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Friday, January 28, 2011

Divorce Day

I didn't do a specific post on it, but divorce day was yesterday. One year ago (from yesterday), I sat on my favorite beach and hashed out the details of my divorce with Russell. We've come a long way this year. The irony of the whole thing is that he's actually in San Francisco this week, which is where we started our honeymoon 10 1/2 years ago. I sent him a 'Happy Divorce Day' text yesterday that made him laugh. Today he sent me a text asking me for the name of the street for the B&B we stayed in on our honeymoon. I laughed out loud at him and told him I had NO idea. I mean I walked into my kitchen three times this morning before I remembered that I was in there to make myself breakfast....seriously. I cannot be expected to remember the name of the street of a B&B that I stayed in over a decade ago...lmao.

Today was a good, low key day. I was off from work, but had school tonight. Gavin called me this morning to see what I was up to and to come pick up my recycling. I really appreciate that he takes care of things like that for me. He said it's obvious I need a "man" around the house. Russell will do it if it's overflowing and I ask, but he's never done it on his own volition...ever. Gavin was working on the beach today and asked me to come lay out where he was working before school. I agreed and had a lovely morning/early afternoon sitting on the beach. I could have done without the chainsaw buzzing the entire time, but that's what you get when you fuck a tree trimmer.

I came home tonight to him on my couch, kid ready for bed, and a plate of dinner waiting on me. I have to say he spoils me a little. He actually worked with Chloe today on bike riding. For the record, I can't ride a bike. Russell can but he just doesn't do those kind of things with her...we suck at teaching her things. Gavin has decided that it's ridiculous that she's 7 and can't ride a bike so he's taking it upon himself to teach her, bless his heart. Last night when he was telling me about taking her surfing, he kept referring to her as "Daddy's Little Girl" with him being "Daddy". I'm trying to not read into that reference. (It seems the gf is pissy about how much interest he's taken in Chloe...if only she knew of his other interests like giving me a creamy dessert after my dinner.) Anyway, he has really enjoyed playing her the last few days and she has loved every second of it as well. I appreciate having a friend like him in my life during this crazy time.
-Jules

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Women Rule Everywhere

HAHAHA! Jules I think you took me way too literally. By saying women need to chill and let men be men I in no way meant that it’s ok for guys to be weak, whipped, embryo men or assholes who treat you like crap.


Just that women need to chill out in trying to make relationships (and men) be things that they aren’t. Women need to love themselves enough to get out of bad relationships and find guys who are ready to be strong, manly men who take care of business and not be led around like a puppy.

I think far too many men are weak, pathetic examples of men because all their lives they’ve been “managed” by women. First their mothers and then later their girlfriends and wives. I think in the right situation with the right woman, almost every man can earn back their balls and step their game up. And I think there are men, like Coach, who have always had good game - hopefully because their moms didn’t let them puss out on life – which is something I work hard on with Leo. I’m determined he’ll be a strong man when he’s grown up.

Looking back on my marriage, I know I was totally over-functioning in the relationship. I was the one giving, leading, stepping in, rescuing, and generally doing all the shit men are supposed to do. I pushed things from the start and tried to mold Duckie into some semblance of the man I wanted to end up with. And because he’d been a mama’s boy (in a bad way) his whole life, he was more than happy to let me run the show. Ultimately it created boatloads of resentment in me and an incredible imbalance of power in the relationship.

Did it feel good to have all that control? Sure but it also really sucked the enjoyment out of it for me and made me not have any sexual desire for him at all. It’s a miracle we had two kids! LOL! I guess it comes down to a fine balance. I can damn sure take care of myself in every way possible. However, in a relationship I don’t want to be the one taking care of everything.

I think in a lot of ways you and Gavin have the whole pearl/clam thing going on. He’s definitely providing for you in lots of ways and you don’t hold back letting him know how you feel about things. Sure it’s not a “love” relationship but then again that’s not what you’re looking for.

