Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Dirty Thirty

I spent the past weekend at the beach celebrating my high school best friend’s 30th birthday at the beach – it was tons of fun while simultaneously depressing. The first night we got there I went out with my newly 21 year old cousin and he got me completely wasted. I have a decent alcohol tolerance level but I’m totally not used to taking shot after shot all night long like my cousin and his friends. He must have bought me at least 6 shots and one was a mixture of kahlua and tequila – talk about a recipe for disaster. I did learn of a new shot that made me LOL; it’s called the Lindsay Lohan and it’s a red headed slut shot with a splash of coke. Come on now, that’s funny. To add a little background to this story......the last time my high school bff and I took a trip to this particular beach (last summer) it ended with her in jail for 36 hours (on a bogus DUI charge; she blew a 0.0) and me spending the entire weekend in the jail lobby waiting for her to get bonded out while fending off constant requests from other 'visitors' to use my cell phone and/or bum a Newport. So all in all this most recent trip was a stunning success.

The girls (plus my cousin) went out downtown Friday night for the actual birthday bash and spent the night dancing our little butts off at the only bar in the city that plays hip hop and rap – don’t get me wrong I love all types of music but I can’t exactly break it down to Jimmy Buffett. And, being that we were at the beach most of the bars either had live bands or only played Jack Johnson-ish tunes. I had a blast dancing and also watching all the beach boys in their khaki shorts, polos and flip flops grinding on girls and singing all the words to the rap songs. I bet Lil Wayne has no idea how many preppy, rich white boys hang on his every lyric. The night ended with a wild cab ride home and a late night pizza delivery. Saturday we partied it up on my friend’s boat and we were all in bed by 9pm that night. It was an awesome weekend and I can’t believe how time has flown by. I also learned that my alcohol tolerance increases 10-fold when I'm on a boat - note to self.

Also on Saturday morning, as I was rousing from my drunken festivities the night before I started checking my phone for evidence of any drunk texting. I clearly texted the Ex because I had a missed call from him at 4:42am and a not so friendly text message saying “If you’re always doing something then what’s the point of calling?” I texted him back that if by doing something he meant sleeping, then yes, I’m always doing something. Anyways.

As I was checking my call log a most surprising text came through……..from The Barber. It was barely 9:30am and his text said “Having fun? I really miss you and can’t wait to see you when you get back. I’m a little ready if you know what I mean…..” This wouldn’t be so surprising if we were together but even then it wasn’t a regular occurrence. We never had the kind of relationship where we talked everyday, frankly neither of us are that clingy. He isn’t big on texting or even talking on the phone really (unless he is in a certain mood) and I’m used to not hearing from him for a few days at a time. So, needless to say the text surprised me – both content and timing. My thought was that he must have gone out and gotten drunk Friday night (there was a huge rap concert in my hometown that brings with it tons of parties and lots of slutty girls) and either did something he felt guilty about or he was just hungover and horny. Either way the text did brighten my mood for the day. I texted back that I missed him too and was looking forward to seeing him when I got back on Sunday.

Sunday rolls around and I let The Barber know I was back at home. He called me that evening and came over that night. We got in on big time, no 69 this time thank God! I’ve also been trying some new oral techniques on him and every time his reaction gets funnier and funnier (in a good way). This time he was moaning and flexing his toes and writhing around like a maniac. The power I have during those moments is amazing! He stayed the night again, if you’re keeping track that would be the third weekend in a row. We had an early morning session which I always love – wonder if Miranda noticed my exceptionally good mood on Monday morning? He left when I left for work and once again I was left feeling all giddy and happy. We talked yesterday and I’m pretty sure I’m going to see him again tonight. Full circle baby. Full freaking circle.

In other man team news, I got a text at 6:45am this morning from Truck Driver asking me to send him a sexy pic. How random? I haven’t heard from him since our first official ‘booty call’ on Miranda’s birthday. On that day we (aka I) decided that we would only be sex buddies with no strings attached – we are to text one another if we are in need of some loving and agreed to call it off if either of us started feeling uncomfortable or got into a relationship with someone else. Since I hadn’t heard from him in over two weeks I figured either he played me to get one last piece of ass or he had changed his mind. I’m still not sure what his deal is but I did send him a pic. What can I say? I like having sex and if I only get to do it with The Barber a couple times a week then I need to find someone else to fill in the gaps. Who better than a good looking guy with an enormous penis that lives less than a mile from me?

Guess I’d better get back to work now. But it’s lots less fun without Miranda here to distract me. That lucky little slut is on her way to Hawaii as I type this……………


Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Aloha Bitches!

Just a quick Team Miranda update. I know I’ve been promising one for a while and with so many boys in and out I’m sure it’s hard to keep up without a flowchart! Here’s where everyone on Team Miranda stands…

Active Players
Lawyer Boy – Still an MVP, though he teeters at time. He’s the only team member to really get to meet many of my real life friends so that’s been fun. We’ve been out quite a bit now (I think our first date was back in early April or something). LB is a lot of fun to spend time with and him being smoking hot doesn’t hurt a bit either. Sometimes he frustrates me because he’s so focused on studying for the Bar exam but I guess I have to let that slide. I mean its good he’s a man with goals right? Thankfully, the Bar is just a few weeks away so then I can really see just what LB is really like to date. The hard part of our relationship is there’s always this “distance” between us because we’re both trying to keep it casual until the whole freaking Bar thing is over (though he did bust out the “L” word one time).

College Crush – College Crush is an MVP as well. We’ve only been out two times but we talk on the phone quite frequently and we text throughout the day most days. He’s definitely ramped up the relationship. Lately he’s told me several times how I’m the best thing that’s happened to him in a long time and how much he cares about me. From past entries, you know he’s mentioned the “L” word and this past weekend he asked me to be his girlfriend. He and I have developed a real friendship but I’m trying to keep it cool for now. We’ll see where it goes.

Flyboy – One of my newest team members and one of the most delightful. We’ve only been out once though we’ve been texting a lot. I’m really digging him big time. Very excited to see him when I get back from Hawaii and figure out just what he has in store for me. This one has MVP status written all over him! He could even knock all the others out of the park if things keep popping they way they have been the last few days.

SoCo – New team member who is a lot of fun. I’m not sure how much potential this one has. He seems to really like me a lot already and then there’s the whole thing with him being friends with Pool John and Cabana Boy. He says he doesn’t care if they are mad at him but it is all feeling a little close to home for me.

Misc Incoming Players – There are several guys I’ve been talking to via POF who have team potential. Haven’t met any of them in person yet but I do have some open positions on my team though!

Benched Players
Texas – Texas has been benched. We’ve had a lot of communication issues lately and he finally fessed up that he’s started dating someone there LOL. He said it made him feel guilty LOL but I told him it was quite all right with me. Still, since his confession he’s started talking to me more again and even asked for a couple of pics. Weird. At any rate, he’s a total fantasy and he lives in Texas! I’m so not into the long distance thing. He’s a sweet guy though…

FJB – Gave up on this freak long ago though he still communicates with me via Facebook. Whatever!

The Giant – The Giant is overseas now at his civilian military gig. He’ll be back in a few weeks for a visit though and wants to see me. Not sure that I will though. Despite the lake house, the jet ski, and the two boats, frankly the Giant can’t hold a candle to any of my other boys at the moment.

Sawyer – Yep you read it here. I’m done with his ass. Time to move on and let this one go. For real this time!

Cabana Boy/Pool John – These guys are strictly on the neighborhood friend list. I’m just saying NO!

DJ – Over it! Nice guy but way too old for me!

High School Crush - Not totally benched I just have no time for him at the moment.

Misc Boys – Braceface, H3, BT, etc – all those guys are done with now that my work concerts are over. Though the concerts start back up in September…

I think that about wraps it up! This time tomorrow, I’ll be well on my way to Hawaii for adventures with Jules! I’m sure there will be some stories to tell!


Monday, June 28, 2010

OMG I Forgot to Tell You Something Important!

How could I have forgotten to include this in my post?

Thursday at my work concert, I had a text from Duckie asking if I was working at the concert. I said I was and that I was in the VIP section and that he should come by and I’d give him a free beer. I knew he was “going out” that night but I didn’t know he was coming to my work event.

He eventually came by, I handed him a beer, and we exchanged a few pleasantries. Then I handed him two passes to get in the VIP area and he looked quite shocked that I’d do that LOL. He walked off I guess to find his “date” and I did a little victory dance with my friends who were working.

After about 20 minutes, he walked in with his date who looked absolutely uncomfortable and terrified LMFAO! She made a beeline for the other side of the VIP area to get some wine and I gave Duckie another beer. He looked so shocked that I was being friendly which is dumb because I’ve gone out of my way to be nice to him.

I went back to serving the VIPs and was trying to get another good look at his date but they disappeared. Guess she felt weird being in that close proximity to me. She was not an unattractive person but I did think she looked a little old LOL.

After a bit he came back over, handed me the passes back, and said thanks. Then later in the evening, he sent me a nice text thanking me again and we did a little polite back and forth banter. Maybe he’s finally moving on, I hope so! He needs to be happy!

Oh and then Sunday when he dropped off the kids we were the most at ease with each other that we have been since last November and we had a good conversation. Keep your fingers crossed!


