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Monday, November 15, 2010

Passive Aggressive Much?

Well this sabbatical thing might just make me crazy...I don't know that I'm cut out for it. Here's what happened this weekend. First of all, I almost killed myself from alcohol poisoning Thursday night/Friday morning. Friday after work, I came home and laid my ass on the couch and I didn't move from it until I moved my ass to the bed about 11pm. Gavin called and I pretty much blew him off and told him I didn't feel good and had no plans to move said ass off said couch.

Saturday morning he called and asked what I was doing...I had a ton of stuff to do and told him as much. I spent the whole day having fun with Chloe and it was awesome. We had a great day and at one point I even left my phone at home (which was a good thing...rare, but gave her gobs more attention). Saturday night he called and asked if he could come over. I told him my gays were home, but yeah he could come hang on the porch and drink with us if he wanted to do so. He showed up shortly thereafter and immediately started in on the gf being a psycho-bitch. I told him I was fresh out of sympathy and if that was his intended purpose for coming, he should probably look elsewhere for it. I was actually bitchy about it because I've told him about 50 million times that I don't freaking care. So, he was here all of 10 minutes and she called, they had a screaming phone call and he left to go see her. I ended up getting super stoned with Russell and having a fun, laughter filled evening on the porch.

Flash to this morning, Gavin calls and I let it go to voice mail. Chloe was sick today and I didn't feel like dealing with him too. He calls back (as is his MO) and I answered. He invited me up for coffee and I declined, but I did tell him he could come here if he wanted. Once he got here, I was cuddled with Chloe on the couch and was a pretty crapass hostess. He knows where stuff is though, so he helped himself and chilled on the couch with us watching cartoons. He asked if we wanted to go out and do some stuff and I explained we couldn't because the aforementioned sick kid. (At one point I did go into my room to help him with his email because he's computer illiterate outside of finding porn and he started telling me about the fight the night before with the gf that seemingly lasted all night...I walked out of the room. He's a slowwww learner.)
He said he was going surfing and asked if I wanted to hang out tonight. I said, "Ok, I guess...call me". He called at 3pm and told me about his surfing and asked if I still wanted him to come tonight. I said ok and he specifically said he wanted to have sex (important to note in my passive aggressive defense). He calls back at 7:30 and asked if he could come over around 9pm and that he had some recreational substances. I had deemed today a no alcohol day b/c I think the wine has been flowing a little too readily and wasn't really into doing that either, but again I was sort of ok with it. (By the way, I hate to talk on the phone...I love to text, but not talk and the bazillion calls a day wears me out a little.)

At 10pm he calls and asks if he can still come to which I replied it was a little late and he said please, just for a little bit because he was already walking down the road to get here. I have teased him about driving the 4 houses, so now he walks. He comes in and tells me how good the rec substance is and  told him I didn't want any tonight. So he does some, begs me to as well, I decline again, and he starts watching porn at this point now asking me to blow him. I did, but I did it because I thought it was leading up to sex but then he came. Now he can usually cum again, so I was sitting beside him and he asked if I wanted to watch porn with him and I said no, I'm bored with it. I undressed and got in bed to read...he continues just sitting there watching porn and then he got up and announced he was going home.

Admittedly re-reading this, I was kind of a bitch but I'm a little over his shit right now and I said he could come over tonight because I thought I was going to fuck him.  So as he's leaving, I very sarcastically thanked him for coming and told him how much fun I'd had...then I muttered under my breath that he was an asshole. If you know me, you know if I mutter something...you still hear it. I let him go and then I called him a few minutes later and he let it go to voice mail so I left a seething little message about the next time he tells me he's coming for sex, it would be really nice if he upheld HIS end of it. He called back about 3 minutes later and I too let it go to voice mail and he said he was going to bed and would talk to me tomorrow. See, what kind of passive aggressive nut job is a week of no sex turning me into?? I honestly wasn't even sure as I was blowing him IF I wanted sex...I know when he's going to cum, so I could have held him off but I didn't...and then I got pissed at him? Clearly this sabbatical is going to end soon or I'm going to have to avoid interaction with the people I'm taking this sabbatical from...wtf?

From a self analytical standpoint, I've discovered this past week that I'm far less enamored with him than I was before he moved in. I learned a lot about him those few weeks and it wasn't necessarily good stuff. I learned that he's got a lot of addiction issues (alcohol, porn, etc). I learned that he's weak with regards to the gf and honestly that is such a turn off for me. I like strong men that are extremely self confident and aggressive and a bit of a bad ass. He is, but not in the "right" way. He talks wayyyy too much about his emotions and he's aggressive in the sense that he has been physically abusive with her on more than the one previously known occasion. (I learned this from snooping...bad me, but good intel.) I'm really riding the fence with him right now. I like him as a FWB with a heavy, heavy emphasis on the benefit part which means more fucking and less talking. He's not someone I would ever be with in a relationship because of all the things I just listed, but I do have fun with him and he's nice to keep around. It seems I  need to redefine the lines of this relationship and quit thinking so much.
-Jules

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