Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Please Return to Hell

I don't get why men think they can come back after I've finished with them. If I've quit fucking you, I'm over it. I'm done...I've moved on. You really should too, otherwise it's just a little pathetic. Furthermore, if we chat and I haven't met you before now...there's probably a good reason and I'm not overly invested in trying again. Life is short, I'm getting older, and I have less patience. The last few weeks has brought a resurgence of former boy toys and contacts.  It's been really kind of overwhelming actually.

It started with "The Baby" and you guys know that tale. Then I got an email like 3 days after I hooked up with him from a guy I'd talked to earlier in the year and hadn't met yet either. He's cute, but he works insane hours and we just never found a time. We're talking about hanging out Thursday, though that remains to be seen. He's 25 and I'm kind of over men younger than 30 right now. Then, I got a random email from a guy that I totally don't remember talking to previously. He sent a email chain, but I've got nothing...so he must not be hot and I most likely blocked him from my mind after I saw his pic. Then we have Canada. He contacts me about once every 4-6 weeks to tell me how much he misses me and how he hates he screwed things up with me. I've quit responding but mostly recently he emailed me via PoF this week to tell me yet again the aforementioned things. The guy I went out with once that has 4 kids has been ever present lately too. We talk via IM and FB some, but he's kicked it up lately. I like him. He's a nice guy, but I have zero chemistry with him and well, he has four kids. Last but not least, we have Clark.

I've decided to give Clark his own paragraph. I was on yahoo IM today and he pops up. I am actually stupid enough that I replied, but I was curious since I hadn't heard a peep from him in almost a month. I'm feeling very strong about my resolve to not see him again, so I thought I would be ok (and I was). He starts off with how he misses me (specifically my ability to give great blowjobs) and he wants to see me. I told him I wasn't interested. He asked about Gavin and I told him he moved 4 houses up. Then he said something snippy about how I should just go be with him to which I replied, "Actually I'm seeing Owen today for lunch, so I'll probably wait until tomorrow to fuck Gavin.". I said this because I know how much he hates my relationships with them and I felt like being a bitch. So, he doesn't let it go at this and I'm laughing and texting with Miranda at this point telling her about this conversation. He says "I know you want to be with me because you gave them up for me (um, no I lied) and you told me that I was the best you'd ever had.".  (He is really good, but Owen is better...though at the time he needed the ego boost so I did say this but I was being nice.) I responded that "Yep, and then you totally fucked me over...good times." and you guys will be super proud...I signed off. Chew on that motherfucker.

Anyway, this whole thing spawned Miranda and I to have a discussion about the return of former men. She's decided to define boomerang boys as boys that we sort of still like, but are mostly finished with. We may give them one last chance before moving on. She called it the purgatory period. Then there are some men like Clark, who just need to go right straight back to hell and leave us alone.

Alcohol is a hell of a drug!

My name is Gwyn and I have made a very bad decision. On Saturday night I found myself in my bed at 3am having sex with The Inmate. When I say 'found myself' I mean that I saw him at the club...proceeded to drink heavily...listened to him flirt and game me all night long...left the club with him to go get my car...drove home intoxicated and had him follow me there. No, I'm not proud. But, yes the sex was really good - and I have to give it to the guy he's hands down the best kisser I've ever been with.

It was completely and totally random. I went to the club with three of my guy friends with no intention of behaving like a slut. I left my phone at the house (first time I've EVER done that) and was supposed to call Romeo when I got back to my phone because he was going to be partying in my city that night too. In my head, I figured I would go get drunk at the club then get Romeo to pick me up from my friend's house and we would go back to my house and get freaky. Yeah, that's not so much how it worked out for ole' Gwynnie.

Instead, I saw The Inmate at the club and decided to go say hello. We chatted a little bit and eventually he ended up in the cabana with me and my boys. That's when it went downhill fast. He started flirting with me majorly and this boy has some game. There's also something about him that I find very sexy, even though I don't want to! So a few drinks later we're making out in the bathroom and discussing the possibilities of going home together. I tried to fend him off but my hormones got the best of me..his amazing kissing had a lot to do with it.

Once we made it back to my house he pretty much got right to it, which I'm a big fan of. I mean it was 3am I wasn't going to act like a nun and pretend I brought him to my room just to talk about life. We both knew what we were there for and I must say it was lots of fun and very enjoyable. Better than I remembered it being in the past.

He left and I texted Romeo, feeling slightly guilty at my indiscretion - not feeling guilty for doing that to Romeo just feeling like I'm too good to be having one night stands with recently released felons lol. Romeo was in bed at that point and didn't seem at all bothered by the fact that I didn't get home until almost 4am (well technically I got home at 3am but with all that sex I didn't call him until about 4 so in his mind that's when I got home). He will never find out (omg this is reminding me of Miranda's post) about it and since he's not my boyfriend I don't feel bad about what I did.

The Inmate came over yesterday evening very briefly to smoke some of that K2/Spice stuff with me and my bff. He only stayed about an hour and it was slightly awkward. I could tell he wanted to be all physical with me and I shut that down totally. When he left, I walked him outside and he tried to grab me and pull me all close to him. I laughed out loud, pushed him away and told him we weren't at that place lol. He looked all dejected and left, asked me to text him today. I told him he needs to stop acting like he can just get it whenever he wants it and that I plan to show him that's not going to happen. I told him he got lucky on Saturday because I was drunk and that he shouldn't expect that again any time soon. I wish it was always this easy to turn guys down!

So far today he's texted me 3 times from his job. What have I gotten myself into...again?


Crazy for Love - TMI Tuesday

Do you keep up with when you see a guy for sex or dating?
Yes, I do for several reasons. I keep up with it via the blog, but I also mark the day with their initial in my day timer. The first reason is so I can remember who I saw and when. because I have a horrible memory. The second reason is just in case anything ever happens, I have a trail. I understand that sometimes my lifestyle is risky. If I were to get something or should the pill fail, I need to know who to call. - Jules
I do via the blog. When I had the whole STD debacle in the summer it proved quite helpful in tracking down who needed to be notified and who was in the clear.  When I'm power dating, I do keep a schedule with who, when, where, and what. HA! - Miranda
For sex, no. For dating, sometimes. Depending on the guy and the situation, I sometimes mark on my Outlook Calendar when the last time we hung out was. Mainly, I do this because it prevents me from being a nagging girlfriend/pseudo-girlfriend. This way, I can see clearly that we hung out 14 days in the past month and although I may feel like I never see the guy I'm dating, when it's right in front of my face it makes it easier to control my "why don't we ever hang out?" comments. -Gwyn

If you could be with one guy from your past or present, who would you pick?
Well, I hate to disappoint those of you on "Team Gavin", but it isn't anyone on the present team. I was with this guy in college that I really think I was in love with. It was a totally doomed relationship because I'm white and he was black and my daddy is a racist and held a gun to his head, but I honestly think had we met at a different time under different circumstances he might have had a lot of potential. - Jules
Hmmm, that's hard. There are ones I'd want to be with for different reasons. There are definitely some sexual conquests I'd like to relive but if you're talking "be with" in a relationship sense I guess maybe Flyboy.  He was just the total package! Or if you could take the crazy out of crazy IT! - Miranda
I think Romeo would make a pretty decent boyfriend if I was completely sure I could trust him. From the past, the only person I ever think about being in a relationship with again is The Ex. - Gwyn
If you could go inside the mind of one of your current men, who would you pick and what would you want to know?
That's a tough question, but honestly I think Owen. In retrospect, I shut him down from any "personal" chat earlier this year because I was having a hard time justifying continuing to see him due to the change my marital status. I'd like to know what he thinks about when he's with me. (And yes, I know that's kind of messed up...) Gavin is an open book...I really don't have to wonder about his thoughts. Aside from Owen, it would definitely be Clark. Clark is a really fucked up guy and while he is definitely NOT part of the current team, I'd kind of like to know wtf goes on in his head from a purely curious, professional standpoint. - Jules\
Much to my chargrin, I'd probably like to be inside the head of either FJB or Sawyer.  I'd like to know what in the hell FJB thinks about everything and if Sawyer really does ever think of leaving his wife and what he really thinks he feels for me. - Miranda
Honestly, even the thought of this gives me complete and total anxiety. I know I may say sometimes that I wish I knew what my guy(s) is thinking but if I really had the ability I'd be too terrified to use it. I don't want to know what guys really truly think because I think it may turn me gay. -Gwyn