I Think Hell Froze Over Last Night

Well, I've witnessed something I thought I would never, ever see in life...Gavin has a conscience. I woke up mad as hell about this today and processed it some with Miranda, but as the day has worn on I've come to realize that not everything in the universe has to do with me. For a very self centered person, such as myself, this was a hard realization mind you.
Last night, Gavin called me around 6:30 and asked if I wanted to eat dinner with him (by that he meant bring some take out over for us, which he did pay for his portion of). I said "Yes" (of course) and went to his new place where he was working. That man is going to be working on that place for eons. I told Miranda today that it was like stepping into a Third World country going into that house. The floors are subflooring, the walls are a hot mess, the kitchen is the most horrible thing I've ever been in and the bathroom...well, I'll just stop...oh and infested with termites (which fly here btw). Let's just say I was underwhelmed by the new locale. I sat on furniture I knew he had just moved from his old place, although really my only other choice would have been the floor and we hung out for a while. We smoked some and I drank an entire bottle of wine and then he tells me that he's feeling guilty about having sex with me and doesn't want to continue right now. We went back and forth for a while and I told him to stop calling me then...he's the one that has initiated all of our recent contact...really all of our contact ever. I rarely call a guy first...I wait for them to come to me. I ended up getting kind of snippy with him and left. Apparently, he felt really bad when his gf called him the night before and he thought she'd cheated on him and he doesn't want to do the same to her...a little late in the game I say, but whatever.
Had I blogged this when I woke up, it would have been a much different blog, but since I sat on it today...here's the rest of it. I called him tonight just to apologize for being an ass about what he was saying last night. He said I was fine, but I know I was bitchy. I told him that I respected what he was saying and that I didn't want to be apart of a bunch of drama, because I don't and his gf is high drama. I've decided that it's time to simplify the drama in my own life. I blogged earlier this week that I'm finished having sex with men that are attached and I really mean it this time. I'm putting some bad Karma out into the universe by doing that and quite honestly I need all the good return I can get right now. Anyway, it turns out he hurt his back working today, so I did take him some pills...but I walked in gave them to him and left. I'm keeping that particular door open b/c he has some connections that I may want to utilize at a future date...no need to shoot myself in the foot.
Russell left today for a work trip to the mainland. He's gone til Friday!! We actually had a very civil weekend though. I even took him to the airport today, which is something I haven't done in years. It's an inconvenience that I don't enjoy, so I just quit doing it and I knew how much he liked it...again, I'm trying to put some better stuff out into the universe right now. It's time.

Sunday, June 27, 2010

Living La Vida Loca

I have been a bad blogger lately and I apologize. A lot has happened, let me fill you in.

So mid-week last week Lawyer Boy (LB) disappeared. Now he does this from time to time when he’s really bogged down studying for the Bar so I didn’t think much of it. I sent him a few texts, an email, and called a couple times and no word. I was a little peeved. I mean we’ve talked more than once about how he thinks I’m so cool because I understand the whole studying thing and I always tell him it’s fine and I can deal with his “distraction” as long as he keeps in touch in some way, shape, or form. So I was more than a little annoyed. I even did a ridiculous high school drive by of his house Thursday night after my work concert just to see if anyone was home with him (there wasn’t). I finally heard from him mid-day on Friday. Apparently he’d left his phone at the law library and it took him a couple days to find it. Some of my texts must have been a little bitchy because he apologized hard core LOL. We ended up not doing anything this weekend because he’s feeling under the gun now with less than a month to the Bar exam. I imagine seeing him is going to be very limited the next few weeks. Booooo!

Thursday night was the last of my work concerts and as usual it was a blast. Dangerously for me, Gwyn was on vacation so I was without a chaperone yet again but I mostly behaved. Thank heavens Cabana Boy bailed on coming out so it was just Pool John and his friends who showed up including the very cute friend I’ve been flirting with whenever possible in front of Cabana Boy. Even more exciting was meeting a new member of my team – Flyboy. Flyboy is the friend of a coworker and he set me on fire. He’s 6’4, an army helicopter pilot, super smart, cocky, sarcastic, an awesome conversationalist, and he’s smoking hot. Weirdly, he has the same name as my dad. That’s kind of odd I have to admit. We spent several hours talking and laughing and doing tequila shots (those seem to be my downfall these days) and he got my number before he left and asked me out for Friday. After that I just hung out with a bunch of girls and laughed and had a good time. Flyboy kept texting me and wanted me to come over and I totally would have gone but my coworker wouldn’t tell me where he was lol. I think she has the hots for him. Much like me, Flyboy’s in the midst of a divorce though he hasn’t actually moved out yet. Of course being in the military he’s hardly ever home anyways. The other bad thing is he actually lives in Maryland though he’s stationed here. He’s here about two weeks out of every month though. While I was texting and eventually talking to Flyboy on the phone I was also texting and talking with College Crush. I swear! Sometimes it’s just ridiculous keeping all these guys in the air.

So all day Friday Flyboy texted me. In all my dating forays, I have yet to meet a guy who talks such a good game as him. OMG good conversation with a witty guy is so freaking hot. My coworker and her brother (Flyboy’s best friend) started giving him hell about going out with me because they’re hoping his marriage still has a chance. Little do they know how bad it’s been and for how long Flyboy and the wife have been each having affairs. Again I have to ask, “Is anyone faithful anymore??” Despite their objections, me and Flyboy still went out. We went to this cool sports bar/restaurant where I actually had my bday dinner last week. We just sat at the bar for a long time talking and giving each other a hard time. Eventually we sat down on the patio and had dinner. He kept telling me how cute my freckles were (I’m a pretty freckly girl especially when I’ve been out in the sun as much as I have been) and he couldn’t stop touching my shoulders and arms because they were so soft (thank you body butter!). Pretty quickly the chemistry was killing both of us so we wrapped up dinner and had planned to go out to another bar. As soon as we got in the car he just grabbed my face and kissed me. OMG. Awesome, perfect, killer kisser. If I hadn’t had my seat belt on I’d have climbed on his lap right then and there. Frankly we both knew where this was headed so we stopped in my favorite dive bar near my house for a few minutes where more hot kissing happened in the car and then we headed for my place. It was ridiculous. It was hot. Basically he killed it and rocked my world lol. I had to text Jules and tell her afterwards that I realized he used Magnum condoms LMFAO. We are definitely going to go out again; it was a pretty freaking awesome night.

After I had taken Flyboy back to his friend’s house, I got a call from College Crush. He was in Baltimore for the weekend and was missing me apparently. While we were talking he said some crazy stuff. First he told me he could either be the only man in my bed or he could just be one of the men in my bed lol. I was feeling pretty drunk at this point and just kept laughing at him and saying, “What???” I asked him what he wanted and he said he wanted to be the only man in my bed and he asked me if I’d been with anyone else. Mind you I’m laying in my bed where Flyboy had just rocked my world. Then College Crush started saying how much he liked me and how I was the best thing to happen to him in a long time and then he asked me to be his girlfriend! AGGGGHHH! I knew this was coming sooner or later with him. By some grace of God, his phone died right in the middle of the conversation about being his girlfriend. So I was saved from having to accept or decline. I don’t know what I’m going to do about that.

Saturday I spent most of the day by the pool, well after I got up at noon! I haven’t slept that late in ages. Earlier in the week Sawyer had mentioned that his wife was going to be out of town this weekend and that he wanted to spend the night with me. I kept going back and forth about it because I know he’s so freaking bad for me and I never fully committed. We left it that he was supposed to call me on Saturday. Did a call ever come??? Hell no. Fucker stood me up. That’s it. I’m drawing the line. I’m really done with him now.

Luckily, I had made alternate plans and agreed to go out with Pool John and some of his friends so I didn’t spend my Saturday night at home. We hit up a club in a nearby town where a local band was playing. It was quite interesting to be out on the town with a bunch of 40 year olds lol. Pool John has asked me out a couple times now but I’ve been very clear with him that I’m not getting involved with anyone who lives in the same community. Plus he’s short as hell and you know I don’t go for midgets. But the hot friend I’ve flirted with of his was there. Between flirting I was texting with Lawyer Boy, College Crush, and Flyboy. Freaking radar! LOL. I danced up a storm with some girls I made friends with and my hairdresser who I randomly ran into there. There was a whole contingent of girls who are in the midst of a divorce. It was quite funny. As the night progressed me and the hot friend got closer and closer.

This guy is pretty good looking in a scruffy sort of way. He’s about 6’2, kind of rough around the edges, shaggy blonde hair, and a great deep rumbly southern accent. I’m going to call him SoCo (Southern Comfort) because that’s his drink of choice and it just fits. Josie actually has met this guy and I think she’ll agree SoCo works lol. At one point in the night me and a girl who was my new BFF last night (as drunk girls tend to become) we actually rode the mechanical bull together. Yeah, you read that right. I rode a mechanical bull with another girl. It was that kind of night… Finally everyone was ready to head home and I totally ditched Pool John to get a ride home with SoCo. And as things most often go when drinking is involved, I invited him up and had some hot drunken sex. Really. I was a bad, bad girl this weekend.

SoCo is a friend of Pool John and Cabana Boy so they’re probably going to hate either him or me but whatever. I gave him a hard time about being a bad friend and going for the girl that not one, but two of his friends like lol. SoCo seems like a good guy and he’s pretty cute. He asked me if I was seeing other people and I said yes I was dating several guys. He also asked what he had to do to be one of the guys I was dating or how he could be the number one guy I was dating lol. The only bad thing about him is he’s a smoker. And I really can’t stand to date a smoker. So not my thing. The funniest thing I’ve heard in a long time is that right before we were going to have sex, he asked, “Is this your fertile time?” I thought I was going to fall off the couch laughing.

Sorry for the long post but I’ve been a very very bad girl. This is what happens when Gwyn leaves me unchaperoned. I told her via text that I think I need to commit to one guy so I learn to freaking behave. Sheesh!