The whole giving up control aspect of this relates a lot to me (and most women) being a control freak. But I have to remind myself again and again, where did that control freakness get me – unhappily married and miserable. It doesn’t mean I don’t get to say and do what I want, just that I’m not trying to force Coach to be/do what I want.

Does that make sense? I guess ultimately if you end up with a good man, none of this matters. He does what he’s supposed to do as a man and the relationship works well. I’ve just haven’t encountered that guy until I stumbled upon Coach. As much of an optimist as I am, I still keep waiting for his inner gimp to come out or for him to fold and start being crazy. HA! Though at this point I think it’s a safe bet to deduce that he’s not a gimp but he seems to have the power to turn women into gimps. I know I’ve mentioned on the blog a few crazy run-ins I’ve had with women friends of his and his ex but there are so many more it’s insane! I tell him all the time he’s lucky to have a strong woman like me who really doesn’t give a shit about what other women think because a lesser girl would have folded by now!

Miranda

WTF? Women Rule Here

Miranda, my dear Miranda...clearly you have gone over the edge. I love you and I'll be here on both sides of this for you...but holy mother of god, have you lost your mind?! Women DO NOT need to chill....men NEED to pick up their game...here's an example.
Gavin and I have not had sex (prior to today) in a few weeks. I was pissed at him over the whole pill thing and some shit he told Gwyn and Miranda...but I'm officially over it.
First of all, he agreed to pick up Chloe not only today but tomorrow as well and 2 days in February when Russell is off the island. You have  got to LOVE a man that picks up your kid and even more so when your kid is super psyched about it....SCORE. It's an added bonus when he picks them up HOURS before closing time and actually dedicates time to them. He actually took Chloe surfing today and she "caught" a wave.
This earned him some hard core sex. I got home to dinner ready and a glass of chilled wine sitting on the counter for me. How can you not get on your knees for that?! I did, but there were restrictions that I  better cum a lot. I mean, seriously a lot. He complied.
First of all, I informed him that I would GLADLY suck his cock because he enjoys it so much IF he made me cum a lot. He was on it...he fucked me super hard for a while and then when I finally pulled myself off his cock, he moved onto fingering me insanely hard for an extended period of time. He was wayyy impressed by how much I came and I was wayyy impressed by how hard he made my pussy cum and drench his hand...win-win. We were also super high since I figured out that I'm in the clear with the whole drug testing thing. While I enjoy him IMMENSELY, I did not have to "give up" anything to have him here and he made me cum like never before because I froze him out briefly.
-Jules

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Clams and Pearls

Well Coach is definitely moving to DC for three months. He leaves in mid-February and will hopefully be back by the end of May at the latest. Thankfully he will be home just about every other weekend to see his kids (and me) and he’s already said he’s going to fly me up there most other weekends. (Incidentally he’s also talking about taking me on a cruise, to a Caribbean island, and back to Hawaii in August – yeah I scored big time with this one!)


Despite his promised continued contact, I have to admit I’m pretty bummed about it. We have been spending an increasing amount of time together and he’s just freaking awesome. Knowing that our face time is limited, I think I’ve seen him just about every day this month so far, outside of Hawaii time. He’s been killer with the kids and they are always so excited to see him. He’s taken me and the kids out for multiple dinners and last night he even bought them both a little present. If he wasn’t already golden with the kids that surely did it! Coach has met the whole family except for my brother now and they all seem to adore him too.

Obviously from reading this blog you know we all spend what seems to be an inordinate amount of time examining our lives and our choices and trying to figure out why things happen the way they do. For the last couple months, Gwyn and I have been following the blog/website http://www.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/ by relationship expert Rori Raye. I have to tell you, the advice/techniques on it have paid off big time with Coach and I know they have worked in Gwyn’s favor as well.

One of the big things we have started doing has to do with the whole “feeling” statements that we’ve mentioned before. Basically instead of telling guys what you need exactly or how to make you feel better, you simply say how you are feeling. For example:

Miranda – I feel frustrated my mp3 player doesn’t hold enough songs for my trip to Hawaii.
Coach – I’m going to give you my IPod which holds 10,000 songs.

