. And yesterday I watched Jerry Lee Lewis sing with Tom Jones and Jerry Lee Lewis is completely crazy."

The conversation ended when she told me she had to go get her hair done, but not before she also told me that my uncle is coming Sunday for Easter and wanted to eat Easter dinner with us. She then said, "I told him we were eating at noon so he'd have to get up too early to get here by then. I told him we'd save him a plate. Now that's the best I can do."

It's like looking into my future.......


Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Baby Mama Drama

Well my second DC trip has been thwarted. I’m starting to think the universe really doesn’t want me to be in DC for some reason.

Coach and I had been planning for me to come up for a long weekend over Easter so that we could do a little sight seeing. I LOVE DC! I’ve been several times and I never fail to be disappointed.  It’s just a really cool place.

Alas, yesterday he was served with papers saying that his EX is requesting a review of their child support agreement so he has to come back here tomorrow to meet with his lawyer to find out what’s going on.  It sucks that she’s doing it this way instead of just talking to him about it but she’s not exactly Ms. Nice Girl.

Lately she’s been giving him a really hard time.  Refusing to tell him when the kids have games on the weekends, saying he can see them and then changing plans at the last second, asking him to have the boys at totally random times, generally being mean and saying things like if he brings me around the kids again he’s never going to see the boys.  She’s all but eliminated all traces of Coach’s family from the boys lives and never lets them go see their grandparents.  It’s just been crazy.  Several times she’s threatened to ask for more child support or to fight him for sole custody in the midst of an argument but I guess she’s finally putting her money where her mouth has been.

I think as much as anything she’s not happy that he’s not around at her beck and call anymore. Partly because of me but also because of the DC job.  Though to be fair he talked over the DC job with her and she agreed to shoulder more of the responsibilities with the kids while he’s living there.  Before he moved he kept the boys two nights a week on average so it’s not like they were evenly split before.  Regardless it sucks that she’s creating so much drama and I really hope (though I have serious doubts) that she’s keeping the drama between her and Coach and not putting it in front of the kids.

Another lesson learned for you readers – get your visitation/support/etc stuff down on paper before you move out!  Duckie and I did that. He kept telling me to leave before we were done negotiating and I refused to. I knew how important it was for our future relationship to have all that stuff worked out before we ever started truly living separately. 

Coach and his EX agreed to 50/50 custody of their boys but they had no set visitation spelled out in their papers.  He said he wanted to do the week split that Duckie and I do but the EX didn’t want to be away from the boys for that long. So like most times in his relationship, he rolled over and let her have his way. They also agreed that he’d pay $800 in child support but they didn’t put in a provision or waiver that the amount could not be adjusted in the future – which good old Miranda did do.  Now when they split he was making more money than her but now she makes WAYYYYYY more than him.  But good old NC law sets child support guidelines more around how much time is spent with each parent than how much money each parent makes.  Damn divorce is a pain in the ass!

So now he’s got to figure all that out amidst her crazy drama. Hopefully they’ll get it all ironed out quickly and we can all move on with our lives.  So we’ll be spending Easter weekend in small town USA, probably discussing NC child support laws and custody arrangements. At least I’ll save on gas money…


Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Apparently I Was An Alpha Wife

Miranda is a magazine junkie. I have to indulge my habit very carefully or I’d buy up every magazine at the stand. Marie Claire is one of my favorites.  This month there were two articles in particular that I think my doppelganger must have written.

One was about how approximately 30% of women who get married admit that they had second thoughts as they were going down the aisle and that they only got married because it felt like it was time for them to settle down.  Ummm, yep. My situation totally up and down.

The second article was about how more and more women are paying alimony – or rather manimony - which we all know Miranda is cursed with for another 23 months. Not that I’m counting or anything.  According to pop culture that makes me an Alpha Wife.

An Alpha Wife wears the pants in the family because they make more money than their husbands. Whoever has the most money wears the pants. It’s true. It was certainly true in my relationship.  It might have looked like we were equal partners on the surface but we both knew I was carrying the lion’s share of responsibility for our family and it threw the dynamics of our relationship WAY off. 

If you look at all the celebrity Alpha Wives, every single one out earned their spouse and they all paid alimony.  That’s right.  Miranda actually has something in common (other than her gender) with  Madonna, Halle Berry, Sharon Stone, Kirstie Alley, Janet Jackson, Anne Hache, Jennifer Lopez, Elizabeth Taylor, Britney Spears, and Christie Brinkley just to name a few.  All of these women were or are Alpha Wives because they called the shots in their relationships due to their greater earning power. 

I can’t tell you how many times in the last year I’ve gotten shocked reactions when I tell people I pay alimony to Duckie.  And women paying alimony is a growing trend as more and more women are out earning their husbands.  According to the US Census Bureau, the number of American men receiving alimony has more than doubled in the last 10 years. 

Before you say I’m just bitching because I pay, let the record show that I don’t think anyone “deserves” alimony. Especially not two income families where spouses both worked full time.  For me and Duckie, the only reason he wasn’t earning more money  was because he had no drive to excel.  We started out with him earning more. That lasted for about a year then I started outpacing him up the career ladder and his own insecurities kept him from striving for more work or hell even going back to school to finish his college degree.  Which I used to encourage him to do all the time!
When the lower wage-earner spouse just earns less because that is his or her chosen path, why should the higher wage earner spouse have to pay? It makes no sense to me. If it wasn’t for our kids, I’d probably have fought Duckie tooth and nail to avoid the alimony and tell him to get off his ass and get a better job.  But it wasn’t worth the damage to my kids to make my point. 

If this had been a case of him giving up work to support my career or be a househusband I would feel very differently.  But those are entirely different circumstances.  This was him simply enjoying the riding on Miranda’s tail feathers. 

So ladies, take some advice from Miranda. If you have a career, only date men who make more money than you.  And if you end up with someone who earns less, get a freaking pre-nuptial agreement. They are not just for rich people! I know pre-nups are unromantic and harsh but at the root of it, marriage is an economic contract between two people.  Yes it’s about love and joining your lives but it’s also about taking on each other’s debts, paying bills jointly, and providing financial support for one another.  Learn a lesson from old Miranda because no matter how good mine and Duckie’s relationship is, it still is a bitter, bitter pill to swallow each month when I write that alimony check.