Saturday, June 26, 2010

Do You Ever?

I sometimes step outside of myself and think how did I get here? How did I get to the point in my life? Where were the pivotal points? What choices lead me to where I am now? I've been doing a lot more of this lately due to my current situation, obviously. I started therapy on Thursday in an effort to find a way to co-exist here in this house with Russell for the next 2 years, get my bills paid, and find a way not to kill him in the process. Bert, my therapist, has his job cut out for him...although he doesn't seem to think so. I went into his office Thursday morning and basically spilled it. I told him about my relationship with Russell, the physical fight last week, throwing his shit out, cheating on him, my substance use habits of late, my drinking, and a Reader's Digest version of my family history...oh and yes, I did throw in my profession (which is social work...lol). Do you know what the man told me? He said there's nothing wrong with me, but I just need to learn to cope with my reactions to things (especially Russell). Russell was pretty pissed I didn't leave with a DSM-IV diagnosis, but I've told him for years there's not a code for bitch. It was an interesting appt though. Bert's catch phrase is "The mystery lies in the history." I love this. From where I stand now, it's funny and sadly true BUT omg I plan to use it as my own one day. Basically, Bert summed up for me that when we react to things that upset us, we tend to go the way our parents reacted. We basically all grow up into some watered down version of them. This is so very true in my case, especially at the moment. Anyway, I was given about a million pamphlets that Bert has authored and will be going back in 2 weeks.
Last night, Andy texted me asking if I was busy. He couldn't get a flight out yesterday, so he wasn't leaving until today. I'd already talked to Gavin though and we had plans, so I told him I was going out with one of my girlfriends. He just got back from deployment to find out that his gf had cheated on him, so I'm not being overly honest at the moment. I know that's bad, but by the time he gets back from this month of leave I really should have Gavin way out of my system by then. Anyway, he asked if the gf knew about him and I said no, but I did tell one from back home. He sent me another text saying he just wondered where he stood with me. I told him that I really liked him (b/c I do), but that I was just getting out of a relationship (as is he) and I thought that once he got back, we should totally keep hooking up and see where things go, but to not have any huge expectations. He agreed and said that he's newly single, wants to stay that way for a while (doubt it), and doesn't like sleeping around...so he'll let me know as soon as he's back.
As I was laying in bed with Gavin last night listening to him talk to his gf (after she called 3 times in a row and I insisted he take the freaking call), who basically called to tell him in so many words that she'd hooked up with some guy that night in CA, I had another one of those "How did I get here?" moments. Why am I blowing off this total hottie with some potential for this guy? Yet as I sit here, I know that Gavin and I have plans to hang out tonight too and when he calls...there I go. What's my weakness? Men...my ode to Salt N Pepa...and a shout out with my age. ;)


Thursday, June 24, 2010

If I Know It's Bad For Me...

Why must I keep doing it?? It's because I like bad boys. I've always been inexplicably drawn to them. Gavin is my current 'wtf am I thinking?' bad boy. I do things with him that I know I shouldn't. I do things with him that I would totally judge others for. I do things with him that just feel good and comfortable. Tonight I snuck into his house (per his invite). The reason I snuck in was because Russell was home and out on the porch with a friend of ours. I told them bye and started walking up the road like someone was picking me up, then I turned down into a yard past where I knew they could see me and came up in front of Gavin's. It was like I was 15 years old again. Gavin is super paranoid of Russell now since the infamous supermarket run in of May '10 and I didn't want to hear Russell's judgement of where I was going. Gavin's gf comes back to HI on Monday, and I have to say that while I'll miss the open access to his rocking hot body...it's really for the better. Then he's spending July on the mainland with his kid, so temptations and availablility will decrease dramatically. This train to nowhere needs to derail, but I'm unable to turn down his sexy voice and hot body and promises of a good time (which incidentally he always delivers in one form or another) when he calls me. On that note, he's someone that outside of my HI life, I would judge as a total loser. He's smoking hot (as we've established) and we have a lot of fun, but he's rarely employed, has a restraining order out on him by his gf, just got arrested last month for a fight, has no driver's license due to child support isses, and is currently being evicted from his house (and waiting for them to evict him before he moves despite having another place ready to go), oh and he's got major substance abuse issues...yet I will go to him in a New York minute...wtf am I thinking? I could be thinking that he's the polar opposite of Russell.
PS I did forget to add my favorite quality about him. He's a big wave surfer with no freaking fear. I love that in a guy and that could very well be a giant part of the attraction.

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Awkward Much?

I met Andy last night and while I must say I had a rocking good time with Gavin Sunday night, I’m not sure I should have blown this guy off. He’s a hottie! He’s in the military and wants to be a dentist when he gets out. He’s able to carry on an intelligent conversation for hours and seems like he’s just a really nice guy all the way around and I don’t’ mean nice as in I’m not into him...like I’ve said about other guys in the past. He just turned 26, which makes me feel like an old woman…but the other issues I’ve had with guys his age in the past don’t seem prevalent here at all. We shall see how this goes. He’s got some amazing talent. Sadly he goes on leave Friday for a month, but I’ve got a pretty crazy month ahead of me anyway.

So he comes over to the house last night and we’re hanging out in the kitchen making out and having cocktails and in walks Russell. He got home an hour early from work! He was totally cool about the whole situation and introduced himself to Andy and then went into his room. It was actually a nice, normal exchange. I apologized this morning via text to Russell and he said it was totally fine that if we’re going to be roommates it’s to be expected and that since this guy is way cute, he especially didn’t mind if I had pretty people over.

Then he drops this bomb…I had asked him to pick Chloe up today so I could work later at the office. He said “Oh, btw…since my bf needed to use his car today (We’re borrowing his car while we figure out what to do about mine still.), he’ll actually be with me today when I pick up Chloe so she’ll meet him” Ummm….hello! No, no she won’t be meeting him. We had about a 30 minute text exchange where I told him that I would handle picking Chloe up and that if and when she meets his bf it will be a joint decision at a much later and more appropriate time, not a week and a half after she learned we’re getting divorced. I explained that this is not just his decision and the previously agreed upon terms of me meeting the bf first would in fact still be upheld. I swear to god I don’t know when this man b/c so incredibly stupid, but sometimes I wonder how he even gets up and puts his pants on in the morning.


Did I Ask for Your Opinion????

Seriously.  I know divorce is a polarizing issue but come on people.  It’s not like it’s a rare occurrence these days.  I mean close to 50% of first marriages end in divorce and something like 60-75% of second marriages end in divorce.  I’m willing to bet every single person who reads this blog knows at least five people who are divorced or are in the middle of a divorce.

So why all the judgmental judys out there?  In the last week or so, I’ve had no less than five different women make some disparaging remark or condemning comment about my choice to end my marriage.  And these women hardly know me; they don’t know anything about my marriage, my family, my life, or my relationship with God (I add in that last one because a couple of these women have been bible beaters). 

I know my life has undergone tremendous changes in the last 8-9 months.  I know I have experienced tremendous stress and shocking changes.  But come on people!  I’m not crazy.  I’m not depressed.  I’m not anything.  I did my time in therapy after my dad died to make sure what I was feeling was not caused by what he did.  I thought long and hard about my decision.  Sure I didn’t sit around for years wailing and whining and complaining about my marriage but that’s not me.  I’m decisive.  I weigh out my options, consider the implications, and make a decision and move forward.  Just because it takes years of you bitching and moaning to make a change doesn’t mean I have to be that way.

And yes, I am out there, having fun, having a life, building a new future for myself.  Just because I've chosen to end my marriage doesn't mean I'm going to to sit at home alone, knitting, crying into a cup of tea, becoming a lonely cat lady just because my life has turned out different from what I expected. I mean come on, have you even met my devil cat?  She's half the reason I want to be out of the freaking apartment so bad!

And don’t let me put all the blame on being judgmental on the women out there. More than one guy in the past few months has given me the raised eyebrow when they find out I’m the one who chose to leave and push for the divorce.  Get over it dill-weeds!  About 60% of divorces are initiated by WOMEN these days. 

Basically what I’m telling all you haters is to get the fuck over it!  My life, my choice, my decision to do what I felt was best for me and my family.  Mind your own fucking business…

PS - Yes I do feel better now that I got that off my chest LOL.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

That Damn Radar Strikes Again

Friday night I went out to celebrate Miranda’s birthday – girls only so there wasn’t much man activity to report. Of course we all flirted our little tails off for free drinks, I even spent twenty minutes talking to some 25 year old guy about ‘mattress patterns’, ‘textiles’ and ‘the Chinese’ just to get one last rum and coke.

Apparently, as I usually do, I did a little bit of drunk texting Friday night because Saturday morning I awoke to a text message at 8am from my old booty call (the one who I drunkenly sleuthed his number of the Internet after Thursday night’s drunken debacle) saying “It’s cool. I’m single now lol.” I don’t know what I texted him on Friday night because I always erase my drunk texts right before I go to bed – it’s kind of like if I erase them they never existed (right?). The funniest part about this is that my former booty call is The Barber’s cousin. We actually met and dated back when I was about 22 years old and at that point The Barber wasn’t in the picture. We stopped dating but somehow or another we always manage to find each other in our times of need lol – although I haven’t seen him at all since I met The Barber. It wasn’t until The Barber and I started dating that I learned they were cousins, just my luck. He texted me all day Saturday and I kept it very G rated. I definitely can’t re-institute the booty call at this point in time but it’s nice to know he’s back on the market in case things don’t work out with The Barber. Side note: I got a text at midnight on Saturday from the booty call saying “What’s Up?”. What was up was I was waiting for The Barber to come over at that point….lol what have I gotten myself into?