That’s almost word for word what happened my friends. It’s pretty incredibly. In the past I would have complained about my mp3 player and just went out and bought one for myself or else hinted around that I wanted him to buy me one. Inevitably he being a man would have missed my hints and I’d be left feeling under-appreciated. Instead, I used my “feeling” statements and gave him the opportunity to rush in and be the knight in shining armor to save the princess in distress.

It sounds silly but this “feeling” stuff really works. And it’s really not manipulation or being sneaky. It’s simply being honest and open about how you are feeling without telling the guy how to fix/save/change you. The guy actually hears what you are saying and 9 times out of 10, he knows just what to do to fix/save/change you. It seems way too simple but I’m telling you it works. There’s a ton more details on these “feeling” statements on her blog which you must read!

Some of the advice we were already doing based on things we theorized and experimented with on our own over the last six or so. Things like not initiating contact, letting the man lead, not making men the focus of our lives, etc. But Rori’s advice has really opened up some new insights into relationships for me.

One of the big things is the whole concept of thinking as relationships as being between clams and pearls. What’s a Clam? A protector with a hard crusty outer shell but contains a nurturing center. What’s a Pearl? A precious, beautiful, glowing, expensive, absolutely unique gift that is built up slowly over time.

I made a joking reference to Coach that he was a clam one night and he picked up on it right away. His “job” in the relationship is to protect his “pearl” – that may mean physical protection (opening doors or pummeling jerks), provisional protection (a manly arm to keep your warm at night or an IPod re the example above), or even emotional protection (communicating with your regularly so you know you are treasured or being a shoulder for you to cry on).

In essence women need to chill out and let men be men. We need to stop trying to run the show and bring our balls to the wall business personas home. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with taking the backseat in the relationship for a change, let me say that loud can clear as a reformed pants wearer in the relationship.

My whole relationship with Duckie was me pushing for what I wanted and making things happen because I felt like I had to be in control all the time to have the relationship I wanted (to be fair Duckie was a huge puss too who liked to let someone else be in control). And where did that attitude get me – divorced at 34. Over the last year as I’ve dated and dated and dated and dated I’ve seen this enough times to know it’s not a phenomenon.

For a change, I feel like I’m trusting my boundaries and instincts. I’m following my feelings and actually letting them be heard and not trying to be anyone other than myself. I’m working hard on choosing my words carefully to talk about how I feel without trying to influence Coach (that was a huge issue with me and Duckie) and to acknowledge all the little things he does for me. And I’m giving up control – in total. I don’t have to know every outcome, make every plan, manage every situation, or be the one pushing the relationship wherever it’s headed. All this stuff has been hard to incorporate but I have to say it’s really been a blessing in disguise.

And this is really bigger then just my relationship with Coach. I’m trying to do this in all areas of my life that I can and it’s making a huge impact. I am far more content right now then I can ever remember being in my whole entire life. And that my friends, it a pretty great feeling!

Miranda

Call Me a Sinner and a Whore (You Can Skip Killer)

I don't believe in god, so these accusations really are lost on me but if I did, I'd say that they were pretty spot on. I'm enjoying the hell out of it though. Guess I'll be bummed in a few years if I'm wrong and burn in hell for eternity, but since I'm also not a future thinker at all...I'll worry about it when the time comes.
Where is this coming from? Two places...

First off, Clark clearly missed his calling in the military and if the Navy had known what an awesome psychological warfare tool he is I'm sure they would have kept him on. Oddly enough, they still haven't processed him out. I did find out that when they do, he's leaving the island.  I opened this can of worms by responding to him IM Saturday...so I own that. Here's where I'm not sure how to proceed though. I've mentioned that I am scared of him and I really mean that. I've responded to most of his texts (many, many texts) the past few days because I'm honestly afraid if I don't that he'll show up. Russell is off island this week and while Gavin can be here in 3.5 seconds, it's dependent on whether or not I'm able to actually get to the phone to call him.