TMI Tuesday - Striptease, Love, and Lust

Proudly stolen from The Pleasure Principle
1. Have you performed a strip tease for a lover? If you had music, what was the song? 
No, I have never performed a strip tease. I work to get out of my clothes as quickly as possible, if I even have any on. - Jules 
Yes, without music though. -Gwyn  
Not really. I've done a lap dance for Coach and sure some clothes came off but it wasn't a strip tease per se. - Miranda
2. “I’ll show you mine if you show me yours”…What is it that you will show me?
It depends on who you are! If you're a hot guy, I'll show you whatever. - Jules
I don't play that game. Let me rephrase that, I haven't played that game since I was about 5 years old on the playground at daycare. But, when I was 5 we went for the whole enchilada. -Gwyn  
HA! I used to play that gave via sexting with Flyboy.  Ahhhh smoking hot Flyboy of the giant penis.  I miss him. - Miranda
3. Have you ever let someone else bathe you although you were perfectly capable of doing it yourself?
Yes, I let Owen bathe me frequently in the shower. He loves to soap me up and run his hands all over me again. Once or twice I let Russell shave my legs and bathe me in the tiny bathtub that was in our first house. - Jules
Bathe - not technically. I've showered with guys before and let them wash my back but that's all. -Gwyn 
Bathe no, shower yes.  A bath would be totally hot though! - Miranda
4. If you were asked, “does the carpet match the drapes”… Would your answer be “yes” or “no”?
(In case you are not familiar with this idiom, it means does the hair on your head match your pubic hair. I know, classy right? :D :D Hey! It is TMI Tuesday)
No - Jules
Yes. -Gwyn 
Yes - Miranda
5. Who has done something within the last 24 hours to show they care for you? What did they do?
Owen sent me some hot texts today to set up our meeting on Thursday and to tell me how much he enjoyed last Thursday. Russell left me dinner on the stove. Gavin called me today to say "Hi". Chloe waited up for me and rushed to greet me at the door. I could go on with examples because I have some really amazing people in my life to include Miranda, Gwyn, and Josie. - Jules
Romeo invited me over to smoke last night since my stash has expired. Does that count? -Gwyn
Coach does stuff every day. When he's in DC, it's sweet messages or phone calls. Last night he booked our hotel for a beach trip next month. Sunday, the last day I physically saw him, he stayed in town longer than he should to see Leo play football. - Miranda
6. Who was the last person you hugged romantically?
Owen - Jules
I don't do anything romantically lol. But I've hugged Romeo and The Ex most recently. -Gwyn
Coach - Miranda 
7. What do you prefer to do after sex?
a. Go for another round!
b. Cuddle and talk
c. Eat
d. Fall asleep
e. Shower
f. Get out!

I would definitely say (a) and depending on the level of hotness (e) and then (f). ;) - Jules
Smoke a cigarette? Why is that not an option!! I'm usually up for another round unless I have something to do or somewhere to be. -Gwyn  
It all depends on the time of day and what I've been doing. Generally with Coach I like a little cuddle and talk then gear up for another round. - Miranda
Bonus: Anal sex…giving or receiving, which do you prefer? Don’t avoid this question; you could give anal stimulation by using your finger or toys (i.e., Aneros, or strap-on). For that matter so could a man…you don’t have to stick your penis in everything :D 
I am all about receiving in that area. Owen let me play there once, but has not asked for it again. Gavin is an exit only kind of guy. I had an affair in NC with a guy (not Adam) that loved his ass played with, but it was all new territory for me then and I only did it a few times. - Jules
I've only done it with The Ex and only successfully on one ocassion, I'm not a fan. In terms of giving....there is NO WAY in HADES that I would ever put anything in a man's ass. The germs, the un-manliness of it....NO WAY, NO HOW. Personally, I think guys that like things going in their butt are most likely gay - call me judgmental but that's how I feel about it. -Gwyn  
HAHAHAHA! - As detailed in our infamous Ass-tastic post, I've become well acquainted with a little ass play.  I don't mind a well timed invasion.  I did let Coach go for the full enchilada for the first time two weeks ago and I have to admit, I quite enjoyed it. Not saying it's always going to be on the menu but if the mood hits... - Miranda

Monday, April 18, 2011

Team Gavin Boundary Violation and A New Area for Jules

Why is it when I'm firm and set clear boundaries that end in "If you ever do X again, I will be finished with you forever...", it' s a turn on? Gavin came over tonight and got high while Chloe was still up. I ripped him a new asshole and told him that if he ever, ever, ever did that again I would never, ever, ever see him again. We've had this fight once before and apparently I was less clear. (Admittedly we have some weird rules with regards to this in our house, but they are our rules and they will be respected.) I threw him out of the house and he asked if he could come back after she was sleeping. I begrudgingly said "I guess"  and allowed him back in about an hour later when she was in bed. I was writing a paper and essentially ignored him while he watched porn. He left pretty quickly because I guess he was still feeling the vibe. I send very loud, silent messages.

I thought we were done for the night (though knowing him, I should have known better) and I was continuing to do laundry and school work. He came back over about 2 hours later and said he was ready for sex. I told him he could wait until I finished folding my clothes. I was painstakingly slow folding them while he laid on my bed watching me and playing with himself. He was talking dirty to me and telling me what a good girl I am to fold the clothes and then come over and suck his cock. He went on and on and I finally wrapped it up and then laid on my stomach with my head in his lap. I got him super hard and teased him to the max and then told him to get behind me. He jumped up into compliance. He was banging me so hard that my bed was moving and I was sure we were going to wake up the house. I came a lot and he finally pulled out and came all over my feet that were folded together between his legs. I can honestly say no one has ever cum on my feet before. He loves my feet though, so I'm surprised it's taken this long but it's definitely not an area I ever thought I'd wipe cum off of.

He immediately went back inside me and gave me many more orgasms! Finally, he said he wanted to be in my ass. He didn't ask tonight like he usually does, he just took me...which I actually think is just as hot as when he's all cute and asking hopefully. He came pretty quickly once there. We cleaned up and he left me to finish my school work. I didn't think Thursday's fight would lead to the fantastic sex we've been having since then.  I'm still super pissed that he completely disrespected my boundaries with regards to Chloe, but I think he heard me this time and clearly he doesn't want to stop hanging out.