Also on Saturday, I got a random picture message from a strange number about 9pm. The subject line read “Remember me?” I opened up the picture and there was The Inmate. He had snapped a rather funny picture of himself in the bathroom of the halfway house. I haven’t heard from him in about 3 weeks and his phone has been disconnected so I figured either he got in trouble or it was something with his girlfriend. I was so right. He said his girl and him broke up and she tried to run him over with her car, took his phone and took his car (he was driving her car although technically it was his because he bought it for her way back before he went to prison). I think I may be in trouble now that he doesn’t have a girlfriend but thankfully he doesn’t have a car either. He gets out of the halfway house on August 3rd so I’ve got about a month to formulate a plan for dealing with him. At this point I’m really not sure what I’m going to do.

Saturday evening I was texting with Miranda telling her about all these recent developments and discussing how happy I was that all the boy activity didn’t happen on Friday night when I was drunk and bound to make bad decisions. We were discussing how funny it was that some of the team who had been MIA decided to re-appear while I hadn’t heard from The Barber since Tuesday. Literally as soon as the text went through to Miranda my phone rang – it was The Barber. We talked for about a half hour and he told me he was going to come over and see me (I’m quite sure I drunk texted him on Friday night as well). Of course, I was thrilled. Also during this conversation he decided to put his youngest daughter on the phone with me. Granted, she is just getting to the age where you can actually have a conversation with her but still it threw me for a loop because I’ve never met her in person and he’s never let me talk to her before. He put her on the phone and told her to say “Hi Gwyn”. My real name is rather difficult to pronounce but she sure did try. Then after saying my name she started saying “Mommy?” repeatedly. I kept saying no this isn’t mommy and I could hear The Barber in the background laughing and telling her it was Gwyn not mommy. Talk about awkward, but I was happy he let me speak to her it made me feel special as silly as that may sound. He came over later that night and we had a blast talking and watching tv. He opened up a lot to me and told me some things he hadn’t before about his past, his family and the mother of his youngest daughter who he was in a relationship with before me. He stayed until about 3pm on Sunday afternoon. Once again, I was giddy and happy. We did have fantastic sex as we always do but something else happened that is still making me laugh. Ladies and gentleman for the first time since high school, I participated in a 69. For some reason doing the old 69 is just funny to me now. It’s confusing, I don’t know what to do – am I supposed to be enjoying myself or pleasuring him? It’s too much going on and lord knows I am the most easily distracted person on the planet. Last time The Barber came over he didn’t attempt the full blown 69, instead he literally kissed my ass for 10 minutes while I took care of him. This time I guess he figured he’d go for the whole enchilada lol.

One final piece to add, if you read Miranda’s post about Friday night you notice that we were over an hour late to her bday dinner. We were an hour late because I had to go get in a quick booty call with Truck Driver. That’s why I love Miranda – I told her to go ahead and leave without me but she stuck around, waited for me to come back to the house and was late for her own bday party just so I could get a taste of the microphone. Now that’s a friend.

I’m headed to the beach this weekend for my friend’s 30th birthday. Maybe I’ll have some new team members come Monday………..



Well, well...I'm not sure what I've done now, but we'll see how it all plays out in the end. I went to Damien's house Friday night to pick up an application for food stamps (yes, seriously). I had figured out that if I was going to stay on the island, go to school, and try to house Chloe and I on what Russell was willing to pay, I had better find some alternative means to fund this operation. I've always said I would move home before I applied for assistance, but I love it here and again I say I don't want to move Chloe 5000 miles from her Dad. Well, Damien can be a real asshole when you don't agree with him and he's telling me how to fill out this application and that basically I'm going to have to lie if I want to get anything. Hmmmm, ok it was hard enough to swallow the fact that I was having to apply for food stamps, but then I was told I would have to falsify the application. I drew the line, we had a big fight, and I left. He's still pissed, but I'm tired of him trying to tell me how to run my life...seriously over it now. So, last night Russell mentions at dinner that he's going to look at a room this week in a house with a couple of students. He says this with a big sigh, so I know he's not relishing the thought of moving. Then, I went over to Gavin's for some mega hot sex and to get high and we were talking about the asst. application too. He's on food stamps (as are most people up here...really I'm not kidding.) and I asked him how he completed his application. He pretty much lies on his too...and by pretty much I mean he does. This made my heart sink to my knees. The plan to throw Russell out included me having roommates and foodstamps. Well, if you don't know me here's a little factoid...I can talk a cat off a tuna boat if I need to do so. I say this with some pride, but I am one of the most manipulative people you will ever cross.
Today I told Russell we needed to talk about our current situation. I basically laid it out for him that I had calmed down, we were squarely in new territory here, but Chloe and I were likely to not get foodstamps b/c I refuse to lie on the my application and that we needed to explore our options. I went on to say that we really can't afford 2 households here in HI and that it was stupid for him to go rent a room and for me to rent out the other 2 rooms here to all these strangers that we would be introducing into Chloe's life. I truly do believe this now that the dust has settled some. I told him I fully plan to go to school and I'm not moving back to NC at this time (read never if I don't have to). He's agreed to essentially keep on paying all the bills and we're resuming life as it was before but with more freedom now that Chloe knows. Oh and he's taking over the headache of writing the bills again so that he feels he has some "control" over how his money is spent...again, I've been trying for months to get him to do this...so yippee!! I'm going to start seeing a therapist on Thursday in an effort to make myself ok with this situation and to try to minimize the urges that I have to stab him in his sleep (kidding...mostly). Odddly enough due to my profession, I'm not a big fan of talk therapy but I'm willing to give it a whirl. So, here we stand...should be interesting to watch it unfold.
In dating news, I texted briefly with Nick yesterday. I hope to see him again and actually hope he ends up replacing Gavin and Owen, but he seems to have a lot of irons in the fire, so he'll probably need a backup player. Which leads us to Andy...I was supposed to go see this hottie last night, but stupid Gavin called with an offer I couldn't pass up abt 30 minutes before I was supposed to leave to drive an hour to Andy's. I bailed, but I think we've rescheduled for Wednesday night. He seems like a nice guy (26 years old though...ugg) and is yummy to look at from his pics. He's very engaging and actually isn't looking to just jump into my pants. We had a very weird text conversation today about that. I was sexting him and he asked me "Is that all you want?". Ummm, dude you responded to my CL ad entitled "Consistent Hookup for NSA Wanted". I texted back that he was the one that had replied saying he wasn't looking for a relationship and found out that he just got back from a 7 month deployment only to find out his gf of 3 years had cheated on him while he was over there sending money home to support her while she was in school. I'm thinking I might not mention the blog to him.

Monday, June 21, 2010

I'm not getting older, I'm getting better!

Birthday party 2 was ridiculous! Out of control! Magnificent! Well, at least what I remember was totally awesome LOL.

We kicked off the evening at Gwyn’s house where we chilled and had some of my new favorite drink – OJ & vanilla vodka. Delicious! Then we were fast and furious girls getting ready to go out and managed to only show up to dinner an hour late. Whoops! I kept getting text from the rest of the group about where we were and every time I told them we were on the way. They must think Gwyn lives in BFE.

Dinner was a blast. Half the table was under 40 and half the table was way over 40 which was interesting but I was lit and loving it. After taking a gazillion pictures with everyone at the table both wearing and not wearing my sunglasses and managing to break a fifth of vanilla vodka on my food (ouch!) we headed to the piano bar. I remember maybe the first 30 minutes at the piano bar. It was classic!

I don’t know why I have no memory of anything from 10-2. I mean I did drink but it wasn’t overboard and there were other things going on but still. It’s weird. Maybe it was just too much fun and my mind had to block it out to keep me from feeling like every day of my life was boring after that LOL. The pictures from the night are awesome. Apparently, me and my friends were the hit of the bar and Gwyn said everywhere we went a crowd followed us. We went back and forth from the piano bar to the club about a million times and the stories everyone tells me are ridiculous and fun. The pics are even better too! Apparently I gave out a lot of lap dances which would explain why I have so many freaking bruises all over my body and why my ass is still sore. I remember the end of the night and taking a bunch of random pictures with my girls and some random guys and the ride home and hour or so that followed as we went to bed. It was crazy, that’s all I can say.

It’s funny. For the last few weeks I’ve been so amped up about my birthday and then this last week I started getting nervous about it. Worried that it wouldn’t live up to my expectations and would be a disappointment. I mean this felt like a really important birthday to have a great time considering it was my first without my dad and without Duckie. Well, all I know is that this birthday so far exceeded my expectations it’s just ridiculous. I know I’ve used that world a million times but there’s just no better word.

I’m feeling so grateful and lucky to have such amazing women in my life who took the time to make this birthday so special. I really don’t know what I would do without them!

Father’s Day was a bit of a downer. I did wake up and I don’t know if it was fatigue or the whole dad thing but the morning was a bit depressing. I shook myself out of reverie and spent literally five hours at the pool (about that much time on Saturday afternoon too) fending off the advances of Cabana Boy and Pool John. I have promised to let them come to my work concert on Thursday. That should be interesting to say the least. I’ll admit Cabana Boy’s attention is nice but it’s so over the top. I told Gwyn on Saturday that if he tried any harder to impress me he’s going to have a stroke.