He's spent the last 3 days now going back and forth between how much he loves me to what a whore I am for fucking all of these other guys. I told him honestly about all 3 current team members in hopes that this would dissuade him from pursuing me. It didn't. I'm not letting it into my psyche, but I will admit it's a little exhausting. I've said no way, no how in about as many ways as I know how at this point. Next time, I'm going to have to google it in different languages so that I can continue with some variety.

Moving on to more fun topics, I have to back up and say that this morning was ridiculously shitty. Sunday night I went to Penn's and had some really great, hot, dirty sex. He talked a lot of shit while he was fucking me and I LOVE that. I love when men tell me graphically what they are doing and ask me things like if I think about them when I'm alone. Um hell yeah I do and if I didn't before I damn sure will start now , cowboy! Ok, so things are back to "normal" with him but I was out super late and I've paid for it by being soooo tired for 2 days.

Monday I muddled through the day. My car has been having some problems and Russell was kind enough to drop it off at the dealership for me that day. Today, the dealership calls and they are fixing the main issue under the warranty but all of the other stupid shit that was wrong (which I think should have also been covered) wasn't and it cost me $350. I was less than thrilled. On top of that, I'm actually pretty stressed that Russell is gone this week and I'm having to do it all alone. I know this is how it's going to be one day, but one day I won't be taking night classes, working, doing a practicum, and juggling three men in addition to my parenting duties. (Technically, I'm not totally alone in this though. Gavin is actually picking Chloe up the next 2 days for me so that I can attend classes.) Add in Clark's insane texting and pressure from my Dad to webcam in the 3 spare seconds I have this week and the fact that I haven't gone to the grocery store in weeks, the laundry needed to be done, and my house is dirty, plus I haven't done a bit of reading for any of my classes to date and well...I'm a little bitchy today. Then, I had to go to town without my GPS and find parking. I ended up cussing out a poor old man in the midst of that adventure. I mean he was a jackass, but still....inappropriate.

So, Owen texts me this morning to find out if we can hook up. Sex cures my pissy moods, but honestly this one was soooo bad I didn't even know if I should chance human interaction with anyone that voluntarily sees me in life. I had talked to Gavin and despite his request to hang out today I told him he probably wanted to avoid me and that I really wasn't going to be around today anyway. He heeded my warning, poor man. Owen was insistent that he could cure what ailed me and he did with virtually no discussion other than 'you feel amazing', 'you love it when I fuck you like this, don't you?', and 'can I put my hard cock in your tight little ass now?'.

I finally agreed to meet him out on our beach between my TB skin test (the joys of living in Hawaii includes mandatory testing all the time), picking up my car, and picking up Chloe from school. It was worth every nano second. We actually met up right past the old Lost set at my favorite beach and as I was walking up he was fairly close behind me. He'd left earlier than I got there and so I hurried to spread everything out and get into place for him. It seems that he throughly enjoys running up off the beach and seeing masturbating MILFs naked in the sand waiting for him. He knew my time constraints today and he very thoughtfully got right down on it. I'd brought a toy per his request and we played for a little bit and then he DPed me with his huge cock and that toy. As we were in the midst of it, a woman jogged by and he kind of pushed me down into my total fave position and I swear it was all I could do not to scream as I came like a billion times in a row. I can fuck Gavin pretty quietly but it's just impossible with Owen.

We finished up with him loudly cumming a ton in my ass. I love that. I know it's dirty, but I just do. Here's the part I really like and I know this makes me a sinner and a whore to a lot of you...whatever. He sent me a text about 5 minutes ago telling me that it wasn't a good time to text back but that today had been amazing and it felt so great and that he hoped it was what I'd needed. I know I shouldn't enjoy that, but it really turns me on that he's at home thinking about it. Feel free to judge...I do NOT want him to leave his family for me, but I do like that he thinks about fucking me all the time.