What is the craziest thing you have ever done for a guy you liked?
I actually don't do overly crazy things for people. I am a rescuer though and I did bail Gavin out of jail.  I hid a guy in my closet one time when my Daddy came over to show the rental house I was living in...mostly stuff like that. I'm not an overt gesture kind of girl. I keep my feelings for men pretty closely guarded. I would be lying if I didn't say in my younger days,  I hadn't done some stalking. I remember driving by places to see if a guy was working or at home, but definitely not boiling bunnies kind of crazy stuff.  - Jules
Well in college I cleaned by boyfriend's apartment as a christmas present only to have him dump me a few days later.  Or when I jumped in the car in the middle of the night to go see Flyboy.  Or how about any freaking time I slept with Sawyer in my own bed in my own house.  Yall know I'm a cyberstalker (though I prefer the term Cyber Detective) and like Jules, back in the day I wasn't above doing a drive by. - Miranda
In my more insecure days I did plenty of 'crazy' things for guys I liked - my favorite crazy moment came when I got fed up with taking care of a pit bull that belonged to a guy I had dated in the past and was still friends with. The dog was supposed to be at my house for 2 days...she was there for 2 weeks and was in HEAT no less! I was furious when he kept putting off coming to pick her up and one day I got fed up. I took the dog to his house (aka his mom's house) and knocked on the door. I told his mom what was going on and that I was going to put the dog in her son's room because I was tired of taking care of her for nothing. So that's exactly what I did and I shut the door (his mom was ok with this because she knew her son could be a real piece of work..). A few days later I got a very angry phone call from my ex informing me that the pit tore up his entire room, pissed and shit everywhere and ruined his bed. Hahahaha I still laugh thinking about it. Would you expect anything less from Gwyn? - Gwyn
What is the craziest thing a guy has ever done for you?
Hmmm...I don't tend to hang out with guys that are big on gestures either. I guess I'll have to give this one to Gavin though. He has just morphed himself into my crazy family situation. We are so not in love with each other, but we definitely like one another. He's accepted my whole deal....the gay ex husband, the gay ex husband's not out yet bf that lives with us on the weekends, my other men, my kid. I'm not sure a guy (other than Russell) has ever been quite so accepting actually.  - Jules
Hmmm, good question. Most of my guys aren't big on the gestures though they do things in their own special way.  Lawyer Boy gave me a bunch of recreational items for my birthday, FJB bought and installed a wireless router for me (which enables me to steal my free internet much better), but I have to probably give this one to Sawyer for helping me move out of the house and into my apartment.  That was pretty ballsy and crazy. - Miranda
Hahaha this is a good question for Gwyn-the-crazy-magnet. When I was about 21, an ex of mine (like from a couple of years before!) called me randomly at 7am in the morning...began strumming his guitar like he was about to play/sing me a song...when I interrupted and asked what the hell he wanted he said "Will you marry me?"...I said "Um, what? No I won't marry you. I broke up with you two years ago for God's sake"...his response, "Fine then. I guess I'm not going to sing you the song I wrote for you"...I hung up.

**Total side note, I remember "breaking into" this guy's apartment that my bff was seeing when I was like 21 or 22. She convinced me to go with her because she thought he was cheating on her. While we were there, someone (it may well have been him) came into the apartment and we hid on the bathtub until they left. I was terrified. Now, she's done some crazy shit for men she's liked. - Jules

Monday, November 29, 2010

Once a Cheater, Always a Cheater?

What a difference a year makes. I was thinking today how different things were last year at this very time. My family was incredibly fractured from my Dad’s death. Duckie and I were in the first throes of breaking up. I was in the early stages of my affair with Sawyer and shocked at my own behavior while beginning to imagine that there was something lasting between he and I. I pretty much sat around the house freaked out thinking about divorce and alternately crying over the loss of my Dad and the forthcoming loss of my “family.” Basically, I was a whole different person than I am today.

Jules and I were both saying the other day it’s a little discomfiting to read old posts and see how things were. I guess that’s a big benefit of this blog, the ability to re-read our thoughts and feelings and see them from a whole new perspective. I wish we’d started this blog earlier so I could see where my mind was a year ago.

Sawyer has been emailing me again today. Other than the occasionally email and that crazy phone call a couple weeks ago we haven’t had any contact. We haven’t even seen each other (other than g-rated passing in the store or on the road) in months and months. I think it was like August the last time we were together.

True to form he was back up to his old tricks and trying to get me to say I missed him or had feelings for him or whatever. It’s such a game with him. I kind of hate to look back and see how I let feelings develop for him. It goes without saying that I regret ever having an affair. I mean I know it happened for a reason and who knows if I would have left Duckie as soon as I did it if wasn’t for Sawyer but still. I sure never thought I’d be a person who had an affair, much less one with my next door neighbor.

Though I think some part of me always worried that I was capable of having an affair. I can remember my girlfriends going out and inviting me to join them from time to time. I’d always decline because I was afraid I’d get drunk and….well you read this blog, you know what tends to happen when Miranda gets drunk. At the time, I thought of myself as being responsible for protecting my marriage by never putting myself in a potential dangerous situation. And I’m sure there’s some truth to that but I wonder now if it was more about being unconsciously honest about what my marriage was really like. Maybe I’m just a romantic at heart but it seems like if my marriage was what a marriage is supposed to be, I would not even worry about ever crossing that line.

I doubt we have too many happily married readers - hell maybe we do but who knows, you guys have been mighty quiet in the comments lately! But I’m wondering of those who are married (happily or otherwise), do you avoid social situations with single adults like I did? For those of you brandishing the scarlet A like me, do you worry about your ability to ever be faithful again? I do sometimes.

I just wonder if it’s like a Pandora’s Box. Once you’ve lifted that lid does it plague you forever? I mean now that I’ve had an affair and concealed it (I hope) it’s like I have this weird background knowledge of how to get away with one. Does that make me more likely to have an affair in the future?


Sunday, November 28, 2010

It's That Time of Year...

Well the holidays make us all a little crazy...some of us more so than others. I got up this morning and was in a horrible mood. Gavin could not understand this after the sex we'd had last night, but I was just in a funk. Truth be told I was a little pissy about the prospects of him moving in with the gf. Although I think I misheard that conversation because he was at my house this afternoon looking at 1 bedroom apartments on CL and he would need 2 bedrooms if he moved in with her due to her kid. I still refused to ask.

He originally came over this afternoon to see if I wanted to take Chloe and her friend to a resort in town that has an awesome pool and hot tub. It seems that the wild sex last night threw out his back. I agreed and he went home to do a few things and came back ready to go. We headed over there and had a wonderful afternoon. I had a gallon of wine though and made the mistake of calling my Dad back on the way home.
It seems that Daddy had also been in the alcohol and we had this ridiculous fight for like 30 minutes on the way home. It was crazy stupid stuff, BUT it seems he was tasked with finding out about Gavin from my Mama. He said "So, who was that fella in your kitchen? I thought he was quite handsome, but your mama wants to know who he is in your life." I told him he was just a friend and that yes, I thought he was "quite handsome" as well. Of course, Gavin is sitting in the car the whole time I'm having this conversation. Then Daddy starts on his protective father speech and I just held the phone up to Gavin's ear at this point and told him this part of the convo was for him. He laughed, though being from NJ I'm sure he didn't understand any of the conversation. He did say afterwards that "I think your Dad mentioned guns if I hurt you". Yeah boy, DO NOT mess with a Southern girl. If her Daddy doesn't get you, her brother will.

Anyway, I'm cracking up over the whole thing...my Mama surprised me by making my Dad find out about him. Then I got upset over the whole fight with my Dad. We got home and Gavin bolted...said he'd be back in an hour. I went in and cried to Russell about my Dad. I appreciate that he gets it and that he's there for me to listen when I need it. I do NOT cry often, but when I need to do so it's nice to have his shoulder. We decorated our tree tonight after we got home and I finished being a crybaby. I've had a totally emotional day, so this was just par for the course. Gavin did not come back, but his dog did. She strolled into the house while we were putting up the tree and then came up on the couch with me to sit for pets before crashing out. I called him and told him his dog was here and he said he'd get her tomorrow if that was ok since he too is headed to bed now. It's been a mostly fun, but exhausting day.

**Upon re-reading this and texting with Miranda today, I have realized he's exhibiting some major BF tendencies lately and obviously I'm allowing it to happen...wth? Am I being lazy and complacent or do I really like him?? I would like to point out that the gf is still in the picture and I'm totally ok with that (as long she maintains her own living space). ;)

Saturday, November 27, 2010

Holiday Cheer & Meeting the Parents

Ok, I have to admit I like having Gavin around...especially since he now has his own space to go too. I have really enjoyed the last few days with my pt bf. Wednesday night, he came over about 10pm high as a kite. Russell and Bob were on the porch and I was frantically baking pies, stuffing, and such for Thanksgiving. He kept begging me to stop and come play with him, but I was super busy in the kitchen and it was fun to tease him. Every so often, I would walk into my room and blow him for literally a minute or two and then leave. It was driving him nuts. Finally, the last pies came out of the oven. Russell passed out and Bob was sort of wandering around the house. Bob finally went into Russell's room and I raced into my room, got high with Gavin, and proceeded to have OMFG amazing sex with him. It was the kind where I just came continuously and felt uber content afterward. He left to go to his place for the night about 1am and I fell into my bed.

