Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Too Many Options

We live in a wonderful world of technology that opens so many doors to new ideas, new connections, and new ways to interact with the world around us. It’s crazy to think that you can be in touch via cell phone or internet from practically anywhere in the world these days. And yet these new technologies have made the world of dating incredibly complicated.

I mean in the “good old days” it was meet a person face to face, the guy asks for your phone number, he calls you at home. If you’re not there, he leaves a message on your answering machine. You would race home to check your messages and delightedly squeal and call him back.

Now we meet people online, email, Facebook each other, text, maybe squeeze in a phone call, instant message, etc. And for a lot of people it gets even more complicated depending on how many phone numbers they have (work, home, cell, work cell) or email addresses! And everybody has a different preference. Some people only want to text; some people never text. Some people email all the time; some people only talk on the phone. Some people just can freaking communicate to begin with but that’s a whole different post.

All this is to say that there are just to many damn options these days. I know we’ve sung the praises of the book He’s Just Not That Into You and the movie they made from the book is pretty awesome too. There’s a great line in it that illustrates my technology point perfectly.

I had this guy leave me a voicemail at work, so I called him at home, and then he emailed me to my BlackBerry, and so I texted to his cell, and now you just have to go around checking all these different portals just to get rejected by seven different technologies. It's exhausting.

Somewhere, someone needs to draft up a memorandum of agreement on appropriate communication standards for personal relationships. I put forth these for your feedback before we issue a formal idict:

Online Dating – must instant message for at least 60 minutes total before you can request text access. Must text at least 25 times before a phone call may be initiated. Facebook Stalking is required on behalf of the female in the equation. If you don’t have a Facebook account but your online dating, you are automatically disqualified.

Booty Calls – texting only between the hours of 3 pm and 12 am; phone calls are permissible from 12 am – 2 am. No emailing though. However Facebook stalking is permissible but you may not comment on any status updates however you may “like” three updates a week.

Hanging Out – texting during working hours allowed within reason for a maximum of 10 messages a day; phone calls all other times allowed; Facebooking is allowed with a maximum of five comments per week.

Dating – Phone calls required once a day (preferably to cell). Facebooking is not recommended though it is permissible in extreme circumstances. Email is allowed on a regular basis.

This is getting hard to figure out. I know this would have to be customized for different individual preferences but wouldn’t it be so much easier if we had some freaking guidelines? Maybe we should all start carrying around cards that indicate our preferences. That or a freaking instruction manual for ourselves. If I had a card, this is what it’d say communication wise.

Miranda Prefers
Instant Messaging is permissible in the early days; after about a week though it’s played out.

Texting is allowed but you must text with a question or extremely entertaining comment to continue the text-versation. If you text stupid things, expect to be ignored.

Phone calls are allowed only if you are capable of holding a good phone conversation and let’s face it, not everyone can. Don’t expect phone calls to last longer than 15 minutes max. Also, Miranda hates to call boys so you should expect to do most of the dialing.

Facebooking is allowed and Miranda enjoys your comments and “likes.” However, don’t read in to her status updates, trust me, they aren’t about you you ego-maniac!

 Email is always allowed. If you don’t check email regularly, you better start. However Miranda has a real job and she’s not going to email you all day long. If it’s not working hours, avoid the email at all cost.



  1. I agree - count me in. ;)

  2. I would like to make some adjustments...specifically to the 'Booty Call' section. No FB contact at all with booty calls...they are for booty it doesn't matter what they're doing online it only matters if they have sex with you when you want it. Do not I repeat DO NOT ever add a booty call as a FB friend!

    -Gwyn the ice queen

  3. I actually don't FB friend anyone I'm currently fucking...it just seems like a bad idea but I will check and see if they have a profile and if it's open I'll check it out.