I've also had some weirdness lately resurface from like 16 years ago. This post is long, so I'll wrap it up but first of all a guy I went to HS with and haven't seen since I was 18 sent me a FB friend request the other day. In this, he also sent a message saying how he'd love to have sex again. Dude, it was 16 years ago...seriously? I mean I'm flattered, but let it go. He's sent me subsequent IMs about how much he'd like to go down on me again and how you just don't forget awesome sex. I'll admit I still remember how hung he was/is, but I don't sit around and think about him...ever. We had sex maybe 3 or 4 times total and he lives 5000 miles away.

Then earlier this week I got a wall post on FB from a guy I had a HUGE crush on when I was 17. He and I worked at the same restaurant...the same one with Russell too by the way. He was somewhat older, maybe 22 or 23 and I thought he was the heat. We never hooked up though because he was afraid of my age. I used to tempt the hell out of him, but he resisted out of fear of prison and my Daddy. We "met up" again on FB last year and had some hot IMs but then he got a gf and dropped off the face of the Earth. They must have broken up because he's back in full force. Mind you he lives in NC, so nothing is going to come of this but some sexting fun. Anyway, he's been begging all night for pics and sexting me to death. I will say it's good for the ego (albeit random), especially after hearing Clark go between loving and hating me all day.
-Jules

Sunday, January 23, 2011

It's Feasting Time in Crazytown

Men are driving me nuts again like to the point where I may take a break from them all (except for Owen). Gavin and Russell decided at the same time to sober up for the past 2 weeks. I found it excruciating...sobriety is not allowed in this house. Russell and I spent a few hours last night kicking back with some margaritas, so that was nice. Alcohol keeps the peace here very well. Gavin came over after Russell went to bed and we got each other off on the couch. He'd been out drinking and was horny. Thank god because when he's sober, he bores the shit out of me. Things seem more normal on that front, but I'm feeling a little pissy with him over the pill thing and then his remarks to Miranda and Gwyn that seemingly implied I complicate his life and have issues with his gf, which is not the case in life. I need him to babysit Chloe some for me this week with Russell being gone, so I've basically just withdrawing from him and I'm not confronting him on it yet.

Penn is being weird. When Miranda and Gwyn were here, he texted me nightly to come over with the exception of the ONE night I was in town and could have actually seen him. I did finally see him Wednesday and last night when I was kid free I offered to come hang out. He responded about 4 hours after I texted him saying yes. Well at that point, I had other plans and after dinner with some friends I texted him back and I said I'd still be willing to if he wanted but I couldn't get there until close to 11pm. He said he had to be to work early, but I could come for "a few". Dude, I'm not driving an hour for "a few". We texted some back and forth about how if he wasn't into me, I'd be happy to move along. He assured me that wasn't the case and that he enjoys hanging out with me a lot, but since he works so early Thursday-Sunday he can't be up late. I don't know...I'm having a hard time trying to figure him out. I think I was a little tipsy though and taking his remarks personally. His delayed response was because he'd been at work.

Then this morning, he texted me about coming to his work and hooking up on his break...in the employee locker room. I declined that wonderful invitation because again I'm not driving 2 hours roundtrip on a beautiful day to fuck for like 10 minutes. He may be on his way out. Men in their 20s are stupid. Miranda calls them embryos. She's spot on with that.

Last night after Gavin left and I finished watching my movie, I got online. I didn't realize I was signed into IM and Clark pops up. I hadn't heard from him in about a month...a blissfully quiet, not crazy filled month. He played to my professional self and started in on how he has nothing and is all alone. I told him he caused that for himself. I actually dished out a big fat helping of  'you did this to yourself'. I did make him contract for safety because he sounded suicidal and while I intensely dislike him, I needed to know he wasn't going to kill himself. He was saying things like "I'm dead to this world". He finally ended the chat by saying he was sorry he'd bothered me.

I'm sitting on my couch this morning watching TV and deciding to motivate my ass off the couch and go out to the beach when he texts me to ask me to come over for sex. I also declined this lovely invite because I have NO intention of opening that can of worms again....ever. I told him he's not good for me, I'm sorry he's unhappy, but that I can't fix this for him. I didn't tell him this because ultimately he knows it, but what that poor boy needs is years of intensive therapy and medication management and my pussy is not equipped with those services despite his claims that fucking me takes his pain away.
-Jules

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Hawaii Week Recap By Miranda

Yet another fabulous trip to Hawaii has come to an end. Now I just have to wait seven months to go back! Hey Josie – start saving your money now because you’re coming next time! We’re planning for August!