Thanksgiving was fun here in HI. I got up and finished prepping dinner and then I went to a friend's house for a huge lunch. I came home after that and finished our dinner. Gavin showed up about dinner time and ate with us. It was my first time cooking an entire Thanksgiving meal ever. I was usually in charge of baking (because I'm an excellent baker) or bringing the bread or the can of cranberry sauce...so for me to cook an actual entire T-day meal was HUGE. The menfolk scarfed it up, so I'm guessing it was pretty good (and it was even if I do say so myself). Russelll and Bob headed off to work and I took Chloe, Gavin, and some of Chloe's friends to the movies. We had a really fun time. Gavin came back to the house after the movie and just hung out. I gave him some special man loving since he'd endured a fairy tale movie with 3 kids and then we sat on the couch and watched a movie. He slept in "his room" here last night and woke me up this morning to tell me he was going home to shower and would be right back to help me do some stuff around the house today. I found out last night that he talked to Russell about moving back in at the end of the month, but then he actually moved some more of his stuff today so who knows what's up with that. Russell said it was fine with him though.

So, he actually showed back up this morning about an hour later and totally rearranged Chloe's room for me. He is the freaking heat; totally THE MAN here today. Her room looks amazing. He helped us organize and move it all around and then he hauled off all the trash and Goodwill donations for me. This morning before we started with her room, I was making us breakfast in the kitchen. My parents called and wanted to webcam with us. I haven't "seen" my Dad in a long time because he's the only one without a webcam and so of course I wanted to do it. As we're in the kitchen cooking and talking to them, Gavin walked in to "meet" them. I guess the curiosity was killing him from the other room. I'm wandering how long until my mama calls me for details. I just glossed right over it like it was no big deal and like there's normally a shirtless, hot guy in my kitchen while I'm cooking breakfast, but I bet she brings it up. I've told Gavin that he is a lot like my Dad (in habits, not looks), so I think he was curious to see him.

Tonight, I fed that man a steak dinner for his efforts. He left after dinner to go home and deal with some gf drama. I am blissfully almost unaware of what drama it is. ;) Apparently the short version is that her kid refused to go to Thanksgiving dinner at Gavin's kid's Mom's house (did ya'll follow that line of mess?) and so in the end Gavin hurled a glass baking dish out of his truck with a bottle of wine and broke it everywhere in front of them. I did explain that type of behavior was completely unacceptable and that if he EVER in life pulled that shit with me, it would be ON. It's interesting how volatile their relationship is and how NOT ours is. He has never, ever attempted any shit like that with me. I think it's because he knows I would react in a way completely opposite from her. She's called him like 6 times today trying to get him to talk about it. Co-dependent much?? I would have been done with him after that kind of outburst.

So, there's my holiday update. I'm decorating the house tomorrow and I've got money he's going to show up to help. He loves doing the family thing here, it's cute. I like when he's a little needy like this, but you guys have no idea what an amazing help he was today. He totally rocked it with me today helping out like he did!

PS Good thing Gavin did go home...Texas and I just had some super hot video sexting. I miss that boy. He's good fun.
PPS It seems there is something in the air tonight! Owen has been emailing me tonight to confirm Tuesday's lunch  and Gavin showed back up around 11:30pm for sex. He earned it today, so I was happy to give him some late night fun. I think he hit the road to walk down the second the gf left his house. On an interesting note, she called while he was here and as usual I encourage the answering of these calls to make them stop. I refused to ask questions because that would have opened the flood gates, but I swear it sounded like they were discussing living arrangements. Are they really that stupid? Yes, yes they are...so maybe I'm wrong but we'll see.

Friday, November 26, 2010

You Better Check Yourself Before You Wreck Yourself

Well I’m pretty sure that SoCo has found out about my naughty Friday night.  At the beginning of the week things seemed fine but he’s become increasingly distant.  The week started off normal enough contact wise but then by Wednesday he pretty much wasn’t initiating any texting at all. 

Wednesday night he told me he was going out and thanks to Facebook which revels all, I saw that he was going to a bar event at the bar where the Friend and all our joint friends spend most of their time. So even if he didn’t know before Wednesday, I’m sure something was said at some level that night.  I don’t think the Friend would have been the one to say it.  But I bet one of the other people alluded or straight out told SoCo the Friend took me home last Friday.  And even if that’s all that was said, me and SoCo used that exact same line when we first started hooking up and our joint friends were asking questions.  He may not have a college degree but he’s not entirely oblivious.

And he's grown enough to admit that we didn't have any kind of commitment between us so there's not much he can say to me. If he'd wanted to "date" me he should have manned up and said something.  Plus I think he knows that we run in the same crowd so we're going to have to continue to be "friends" regardless of what lies between us.  Alas, per my usual luck, he’s not man enough to address whatever the issue is for the distance so I’m pulling back as well. It’s funny, Thursday I caught myself getting mad and annoyed and even thinking my feelings were mildly hurt. But then I gave myself a mental check and reminded myself that I didn’t have those feelings for SoCo in the first place.  HA!

My inclination is to address it with him and ask him what exactly is wrong. But I know it doesn’t really matter plus Jules and Gwyn say I can’t. I’m not sure which one of them is an angle and which one is a devil on my shoulder.  They might just both be devils!

So I’m just letting it all go.  I’m a little remiss that my regular booty seems to be disappearing, because he was really good in bed.  And when Miranda’s not getting any play, it’s a lot hard for me to behave and keep it in check boy wise.  Gwyn better start sharpening up her chaperoning skills!

Random other tidbits for you.  Twin sent me the funniest message the other day – “You drive me wild Firefly.”  Just an out of the blue, random message. And yes he used to call me Firefly. LOL! I asked him once why he’d pegged me with that name but he had no explanation. 

I also had several random texts on Thanksgiving Day from guys that I talked to months and months ago.  I’m the kind of girl who once I’m done with you; I delete you out of my phone.  So every time one came in yesterday from an unknown number I had to quiz them on who they were.  One of them got kind of pissy about that. HA! 

Duckie and the kids were supposed to go to the girlfriend’s family Thanksgiving feast but for some reason at the last minute he decided it was “too many new people for the kids to meet.” I think it was either that he got nervous about meeting all her family or someone (his mom probably) convinced him it was too early for that kind of family interaction.  I did my best to encourage him to stick to his plans but he opted not to go. He actually spent the day with his family and then came and joined in my family’s Thanksgiving Day celebration.  I think it made my family really happy to have him and the kids there and to see that things really are as “good” as I’ve said they are between us. It was a little weird and awkward at first but then I realized we were pretty much acting exactly the same as we did when we were married, which says an awful lot about the state our marriage was in.  Plus last Thanksgiving we were in major conflict because we’d just started the breaking up process and we had a huge fight Thanksgiving Day.  But, I’m still glad he came and I’m glad I got to see the kids! 


Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Is There A Sign On My Door?

Does it read, Jules XXX - Therapist?? No, no it doesn't and would you like to know why? I don't care! I am a great social worker because I can case manage things and go on. I can problem solve quickly and take care of business. I am great with resources and outsourcing therapeutic interventions. I do not like to provide those interventions, especially in my personal life.

Gavin seems to be catching onto this...slowly. He came over tonight and plopped onto my porch with a beer to tell me he and the gf had broken up again today. I rolled my eyes and he said "You really don't want to hear about this, do you?". I promptly replied. "No, no I don't". He proceeded somewhat until I stopped him by literally interrupting him. He told me that the gf found out he was chatting with some old gf from CA (who lives in CA mind you) and she was pissed. He shook his head and said "I'm not looking for anyone else. The only person I've cheated on her with this time is you". LMFAO, really? I told him I just don't get their deal and I'm tired of hearing it...seriously.

He hung out for a little while laughing and joking with Russell and I and then I drove him the 4 houses up because he was "tired". He asked if he could come over later to hang out and I said ok. He drove back (yep, really) a few hours later and we had some fun in my room while Russell was sleeping. It was a cum and go since he'd left his kid at home, but those are some of my favorites. (The kid is 13, just FYI.) I know I told Russell we wouldn't do sexual things in the house when he's home, but I love the element of naughty it gives. I'm sure we'll get busted at some point. Hell, he probably already knows and just doesn't care enough to make it an issue. Anyway, my boy needed some sexual healing and this I can give. I am great at sexual therapy, not talk therapy.