I’m in such a weird state of mind today. I need to do some serious revamping of Team Miranda and I need to figure out some shit with College Crush and Lawyer Boy. The longer I’m involved with both of them the more perplexed and weird I feel about it. And then there’s Sawyer. I really need to cut him out of my life but that is so much easier said then done. I think I’m just still exhausted from my glorious birthday celebrations but who knows.


PS – 10 days till Hawaii!

PPS – Duckie’s an ass because he didn’t have the kids buy me a birthday present. Cards yes, token gift no. It’s not like I expected much but come on! If my mom finds out she’s going to flip!

PPPS – Duckie also mentioned that he thinks we should change our custody arrangement and do the version where I have the kids for a week and then he does. I’m thinking about it. It definitely has some benefits. He said he was thinking about changing it up because he realized he never has Thursday or Friday night free to go out LOL. I’m just glad he even wants to go out these days! Maybe one day soon we’ll be more comfortable having some sort of friendship with each other.

Sunday, June 20, 2010

When I'm Feeling Blue

I like to find new toys. ;) Since my current "team" as Miranda refers to it SUCKS, I've decided to kick them all off and start over. DO-OVER! I'm no longer having sex with anyone that I know ahead of time is married or in a relationship. I don't care if it's going poorly, unless you're out of if...don't talk to me. I plan to stand firm on this for at least the next 24 hours.
Last night, I was bored and replied to a CL ad and met a nice guy. When I call a guy nice, it means I'm not attracted to him at ALL. Sadly, this was the case. He has some super interesting stories, but I didn't feel the chemistry and he's 27. I met him this afternoon for coffee and we watched sunset together. I agreed to one glass of wine after sunset, but then we parted ways. In this time, Gavin called to see what I was doing. I told him I'd do him later but by the time I got home he crapped out on me and said he was tired from moving all day...whatever, loser. So I posted an ad on CL of my own...I really need to move past both Gavin and Owen as neither is a particularly healthy relationship. I'm certainly not looking for a relationship since I currently have the emotional capacity of a gnat, but I would like to at least be with someone that I could actually be with should the mood strike me at some point.
Nick responded to my ad...Nick is hung like Owen (seriously!) and has a super deep voice like Gavin...score!! Chloe is over at my friend's house this weekend and Russell said he doesn't care if I have guys over when he's home now...so Nick and I chatted for a while tonight and I figured out who he is...he works with Owen and is a pro-surfer. (I FB stalked him and he knows Owen (naturally) and Owen's wife.) Once my stalking was throughly complete, I invited him over. It was some pretty awesome sex...the only problem with him is that he's super short (like my height)...but I swear his other qualities might make me look past that one. He said he's 3" taller than I am, but he lied. He didn't lie about other things, so we're cool.
I had another hottie, Andrew, respond that has great potential too. He lives about an hour away, but not in town so he's a strong contender too. Hello new boys!! Welcome!

Friday, June 18, 2010

Oh Holy Hell...Karma Must Be Pissed At Me

When it rains, it motherfucking pours...I mean seriously. This morning on the way to work, I was thinking how strange I haven't heard from Owen since our market run in. I had thought maybe he was just laying low due to my bff visiting, but it seems not. I sent him a text saying "what's up?". He responded that he's sorry he's been out of communication, but one of his friends told him that Owen's wife told this guy's wife that she's pretty sure Owen is having an affair. Holy Fuck! Owen has assured me in the past that he erases all of our emails and texts, but omg why else would she think this unless she found something?! I don't call (text only) and we only text when he's out. (I texted him this am because I know his schedule and I knew he was working.) I've never been to his house. We only have sex in his van or at my house. My only pause is that maybe Gavin really does know him and said something to someone, but Gavin would have brought it up with me. He's just that kind of guy...he would have asked me how I knew him or something. So, we finished our text convo today by me telling him that I'm sorry and I hope things work out. He said he needed to lay low and "not saying we'll never do it again but have to be REAL careful!! You'll get a text out of the blue for sure". Really?? I mean we all know I'll answer his text, but I'm just saying...
Russell moves back in tonight until he finds a place...wish me lots of luck, peace, and good humor.

Go Shorty... It's Your Birthday....

Last night was legendary. LEGENDARY! It really didn’t end up being totally any one scenario but it was all a bunch of good drunken fun! I don’t even know if I can do it any justice by writing about it but I’ll give you some highlights.

So the concert started off with a bang and who should appear, Budweiser Man. Late in the day, he had the balls to text Gwyn and see if she was going to be working the concert. I told her he was totally going to show up and he did. For a while he acted like he was ignoring her, and really Gwyn didn’t want anything to do with him, then he did finally talk to her. I’ll leave that story for her to tell. What’s funny is that for quite a while H3, Braceface, Budweiser Man, and BT were all standing together talking. All the beer guys whose numbers we either currently have or have had LOL. And there was even a new cute beer boy but he’s only 23….I got his number anyway HA!

The bartending went great as usual and we worked hard core for tips! By the end of the night we’d gotten about eight glasses of sangria and $37 (which a coworker totally took and gave to our organization – no fair but whatever!) I totally tried to set up Braceface with Cougar but other than a little flirting, he didn’t seem that interested in her. But he behaved and didn’t cause any trouble though more than once he whispered something inappropriate or made a dirty hand gesture. What a punk! At least I know now he can keep his mouth shut on occasion.

I’m so glad Lawyer Boy (LB) came out! It was nice to get to show him off to people I know for a change. He’s been bugging me about meeting some of my friends so I think he felt special to meet so many at one time. Gwyn gave him a deliciously hard time but he earned her drunken approval in the end! You should have seen his face when Gwyn asked him why he still had a profile on Plenty of Fish! LMFAO! It was also incredibly nice to be with a guy who could be comfortable talking to people on his own when I flitted off to talk to other people or do whatever. And LB can talk let me tell ya. That man could talk to the wall!

I tried to hook up Gwyn and H3 but he wasn’t playing our games last night for some reason. Today on a lunch run, Gwyn and I figured out that because he knows about the whole playing of Budweiser Man, maybe he thinks we’re trying to play him too and that’s why he’s been reluctant to get involved.

After many a drunken picture taking sessions, Gwyn split to go out with another friend and I stayed with LB. Gwyn had a ridiculous night flirting with a ton of random guys from the sweaty washcloth guy to her personal trainer. She ended up alone in a phone booth inside of a bar at 3am texting me. Then she woke up this morning next to her computer with her former booty call’s number mysteriously programmed back in her phone due to some excellent drunk super-sleuthing.

After leaving our private “after party” par for the course LB wanted to hit up the dive bar near my house where DJ works. I texted DJ on the way there to let him know I was coming and that I was with Lawyer Boy. I didn’t hear back from him, which made me nervous. Before we went in the bar, I made LB promise not to start anything with the DJ just in case LOL. We drank a massive amount of shots in a very short period of time there and I proudly became an official member of the bar HA! But LB wouldn’t let me sign the membership contract before he thoroughly evaluated it and added in a bunch of random, funny clauses. He is a freak! But in a really good way!

We finally grabbed some 3 am fast food and crashed at my place. He ate the food; I never eat after we’ve been out like that, danced around my living room for an hour to David Geutta, then had some sloppy making out and passed out near 5 am. I drug myself out of bed about 9 am to come to work. Ugh!

But LB was incredibly hungover which provided a lot of entertainment. He was the laying still in the bed, don’t want to move/talk/breath type of hung over poor thing. I offered to let him crash there all day while I worked but he said he had to force himself to get up so he could get to studying. Oh LB, what am I going to do with you? I need to do a whole special post and the weirdness/awkwardness of our relationship sometime.

Tonight is birthday party part 2 – Girls Night Out! And I just got a text from High School Crush saying he was going to try to put in an appearance at the very same club we’ll be at. Hmmmmm, oh the possibilities….


Slow Down The Trainwreck

Well things aren't dull here, that's for sure...dull might be nice, but I'm not really a big fan. My bff left today after 2 weeks and I'm super sad. Apparently when I'm sad, I crave sex. Who am I currently having sex with? Gavin...I know, I know...judge away.
He came over Monday night after all the drama...apparently he claims now that he heard nothing and that his presence was purely by chance. You guys know that story...we did it in Russell's bed...haha. Then we took Tuesday night off b/c we were both in recovery mode. I don't want to elaborate, but I did some things Monday that I haven't done in years b/c I just needed to dull the rage. Things are back in check though...really, I mean it. So he came back over last night and we got it on again in Russell's room...mainly just because. ;) My bff and Chloe were asleep in my room, so it just seemed logical (and well...I just wanted too).
Russell and I met last night before this and discussed our divorce in step 1. He's willing to pay a nice child support amount...I still contend it's not really enough, but it's a generous initial offer and I think I can milk more as needed. I did agree in an effort to have all of my July bills paid to have him move back in for a few days until he can find his own place...I do know this is a bad idea, but we've agreed to stay in our seperate corners during this time...just breathe...yep, breathe.
Tonight, Gavin was back on it. His gf is out of town this week and while the cat's away...the mouse will play. I wish I could say no to him, but I can't...his body is just SMOKING hot and the sex is pretty good. It's not Owen good, but since Owen has been MIA since our supermarket run in...whatever. Gavin moves next week (for real this time), but has reinforced that it's only around the corner...uh oh.

Thursday, June 17, 2010

It's All in the Luck of the Draw

Remember those Choose Your Own Adventure books from the 70s and 80s?  The ones where you “cast” yourself in the role of the protagonist and then had to make choices along the way while you were reading that either led to a great ending (usually with a monetary tie-in) or a death.  Well, said analogy is a rather good descriptor for how we’ve been perceiving our dating lives lately.