In all seriousness it really was a fabulous trip and much more peaceful than my last one when Jules and Russell were in a shall we say “volatile” frame of mind. They are seriously the best hosts ever. I keep telling Jules she needs to open up a bed and breakfast and I totally mean it! We were little nature girls as Hawaii pretty much demands and did all sorts of things from whale watching to hiking (me 5 miles in a broken flip flop) to spending copious amounts of time watching huge waves crash on the beautiful beaches of Hawaii.

We were very well behaved! It’s funny. I always expect us to be balls to the wall when we’re together but it’s like we get in this close, chummy girl zone where we talk about boys but they pretty much cease to matter. Even on my first trip we only had the one wild night (where Jules tackled Mormon Boy and left me for dead in the bathtub – HA!). This time was much the same, tons of good girl bonding time and only Gwyn had a raunchy adventure which I’m sure she’ll tell you about once her Hawaiian hangover has lightened. I think both Jules and I would agree that we are in a much more peaceful place life-wise where we feel like our feet have gotten back on the ground after all the divorce drama of the last year.

Hawaii is hands down the most glorious place on Earth and if it weren’t for my kids I can say with 100% seriousness I’d be living there right now, mostly likely in Jules’ closet. Alas, I’m going to have to wait for several more years till the kids are bigger to do so. All things said and done, I did have several funny boy related things happen on the trip.

In the same day that shall forever more be known as “Asshole Day” I got a text from FJB saying, “It’s a sad day to be unfriended.” WTF! I unfriended him on Facebook back in November. If he had even one iota of wanting to be “friends” he’d have noticed before now.

Later that day on the same booze cruise where Jules got soaked (so freaking funny I wish I’d caught it on video), I got a phone call from Sawyer. Double WTF! He was calling to ask something about medicine for his kid. Yeah, lamest excuse ever. I answered his question and when he said he hoped he wasn’t disturbing my night I got to deliver the best line ever, “Oh you’re not. I’m just on a booze cruise in Hawaii.” HAHAHA! He tried to act like he didn’t know I was there but my kids have big mouths and I’m absolutely sure they told him.

I think it was also on Asshole Day when I got a call from Leo…on his new cell phone that Duckie had bought him. Did I mention that Leo is 9! Triple WTF! Duckie and I had talked about this before and agreed no cell phone till he was a teenager. But apparently Duckie decided to buy him one “for emergency purposes only” though I can’t help but wonder if it was an f-you for being in Hawaii kind of thing. Whatever. I just hope he doesn’t expect me to pay any money towards it.

In good boy related news, things with Coach and I continue to be wonderful. During a drunken texting/voice mail loop on his behalf he dropped the L bomb on me while I was in Hawaii. Yep he told me he loved me. I had a feeling it was coming before I went to Hawaii but I was hoping he’d wait till I got back. I told him via text that I was glad he felt that way and the feeling was mutual but I was going to reserve the right to say it face to face. And I did yesterday during the best homecoming day ever. He came over about an hour after I got home yesterday and brought me flowers and couldn’t stop kissing me. We spent a good three hours having marathon sex and cuddling in bed before we dragged ourselves out and went to lunch and then to run some errands. Coach even stuck around to meet my mom yesterday (she loved him) and took me and the kids to dinner because he knew I was exhausted from jet lag. Yep, he’s pretty much the shit!

Jules and Gwyn delighted in raking me over the coals about Coach. They can read me like a book and know how much I like him and seem to find great delight in teasing me.  Especially when they busted me for drawing a heart in the sand and taking a photo of it. OMG I can't believe I admitted that publicly just now!