PS I've been getting some hot emails from Owen lately. His schedule has sucked the past few weeks (months really), but lunch may be on the table for next week. I'm crossing my fingers.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

TMI Tuesday - Venus vs. Mars

If you could be born again would choose to be a different sex to what you are?
No way. I love being a girl. When I was little I always wished I was a boy because I was a huge tomboy and wanted to do all the things boys could. But now that I'm older and women have more opportunities (when I was growing up there weren't even girls sports teams...for Lord's sake that was only 25 years ago) I wouldn't trade being a girl for the world. Sure they say men have the power but we all know that women run the world - like it or not. We're just not out there shouting about how great and powerful we are, we're working behind the scenes to make sure all you men don't blow the entire planet up. - Gwyn
I wouldn't mind being a boy for a few days but not for my whole life.  Walking around with a penis shaking around would be incredibly distracting.  The only good things I can imagine about being a boy are being able to stand up and pee, being stronger than girls, and not having auto mechanics talk down to you. Though thanks to my Dad I can talk cars with the best of them.  - Miranda 
Hmmmm, I think I agree with Miranda. I'd like to try it for a few days, but never a lifetime. I was just talking to a friend last night about how it's so much easier for women to get laid. I'll stay a female, thank you. - Jules 

What's your favorite thing about the opposite sex?
Besides the obvious physical characteristics that I love (arms, teeth, abs, etc.) I really like the sense of fearlessness that men have. It's like they're not scared of anything. The confidence they have in themselves is so sexy. - Gwyn 
I second Gwyn's fearlessness and confidence comments.  I also love how guys are just comfortable with being themselves.  They don't seem to have all the inner dialogue girls deal with day in and day out.   - Miranda
Well, physically you guys know what my answer will be (hence my ode to Owen)...but I do like the bad ass, fearless, uber confident nature. Sadly, they don't all possess that. - Jules 

What's the worst thing about being your gender?
That special week out of every month. - Gwyn
Dealing with other girls - Gwyn, Jules, and Josie excluded of course - Miranda 
I second both of those...women are catty bitches and I hate bleeding. I made it so it is only every 3 months, but still it sucks. I do look at it as "hey, you're not pregnant....hot damn!" though and it helps to get through it. - Jules 

Have you ever kissed someone of the same sex? If so, who?
No. Although I can take credit for Miranda's most recent same sex experience lol. -Gwyn
Thanks to Gwyn's friend and an awful lot of alcohol, yes I have.  It was very unexpected and very weird. Though from the reaction it got from the straight guys around us, I can totally see why girls kiss just to make boys crazy. - Miranda 
No, though Owen's fantasy of seeing me with another woman is alive and strong. He's the only man I've even entertained the idea for though...I shut Clark down quickly on that when he asked. We'll see if that answer stays a "No". - Jules

If you could inhabit the body of someone of the opposite sex for 24 hours who would you choose?
Jesco White. -Gwyn
So many choices!  I'll go with a vengeful choice. FJB - Then I'd call all the girls he's tortured in the last few years and apologize and spend the rest of the time alternately smacking myself and kicking my own ass. - Miranda 
Very tough call...someone super hot because the only reason I'd want to be a guy is to see what sex is like for them. I'll go with Brad or George, no definitely Brad Pitt b/c I have a girl crush on Angelina and then it would be like 2 for 1 day. - Jules

Oh Gwyn where have you been?

Hi Everyone, it's me Gwyn the cold-hearted ice queen you've all come to know and love. I realized today that I haven't posted in a LONG LONG time and I think it's time to end the drought. There are many reasons for my lack of posting including craziness at work...my own personal episode of mystery diagnosis that I've been trapped in for months...lack of crazy boy activity....etc.

The quick and dirty update is that I'm still seeing Romeo and he is still not my boyfriend - although I will admint I like to call him that around Miranda to get her good and riled up. We had a crazy night on Halloween that involved me losing my phone, screaming at him in in front of his co-workers about dancing with some girl all while dressed in a sexy referee costume (dang I should've used my whistle!), giving his friends the silent treatment the entire ride home, getting into a screaming argument with my bff in front of him which finally ended when he told me to take her a blunt and go make up...I think that's about everything from that night. He took my bad behavior all in stride, I was impressed because I threw quite the only child it's all about me fit and behaved pretty crazily. Losing my phone literally turned me into a maniac.

We've been pretty chill since then minus a small argument that started because I felt some distance from him (shocking considering my angelic behavior) and when I tried to get to the bottom of it (aka nagged him about it) he got really defensive and angry and it spiraled from there. To his credit, after that fight he has made a noticeable effort to work on the things that I mentioned as bothering me (not inviting me to do things in advance, not wanting to hang out with me as much, not making an effort) event though he said he didn't see what I was talking about at all.

We've seen each other a couple times this week so far and I'm off work the rest of the week so I'm guessing we'll see plenty of each other over the holidays. In usual Gwyn fashion, I'm not completely sure where my feelings stand at this point. I do like hanging out with him...the sex is great...I miss him occassionally when I haven't seen him in awhile...but I'm by no means head over heels. But since I'm never really head over heels I'm not taking that as a bad sign.

Oh yeah, I almost forgot about this little nugget. I've been reading The Secret again and one of the phrases I've been putting out into the universe is "He's going to fall in love with me" (referring to Romeo). Miranda nearly died when I told her this yesterday and suggested I may need to be more specific in my phrase because the IT guy at work is clearly in love with me so maybe the universe wasn't clear on the whole "who" piece of my secret phrase. She also suggested I add "...and I am going to fall in love with him" to which I scoffed and totally refused. Gwyn in love? Ha.


Jules May Have to Register

I feel a little like a sex offender today. Ok let me back up slightly, you MUST be old enough to buy booze to hop on this ride....so he's 21 at least...21 and 11 months to be precise. I felt so naughty when I left though. Here's how it went down. I referenced this kid last week. He and I chatted last year sometime and we could never work out a time to hook up. He moved and now he's back for like a month before he moves to Colorado. Apparently he has the whole cougar fantasy thing going, which with  my being 13 years older I was able to fulfill for him today.

I chatted back and forth with him all weekend and he was pressuring me hardcore to come see him one day during lunch or right after work. I work really close to where he lives (with his parents). Because of the holidays, I got off early today and decided to swing by his place for a quickie on the way home. I met him out in his driveway and he took my hand (isn't that cute?), told me I was much more beautiful in person,  and lead me around to the back gate. He "snuck" me into his parent's guest house and immediately started kissing me. Then, he instructed me to go upstairs. He followed me and grabbing my ass the whole way up. In the bedroom. I tore off my dress and hopped onto the bed. He got on top of me and started kissing me more and then worked his way down.

During our texting/emailing today, he asked if I'd brought a condom. I replied with my usual response that I take care of my stuff with the pill and the guy needs to take care of that. Men like different brands, sizes, etc...handle your own. He replied he didn't want to have to go buy a whole box. I told him that was his call, but I wasn't coming over if he didn't have any. He apparently "borrowed" one from his brother. Bless his heart, he didn't know that one condom with me is just the warm up.

Admittedly, I'd worked this boy up pretty hard core over the past few days but the sex didn't last too long. We fucked for a little while and then he moved around to my ass and he pretty much came upon entry. It was kind of cute, but reminded me that I like the older guys with better stamina for this very reason. I totally could have kept going, but he was nervous about his parents coming home in addition to the whole one condom thing. Seriously, I can't believe I just typed that sentence...lol. He texted me after I left and apologized for "ending" things so quickly.

Now I'm curious about his Dad...apparently he's pretty wealthy and his son is smoking hot...just saying. ;)

Monday, November 22, 2010

Let It Be

So outside of my outrageously trashy Friday night the weekend was pretty quiet for me.  I took a 24 hour vow of solitude Saturday night-Sunday night. Why? I don’t know really.  I just felt like I needed some time to process my Friday night behavior and you all know I’m not the best at being alone so I figured a 24 hour challenge was in order.

I didn’t talk to anyone I didn’t have to (especially boys) and I didn’t go anywhere to interact with anyone.  Hell I was even in bed asleep by 11 on Saturday.  Sacrilege!  Sunday I did a bunch of work and cleaned and spent a lot of time thinking about my life.

Not too long ago, ok a little over two months ago, I proclaimed I “wanted the fairy tale.” But when I look at my behavior I really haven’t put any effort into finding the fairy tale or damn even acting like I wanted the fairy tale. I mean I settled down a bit but I’ve still had my wild nights then I started hanging out with SoCo and then the thing happened this weekend with the Friend.  Though I do think I’ve made progress with not obsessing over guys who are “not into me” and cutting loose the ones I’m really not interested in.  I’m definitely staying away from PoF which is nothing but positive. 

But I’m still not really putting effort into finding that fairy tale.  What effort should I be putting forth?  I don’t know really. But I do know that having this casual relationship with SoCo is probably preventing me from even the possibility of finding anyone else. 

I’ve been worried a little about him finding out about the Friend even to the point that today I told Gwyn I thought he and I needed to talk about what exactly we are doing together.  But I don’t want to have that conversation and like Gwyn said, it wouldn’t change anything except relieve some of my anxiety.  So I’m just going to let it be for now.  We’ve got no claim on each other and if he wants more, he can damn well man up and say it.  I’m not going to walk anyone into a relationship. 

The real question is do I want a relationship with him.  I don’t know really. I’ve enjoyed the time we’ve spent together and he’s definitely a Mr. Right Now.  However I don’t know that I would want to be in a relationship with a Mr. Right Now. He’s good for this FWB (yes Gwyn I know it’s not a real FWB) relationship but I think that’s about the extent of it.

On a funny note, my mom randomly invited me to dinner tonight and I was afraid it was going to be yet another intervention. From time to time she feels the need to sit me down and talk about my behavior - by behavior I mean my posts and photos on Facebook.  She reads way too much into them.  Thankfully, there were no men in little white coats trying to shove me in a van and deliver me to Betty Ford. We actually had a great dinner together and talked and talked.  I think in some weird way she’s starting to identify with me as a single woman.  She did tell me tonight that she’s noticed some ways that Duckie behaves that really annoy her now and that she realizes he did/acted that way before but she always tolerated it for my sake.  HA! 