Friday, April 15, 2011

Order Restored

Gavin walked into my house a few hours ago. I was a little surprised to see him so soon. It usually takes a few days for him to process this shit based on history and I was really pissy with him yesterday. I never just totally quit talking (except when I'm high). He walked in and asked why I was home. I told him I had stuff to do today and that I was stressed and didn't want to go to practicum, so I didn't. He was all like "Great, let's fuck...I'm so happy you're home". I questioned if he meant it (the fucking part, I could tell he was happy) and he was all "Hell yes", so it was on. He brought over his A game, like some of the best yet with him. I heart make up sex. We hung out and had an afternoon beer and talked for a while about general stuff. As he was leaving he said he was happy we were back on a good note. I told him we should keep it that way and that he shouldn't try to complicate what is easy. He laughed and left.

Jules Appreciation Day

Yes, I have them...I've decided it's a semi-annual event. Personally, I think everyone should do this for themselves, but today's ended up a little fucked up so I may have a re-do soon. On Jules Appreciation Day, it's strictly about what Jules' wants to do (and no, sadly everyday is NOT like this despite what you assume from reading about my life!). ;)

The morning started off in a fantastic way. Owen and I were supposed to meet for lunch, but his side job got cancelled this morning and moved to the afternoon, which was fine by me! He came over bright and early and o-m-g. I swear that man gives me the most amazing orgasms of my life. I know ya'll like details, so here it is. He came in to me playing with one of my new toys. He took over and started ramming it into me in a way that I just can't quite do for myself. I was cumming within seconds of him being in my house. He was licking me some and it was great. I also had the pleasure of watching how hard he was and enjoyed him watching me .

Finally, he couldn't take it anymore and replaced the toy with his cock. He flipped my legs up and was in super deep and then he wanted to know what other new toys I had since his last visit. He pulled out several to try and we fucked for a long time in various positions with him playing with my ass. Near the end of this, I came so hard I literally soaked the sheets. I also clenched the hell out of him, which he LOVED. It was one of the best orgasms I've had with him in a long time and trust me I have amazing ones with him every time, so imagine how good this one had to be! He also did this thing to me today that totally drove me insane. I've mentioned that penetration is one of my favorite aspects of the act. He kept pulling out and re-entering me for like 5 minutes. It's what lead up the big one!

Once I came again, he flipped me over again to my back and got on his knees. He put a pillow under my ass and I lifted it up to meet him. He entered my ass as I played with myself and I could watch him. He was trying so hard to not cum. I've never watched him like this because normally I prefer anal on my stomach, but he's gotten into this whole thing where he likes it this way so he can watch me play with myself and see himself going in and out of me. Last time we did it, I was watching the sex part, but today I watched his face. It's a very sensual position and I'm down. When he was ready to cum, he pulled out of my ass and came all over my pussy as I rubbed us both and used his cum as lube to keep playing. He kind of collapsed onto me and started sucking my nipples before kissing me and getting up to shower. Two words....sex god. After he left, I literally laid around for a little while before deciding to actually take care of some responsibilities. (Boo)

A little backstory...yesterday, Gavin came over since I was off during the day and went with me to the city I had to do my practicum interview for next semester. He hung out with some friends and then we went to lunch. During lunch, he started talking about how important our friendship is to him and how much he loves having me in his life and then, wait for it...he got teary eyed. I kind of laughed at him and moved the conversation along. He knew today was Jules' Appreciation Day and as a former participant in the said day he was familiar with the rules (or so I thought).

Today, he came over mid morning and told me he had an errand to run really quickly, but then he wanted me to run some with him and go out to lunch for Jules Appreciation Day. I said "Yes!". We went out and ran some errands and then he took me to sushi. I love, love, love sushi. An important part of this story is to note that during this lunch, he kept referencing sexual stuff between us. We had a lot to drink and were having a super time fun, laughing and hanging out. Then we went to another store and he mentioned he had some weed if I wanted to smoke with him. We smoked and I made some comment about his self serving nature regarding always wanting me to blow him, but my thinking he needed to pick up the giving part of things too. Holy mother, it went downhill quickly to the point where I quit talking to him.

He started in on the whole feelings thing as he tends to do when we smoke (which is stopping today...no more weed with Gavin, ever) only he totally projected his shit onto me and made some comment about how he didn't want me falling in love with him. HUH?? It was insane and he kept at it, despite my telling him to shut up and that he was talking himself out of sex for a good long while with me. Here are my theories because I spent the better part of the afternoon analyzing this. I have three working ones. First, I think he's so self involved and such a narcissist that he can't imagine anyone fucking him and not being in love (wrong). Second, he's actually developed feelings for me that run deeper than he thought but b/c he's still in love with the gf he doesn't know what to do with them and being high released his inhibitions to talk about it. (right) Third, I may have sent out mixed signals (never).

Here's what I plan to tell him next time I decide I want to talk to him. I love him as a friend. As a friend, I accept a lot of things about him. As a partner, these would never fly. I've discussed them before here on the blog, but he has a history of domestic violence, he's an addict which as a friend I can deal with but not in a relationship, he's never been faithful to a women (not that this is real stickler, but I do have jealousy issues), and he doesn't have a stable job and/or housing. These are not traits that I find acceptable for someone that I'm going to be "in love" with. I am not in love with him and do not equate sex and love at all. I've been seeing other men the entire time I've been with him, told him from day 1 that we're not relationship compatible, and reiterate that I have commitment issues.

It's possible that I'm not being self aware, but I really think I am. I think I've got my shit in check and the reality of our situation under control. I've put up a new poll though, so feel free to weigh in. It's just a measure to check myself and to see if maybe I have put the wrong stuff out into the universe. Sometimes we need perspective.

In other happy news, I unfriended Clark today. That ship has totally sailed. He was IMing with me today and it just pissed me off, so why keep doing it? Then, I came home tonight to a letter from the university awarding me a small scholarship for next year. Overall, not a bad day except the mid-afternoon part when Gavin killed my buzz.