One funny thing that happened yesterday… Leo stayed home from school because he wasn’t feeling well and with his brand new cell phone handy, Duckie felt comfortable leaving him at home. Coach and I went to pick up Leo in the afternoon and who should be drive right past… Sawyer! I wish I could show you what his face looked like! It was awesome, especially after his ridiculous phone call in Hawaii.

Today I’m slogging through work and exhausted but I can’t help but feel ridiculously happy after an awesome vacation and an awesome homecoming day. I have a feeling things with Coach could get really serious (yes Jules that’s future thinking damn you for making me do it!). We’ll see where this goes!

Miranda

PS – Jules I miss you so much already! And Coach said he badly wants to come to Hawaii next time LOL!

Hot, Young Quickie Sex

Penn texted me today to see if I could come over after class. Russell thought he had plans to go out, so I said I couldn't unless I got out of class early and could swing by for a quickie. We ended up scheduling a between work and school super hot fuck instead.

Daytime sex is so different than nighttime sex. I noticed things today that I haven't seen before in the many weeks I've now known him. For example, he has a tattoo across his back. In the dark, I guess it's possible I've just missed it. I also noticed just how big his cock is. I've had it everywhere inside of me, but I caught a full on visual today of it in the sunlight and for some reason I was surprised. I'm sore for a full day after I'm with him, so again I'm not sure why this got by me before today. Things just look differently during the day.

On a funny note, he put on Pandora when we laid down on his bed and in the midst of our afternoon rendezvous, cheesy love songs started playing. I had to literally stifle laughter because I learned years ago with Russell that men do NOT like it when you laugh during sex. He didn't seem to notice, but I was cracking up. I think he's on the agenda again for tomorrow. It seems he missed me.
-Jules

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

The Week According to Jules

Wow, we've had a fun trip! I'll let them fill you guys in on all the sightseeing stuff if they are so inclined but we do have a few good stories! Mostly, we were calm and well behaved though and much to their dismay, none of my team got a 4sum.
Last Tuesday, Gavin took me to lunch and grocery shopping and during the drive insisted on picked Gwyn and Miranda up at the airport. Gavin's not always the most reliable person, so I was nervous about this but I need him to watch Chloe some for me over the next month and decided this would be a good trial run. He showed up on time (though Russell was on standby bless him) and appropriately lei'd them. He took them to a cool local restaurant and they got liquored up before coming home. As soon as I got out of class, I raced home and we had a lovely dinner. We spent the night tying one on though and at some point I passed out.
The next morning I woke up looking for my birth control pills to see if I had remembered to take the one from the night before and I noted my pills were not where they should have been. I had moved all of my stuff into the "guest" room before they came and Gavin had come the day before and delivered another mattress and moved some things around in there. Well, Miranda and I tore the guest room apart looking for those pills. Finally, I called Gavin and asked him where they were. He insisted he hadn't stolen them (before I even suggested such a thing) and that they had to be there. They were not, but luckily I had a backup pack. I don't know for sure that he stole them per say, but they are gone and he was the last one in the room. I can't even process this, so I'm moving on and giving him a pass.
Penn started texting me Wednesday night, which carried over to Thursday night begging me to come over. I told him I had friends in town (which he knew) and that I'd see him Friday night as planned. Friday, we went to the beach to watch Gavin surf but he was at a different spot and refused to move down to where we were. He finally walked down to see us, but he was pissy all three of us wouldn't relocate. Men are so funny. It drove him insane that we rented a hotel room in town Friday night. He was sure we were going to be whoring it up (which we didn't end up doing at all). At one point, he told me that miraculously his kid wanted him to get a hotel room in town that same night and he might be there too. ROFL...um, no.
Anyway, we hit Waikiki Friday night and went on a booze cruise. I wanted to sit on the catamaran net and within 5 minutes of the boat sailing out, I was SOAKED. I mean I looked like I went overboard. In the midst of this, my phone got soaked and ruined as well. Once we got back to the hotel, I tried to dry it out and it worked for about 3 minutes. During this time, I texted Penn to see what the plans were and he totally pussed out and then my phone died. Sadly, Gwyn and Miranda didn't get to meet him. I guess if I'm still hanging out with him in August when they come back, we'll try it again.
The long weekend was pretty mellow. Gavin came around a few times and cooked us dinner again one night. He's a great cook! He was so funny when they were here though. He calls me a lot anyway since he doesn't text, but Gwyn and Miranda have renamed him my puppy based on his behavior and need to talk to and see me so often. This worked in our favor though Monday when my car started acting weird...I called him and he came straight over. We drove to the beach so he could see what it was doing and he remarked on how long it had been since we'd played. I told him to come back later in the week and I would take care of his needs. LOL!
Penn continued to text me nightly asking me to swing by. I told him that I'd been in town Friday night and he's missed his chance...so he also must wait until later in the week.
I was sad the girls were leaving today, so an Owen visit was in order....especially since I missed him last week. He texted me yesterday to set it up and suggested we meet out on the beach again! I love that he's so into this now. As it turned out, we ended up in his van today. It's a long, boring story related to his wife coming by and  his partner going surfing. The van sex was so fucking hot though. I got in and we got right down to it since he was supposed to be on a bathroom break. We started with me blowing him. He's so big that I actually find this challenging at times and he's never pursued it much until I laid it on him hard core a few weeks ago. I suppose he got a full on taste of my skills and he's hooked now. He fucked me so hard I squirted all over him, which is one of his favorite things in life and then he finished by cumming in my ass. We accomplished some really amazing orgasms in about 30 minutes. It was just what Jules needed after a week of celibacy!
I'm missing Gwyn and Miranda tonight something awful, but I'm so excited they are planning another trip in August!!! Hurry back!!!
-Jules