Random other tidbits for you.  No word from Sawyer since Friday night. He’s probably pissed. Probably imagining how I went home and hooked up with someone else.  Which would be correct! HA!  I have been thinking that I was going to officially end it with him. I mean we don’t see each other anymore though he hasn’t given up asking to see me.  And we hardly ever even email anymore.  But I feel like I want to declare to him that I’m not going to help him be a cheater anymore. That he either needs to repair things with his wife or end the marriage and that I can’t be a part of things either way.  I don’t know that I will, but it’s a nice imaging being able to say all that.

Leo told me that he, Ladybug, and Duckie are going out of town for Thanksgiving and spending it with the girlfriend’s family.  OMG he’s so going to ask her to marry him soon!  I’m keeping my fingers crossed.  Maybe he’ll even propose on Christmas like he did for me!  Talk about something coming full circle!  By the way in case you’re interested, he proposed Christmas morning by putting the ring on a bow and tying it to our dog.  Interestingly, the girlfriend just got a dog….

College Crush has started texting me like crazy the last 24 hours.  Whatever gimp!  I’ll be his friend but nothing more.

Last week Twin emailed me some and tried to get me to talk about being in a relationship with him.  WTF!  Gimps abound!

Oh and in case you were wondering, not a peep from FJB.  Maybe I’m finally free!


PT BF and Sacrilege

This weekend was fairly low key, but in the BEST kind of way. Friday night, Russell went out. Bob is going to Afghanistan in January and Russell is putting himself back out there. The good thing about this is of course that it really opens up my free time alone at home, although I will say Russell and I are currently getting along really well. Anyway, Gavin called me about 30 minutes after Russell left and asked what I was doing. He said he'd seen Russell drive by his house and thought I might be alone. Upon confirmation of this, he came down for some fun. He was in rare form and was being super cute and charming. Guys, I think we have reached an understanding. He started to bitch at one point about the gf and I just totally shut him down. I did it in a funny way, but message seems to have been received. So, he was cute and fun...we got high...we came...and then he went home. Delightful!
Saturday I saw him out in town and he was with the gf totally watching me in my car...and then he drove on and did not let me out in the intersection...asshole. I'm guessing he was distracted. I hung with my gays Saturday night and had a wonderful evening. We drank a ton, ate a great meal that Bob made, and watched a really bad but funny movie.
I woke up this morning to Gavin and Chloe bounding into my room at 9am. Chloe actually started waking me up at 6:45am and I kept throwing her out, but I knew when they both came in resistance was futile. Gavin needed me to take him to town to pick up parts for his truck, so we did that and then went out to lunch. We were going out on his jet ski today, but by the time he finished putting his brakes on it was too late in the day to start that process. He offered to make Chloe and I dinner and so I went to the store and Chloe actually chose to go hang out with him while I went...I was floored. She likes him, but she's not enamored with him by any stretch. We had a really nice dinner and hung out for a while and then he went home. He was having stomach issues and finally decided to spare me of this ailment. He did NOT complain or bitch or even bring up the gf again all day except once briefly and he wasn't being a whiny bitch about it...ya'll I think I've gotten through.
So, here's the sacrilege part. Lustolicious put this on her blog the other day...I'm a total atheist and I rolled in delight over this site. I must, must, must own one of these toys. If you're religious, it will offend you...so skip it. Check it out if you're not over the top though and have a good sense of humor and yes, I know I'm going to hell. Baby Jesus is my favorite.


Saturday, November 20, 2010

I've Got a Sexual Hangover

Last night I was both very smart and very stupid.  Let’s catch up a bit.  Earlier in the week SoCo up and disappeared on me for a couple days. I sent a couple courtesy texts figuring he was busy or whatever and still no reply.  Finally, to Gwyn’s dismay, I sent a text late on Tuesday asking what was wrong.  Turns out he thought a flippant comment of mine meant I was irritated with him and instead of manning up and asking, he retreated into his gimpy turtle shell and hid out. 

Anyway, we straightened it out and everything was back on course. I spent Wednesday night with him and had yet another fun night.  He’s dialed back some of the comments he was making which is good.  This weekend, SoCo is off fishing in the mountains with a friend which leads me to last night.

I went out with some of my girls to our usually bar and we were having so much fun.  About 10:45 my phone rings, it’s freaking Sawyer.   His wife is out of town this weekend and he has been hoping that I’d give in and let him spend the night with me.  Anyways we talk for a minute and he says he needs to spend some time with me.  I was so shocked to be talking to him that I said I’d call him when I got home from the bar.

About the same time this is going on, who should I run into?  The random friend of SoCo’s that I hooked up with a couple months ago.  I’m just going to start calling him the Friend to make things easier.  So I see him and he gives me a huge hug out of the blue and says “you wouldn’t give me your number.”  Ha!  So I told him to put his number in my phone and he did and then he promptly called his own phone so he’d have my number.  Damn technology! HA!

So after talking with the Friend for a bit I went back and found my girls.  Next thing I know SoCo is texting me and trying his damndest to get me to come up to the mountains, like right then and there.  I’ll admit I toyed with the idea but I was clearly inebriated past the point of driving up in the mountains for an hour in the middle of the night.

Eventually the group of girls I was out with merged with the Friend’s group and we were having a blast.  My group of girls was getting ready to leave and the Friend asked me to stay with him and his friends.  I faltered a bit knowing if I stayed I’d end up in bed with him quite honestly.  I was debating the merits of my relationship with SoCo and how this would affect things.  My hormones got the better of me and I stayed with the Friend and he ended up taking me to get my car and coming home with me.

He’s actually really cute and a nice guy.  Probably a more realistic match for me than SoCo.  From my research, he is very much not the casual sex kind of guy so I’m not quite sure what’s going on here.  We had awesome sex. I do know that though!  When he left this morning he asked if I was going out tonight and said I should come out with him tonight.  I was still half asleep so I think I mumbled something like I didn’t know what I’d be up to tonight.  He said “well you have my number now so call me. And I’ve got your number too and I’m going to use it.”  LOL!

So now I’m being incredibly lazy and indulging in my massive sexual hangover.  Why does this kind of crazy mash up keep happening to me?  My sabbatical definitely cleared my head of crazy emotions but it seems the crazy is going to keep following me.  I may have to reinstate my sabbatical.  Sheesh!


Friday, November 19, 2010

Sometimes A Pic Says It All

Nope, we skipped HNT this week...but Josie sent this to me today and said it made her think of Gavin. I died laughing in a car full of people that I could not explain this to, which made it even funnier.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Sabbatical Smattatical

Hello I'm Jules...I'm a sex and wine addict. Before tonight it had been 1 1/2 weeks since I'd had sex and approximately 12 hours since I'd had wine.
Lately I've been a little concerned about my addictions and working to regain control over them. Clearly I am addicted to the aforementioned items, but a girl has needs. In the grander scheme of things, it could be far worse. It's not like I'm snorting and gambling all of my money away...sex and wine are fairly "normal" addictions. Anyway, the first thing you will notice about addicts is their ability to justify their addictions. So I have been a little worried lately that I've been drinking wayyyy too much and I've been having sex with the wrong people (ie Clark). I'm officially over Clark, but Gavin has been irking me a little recently and so I've been re-evaluating things.  I had the most helpful conversation with Josie tonight via text that totally justified my FWB relationship with Gavin. I was almost ready to give him the boot when she brought it all back around for me. He's great for me right now sexually...that's it...but it's what I need.
With my wine addiction, I've been trying to go every other day without it...but PMS is upon us and I had a hellish drive home tonight...total traffic jam at 8pm on the highway. It took me forever to get here. When I got home, it was clear I needed a glass of wine. I sat down at my laptop and logged onto my email with a message from this HOT, young boy I'd chatted with like a while back. He moved to Australia (for real) for a year or so and now it seems he's back. We never hooked up before due to timing and such. At the time, he lived with his parents because he was 21 (yep, seriously) and it just never worked and then he moved. I'm kind of intrigued because he's just a yummy looking treat. So, I emailed him back and we shall see where it goes this time.
Cue Gavin...I've mentioned his impeccible timing. I needed to fuck. Around 10pm he called and asked what I was doing...then, he invited himself over. I told him Russell was home and I wasn't sure if he was sleeping but said if we were super quiet, we might get away with it. He walked up, walked in, and we went straight to my room. I tore my clothes off, got on my knees and got him hard, turned around, and rode him until I came a bunch (he owed me). Then, I climbed off him, told him to get up, got onto my desk chair on all fours, and told him to fuck me some more. He complied until I came a ton more and he finally exploded all over my ass. It was super hot, super quiet, intense sex.  It was totally what I needed. We didn't talk much. He didn't complain about anyone. It was like old times...good, old times. He's back in my good graces. ;)

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Too Many Options

We live in a wonderful world of technology that opens so many doors to new ideas, new connections, and new ways to interact with the world around us. It’s crazy to think that you can be in touch via cell phone or internet from practically anywhere in the world these days. And yet these new technologies have made the world of dating incredibly complicated.