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

She's a Bad Mama Jama

So my mom has slowly but surely been preparing herself to date again.  For a while she’s been “not dating” this old family friend of ours – I’ll call him Uncle.  Uncle was a family friend of my parents since they were teenagers.  For some reason as a kid I always thought he had a crush on her but she always kind of looked at him as one of her kids. HA!

So over the last several we’ve all noticed Uncle being around more and more.  They started by getting breakfast together on Sundays then they started doing dinner and eventually he’s had her riding double on his motorcycle several weekends.  Several times now she and I have had a discussion about how her behavior looks like she’s dating him and she’s admitted he’s asked more than once about how us kids feel about them dating.  She always says she laughs and says they are not dating.

However, despite my advice and even hearing it from Gwyn too my mom really hasn’t changed her behavior towards Uncle.  I’m sure he thinks she’s just not “ready” to date yet and if he hangs around long enough and keeps acting like they are dating she’ll give in and admit it.

Last week or so I tried to convince her to get on Plenty of Fish just to look around.  Apparently she got on PoF this weekend because she’s left a very odd Facebook status about being confused. When I emailed her about it, this is the response I got…

I went out on the Plenty of Fishes and set up a profile and it really ended up bothering me.  All these needy men and most looking for a long term relationship and all older and it was so yuk.   I realized that I just need leave things alone and me too.  I am not that lonely and I really don't want somebody dictating my time or defining who I am cause I don't know that answer yet.    Dad and I were such an extension of each other and kept the "dangerous" parts of each other in check that I need to be just me alone - in charge of me - for a long while yet.    

I'm not comfortable with this Uncle thing either.  He still thinks we are an item!  He asked me Saturday night if I was going to go to Bike week with him and when I said probably not unless I just came down for Friday and Saturday to ride around with him and that I'd have to look into getting a room.  He said you can stay with me - there's 2 beds - and even if there was only one you could still stay with me!  Yikes!  I just looked at him and laughed!  Ugh and ugh that'd be like sleeping with a cousin who you like but not really.

How weird and funny!  I told her she needed to just relax and that there was nothing wrong with looking around.  It doesn’t mean she has to date anyone or be serious with anyone and that most people on PoF aren’t looking for a long term relationship despite what they claim.  I also told her again she’s got to change her behavior or Uncle will never get it.

What also made me laugh most is the line about how her and my dad kept the “dangerous” parts of each other in check. I’m not sure what my dad’s dangerous part was but I’m pretty sure my mom’s has to do with sex.  See, she’s always been really open about sex with me so I know she was pretty much a ho back in the days before she met my dad. Yes I just called my mom a ho. At least I know I come by my promiscuity naturally! LOL!  I bet she got on PoF and started to think about what it would be like to have sex with people other than my dad and got scared poor thing. 

Good lord. I just had the realization that I very well may have to have the safe sex conversation with her one day soon!


Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Moby Dick

In random Miranda musings, I stumbled upon one of my guilty pleasures on TLC this weekend - the show Strange Sex.  They talk about all sorts of strange sexual things like fetishes, deformities, practices, etc.  It's very entertaining.  I started watching it last fall one strange night when I was hanging out with FJB.

Anyways, on Sunday night they were talking about a man named Jonah Falcon. Seems he is overly well endowed. 13.5 inches to be exact and 8 freaking inches in circumference.  Yeah.  Measure that bad boy out with your hands.  It's about the size of a freaking wine bottle Jules!  Oh and he is bisexual too.  I literally thought I was going to have a stroke thinking about the size of this guy and trying to do anything at all with it!

Please note the size of his bulge!

And to top it all off, he's extremely socially awkward and he hasn't been in a relationship with anyone in a long long time.  They showed him walking down the street in a pair of regular khakis and you could see the damn thing swinging down the side of his leg. He's been on quite a few talk shows and you think between his "fame" and his giant cock he'd have a little swagger. Alas, he seems to be a gimp. Hey wait a minute....


TMI - Sex and Love

This week's TMI questions are courtesy of the lovely Hedone at http://pleasure-principle-hedone.blogspot.com/.%20%20%20

1. What is your favorite part of sex?
All of it!  It's too hard to narrow down to just one part though I love the moment right before you hit your orgasam when you're body is tingling all over. - Miranda
 You guys are killing me with these 'favorite' questions. I enjoy the very beginning, before the actual sex starts, when you have that feeling like you just can't wait to get your hands on your partner - I guess you could call it the 'sexual tension' lol. -Gwyn
Yes, I'm going with an all of it. I love the moment of penetration for the first time when he puts it in to the part where I'm cumming over and over to when he finally lets go. - Jules

2. Have you asked your significant other or spouse what their biggest sexual fantasy is? Did you like it or are you not interested? What is it?
Coach has a fantasy that involves us getting it on up against the back of a baseball dugout. Go figure LOL.  I'd totally be down for it but I'm not sure how you pull that off unless you go in the middle of the night. - Miranda
I don't have a significant other or spouse right now but in the past, yes, I've asked about their fantasies. One wanted to do it in a car in the middle of the day (I obliged), one wanted to do it in the back of his dad's van (I obliged), one wanted me to keep a specific pair of stilettos on during sex (I obliged)....that's all I can remember right now. Work is making me crazy today so my brain is sort of foggy.  -Gwyn
I have not asked Gavin although since he calls me his porn star, I think I'm doing it right. I guess I should ask him though. I know he likes the whole 3sum thing. Owen's fantasy is definitely to see me with another woman and I'm trying to make that happen for him. I've posted on CL and I've mentioned the whole swinger's party to him but since he's married with kids, it's virtually impossible for him to get out on a Saturday night. - Jules

3. Do you enjoy phone sex?
I do.  It was definitely an acquired taste but it's very fun! - Miranda
I have never had phone sex, technically. Sexy talking, sure, but not the whole deed. I think I prefer sexting because in Gwyn's world, the less personal the better. And, honestly, I don't think I could stop myself from laughing during phone sex. -Gwyn
I'm not a huge fan of it, but I know men like it. I love sexting. I love the build up of tension and then to have Owen say all the things I've said to him out loud when I see him is smoking hot. - Jules

