I have been spending lots (and I mean lots) of time with Truck Driver lately, pretty much every day he’s home from being on the road. Things have been going well but I still get the feeling he’s not sure about his feelings for me. So, last Friday while we were hanging out I decided to tell him that I thought we’d be better as friends with benefits. That way, I wouldn’t get my feelings hurt and we could still have amazing sex without me worrying about how this is all going to work out. He looked pissed off when I said this but claimed he wasn’t – it was ‘whatever I wanted to do’.
At that point, I left to go hang out with The Barber (who had called while I was with Truck Driver). Truck Driver asked me if I was going to come back – I only told him I was meeting up with The Barber to get some money he owed me…which was sort of true! I told Truck Driver I wasn’t sure but I’d think about it. I had a lovely time with The Barber that night but he didn’t stay long and by midnight I was in bed. Truck Driver called to see if was coming back over and I said I didn’t feel like driving (side note – when my car got hit by the drunk driver it was while I was on my way to Truck Driver’s house and I now use this to my advantage) to which he offered to come pick me up. I agreed and went back over to his house. I didn’t feel too slutty because The Barber and I didn’t have sex that night. Truck Driver even brought me back bright and early at 7am the next morning because I had to meet my mom for a shopping adventure. And when we first woke up that morning he asked me out of nowhere “So what would your mom say if you told her you were dating a black guy?” I found it very funny that after I said I wanted to be friends only, Truck Driver decides not only to come pick me up at 1am so I could stay with him but also wanted to discuss the various implications of us dating. Boys!
Fast forward to this weekend. Truck Driver was coming home from the road Friday night about 2:30am and I had agreed to go over to his house to spend the night. Of course, The Barber decides to call me at about 11pm (after plans have been finalized with Truck Driver) to see if I wanted to hang out – I am not currently capable of telling The Barber no so of course I said yes and to tell the whole truth I had texted him a few suggestive messages earlier in the day which apparently worked. So I told Truck Driver I started feeling sick and that I was going to go ahead and go to bed but I would call him as soon as I woke up because I still wanted to see him – I haven’t heard one word from him since. Literally. His phone has been ‘dead’ since Saturday about the middle of the day. And, honestly, I do miss him some but nothing too intense. I’m just used to talking to him so it’s strange not to for a few days. I felt bad for dissing him…for about 2.5 seconds……until I remembered he has done it to me more than once. I don’t feel bad anymore. However, my horoscope for today says the following:
"Today you might be feeling particularly warm and loving toward a romantic partner, and the feeling is likely reciprocated. You could have trouble reaching each other to make arrangements to meet, Libra. Phone messages may not be received, or perhaps the person has something important to do. Eventually the two of you will speak, even if you aren't able to do what you want before tomorrow."
Ok back to the point of this post. The Barber came over Friday night about midnight. I thought he just wanted to hang out for a bit, have sex and then he would leave. But I was wrong. He wanted to spend the night (he hasn’t spent the night with me since we broke up a couple months back). His best friend was at my house as well because he dates my bff/roommate. I thought maybe this was his motivation for coming over but much to my delight, The Barber stayed with me in my room the entire time he was there and didn’t say even one word to his boy. We had freaking fantastic sex, twice. I swear it gets better every time. This time ended with us both about to have asthma attacks and him telling me “remember what your coaches used to say, put your hands over your head it opens up your lungs” LOL. We spent the night talking and he asked me to tell him a bedtime story, which I did. He was in a particularly relaxed mood and I had so much fun with him, it felt like it used to feel and reminded me why I liked him so much in the first place. I also felt like it brought us closer which was nice because we’ve grown apart a little bit over the past few months, even before we broke up (he is dealing with LOTS of baby mama drama right now). He left early Saturday morning to go to work and I got a very sweet kiss.
Now I’m left wondering what the hell to do. I started dating all these guys because The Barber wasn’t giving me enough of what I need (or at least what I think I need). But, that being said, The Barber still has a hold on me strong enough to make me diss the other guys I’m talking to in two seconds flat. In fact, after Friday’s experience I even considered dropping all the boys from my team and trying to make it work with him again. It seems I’ve come full circle, damnit.