I mean in the “good old days” it was meet a person face to face, the guy asks for your phone number, he calls you at home. If you’re not there, he leaves a message on your answering machine. You would race home to check your messages and delightedly squeal and call him back.

Now we meet people online, email, Facebook each other, text, maybe squeeze in a phone call, instant message, etc. And for a lot of people it gets even more complicated depending on how many phone numbers they have (work, home, cell, work cell) or email addresses! And everybody has a different preference. Some people only want to text; some people never text. Some people email all the time; some people only talk on the phone. Some people just can freaking communicate to begin with but that’s a whole different post.

All this is to say that there are just to many damn options these days. I know we’ve sung the praises of the book He’s Just Not That Into You and the movie they made from the book is pretty awesome too. There’s a great line in it that illustrates my technology point perfectly.

I had this guy leave me a voicemail at work, so I called him at home, and then he emailed me to my BlackBerry, and so I texted to his cell, and now you just have to go around checking all these different portals just to get rejected by seven different technologies. It's exhausting.

Somewhere, someone needs to draft up a memorandum of agreement on appropriate communication standards for personal relationships. I put forth these for your feedback before we issue a formal idict:

Online Dating – must instant message for at least 60 minutes total before you can request text access. Must text at least 25 times before a phone call may be initiated. Facebook Stalking is required on behalf of the female in the equation. If you don’t have a Facebook account but your online dating, you are automatically disqualified.

Booty Calls – texting only between the hours of 3 pm and 12 am; phone calls are permissible from 12 am – 2 am. No emailing though. However Facebook stalking is permissible but you may not comment on any status updates however you may “like” three updates a week.

Hanging Out – texting during working hours allowed within reason for a maximum of 10 messages a day; phone calls all other times allowed; Facebooking is allowed with a maximum of five comments per week.

Dating – Phone calls required once a day (preferably to cell). Facebooking is not recommended though it is permissible in extreme circumstances. Email is allowed on a regular basis.

This is getting hard to figure out. I know this would have to be customized for different individual preferences but wouldn’t it be so much easier if we had some freaking guidelines? Maybe we should all start carrying around cards that indicate our preferences. That or a freaking instruction manual for ourselves. If I had a card, this is what it’d say communication wise.

Miranda Prefers
Instant Messaging is permissible in the early days; after about a week though it’s played out.

Texting is allowed but you must text with a question or extremely entertaining comment to continue the text-versation. If you text stupid things, expect to be ignored.

Phone calls are allowed only if you are capable of holding a good phone conversation and let’s face it, not everyone can. Don’t expect phone calls to last longer than 15 minutes max. Also, Miranda hates to call boys so you should expect to do most of the dialing.

Facebooking is allowed and Miranda enjoys your comments and “likes.” However, don’t read in to her status updates, trust me, they aren’t about you you ego-maniac!

 Email is always allowed. If you don’t check email regularly, you better start. However Miranda has a real job and she’s not going to email you all day long. If it’s not working hours, avoid the email at all cost.


Tuesday, November 16, 2010

It's TMI Tuesday Again

1. Have you ever shared sleeping accommodations with someone of the opposite sex without anything steamy happening? 
Of course I have...hell I was married to a gay man for 9 years, hello! Outside of my marriage, yes once...he held my hair as I puked massive amts of booze out of my system. It seems that's a turnoff. - Jules
Yes, plenty of times with various guy friends. -Gwyn
Other than with Duckie, very few times do I end up in bed without some sort of hanky panky going on. And yes, I did just use the term hanky panky. - Miranda

2. Have you ever streaked, flashed, or otherwise partially or totally exposed yourself in public before (or after) an informal, unofficial gathering of people?
I've flashed my boobs before, naturally. - Jules
Not since I was about four years old - as a kid streaking was hands down my favorite past time. -Gwyn
One time last year or so I went to get lunch.  Somehow or another I managed to fall in the parking lot and flashed my kibbles and bits to everyone in the parking lot.  I thought I was in the clear and that maybe no one had noticed until a security guard knocked on my window and asked if I was ok!  Probably not the type of exposure intended by this question but the closest story I have to share.  I'm actually a pretty modest person so it'd be way out of character to willing flash in public. - Miranda

3. Have you had dates with multiple people in the same weekend (or consecutive nights or the same night) while not all of your dates were aware of your actions?
What's the name of this thing again? Oh, yeah...I've had "dates" with multiple people in the same day and no, for the most part they never know about each other. - Jules
Hahahaha that's a good question for this group. Um, YES. I try to keep it to one sexual partner per 24 hours but I will say I've broken that rule a handful of times. In terms of actual dates, that would be another YES. One particular night last year I went out with this guy I had been hooking up with....we went home and got in bed....he passed out...I got bored and called Romeo to come pick me up from the guy's house but told him it was my girlfriend's house...went home with Romeo and had sex all night! I've also had one guy drop me off at another guy's house after a date - used the same line that it was my girlfriend's house. Wow, I'm hardcore I guess. -Gwyn
Hello do you read this blog? This is Miranda the power dater! I've had multiple dates with different guys in the same day during my peak dating episodes. And I never tell any of them about another.  That being said, DAMN Gwyn! I wouldn't have the balls to have a guy pick me up/drop me off at another guy's house. I'm impressed! - Miranda

4. What is the most "romantic" you have ever gotten in a movie theater?
Kissing is the furthest I've gone, but I'm actually dying to have full on sex in a theater. I don't know why, but it seems super naughty. - Jules
I've never done anything sexual or romantic in a movie theater. -Gwyn
Gwyn you crack me up!  I've "made out" with inappropriate touching but no under the clothes action. - Miranda

5. Have you ever had sex when you knew a non-participating adult was watching?
Yes, I've had sex in some public places and been "caught". On my honeymoon, there was a fat Polynesian man in a canoe outside our over water bungalow watching us. Then there were the neighbors watching us at our old house have a 3sum with another guy. - Jules
Omg Jules your answer almost made me choke from laughing so hard. But, no I've never had sex when I knew someone was watching. -Gwyn
HAHAHA! Awesome story Jules! - In college me and a roommate used to have sex (with different guys) at the same time in our tiny dorm room. I wouldn't say we were "watching" each other necessary but our beds were close enough we could reach out and high five each other.  Damn that makes me sound slutty! - Miranda

Crazy Makes You Look Extra Pretty

So I didn't hear a word from Gavin all day today, which is not like him. He clearly knew he was in the dog house. Around 6pm, who pulls up at my house? Yep...with flowers in hand and food. He knows I love, love, love tuna and he brought me a yummy appetizer and we sat on the couch and watched part of a completely stupid movie he brought over. He told me that he wanted to have sex last night, but he was just too high and then he heard my message and said to himself "OMG I love this girl". Fortunately, I was a little tipsy...so I just laughed that off. We don't use the L word...hello!

Chloe went up the street to play with a friend right after he got here and so we're sitting on the couch and he kind of rolls around on top of me. I was like "What are you doing?" He said "You look extra pretty today and I don't know...I just wanted to hug you.". I told him that wasn't really our thing, but kind of attempted to hug him back somewhat awkwardly. Luckily for me, we heard Chloe coming home and he moved off me. It was totally weird. It was obvious how hard he was trying too. For example, he burped in front of me which much like farting I am NOT a fan of and he looked at me sheepishly and excused himself...so out of character.

When Chloe came home, I got up to make her dinner and he went home to make the gf and her kid some food (that incidentally he left sitting in his truck for almost 2 hours...). He asked if he could come back later and I shrugged and said "Hmmm, I don't know". It seems crazy works for me, maybe I'll go with it for a little bit.

Monday, November 15, 2010

Passive Aggressive Much?

Well this sabbatical thing might just make me crazy...I don't know that I'm cut out for it. Here's what happened this weekend. First of all, I almost killed myself from alcohol poisoning Thursday night/Friday morning. Friday after work, I came home and laid my ass on the couch and I didn't move from it until I moved my ass to the bed about 11pm. Gavin called and I pretty much blew him off and told him I didn't feel good and had no plans to move said ass off said couch.

Saturday morning he called and asked what I was doing...I had a ton of stuff to do and told him as much. I spent the whole day having fun with Chloe and it was awesome. We had a great day and at one point I even left my phone at home (which was a good thing...rare, but gave her gobs more attention). Saturday night he called and asked if he could come over. I told him my gays were home, but yeah he could come hang on the porch and drink with us if he wanted to do so. He showed up shortly thereafter and immediately started in on the gf being a psycho-bitch. I told him I was fresh out of sympathy and if that was his intended purpose for coming, he should probably look elsewhere for it. I was actually bitchy about it because I've told him about 50 million times that I don't freaking care. So, he was here all of 10 minutes and she called, they had a screaming phone call and he left to go see her. I ended up getting super stoned with Russell and having a fun, laughter filled evening on the porch.