4. Have you ever had a sexy nickname? How did you get it? What is it?
A sexy nickname?   I don't think so.  But if I had to name myself I'd go with Hot Twat.  HAHAHA! - Miranda
In high school, the guys had a sexy nickname for me that I do not care to share - it had to do with my ass and my overall phsyique that is all I will say. Since then, I don't think I have. I have plenty of nicknames since my real name is so unique but none of them are 'sexy'. -Gwyn
The aforementioned porn star thing with Gavin is the only one I know about. - Jules

5. What's your favorite color lingerie?
I'm not big on the lingerie though I tend to buy black or emerald green for some reason. - Miranda
Again with the favorites. I've been told I look good in purple on more than one occasion but I have lingerie in all colors - black, purple, red, pink, orange, etc. I love lingerie it makes you feel so much sexier. -Gwyn
I'm not a big fan, but I love the look of all black. - Jules

6. Have you ever had sex with "just a friend" and gone back to "just being" friends?
If you read this blog in the last year you know Miranda's not good at the friends with benefits situation. Though I guess SoCo and I were friends and we're back to friends now. It still weirds me out that he is dating Coach's sister. - Miranda
Yep. -Gwyn
Actually yes a few times in High School and college I did this and once with a co-worker before we moved to HI, but it hasn't come up in years. - Jules

7. If in a romantic relationship or marriage, what is the best thing about it right now?
 I love just hanging out with a significant other.  When you're so content to just be together that it doesn't matter if you're running errands or laying on the couch watching TV. - Miranda
Hahahaha Miranda. That statement makes me realize how opposite we are lol, once the sex is done I'm ready to get on with my day solo. Having a guy laying in my bed trying to cuddle when I have a shit to do drives me freaking insane. And don't get me started on running errands with a man, unless it involves getting work done on my car, loading heavy items or him buying me clothes I would much rather go alone or with a girlfriend. I've tried just 'laying around' with a guy and I don't last more than 15 minutes or so before I start thinking of everything else I could be doing (I don't mind napping with a guy because Lord knows I love to sleep, but just laying around awake - no thank you). -Gwyn
OMG this question made me throw up in my mouth. The best part of my relationship with Gavin is that he comes over all the time, but then he goes home. - Jules

8.  How did your last relationship end?
If you don't count the breakup a couple weeks ago with Coach, I'm not sure which relationship qualifies as a "relationship."  All the boys who got more than a few dates tended to either fade out or we just stopped talking. -  Miranda
All of my relationships end one way - I break up with him. I've had some pseudo-relationships end differently though - those mainly end when the guy disappears into thin air. -Gwyn
I told Clark I didn't want to see him anymore after he wouldn't quit punishing me for the swinger's party thing. It got old and I realized what an ass he is. - Jules

Saturday, April 9, 2011

Birthday Extravaganza

I'm loving this year so far! Yesterday I had to go to practicum, but I spent the morning sexting with Owen. Sadly around lunchtime, we figured out that our afternoon wasn't going as planned. He got called away from work to go about 30 minutes down the road to do a random drug test and then he had to take care of one of his kids while his wife took the other one to the Dr. We postponed for this morning. I took Chloe to the movies and out to dinner last night and while we were eating he starts texting me again and sending me pictures. I actually think I may have blushed at the table!

Last night after we got home, Gavin came over. He took me into my room and started playing with me. Neither of us required foreplay. He put me onto my desk chair and fucked me from behind as I tried my hardest to cum quietly since Russell was home. I came several times and he finally came inside me. We went out into the living room and typed up some stuff for this thing he's working on to keep the kids off the streets and involved in martial arts. While we were sitting there, he remarked on how nice it was to be sitting here in my positive energy. Then he decided it was time to party a little. He ran out on a quick errand and I continued to consume much wine in honor of my birthday. He came back and we got a little high and I started blowing him, pulled off, and commanded him to get behind me again. I love when he fucks me in that position. We came again and hung out for a little bit before he left.

I woke up this morning and was out the door by 9:15am to go meet Owen at our beach spot. I was a teeny bit hung over and pounded some water and coffee and was ready to go. We try to time it so that I'm about 1/4 of a mile in front of him so that he can see where I head off since we move places at times. I passed some fishermen and walked a little further before heading into this little spot behind some bushes on the beach. I took my bathing suit off, laid down, and started rubbing the kitty for him. He walks up a few minutes later and gets right in between my legs and licked me and fingered me into orgasm, but not before he whispered that there were people right on the other side of the bushes watching some turtles that had come out to sun. I was as quiet as possible, but when I came and he was ready to fuck he checked the people status and noted they were still there.

We decided to relocate and walked around for a little bit trying to find a spot. Finally, we went back through some tall grass into a shaded clearing. It was a great spot and may be the new place. He laid the towels back out and I got on my knees and started sucking him. He flipped me over and fucked me soooooo hard. It's a good thing we moved off the beach further because he was making me scream it was so good. We kept at it for a little while and then he couldn't take it anymore. He moved to my ass and exploded very quickly after I came from it. This is definitely his favorite spot.

As we were dressing (well I was wrapping a towel back around me because my suit was at the first place), he noticed some wild tomatoes, went over and picked them, and fed them to me. It was all very Adam and Eve in reverse...lol. We walked back to the first spot and as I was putting my bathing suit back on, he was kissing me some more. I told him if he didn't leave, we were going to have to replay that whole thing. He had to get back to work, so he headed back down the beach. I headed out of our spot and went for a very tranquil post-sex dip in the ocean with turtles swimming around me. I swear I couldn't have planned a better morning if I'd tried.

A few hours later, Gavin called me and told me he was driving to get some mats for this kids thing I was talking about earlier and thanked me for last night. He said "I hope I'm a good enough man for you.". What??? No, you may be a good enough man for your gf. I just happen to like hanging out with you and fucking. I'm back to being a little perplexed by him again. As we were having this conversation today, he had a friend in the truck with him. He's been fairly open with a lot of his friends lately about us, but I don't know why. I'm not sure what his agenda is, but honestly when he said that this morning for a brief second in time (that quickly passed) I felt a tiny twinge of guilt over fucking Owen. I love our status quo, Gavin please don't try to change it.