From our posts, you know we’ve both made some really good choices (re: Gwyn) and some really bad choices (re: Miranda) with our various team members.  Lately, quite a few of these choices have been tied to events occurring at or after our work concerts each Thursday.  Well, it’s Thursday and there’s another concert tonight where Gwyn and Miranda will be running the VIP bar.  An awful lot of our team players will be there.  Tonight, if played correctly, could go down as legendary.  LEGENDARY! However, if we make one wrong step along the way, it could end with severe penalties.

Another wrinkle to this story is that it’s Miranda’s birthday tomorrow so tonight officially kicks off the festivities.  You know some serious drinking will go down in the next 48 hours and where there’s drinking, there’s always lots of good stories and bad decisions.

Here are the potential players for tonight (you’re gonna need a logic model to keep up)  – Gwyn, Miranda, Lawyer Boy, Braceface, H3, Pool John & Cabana Boy, DJ, College Crush, and Budweiser Man.  Plus Cougar (an older lady friend from work)

The Gwyn & Miranda Win Scenario – If Gwyn and I (Miranda) play tonight just right, making all the right choices, and saying all the right things, this is what will happen.  I will be with Lawyer Boy all night.  He’s coming to celebrate my birthday with me!  Even told me last night he wants to bring me a gift, which I demurely said he didn’t need to, even though I really want him to!  So if all goes well, I’ll be able to focus on him while deftly pawning Braceface off on Cougar.  She went out with the group last week after the concert and has the hots for Braceface for some reason.  I told her I needed her to take him off my hands tonight (and forever!) since Lawyer Boy’s coming and because we need Braceface happy and coming to the bar since he picks up the tab.  In this scenario, Gwyn and H3 finally hook up and hang out!  No other boys make surprise visits to the concert (I really have to start censoring what I tell my team members about my schedule) and Braceface picks up the entire bar tab while also avoiding contact with Miranda as he is busy making out with Cougar all night.

The Gwyn & Miranda Lose Scenario – If all goes wrong, a whole lot of shit could go down.  Braceface could not be interested in Cougar, stomp around all night pouting, and eventually tell Lawyer Boy about his and Miranda’s little make out session last week.  Pool John & Cabana Boy could show up to see if Miranda really did blow them off or not (originally they were invited to the concert this week until Lawyer Boy said he was coming; then they were uninvited and told to come next week).  College Crush could show up unannounced for a surprise visit since Miranda has given him a guilt trip about not being able to see her on her birthday weekend.  Then when Lawyer Boy is taking Miranda home (if he didn’t leave her stranded after all her infidelity was revealed) he could want to stop off at the dive bar in her city and whom are we going to run into there… the DJ.  Bad, bad, bad.  Also in this scenario, H3 could say something to Lawyer Boy about Miranda hitting on him last week.  As any of the beer guys could tell Lawyer Boy about her outrageous behavior these last several weeks or so.  In addition, H3’s “sort of” girl (aka girlfriend we’re sure) could show up and want to throw down with Miranda for texting H3 or Gwyn for flirting with him tonight.  All of this would end up with an almost total implosion of Team Miranda, Miranda and Gwyn drunk as could be, footing the bill for our own alcohol, and stranded without a sober ride home.

The Gwyn & Miranda Get Played Scenario – I, Gwyn, need to give you a little background before setting up the final scenario.  A few weeks back you may remember mention of a ‘Budweiser Guy’ who was slightly obsessed with me after a fateful meeting at our work charity event.  Well, Budweiser Guy also got Miranda’s number so she and I decided to play a little game with him to figure out his real intentions.  Fast forward to last week and we busted him trying to get fresh with Miranda via text (when she asked what he was doing one day he said “You?” followed up by the classy “What?  Are you scared?), while also begging me for lunch dates and motorcycle rides.  Now, to give him credit he did claim to like me and did pursue me like a damn dog in heat but you know I wasn’t having that crap.  After endless apologies and attempts to get me to hear ‘his side of the story’, I was finally able to deter him by telling him “Well, you’re also a lot older than me and that is an issue you can’t fix.”  LOL I tell it like it is.  He responded that if I ever wanted to talk or anything to give him a call because he’s a ‘really nice person.’  Poor guy didn’t stand a chance. 

So, this means that up to this point between the two of us we have given our numbers and talked to every single beer guy who has worked the charity event – with the exception of the one with a cloudy eye. You can see where this is headed. We know they tell each other about our various interactions with all of them because Budweiser Guy indicated that in his many texts, it was even part of his ‘proof’ that Miranda tricked him into getting fresh.  Supposedly, Budweiser Guy is in trouble at work and not allowed to work the charity event anymore – so he shouldn’t be there tonight, God let us pray. However, it is entirely possible that Braceface and H3 lure Miranda and I to the bar tonight with H3’s muscles and hotness and Braceface’s credit card……we drink up quite a bar tab…..we flirt with them mercilessly ignoring Lawyer Boy who is probably off chatting up the DJs or has succumbed to his ADD……they whisper sweet nothings in our ears………..then they ditch us as retaliation for not only playing their boy Budweiser Guy but also for playing them.  We end up drunk, broke, and with no ride home.

So the million dollar question.  Will this night rule or suck?  Either way, it will make for a good story tomorrow.  Care to place a bet which way it will go?

The Best Lines - 2010 Edition

Wanted to share some of my favorite lines I have heard from guys recently (and one old school line for good measure). I swear men are too much some times. And you wonder why we don't believe a word you say......enjoy!

The Inmate (upon hearing he took my virginity)

“Maybe I can be your first and your last.”

High School Hookup (we were about 15 at the time)

“I make beautiful babies.”

Crossfit (on our first date; making a comparison between our stargazing and spooning)

“You can be the little dipper and I’ll be the big dipper.”

The Inmate (via text; referring to the strawberries I was eating)

“Are you going to let me put some one you? You will love it. I can do things to you that you only dream of.”

(Extra info: I responded with “Doubtful.”)

Truck Driver (via text after I looked through his phone)

“I’m gonna f**k the s**t out of you when I get back for putting me through all this.”

The Barber (from the first night we met; since then he doesn’t really use lines on me)

“I just want to see if your nipples are big or little.”

Every Guy I’ve Ever Dated

“What about just the tip?”


Tuesday, June 15, 2010

How Did I Get Here?? Really...I Mean It

My life has morphed into a bad Lifetime movie. So, Sunday night I threw Russell's shit into the yard/car. Monday he worked and I took a mental health day. I kept Chloe home and told her that Mommy and Daddy are divorcing. She handled it REALLY well. I mean there were a few tears and she's super sad, but it wasn't like I expected. I think my parent's divorce desensitized her some. Anyway, he came home Monday night despite the advice of several people (myself included). The night started out ok, because he had told me that we would talk Monday night. Well, we never did...he told me after our very late dinner that he was "drained" and we would talk tomorrow morning. Initially I was ok with this, until I realized that he had been talking to everyone on the fucking island BUT me about the situation ALL day. He talked to my bff who's here visiting, his friend that is also here visiting, Damien, etc. The final straw was when I found him on the porch talking to his bf on the phone, but still would not communicate with me. I freaking lost my shit people...I mean I lost it. I slapped him and he anticipated it I guess b/c he grabbed me and threw me up against the door, holding me by the neck. I clawed at him, ripped his shirt, and caused him to bleed (which really seemed to piss him off the most of all the days events). It was a total domestic violence situation...and I initiated it...omfg...really?? Has my life come to this???? He had told me that he didn't have anywhere to sleep Monday night and if he left he would have to sleep in his car. It turns out that once he jumped his bf's car (which needs a new battery), that he was in fact able to leave and go to the bf's house to spend the night. I don't know what he's going to do now, but he can't come back here. We obviously can't co-exist anymore. He is coming back tonight after work at 11:30pm (when I plan to be asleep as I've had a whopping 6 hours of sleep in the last 2 days). I'm allowing this for Chloe's sake as she was super disappointed this morning when he was gone and b/c I need his car to get to work tomorrow so that I don't get fired. I called my Dad today and asked for money to help me buy a car. I mean for Christ's sake, I'm 34 years old and have to ask my Dad to buy me a freaking car...really??
Now on a funny note for you guys, apparently Gavin heard the commotion and came over about 20 minutes after Russell left. He invited me over for a glass of wine and to talk once he realized what all was going on. We ended up engaging in a little recreational substance use and I fucked him some at his house, but there were people over so we left and came back to my house where I fucked him on Russell's bed. Gavin's situation is fucked as well and we all remember the nasty ass gf, but I have to say he was just what the Dr. ordered last night...really.

Monday, June 14, 2010

To Hawaii With Love....

With all my boy crazy antics of late, I want to bring things to a more sobering level. Jules’ situation is weighing heavy on my heart. I’m sure there are people who read this blog and are shocked and frankly appalled by some of what we talk about and do and they question if the boys and sex are the only things we focus on in our lives. I can assure you it’s not.

Leaving your marriage and throwing your family into chaos is not something done on a whim or without great thought and consideration. Those of you who contemplate leaving know the stark fear you feel no matter how good or bad your marriage was/is/has been. Fear that you are doing the wrong thing. Fear at feeling like a failure because you couldn’t make your marriage work. Fear that you’re ruining your child’s life. Fear of being judged. Fear of having to justify your decision to every important person in your life. Fear that you won’t be able to “make it” on you own. Fear that every single thing in your life will be changed all because of the decision YOU alone make.

