Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Dirty Thirty

I spent the past weekend at the beach celebrating my high school best friend’s 30th birthday at the beach – it was tons of fun while simultaneously depressing. The first night we got there I went out with my newly 21 year old cousin and he got me completely wasted. I have a decent alcohol tolerance level but I’m totally not used to taking shot after shot all night long like my cousin and his friends. He must have bought me at least 6 shots and one was a mixture of kahlua and tequila – talk about a recipe for disaster. I did learn of a new shot that made me LOL; it’s called the Lindsay Lohan and it’s a red headed slut shot with a splash of coke. Come on now, that’s funny. To add a little background to this story......the last time my high school bff and I took a trip to this particular beach (last summer) it ended with her in jail for 36 hours (on a bogus DUI charge; she blew a 0.0) and me spending the entire weekend in the jail lobby waiting for her to get bonded out while fending off constant requests from other 'visitors' to use my cell phone and/or bum a Newport. So all in all this most recent trip was a stunning success.

The girls (plus my cousin) went out downtown Friday night for the actual birthday bash and spent the night dancing our little butts off at the only bar in the city that plays hip hop and rap – don’t get me wrong I love all types of music but I can’t exactly break it down to Jimmy Buffett. And, being that we were at the beach most of the bars either had live bands or only played Jack Johnson-ish tunes. I had a blast dancing and also watching all the beach boys in their khaki shorts, polos and flip flops grinding on girls and singing all the words to the rap songs. I bet Lil Wayne has no idea how many preppy, rich white boys hang on his every lyric. The night ended with a wild cab ride home and a late night pizza delivery. Saturday we partied it up on my friend’s boat and we were all in bed by 9pm that night. It was an awesome weekend and I can’t believe how time has flown by. I also learned that my alcohol tolerance increases 10-fold when I'm on a boat - note to self.

Also on Saturday morning, as I was rousing from my drunken festivities the night before I started checking my phone for evidence of any drunk texting. I clearly texted the Ex because I had a missed call from him at 4:42am and a not so friendly text message saying “If you’re always doing something then what’s the point of calling?” I texted him back that if by doing something he meant sleeping, then yes, I’m always doing something. Anyways.

As I was checking my call log a most surprising text came through……..from The Barber. It was barely 9:30am and his text said “Having fun? I really miss you and can’t wait to see you when you get back. I’m a little ready if you know what I mean…..” This wouldn’t be so surprising if we were together but even then it wasn’t a regular occurrence. We never had the kind of relationship where we talked everyday, frankly neither of us are that clingy. He isn’t big on texting or even talking on the phone really (unless he is in a certain mood) and I’m used to not hearing from him for a few days at a time. So, needless to say the text surprised me – both content and timing. My thought was that he must have gone out and gotten drunk Friday night (there was a huge rap concert in my hometown that brings with it tons of parties and lots of slutty girls) and either did something he felt guilty about or he was just hungover and horny. Either way the text did brighten my mood for the day. I texted back that I missed him too and was looking forward to seeing him when I got back on Sunday.

Sunday rolls around and I let The Barber know I was back at home. He called me that evening and came over that night. We got in on big time, no 69 this time thank God! I’ve also been trying some new oral techniques on him and every time his reaction gets funnier and funnier (in a good way). This time he was moaning and flexing his toes and writhing around like a maniac. The power I have during those moments is amazing! He stayed the night again, if you’re keeping track that would be the third weekend in a row. We had an early morning session which I always love – wonder if Miranda noticed my exceptionally good mood on Monday morning? He left when I left for work and once again I was left feeling all giddy and happy. We talked yesterday and I’m pretty sure I’m going to see him again tonight. Full circle baby. Full freaking circle.

In other man team news, I got a text at 6:45am this morning from Truck Driver asking me to send him a sexy pic. How random? I haven’t heard from him since our first official ‘booty call’ on Miranda’s birthday. On that day we (aka I) decided that we would only be sex buddies with no strings attached – we are to text one another if we are in need of some loving and agreed to call it off if either of us started feeling uncomfortable or got into a relationship with someone else. Since I hadn’t heard from him in over two weeks I figured either he played me to get one last piece of ass or he had changed his mind. I’m still not sure what his deal is but I did send him a pic. What can I say? I like having sex and if I only get to do it with The Barber a couple times a week then I need to find someone else to fill in the gaps. Who better than a good looking guy with an enormous penis that lives less than a mile from me?

Guess I’d better get back to work now. But it’s lots less fun without Miranda here to distract me. That lucky little slut is on her way to Hawaii as I type this……………



  1. HAHAHAHA Hawaii is so awesome. Tomorrow the search for Hawaii booty starts. I'm just saying.....


  2. Wow, the Barber sounds like the best FWB you could ask for. Do you think he's angling for something more?

    A kahlua/tequila shot sounds disastrous!

  3. BTW I did think you seemed exceptionally happy to be at work on Monday. Tramp! And I want to know this new oral technique!