Friday, April 8, 2011

Wading Back In

I’m sure it’s no surprise that Coach and I are back together.  We’ve spent a ton of time talking and working through some issues.  I feel good about where things are and in large I feel like I’ve put the past behind us and I’m being much more open emotionally than I was before. I think we are both trying to treat each other with great care. 

We spent some time together last weekend and I went to his birthday dinner with his family where I got to meet his kids.  That was a very odd feeling let me tell you what.  We took my kids to play mini-golf and then Coach surprised me by staying in town an extra day and coming to my softball game.  He’s coming home again this weekend so we shall see how things progress but I am feeling really happy right now with both of us.  And truthfully, being with him just feels right.  It’s where I want to be right now and where I’m choosing to be. 

I know it’s hard to know the whole story because all you see here is what you read.  And even my girls Jules and Gwyn only know how I portray things. And I’ve talked on here about things that have been bad between us, how good the sex is, how good he is with the kids, how he blew my manifesto list out of the water. But I realize I’ve also done my typical hold back the emotional stuff so I’m going to try to change that.

I’m not ready to skywrite my feelings for the blog-a-sphere but I will say that my feelings for Coach are very true and deep.  I am not looking at it with rose colored glasses and I know we have some obstacles to overcome but I can honestly see the potential to end up sharing a life with him.  Putting aside the issues we both have to work on, we are very similar and I feel like I have more in common with him than any man I’ve ever met before.  So I’m willing to take some time and see where things go.  I’m willing to risk getting hurt if it doesn’t work out because the potential reward is much too great to pass up without feeling like I’ve put my whole self into the situation, which I don’t think I was doing before.

I started seeing the counselor I saw after my Dad died this week and it was some good validation for what I’ve been thinking and it brought up some interesting insights.  I already feel a lot more at ease about some of my insecurities just from my own introspection but I really want to address them with the counselor and make them go away as much as possible. I also want to learn some new relationship patterns so I can go forward not being afraid I’m going to keep repeating the same mistakes I made with Duckie. 

I told the counselor about my manifesto list and she said she was very impressed I’d taken the time to do that.  She also encouraged me to create a manifesto list for myself – sort of the things I like and don’t like about Miranda. Then she said if I was really brave I’d ask Coach and my sister to create manifesto lists about me as well.  She said seeing what I thought compared to what they thought could be really eye opening for me and help me address some of my insecurities.  I don’t know if I’m that brave yet but the idea is certainly tempting me…


Thursday, April 7, 2011

Passion, Intimacy, and Affairs

Lord, I'm about done with all the soul searching going on here...lol. It's forcing me to look at my own life and I'm happy and I'd be relatively guilt free if you guys would cut this out...kidding (mostly). I was having an interesting conversation today at work with Josie via text about passion and affairs. Interestingly enough, Adam posted something similar to this the other day. Gwyn, this is why I think men cheat.

First of all, we are not monogamous beings. Religion and society have forced this very unnatural concept onto us and I think it's a bunch of crap. If you want to spend the rest of your life fucking the same person, rock on but for the love of all that is freaking holy don't judge me because the thought makes me want to vomit. I mean this in a generalist sense. I don't feel judged by any of you.

Second, marriage is hard. It's hard to want to fuck the same person day in and day out when you have kids and bills and life with them. There were plenty of days during my marriage that I most definitely wasn't in the mood. (Not to worry because Russell was never in the mood...god we had horrible chemistry.) When I'm fighting with you about whose responsibility it is to do something around the house or about money or about whatever life thing is going on...I'm probably not going to be in the mood to fuck you later that night. It's not punishment, it's just lack of desire. When this happens consistently over time, you lose a lot of the passion that you once had during the dating stage where everyone is putting their best face forward.

Third, affairs are fun. When you meet up, you're both in the mood. You have probably both showered and put on clean underwear and are amped up about fucking one another because at home you're too busy dealing with life. In an affair, you always see the person's best side. I've never once yelled at Owen. I've never argued with him about anything. (Well, we had one brief argument when I told him I couldn't see him anymore after he told me he was trying to work things out at home...but it was short lived.) Dear Readers, you can bet your asses that if we were in an actual relationship, this would be very different. I'll also take this opportunity to state again, I don't want him to leave his family. I love this fantasy relationship filled with passion.

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Fair or Foul?

About a month ago, I started playing kickball in a co-ed recreational league. My team consists of about half guys and half girls. They are all pretty close with each other so I’ve always been sort of the outsider, the new girl. After our first game, I can’t remember exactly how long after, one of the guys started chatting with me on FB (not private messaging, just the regular chat). From here on out, he shall be named "Left Field". It was totally innocent, just chatting about the game and if I was having fun. It happened a couple of times during that week and I just assumed he was a nice guy or that he was designated to reach out to me to make sure I felt included. It is important to note that this particular guy is very recently engaged to his girlfriend of three years (he is 25, she is 28) who happens to also play on the kickball team. By recently engaged I mean three weeks ago. 

So, a couple of weekends ago I participated in a charity walk with some friends and who do I see at the walk but Left Field and his fiancé. I ignored him and just chatted with the friends I came with. One of the friends I was with at the race knows Left Field and eventually he came over to chat with us. I didn’t initiate any conversation with him but he did ask me a couple of benign questions, which I answered. He also said something sort of strange. He made a comment that I thought another guy on our kickball team was hot (a feeling I had shared with another guy on the team who is close friends with Left Field). It wasn’t the fact that he made the comment that was so weird, it was his tone. He sounded jealous and irritated. After that, he went back to his group of friends but I noticed him looking our way A LOT. I decided to mention to my friend that knows Left Field that he had been chatting me up a little bit on FB and that I wasn’t sure what to think of it but that I assumed it was innocent. She proceeded to tell me to be careful because apparently Left Field had, a week prior, sent a private message to one of her friends on FB telling her that he had always wanted to sleep with her and that he was going to get married soon and suggested they make that happen before his wedding date. I can’t say I was shocked but I was definitely surprised and told her thanks for giving me the heads up. Apparently, Left Field has regularly been unfaithful to his fiancé but has never been caught. I guess putting the ring on her finger has only served to intensify his desire to sew his wild oats.