It’s rough, sobering stuff. The last four months I lived in the house with Duckie were the worst of my life. You cannot, I repeat CANNOT even fathom what it’s like unless you’ve lived it.

Having those feelings in such recent memory makes me ache for Jules. It’s an awful, dark, lonely place to be no matter how many people you have around you. Having Jules on the other fucking side of the country in the middle of the Pacific Ocean is even worse. If I could get on a plane today just to go there and give her a hug I would. I guess I’m just gonna have to wait a couple weeks till I go there or she heads back here.

Love you Jules! Day or night, anytime, you call me girl!


Why Can't I Keep My Pants On???

I mean really.  So this weekend was supposed to be me being a good girl since I had the kids.  Going to bed early, not drinking, and certainly no boys.  Oh how it all went downhill…

First up Friday night.  I had to work late so any actual face-to-face boy play was out.  But College Crush (CC) was out with his friends and he got shitty drunk and was texting me the funniest stuff.  By about eight, I’d already started receiving mushy “I miss you and I think about you all the time” texts.  By 10, they had changed to even more mushy “I wish we could spend all our time together” texts.  Somewhere around midnight, they started getting dirty lol.  I was supposed to be sleeping by this point but it was just too entertaining.  I don’t think I’ve ever dirty texted before (email, now that’s a whole nother story) and it was quite fun.  By about three, the phone rang.  CC actually called me to finish our, ahem, conversation.  When all the dirty part of over, he was just talking about me in general when this little beauty popped out of his mouth, “You’re so great.  I mean, I just love you.  You’re so awesome.”  OMG!  The “L” word again!  First Lawyer Boy and now CC?!?  I merely said I thought he was awesome too, wrapped up the conversation quickly, and finally went to bed.

Saturday I had the kids early in the day and we spent most of the day by my mom’s pool.  I invited Josie (previously known as Melissa) and Dave over to hang out and we just chilled out for a while.  Of course, this is where the adult beverages came into play.  While we were at the pool, I was getting texted majorly by CC and by various girlfriends who know about my extracurricular activities wanting updates on various team members.  We ended up being chased in by a storm so I took the kiddos home and we actually made it to church!  And I didn’t burst into slutty flames the minute I set foot in the door LOL.  I was so freaking tired though from staying up talking to CC that it was all I could do to stay awake.  I actually dozed off during the final prayer and did one of those waking up with a starts where you hope no one noticed you just jumped out of your skin.

Afterwards I drug the kids out to dinner as an early birthday celebration for me (my bday is this Friday – holla) and out of the blue High School Crush started texting me up.  Things have been very much on the quiet side with him mostly because I know he’s just looking to hook up and while there is certainly a time and place for that, I clearly have enough bed buddies at the moment without adding him into the mix.  Randomly he told me he had a motorcycle – yes another guy with a motorcycle.  WTF!  The rest of the night was pretty quiet but I did get caught up in a vicious emailing cycle with a couple of cute guys I’ve been evaluating as team members on Plenty of Fish.

Sunday is where all hell broke loose yet again.  I invited Josie and her kid to come swim at my place this time.  We chilled by the pool for the entire freaking day drinking all my free beer I’ve been getting from those work concerts.  During this, we started hanging out with a couple of guys – Pool John and Cabana Boy.  Pool John was clearly digging Josie even after she told him she was quite happily married to a sex god LOL.  But he was a good sport about it and I think just enjoying her sarcastic company.  Cabana Boy is a fixture at my complex.  I’ve had a couple old ladies try to hook me up with him before.  He’s a nice guy and all but, I just haven’t been interested, he can’t even compare to any of my team members.  So anyways, he asked me out yet again and I just laughed it off.  But after drinking all day and watching him play with all the kids in the pool, I admit my beer goggles were on a bit.  An afternoon thunderstorm blew up and chased us all under the shelter where Pool John and Cabana Boy (CB) ordered pizza for everyone.  While they went to get money, I asked another of the ladies what CBs deal was.  She said he was a really good guy, very sweet, but that if I wasn’t looking for a relationship I shouldn’t get involved with him because he was ready to get married again – I should have taken note of this (mistake #1).

So we do the pizza and then swim some more.  Josie abandons me drunk at the pool to go home and be the good wife.  Eventually it’s about eight and everyone packs up and heads inside but not before I gave CB my number (mistake #2).  Now though my actions of late have been questionable, I’m a smart girl.  I know you don’t get involved with someone at your work or in your neighborhood.  I have no excuse for what came later.

So I get Ladybug ready for bed (Leo had gone off with Duckie to some sort of wrestling thing and was spending the night there)  and am drunkenly cooking what turned out to be very good chicken enchiladas when I get a text from CB saying he wants to come see me.  I answered sure and gave him my apartment number (mistake #3).  I hurried to get Ladybug in bed but he actually got there before I accomplished that fully.  So there was a boy in the apartment at the same time as my kid being awake (serious mistake #4).  So Ladybug goes to bed and suddenly I find myself (much in the same position I was in with CC last weekend) cuddling on the couch.  Then kissing on the couch, then a few other things (mistake #5).  The kitchen timer goes off, I take the enchiladas out of the oven, and then we went to the bedroom (serious mistake #6).

I know!  I know!  WTF!  Theoretically we went in there just because there was more room than on the couch but come on, with rare exception does anyone not end up having sex once a bed is involved.  The only consolation for my night of mistakes was the fact that 1 – he had a big Johnson and 2 – he knew what to do with it very, very well. 

Today we’ve exchanged a bunch of text and I’m trying to keep it friendly but I feel as what Gwyn called CC a “stage five clinger” coming on.  Of course, he just told me moments ago that his ex left him because they didn’t have the “fairy tale” relationship she wanted and she had had a bunch of people in her family die, including her DAD, right before they broke up.  Sounds eerily familiar huh?  I told him as much and said how weird I had had much of that happen in my life too.  Perhaps that will be the golden ticket to dissuading him.

At any rate, Gwyn says I clearly need a chaperone from now on when alcohol is involved and I’m very apt to agree with her.  Anyone care to apply for the job?


I Hate Work

The title of today's post really has nothing to do with the post topic - just wanted to make a statement I suppose. Work has been driving me literally insane lately (just ask Miranda....) and I haven't had too much energy to devote to the ever-shrinking man team. Hence the 'ever-shrinking' part..........

I went out of town early last week to go to my cousin's eighth grade graduation and awards ceremonies. Long story short - I spent 8 hours on Thursday watching her get medals, pins, diplomas, plaques, etc. I'm definitely glad I went because my little genius cousin got the award for highest grade point average in every single one of her classes - except PE (the complete opposite of me who won every athletic award possible but did just enough to get As in my academic classes). I sort of felt bad for the other parents every time my cousin's name got called but hey we can't all be the best! However, the pomp and circumstance involved in the ceremonies was unlike anything I've ever seen. I guess the whole private school scene in VA is something I wasn't prepared for. Not to mention the entire experience was led by a clearly homosexual Headmaster with a hoop earring, comb over and white suit jacket. Imagine Nicolas Cage playing Willy Wonka.......
The only thing that made it bearable were the hilarious pics and texts Miranda sent me from the work charity event. One picture of H3's butt made me laugh out loud and I thought Willy Wonka was going to send me down the chocolate river!

I got back in town on Saturday afternoon and knew I was going to see The Barber because he was helping out a friend of mine with getting some 'party favors' for his birthday. Best part of that deal was that The Barber told me I could keep the money my friend was paying for the 'favors' - I know it's dirty money but I need cat food and groceries! So I went to meet The Barber to get the 'favors' and he told me he had to go meet a couple other people but if it didn't take too long he would come over afterwards. Then he leaned over and kissed me, squeezed my boob and said "Let's do it in the parking lot real quick." We both laughed and he said he would call me and let me know if he was gonna come by - I barely made it 10 minutes down the road when he texted me to say "I'm coming."

He made it to my house about an hour later and we hung out in my room (he's allergic to my cats and being in my room is easier because we can lock them out and it's not so cat-hairy in there). We watched these shows about ancient aliens for literally 3 hours straight. Of course we took a brief intermission to partake in adult activities (I tried a few new techniques on him and he went crazy, he was like putty in my hands) which was totally amazing as usual. We stayed up until about 4am just talking and watching tv. He was very affectionate and cuddly and I could tell he was really enjoying himself. Now here's the shocker - not only did he spend the night for the second weekend in a row, he didn't leave my house until noon on Sunday. When we first started dating, this was the normal weekend routine for us. Since we broke up, this is not the normal routine. I didn't even expect him to stay the night (he also has his youngest daughter at his house for the next week so when she is here I never expect him to spend the night) much less stay until mid-afternoon the next day. When he left he told me that he had lots of fun and gave me a kiss and a hug, then he told me he'd call me later. He has both his daughters for the next couple of days (they are both 2 years old) so I don't expect to see him again until they leave. They are going for professional pictures today and to the zoo tomorrow!

I guess my post about coming full circle was pretty accurate. Another weekend passed and another night spent with The Barber. Since he left I've been feeling all giddy and happy - damnit ;)


Things Just Went To a Whole New Level

Things here have been fucked up lately...we've been having some knock down drag out fights and tonight it went to a whole new level. The entire field changed, but I still hold the cards (or balls or whatever analogy you pick). Russell walked out of the house after dinner tonight with the announcement that he was spending the night at his bf's house. We don't do spend the nights at other houses when Chloe is home...period. It's THE rule. He said he was tired of my rules and he was changing them. I told him his shit was on the front lawn and he should come get it before the sprinklers did...he was too slow. His friend that came to live with us for the summer was trying to pick it up, as was my bff until I told them very sternly to get out of the yard. I felt badly for Chloe waking up and seeing that though, so I decided later to put his sopping wet mess of stuff into his car until he decides to come and get it. I promptly went and drained our bank account so I would have some cash. Tomorrow is going to be a very interesting day. I think I'm headed home to NC...don't see anyway to stay here with the current environment what it is. I've arranged with my Dad to get home if needed as soon as possible. Your move, motherfucker...your move.