Flash to this morning, Gavin calls and I let it go to voice mail. Chloe was sick today and I didn't feel like dealing with him too. He calls back (as is his MO) and I answered. He invited me up for coffee and I declined, but I did tell him he could come here if he wanted. Once he got here, I was cuddled with Chloe on the couch and was a pretty crapass hostess. He knows where stuff is though, so he helped himself and chilled on the couch with us watching cartoons. He asked if we wanted to go out and do some stuff and I explained we couldn't because the aforementioned sick kid. (At one point I did go into my room to help him with his email because he's computer illiterate outside of finding porn and he started telling me about the fight the night before with the gf that seemingly lasted all night...I walked out of the room. He's a slowwww learner.)
He said he was going surfing and asked if I wanted to hang out tonight. I said, "Ok, I guess...call me". He called at 3pm and told me about his surfing and asked if I still wanted him to come tonight. I said ok and he specifically said he wanted to have sex (important to note in my passive aggressive defense). He calls back at 7:30 and asked if he could come over around 9pm and that he had some recreational substances. I had deemed today a no alcohol day b/c I think the wine has been flowing a little too readily and wasn't really into doing that either, but again I was sort of ok with it. (By the way, I hate to talk on the phone...I love to text, but not talk and the bazillion calls a day wears me out a little.)

At 10pm he calls and asks if he can still come to which I replied it was a little late and he said please, just for a little bit because he was already walking down the road to get here. I have teased him about driving the 4 houses, so now he walks. He comes in and tells me how good the rec substance is and  told him I didn't want any tonight. So he does some, begs me to as well, I decline again, and he starts watching porn at this point now asking me to blow him. I did, but I did it because I thought it was leading up to sex but then he came. Now he can usually cum again, so I was sitting beside him and he asked if I wanted to watch porn with him and I said no, I'm bored with it. I undressed and got in bed to read...he continues just sitting there watching porn and then he got up and announced he was going home.

Admittedly re-reading this, I was kind of a bitch but I'm a little over his shit right now and I said he could come over tonight because I thought I was going to fuck him.  So as he's leaving, I very sarcastically thanked him for coming and told him how much fun I'd had...then I muttered under my breath that he was an asshole. If you know me, you know if I mutter something...you still hear it. I let him go and then I called him a few minutes later and he let it go to voice mail so I left a seething little message about the next time he tells me he's coming for sex, it would be really nice if he upheld HIS end of it. He called back about 3 minutes later and I too let it go to voice mail and he said he was going to bed and would talk to me tomorrow. See, what kind of passive aggressive nut job is a week of no sex turning me into?? I honestly wasn't even sure as I was blowing him IF I wanted sex...I know when he's going to cum, so I could have held him off but I didn't...and then I got pissed at him? Clearly this sabbatical is going to end soon or I'm going to have to avoid interaction with the people I'm taking this sabbatical from...wtf?

From a self analytical standpoint, I've discovered this past week that I'm far less enamored with him than I was before he moved in. I learned a lot about him those few weeks and it wasn't necessarily good stuff. I learned that he's got a lot of addiction issues (alcohol, porn, etc). I learned that he's weak with regards to the gf and honestly that is such a turn off for me. I like strong men that are extremely self confident and aggressive and a bit of a bad ass. He is, but not in the "right" way. He talks wayyyy too much about his emotions and he's aggressive in the sense that he has been physically abusive with her on more than the one previously known occasion. (I learned this from snooping...bad me, but good intel.) I'm really riding the fence with him right now. I like him as a FWB with a heavy, heavy emphasis on the benefit part which means more fucking and less talking. He's not someone I would ever be with in a relationship because of all the things I just listed, but I do have fun with him and he's nice to keep around. It seems I  need to redefine the lines of this relationship and quit thinking so much.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Now It's My Turn

I'm officially on a sabbatical. It's been 1 week since I had sex and I must say I feel well rested, clear headed, and happier than I have in months. WTF? I LOVE sex, so why do I suddenly feel awesome after not getting it for a week...um, it's a power trip. I feel like I've taken the power back in my life. My new found ability to say "No" is working to empower me to make smarter choices. Miranda, you were onto something with this...I'm loving it. I don't know how long it will last, but with the exception of Owen...I'm over the menfolk for now. I was a much better parent today, having fun with Chloe, and NOT worried about what the men in my life were doing or when I would see them again or texting with them when I should be spending time with my kid. Sabbatical, we're on...

Saturday, November 13, 2010

Nice Girls and Bitches

Tonight was my sister’s birthday “dinner” and weirdly enough it was adults only. So earlier in the week I had to put on my big girl panties and ask Duckie to watch the kids so I could go.  Thankfully he readily agreed.  So tonight when I headed over to drop off the kids, who should be there – the girlfriend.  If you haven’t been reading Duckie’s girlfriend lives in the same freaking apartment building as me!  It’s interesting to say the least.

So I have been looking forward to this first “meeting” even though she and I already knew each other.  I jumped out of the car and started strolling to the door, looking mighty fly if I do say so myself, and before I could even make it halfway down the driveway, Duckie rushed outside to meet me. I guess he was trying to put off the face to face meeting.  It was quite funny how nervous he looked.

So off I went to dinner with my sister and all her church friends.  In the past they talked to me in deference to my sister but since I’ve left Duckie it’s whittled down the cursory “hello” type greeting.  Well these so called Christian bitches didn’t even define to speak to me tonight. Not a head nod, not a hello, nothing.  I mean really.  It’s quite ridiculous.  Whatever!

Anyway, after I left dinner I went to pick up the kids and this time I got my face to face meeting with the girlfriend. It was slightly awkward but ok for the most part. It’s a weird thing to meet you ex’s girlfriend in your ex-house lol.  Thankfully she’s a really nice person so we just chit chatted a bit and I told them a funny story about Leo and it was fine.

I will admit that I felt a weird territorial thing.  It was quite peculiar.  I will also admit that this morning I did a very “girlfriend” thing and left SoCo some pumpkin bread I made as a surprise at his door.  Yes I know no need to harass me. Gwyn and Jules have taken good care of that!


Friday, November 12, 2010

Live and Learn

Not a ton has been going in on Miranda-land. SoCo has pretty much received my undivided attention since last weekend. I did go over and hang out with him Monday night after my game. It was interesting to say the least.

I found myself actually letting go and liking him a little bit. Now that I’ve settled on the idea that he’s Mr. Right Now it was pretty easy to let go of the pressure and stress. We just chilled and watched TV for a while, football to be exact. That fact gave Jules, and Gwyn, and Josie great delight where they all repeatedly texted me and said that made SoCo my boyfriend.

We watched the game and talked and had a low key fun time. He even gave me control of his phone and let me text our mutual friends from it and pretty much do whatever. If he was a smarter guy I’d think he was trying to show that he trusted me and had nothing to hide by letting me go through his phone. As it is, I think he was just happy to have me hang out with him despite my serious dislike of football.

It started to get late and we were laying on the couch and things started to break off a little, when I implemented Gwyn’s genius plan to take back the power and I just ended our play time quickly and said I had to go. SoCo tried his best to convince me to stay the night but I held firm and got up and put my shoes on and started to leave.

He got a little bowed up (OMG his country speak is rubbing off on me) and insisted on walking me the 20 feet to my car and there he wouldn’t stop hugging me. It was really quite sweet. Finally after I promised like 20 times to text him when I got home (a whopping 5 minutes down the road) he let me leave.

I lived up to my promise and texted him when I got home. We’ve been pretty hot and heavy texting since then though he’s so far from a clinger it’s quite delightful. We haven’t seen each other since Monday night because I’ve got the kids and today I almost caught myself missing him in a very small insignificant way.

I’m letting this one ride so we’ll see how things go in the next week or so.

In other news, Monday afternoon I got hit by the Mac truck otherwise known as FJB. He finally emailed me out of the blue to say he wanted to return the dish I left at his house from the last time we had dinner together. I emailed back that he could drop it off anytime this week, but I did NOT offer to make myself available to him. Last night I worked late and who should happen to call, FJB saying he was close to my side of town and he thought he’d swing by.

I let him know I was (quite happily) ensconced at work and that he was welcome to leave it on my doorstep. He seemed almost put out by that. He said he had a few errands to run and would be by in a while. FJB also told me he’s flying up for a final interview for the job up North next week so maybe he’s going to actually move and all temptation for Miranda to be an idiot will be several hundred miles away. Thankfully I worked even later and by the time I arrived home, he’d already been by and left it for me so all FJB interaction was avoided.

Much like Jules has sworn off Clark, I’m swearing off FJB. No good can come of any interaction with him. I might even de-friend him from Facebook….


PS - Strangely I find myself with very little interest in even checking my PoF account.  College Crush isn't currently speaking to me, Hot Chocolate still tries to flirt every time I see him, and not a peep from Twin.  This sabbatical has really set things in an interesting new pattern.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Shhhh...It's So Quiet!