Fast forward to that night and we all end up a bar together – including Left Field and some other people from the kickball team (I found out later that Left Field had texted our mutual friend to ask where we were going out because he wanted to come). His fiancé wasn’t there at first and he was just sort of standing by the bar talking to some of his friends. I sat down on a barstool next to where he was standing, this was not done on purpose as this particular bar is really tiny and bar seats are at a premium. I just wanted a place to sit and that happened to be my only option. I socialized with the friends I came with and made an actual effort not to pay attention to Left Field. At some point, his fiancé came and hung out with everyone for awhile. A few times I left my seat to go mingle and every time I did, Left Field would make a point to walk by where I was and find a way to flirt with me like an elementary school boy. He kept poking me on the shoulder and walking away, pulling my hair, etc. You get the drift. Here’s where the story really gets interesting. Left Field’s fiancé left the bar after about an hour. I was back sitting on my barstool, talking to a girl in the seat next to me with my back to Left Field and my legs crossed. Next thing I know, I feel someone tickling the bottom of my foot (I was wearing flip flops). I ignored it at first but eventually turned around and realized it was Left Field. He then said to me, “Are your ticklish?” I told him I was but that my feet were not, he continued to tickle them. I turned back to continue talking with my friend, assuming he would stop, but the tickling continued. I could tell he was drunk at this point so I thought ignoring it was the best way to go. Then Left Field stops with the foot molestation and decides to start talking to me about another guy on our team (the one I think is hot) and why he is dating the girl he is dating – they are an extremely mismatched couple in case you’re curious. That conversation was totally innocent and probably lasted 10 minutes.

My friends and I left the bar not long after that. It’s also important to note that the friends I left with included the mutual friend of Left Field and her boyfriend – her boyfriend is the person who told Left Field that I thought our other teammate was hot and is also close friends with Left Field– I know, it gets confusing. As soon as we get in the car, my friend says to her boyfriend, “Show Gwyn the text that Tony sent you.” Tony is the guy on the team that I think is hot and was also at the bar with us that night. The text said “Left Field is over there rubbing all over Gwyn’s feet right now. I think you need to go help her.” My friend’s boyfriend then told me that Left Field has a foot fetish. Perfect. So not only was the foot rubbing clearly not innocent, it was noticed by other people.

Ever since then, Left Field has continued to IM me on FB pretty much every day. It’s all innocent, to the point that chatting with an engaged man is innocent. He does sometimes ask me about my plans for the night or the weekend and a couple of times has suggested ‘we all hang out’. But that’s as far as it goes. At our kickball games, he does flirt with me (at least I think that is what is going on) a little but in a very elementary fashion – he throws the kickball at me when I’m not looking, trips me when I walk by, etc.

This whole situation has spurred lots of questions in my head. First, I can’t help but wonder why this guy is engaged in the first place? Second, it’s yet another instance of how Facebook (and the like) has made it so much easier for people to cheat and/or participate in activities that their significant other would not approve of without getting caught. Is the Internet the problem or is it just a tool for people who would cheat anyways? Who is at fault when it comes to infidelity and dishonesty in intimate relationships? If you know someone is being cheated on, are you supposed to tell that person? To take it one step further, is infidelity inevitable in modern relationships? Is it realistic to ask someone to be with one person for the rest of their lives? Is the statement “Only girls with low self esteem or no respect for themselves would be ok being the other woman” really true? Or could it be that women who accept infidelity as part of their relationship are just being realistic? Has cheating always been this prevalent but just not talked about as openly? Is it wrong to enjoy the attention of another man or woman if that man or woman is not your husband/wife? Am I right in thinking that being someone’s girlfriend is a complete waste of time and doesn’t guarantee anything except that you will wait around for the man to pop the question? I could go on and on….

I’m working on another post to address some of these questions but would love to hear your opinion on any or all of them.


Hitting A Nerve

I hit lots of them today. This is a very graphic post, so if you don't want to know...skip it.

I had nasty, dirty sex with Owen today at lunch. Whoa Lord, I read a blog the other day that pointed out the number of nerve endings in the vulva vs. the penis...poor men. ;) I walked into Owen's lair (read - van) today and he said let me get this straight as he reiterated my entire fantasy of how today would go. He said "You want me to pull you down onto my lap, kiss you, flip you over, lick your pussy, and then go straight into your ass." Why yes, yes I would. He did just that  as he undressed me and then added in some extra kinky.   He licked me into an orgasmic state and then fingered me for a few more, where I actually squirted on his hand. Then he pulled out a toy I'd brought along and gave it to me to perform for him. He loves, loves, loves watching me play with myself. As I was playing, he lubed up his huge cock and went straight into my ass. It was a-m-a-z-i-n-g sex. When he was ready to cum, he pulled out and I blew him. (I warned you guys it was nasty, dirty sex...but my ass was totally clean.) Incidentally, this is part of why Jules gave herself a 10 on the TMI kink question.

Please don't think he was finished. He reached down, kissed me, and started fucking me again. Then he pulls out my toy and puts it into my ass while we're going at it. He loves doing it almost missionary style but with me sitting and him on his knees so that he can watch me, but he knows I cum the hardest with him behind me. After a little while, he flipped me around and gave it to me super hard some more. Best lunch break....ever. He sent me a thank you text afterward.

I was thinking about him on the way home from work tonight. Aside from Russell, he's the longest sexual relationship I've ever had and in all honestly in the 2+ years of seeing him we've had wayyyy more sex than Russell and I ever did during our marriage. I'm prone to being bored with men, but he's such a pleaser I find it impossible to get bored. He does everything I ask for and then some.

Tonight Russell and I had a little tiff. It started innocently, but he tried to post something inappropriate about me on Facebook and I told him not too and then he didn't listen and I proceeded to make a relevant comment to the topic but twisted into his manhood and he got SUPER PISSED. Yep, I hit a big ole nerve. I honestly didn't mean to go there. The irony was he was going out tonight, so I'm sure it shook his confidence but I swear it wasn't my intent.