Friday, June 11, 2010

I Feel Like the Mayor of Whore-Town...

I never thought I’d say this but I’m a little bit ashamed of my own behavior in the last 24 hours. It was just silly, over-the-top, and out of control. I don’t even really want to blog about it but in the spirit of this being all about confession….

It all started with a little afternoon hook up with Sawyer. We haven’t seen each other in a while so in some ways it had that nervous feeling of the first time. Weird. I have to be honest, it was pretty awesome. Not just the sex, but the whole thing. After we did the dirty mambo, we just laid there for like an hour talking about all kinds of stuff. We used to do that all the time and that’s where we really developed the friendship and ultimately the “dangerous” feelings for each other. It was nice to talk and not be playing any of those freaking games with each other. So we just hung out for a while and chatted and then I had to head back for yet another of those work concerts. When he was leaving, we were both stalling, I don’t think either one of us wanted to break the mood or whatever it was that was going on. I will say I did give him hell about claiming he was leaving his wife and I totally called him out on that BS. I also messed with his head a little bit and talked about some of the boys on Team Miranda.

So then the concert. Now each week, the concert/after-party experience has gotten a little more intense and crazy and last night topped the others by far. The Hot, Hottie, Hotterton (H3) was working thankfully but Braceface was there too. I tortured Gwyn during the concert by taking pictures of H3 and me and sending them to her while she was stuck at a middle school graduation. It was quite hilarious. I actually got to spend quite a bit of time talking to H3 and he’s a really fun guy. Braceface was sulking around the VIP section and I had to play nice with him because I wanted him to come out with me and my friends afterwards so he could pick up the bill like last week! LOL! Randomly all these old men kept wanting a hug or saying how pretty me and my girl who was helping bartending were, and one who is a concert regular, even started asking for kisses! Ew! I politely declined but I did let him kiss my cheek.

I ended up getting like eight girls to go out afterwards along with Braceface and H3. I also got H3’s number and he got mine LOL. Right before we all left the venue to walk down to the bar, I ran over and was talking one on one with H3 and I’ll be honest I was pretty brazenly trying to get him to kiss me. He’s just that hot! He had to run his work truck back and then he was going to meet up with us at the bar and before he left, I did get a big tight hug (blazing hot smoking on fire hard cut body!) and a quick pop kiss.

So we hit the bar and Braceface was pouting saying he wasn’t going to buy the drinks because I never give him a chance. So before H3 got there I had to flirt with him pretty hard and sit on his lap, and snuggle up to him and all that crap. It was pretty hilarious but it did get him to foot the bill! Some of the girls cut out early leaving just a few of us at the bar and then H3 showed up. Apparently, he’d been texting me but very unusually I had left my phone in my purse instead of carrying it around with me. So while I was buttering up Braceface one of the other girls was faux texting H3 as me LOL.

We hung out at the bar for a while longer and then the shots started being passed around. We did a bunch of something called a Washington Apple, which was quite delicious, and I even did a tequila shot and I never do those! H3 and I chatted a lot. I swear half the stuff that he said to me I never heard because I was sweating his body. Randomly, one of the older ladies who was out with us had too much to drink and passed out in the bathroom. It took us a while to discover that and then everyone left the bar except for me, H3, and of course Braceface. We started to wrap things up because it was getting pretty late and everyone had to work the next day. H3 had to leave beause he has to be at work at like 4:30 but I did get a big hug before he left. We texted for a bit after he left and I told him he was a punk because he didn’t really kiss me and he left me alone with Braceface. He said he’d try to make it up to me in the future.

So I had had way too much to drink to be able to drive right at that moment and here’s where the evening spun out of control. Braceface was going to drive me to my car so we went to his car. We sat there talking for a little bit, oh and by the way, Braceface is MARRIED! WTF! I told him he shouldn’t be cheating on his wife. I’m not going to make excuses, I was really drunk but I knew better than to play with Braceface. Next thing I knew we were kissing and then we were in the backseat (tinted windows) making out. It was stupid, stupid, stupid. I have no interest at all in this guy and he’s a little punk. If I were the kind of person who embarrasses easily, I’d be totally blushing right now. And quite honestly, if he’d pushed it I would have slept with him, which would have taken my stupidity to a whole new level. Fortunatley for me, he didn’t have any protection so it was a no go. OMG I can’t believe I made out with him like that!

So eventually we wrapped it up and he drove me to my car. I was really still too drunk to drive but I didn’t have a lot of options. Still, it was stupid for me to drive like that! I think I’ve only driven when I shouldn’t have 2-3 times in my whole life before last night. I’m lucky I wasn’t pulled because I definitely would have gotten a DUI. Braceface called me while I was driving trying to be all sweet and stuff but I wasn’t having it at that point. Then the DJ texted me. Remember him? The old guy? He’s actually 49 I asked for his license to verify his age LOL.

He asked me to stop by his bar on my way home to hang out for a bit. And for some stupid stupid stupid reason I agreed. I was clearly not thinking with any sort of common sense last night. So I get to the bar he’s at and it’s about 2 am so they are shutting down but we hung out inside for a while just talking. He grilled me again about Lawyer Boy and I finally started telling him about all the boys on my roster just to get him to shut up HA! After the bar was officially shut down, we sat out in his truck talking for a while longer. Then suddenly I found myself kissing him and making out. Yes, you read that right! In the span of 12 hours, I had wild sweaty sex with Sawyer; PG kissed H3, totally made out with Braceface in the backseat of his van, and then dry humped the DJ. About 3:30 I knew I had to head home or I would be making a terrible mistake so while I was slightly more sober now I very carefully drove home only to realize I’d lost one of my favorite very expensive earrings in the DJ’s truck. He swears he’s going to find it for me.

I mean really. What is wrong with me!!!!! That’s a ridiculous amount of action and bad decisions in a really short span of time. I was texting with College Crush this am and told him I think I need a keeper because I clearly have no common sense anymore or any sense of decorum. Could somebody please give me a swift kick in the ass? I think I need to grow up just a tiny freaking bit…


PS - Ok, I just had to add....the making out with Braceface and DJ just wasn't worth it for a lot of reasons including the fact that they both have small trouser snakes.

Crouching Tiger

I have got to stop sleeping with men that live in the same town that I do...it's too small and it's making me paranoid. Today I was in the 7-11 right around the corner from my house and I was 99% sure that I saw the Chilean guy by the soda machine. I did NOT want to run into him and start a convo in front of my bff (or really just at all), so I went behind an end cap and crouched down on the floor while I made my bff scope out his location. He got in line and the line was for freaking ever...so there I sat crouched on the floor feeling like an idiot, texting Miranda (b/c I knew she'd love the visual), and waiting for him to go. I finally poked up to check on his status and realized as he was walking out the door that it WASN'T him. How freaking embarrassing...seriously.
In other news, Russell is being a total asshole these days...really I have days where I have to hide the knives from myself. Today he had his bf pick him up at the house to return the kid's car to us, but he went about it so very wrong. We have the agreement that men we date do NOT come to the house while the other one is home. I'm sitting on the porch and he prances out and announces that bf is almost here and I should go inside if I don't want to see him. Excuse the fuck out me, but I don't think so...motherfucker...walk your stupid, lazy ass up to the end of the road and wait for him...which is what he did AFTER my tantrum. Gawd, I seriously want to rip his dick off and shove it up his ass somedays. The best part was that he had the audacity to act like I was being a bitch...c'mon!

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Footing the Bill

In my various dating exploits these last three months (yes it has only been three month lol – seems like a lifetime since I moved out) I’ve been intrigued by this whole “who’s paying for what” deal with dating.

I’ll be honest, women’s lib aside; I do think the boy should pay on the first few dates. I have no logic behind that other than that’s just what I think. That being said, I do always offer to split the check or at least make the old fake out rummaging around in my purse like I’m looking for my wallet move. I mean I’m a grown ass woman I should at least pretend to offer right? Now as a relationship progresses I think it evens out more and you share the bill more often.

In the vast majority of my dates, the guy immediately either just takes the check no questions asked or he sees my fake rummaging and tells me not to even think about paying. A few of them have even been a little insulted that I would even think I needed to pay.

Other than the random awfulness of Toe Boy (remember that freak!), I’ve not actually paid for much. I bet by now I’ve been on probably 20-25 dates (in three months – go me!) and by my calculations I’ve shelled out less than $100. Not too shabby. With Lawyer Boy, I’ve bought two rounds of drinks, with College Crush I bought him one beer and paid for half our cab ride, and then of course there was freaky Toe Boy who I bought my own dinner with. Pretty sweet huh?

Even last night I ended up going out with some girls from my softball team – yes they are lesbians – and I didn’t pay for my own drinks. They bought them! HA! Considering I average going out three nights a week I think I’m doing pretty freaking good!


PS – Randomly, my Plenty of Fish account has started getting tons of messages again. Some from some really cute guys and there’s even a guy who is 6’8!!!!!! OMG I love a tall guy. Not sure that any of them are team worthy yet, but I do have some spaces available….