It’s odd not having Gavin around after him being under foot for the past few weeks. I’ve still seen him everyday except today though, just in smaller quantity.  Saturday he came home and said he was moving to the house right up the road for free for the rest of the month. He paid us for the week he was here this month and Monday moved some things up there. Monday night, he came to our house and cooked Russell a steak dinner for his 40th birthday. I went back up to his new place and saw the changes he’s made…holy crap, it looked so much better. He cleaned and moved some things around – big improvement! We hung out all night and he left around bedtime and slept at his new place. It was a really fun evening though…lots of laughing and playing around.
Yesterday I worked and when I got home had an hour and a half to clean before I had to take Chloe to dance lessons.  He stopped by, went into his room, and took a nap on the bed he left in there while I vacuumed and mopped around him. If I were him, I would have gone to my new, quiet house where frantic cleaning wasn’t going on, but whatever.  He still has a bunch of stuff to move, like his clothing. He obviously came by today and instead of taking his laundry basket of neatly folded laundry, he picked out a few things and left the rest. I’m not sure what the status of that is and he may well be back in a few weeks if the landlord won’t renew the lease with him on it. Time will tell I suppose.
Those of you NOT on Team Clark (and I suspect that is all of you) can rest easily knowing no further contact has occurred since last week…sigh of relief. 
I'm thinking it's sabbatical time. I decided I'm not ready to meet the new guy. He may be great, but I just need to take a few moments to myself right now. 

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Maybe Jules should make a road trip to Alabama....

Alabama isn't usually the leader of the pack when it comes to being open-minded but this story seems to suggest otherwise.....take a look!


TMI Tuesday - You think you know...

What is your bra size? What is your favorite place to get lingerie?
36C. I'm a Victoria's Secret girl all the way. - Gwyn
36 B.  My momma always said her boobs doubled in size after having kids and I held great hope for that to happen to me.  Alas it did not. - Miranda
34C and I shop wherever for lingerie (Macy's, Target...doesn't matter and options are limited here). - Jules

If asked to, would you perform a striptease for your special someone in the presence of others?
No. In private, sure. If I'm stripping in front of people then I better be getting paid for it. -Gwyn
No way.  I'd have a hard time keeping a straight face in private much less being able to do it with any degree of seriousness in public. I've done a half hearted attempt and it went fine though I think with the right recreational substance I might be able to get the job done. - Miranda
I'm actually going to go with a no on that one...I'm not into the whole striptease thing period. I walk in the door let's just take my clothes off and  go. - Jules

What is the craziest pick up line that you have ever heard?
"I make beautiful babies" - this was from a guy I randomly met and hooked up with (no sex) at a house party in high school. That night I also almost got into a fist fight with a GUY over a stolen roll of toilet paper. Even at 16 I was keeping it classy lol. -Gwyn
"I want to date your bangs" - this from what was clearly a special guy. - Miranda
I've worked in bars and nightclubs, so I've heard it all but oddly enough right at this moment I can't think of one. LOL - Jules

Have you ever lied to your partner to avoid an intimate moment?
Yes - I've said I have a headache...lied about being on my period....said I was too tired....said I didn't have any protection...said I was a virgin (hahahahaha)...said I don't sleep with people I'm not in an intimate relationship with (hahahahaha)...you name it I've said it. -Gwyn
I used to lie to Duckie all the time. I think he thought I had my period three weeks out of every month. Finally I realized that if I just became a night owl I'd never be in bed at the same time as him. - Miranda
I have NEVER lied to get out of sex with a partner. I have lied in an effort to not hurt someone's feelings that I just had absolutely no intention of fucking in the first place. - Jules

What is the most annoying habit that a boyfriend/spouse has ever had?
The Ex used to use literally an entire container of baby powder every time he got out of the shower. He would stand on my bathmat and just shake it all over himself making no effort to clean it up or prevent it from coating the entire bathroom. At any given time, there would be about a half-inch of powder on my bathroom floor. Eventually I wised up and kicked him out of my bathroom into his own for which he was entirely responsible for cleaning. Problem solved. -Gwyn
Farting with great pleasure in the car, for real - Miranda
Hmmm, I have several for this one. Men annoy me, but I've acclimated to them over the years. Russell used to clip his toenails and then throw them random places like behind the couch and the nightstand. I moved the furniture to clean one day and freaked the fuck out ya'll. It was hilarious much later...not at the time. Gavin farts in front of me despite my girly protest. I just DO NOT care for that at all. It's gross. - Jules

Name three physical features that you are often complimented for.
Butt, legs, eyebrows. -Gwyn
Feet, smile, skin - Miranda
Eyes, Hair, and Breasts...men also love other parts, but we'll leave it at this. - Jules

Monday, November 8, 2010

Another One Bites the Dust

Damn it. Another perfectly good FWB situation seems to have morphed on me yet again. I really need to follow Gwyn’s FWB rules better and maybe I wouldn’t find myself in this same situation over and over and over and over….

Friday afternoon, SoCo texted me and said he didn’t want to go to that party after all but that he still wanted to do something with me. At first, I agreed but later punked out because I was freaking exhausted from all our Thursday night fun. That same afternoon, freaking Sawyer called me to remind me his wife will be out of town in a couple weeks and that he wanted to spend some time with me. I told him I didn’t think that was such a good idea and even called him a chump. However, I think my flip attitude set off his “gotta have her” meter because he’s been emailing me like crazy since then. That same afternoon

To put the cherry on the crazy for the day, Friday afternoon damn Motorcycle Man texted me out of the blue asking when I was going to let him take “my liberal ass out on a date again.” I kindly reminded him that we were friends and only friends and I haven’t heard from him since!

So Friday night after I fulfilled my sisterly/auntly duties of going to watch my niece cheer in her last high school football game, I was doing my best Grandma Gwyn impersonation and cocooning in my house. SoCo kept texting me and doing his damndest to try to convince me to go out with him and some friends but I held firm. He said he was going to the mountains and staying Saturday night there so I told him we’d hang out in a few days but I also predicted to Gwyn that he’d be coming home early on Saturday.

Sure enough after spending a little quality time with Gwyn, her grandma, and her mom during the day on Saturday, who should text me and say he’s coming home early – SoCo. Damn it’s hard being right all the time – HA! He asked me if I wanted to hang out with him, his pseudo-brother (best friend who lived with him and his parents for a good portion of the teenage years), and the pseudo-brother’s wife at their house out in BFE. I played it coy and didn’t agree right off the bat because I was thinking about going out with some of the girls but in the end the hormones won the battle and I told him I’d hang out.

Now at this point, though he’s said a lot of non-FWB stuff, I was still thinking we were still mostly on the FWB track. Um, not so much after this weekend. (Warning Sign #1) He picked me up on Saturday and didn’t just text me from downstairs. He actually came all the way up to my apartment. I tried to convince myself he’s just a gentleman at this point.

(Warning Sign #2) On the way out there, he fessed up to me that the reason he didn’t want to go to that party on Friday night was because a girl he’d been dating was invited and he didn’t want to be around her. I asked who this girl was and turns out it was the very girl I told him liked him this summer when SoCo went loco on me. – See I am actually almost always right! I reminded him that I’d said that and he thought that was pretty funny but I could tell he felt uncomfortable about it. HA!

We actually had a fun time hanging out at the pseudo-brother’s house and just listening to music and talking and stuff. I definitely had a “is this really my life moment” as we were sitting around this table and passing around some recreational activities and then went right back to talking about work and life stuff. Obviously, we stayed the night there and had yet another night of great sex where he proclaimed how awesome I was and how he couldn’t understand “how any man would let me walk out of his life.”

(Warning Sign #3) We got up Sunday morning, all went to breakfast, and I was still desperately clinging on to the FWB relationship when he put his arm around me as we were walking into the restaurant. I knew at that moment that I was in trouble. He also paid for my meal and I swear he would have been holding my hand in the car if I hadn’t stuffed my hands in my pockets and wouldn’t pull them out even to brace myself as we were on twisty country roads.

I needed to get back so I could take care of some stuff and make it to Gwyn’s soccer game so after lunch we grabbed our stuff and left. (Warning Sign #4) When we left, both the sister-in-law and the pseudo-brother hugged me and told me what fun I was and that they hoped to see me again very soon. They are actually really fun, cool people.

My final warning sign of the weekend (Warning Sign #5 if you’re keeping count) was one of the most significant. When we got back to my apartment, I went to jump out of the car all casually and stuff when SoCo grabbed me and pulled me in for a good-bye kiss. Try as I might, I knew right then and there that our days as FWB were over.

I had to admit my defeat to Gwyn via text. Of course, she’s spent like the last six weekends in a row with Romeo so she doesn’t have any room to talk! Thankfully, SoCo doesn’t seem to be a clinger so he did resist texting me from about noon when he dropped me off until about 6 pm. I could so tell he was hoping I would invite him over to hang out but I was worn out from the weekend’s festivities and the freaking time change.

So now I guess I have to actually evaluate how I feel about him. He’s definitely a friend, he highly entertains me, and obviously, the sex is really good. The trouble is he’s so not who I see myself ending up with long term. I texted with Jules some about this yesterday and we both agree that you don’t have to find Mr. Right all the time and that sometimes Mr. Right Now. I think more than anything I just need to be honest about my feelings, should the discussion ever come up, and otherwise shut up and enjoy the ride.

But damn it, I sure never thought I’d be “dating” SoCo.