Gavin came over when I got home from practicum today. I told him Russell was going out tonight and he should definitely cum back. (Sex is really like crack for me. The more I have, the more I want...not that I want crack...just saying.) He came over briefly while Russell was still home (before the comments were made) and abruptly left because he knew it wasn't him time. Finally after Russell left (in a huff which was resolved via text rather quickly), he came over about an hour later. He walked in and announced how horny he was and that he wanted me NOW. I respond to that kind of thing immediately. I instantly got on my knees and blew him. He was already hard. Then he pulled me off me, told me to get on my knees, and he proceeded to fuck me into a drenched state. I flipped around and blew him some more. He said he didn't want to cum yet, so I took my time licking him slowly up and down and totally teasing him. He was so into watching me pleasure him....it was super hot. He was close to cumming and told me to get back on my knees. He gave it to me some more before he exploded.

What a day!

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

TMI Tuesday - Good, Bad, and Always A Little Kinky

This week's questions were stolen from http://blue-eyedvixen.com/. She did a 21 questions series, but 21 is a lot, so we're doing the 1st 11. 

1. What age to you think is a good age for someone to lose their virginity? 
That is a totally subjective question. I was 13 and that was too young looking at it on this side now and with a daughter who will be that age in 5 years! I don't regret it though. I was always a very sexual child, so I suppose it the the right time for me. - Jules

I don't know. I was 16 and I felt like the last virgin alive.  In retrospect, I would have liked to have waited longer.  We rush so much of growing up I don't see why we need to rush that. Sex just complicates life and relationships anyways.  I do love the idea of waiting till the night of your wedding though I think that's very unrealistic in real life. - Miranda
In my opinion I think you should wait as long as you possibly can. I waited until I was in college and it was, hands down, the best decision I've ever made. I wouldn't change it for anything, in fact I wish I would've waited even longer. It was nice to get it out of the way, but it totally changed the way I felt about myself and not in a good way. -Gwyn

2.What is the weirdest position you have ever been in that you were sure would not work but did??
Owen wanted to try this position once that felt so strange getting into. It was where I was laying flat on my stomach and he got on top of me but backwards...so his head was over my feet and his feet were over my head and he fucked me kind of upside down. I'm not going to say it worked per say, but it was definitely the weirdest position I've ever been in! - Jules

That crazy night with IT I was in every position I'd ever even imagined including one where I had one leg hiked up like a dog about to take a pee. It wasn't pleasurable BTW. Way too much balancing going on. - Miranda
I honestly have no idea. Nothing is jumping out in my head. So either I'm a freak and everything seems normal to me or I'm a nun and I've never done anything weird. I've done both of the positions described by Jules and Miranda but at the time I must not have registered it as weird. Hmmmmm. -Gwyn

3. Worst Date ever? 
Oh god, I don't know...the most recent one was with Clark on that strange Saturday night movie thing...ugg.
Worst ever was when I was a senior in college. When the guy showed up he was several inches shorter than I remember, he drove a bright purple mustang, and he had a huge facial mole. His opening line at dinner was, "So how do you feel about abortion?" After a miserable hour I begged off the date and he tried to kiss me at the end of the night only to get the cheek action.  Awful! - Miranda
I have too many to choose from. One where he asked me to pay....one where he invited me over and neglected to mention he lived with his parents...one where we went to the movies and he fell asleep in the theater...I could go on but I'd rather not stir up bad memories. -Gwyn

4. Do you have any problems asking your partner for what you want in bed? 
Not at all, lol. Owen and I frequently sext each other very specific requests. He will literally do anything I ask. His mission is life is to make me squirt, so if he thinks it will bring me pleasure then he's on it. Gavin is more into what Gavin wants, but he'll usually do what I ask as well. -Jules

Not now. I used to. The last year has taught me the awesome power of words. - Miranda
Ha ha ha, as if I would have a problem telling someone what to do. -Gwyn

5. What is the one sexual experience, that you haven’t tried before, that you would like to experience this year? 
I would love to become a member of the mile high club. I'm flying alone to and from NC this summer, so it could happen. I think I'm also ready for a FFM. - Jules
Not really. I'm a pretty happy girl - Miranda
This is not a Gwyn question. -Gwyn

6. Which one is easier to organize for a woman… a MFM or a FFM? 
Definitely the MFM, I can arrange that in my sleep. FFM are hard because the only places we can look are online and women tend to be total flakes. I may do this arrangement with Gavin if I take him to the swingers party later in the month, but I'm definitely into arranging one for Owen and I've been trying for well over a year. - Jules
I would have guessed FFM just because girls seem more open to touching each other than guys do. But Jules is the expert here. - Miranda
I don't even know what that means. -Gwyn

7. At what number of sexual partners does one become a slut? 

I'm certainly not the person to ask...I've lost count but I know I'm well past 150. - Jules
My goal was always to try to keep my number less than my age. Why? I have no clue. It was much easier to do when I was still married. - Miranda
I guess when they start to feel like a slut? -Gwyn

8. On a scale from 1-10, how kinky are you? 
10 - Jules
7 - Depends on my mood - Miranda
5 -Gwyn

9. Do you like to french kiss?

Yes, it's actually the only thing I dislike about my relationship with Gavin - no kissing. He's all Pretty Woman about it....weird. We he kisses me, there is no tongue. Anyway, I get tons of passionate kissing from Owen and I love it. - Jules
Hated it when I was married. Love it now. Guess it's all in who you're kissing. - Miranda
Yes, but not if it's just a fwb situation. -Gwyn

10. How much tongue is too much tongue?
It depends on where the tongue is...in my mouth if you're choking me, it's too much. There's no such thing as too much tongue when you're licking me. - Jules

I don't want to feel like I'm gagging. I don't want your tongue licking my face.  I don't want your tongue lying in my mouth like a dead fish. I don't want to feel like we're sword fighting. Otherwise, tongue is always good. - Miranda
Hmmm I'm not sure. I don't think I've ever experienced too much tongue, maybe it's one of those things that you just know it when it happens...-Gwyn

11. Can you get past the “bad kissing thing” or is that a deal breaker?
If you're a bad kisser, chances are good you're a bad lover, so it's a deal breaker for me. - Jules

I do think kissing and lovemaking skills are related but everyone can learn.  Like Gwyn, if you're a bad kisser I tend to just avoid kissing you if everything else is good. - Miranda
It depends, some guys can improve their technique with a little guidance. But, if it's consistently bad I would consider cutting him loose - if the sex is still good then I can deal with a bad kisser because I just won't kiss him. -Gwyn