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

MIA

I know we've been MIA since we've all been together in Hawaii but believe me, we've been having an amazing time!  Details to come soon!

Friday, January 14, 2011

Together At Last


We made it! After an indeterminably long flight Gwyn and I touched down in Hawaii Wednesday afternoon to be picked up by none other than Jules’ part time boyfriend – Gavin.  After hearing so much about Gavin it was quite delightful to be greeted by him where he promptly lei’d us both at the airport.  He was chattering a mile a minute and determined to do Jules proud so he took us to a local Pearl City hotspot where we drank many mai-tais and started struggling with our jet lag.  

After a deluge in which we were convinced everything we owned was soaking wet in the back of Gavin’s truck (side note Gwyn was almost in tears in the front seat and Gavin acted like we were on a roller coaster ride  while repeatedly saying, “don’t worry Jules has two dryers. Luggage is made to get wet.”), we arrived at Jules’ Hawaiian paradise where Russell greeted us with a big glass of wine and a smile.  After Jules got home much drinking ensued and it was quite the unique little setting.  Jules, Gwyn, Russell, and I were imbibing in the living room while a shirtless Gavin cooked us Chicken Masala.  Yeah I said shirtless.  Apparently that’s his preferred method of cooking these days.

More drinking ensued, incredible amounts of laughter (especially after Russell revealed he had slept with the boy next door which Jules has also slept with), and a great night was had by all.  Before long jet lag claimed sleepyhead Gwyn and apparently it captured me too not long after her though I can’t say I remember actually falling asleep.  I woke up about 3:30 in Russell’s bed and stumbled my way into bed with Gwyn.

Yesterday was a crazy jet lag day where Gwyn and I were walking around in a fog, especially in the morning.  We were packing and unpacking the same things over and over and having serious issues forming coherent words.  Eventually we started to shake the fog off and we spent a glorious day cruising the coastline with Jules. 

To illustrate the depth of our jetlag here’s a secret nugget. Jules had class in the evening so we dropped her off and set the GPS to take us to Waikiki so we could stroll around a bit.  Jules has one of those glorious GPS that use celebrity voices and our voice just happened to be none other than John Cleese.  As we drove down the road he gave us this instruction, “Ahead bear right and beaver left.”  WTF?  We both first ignored his instruction to “beaver left” but when he said it a second time we broke into peals of laughter and wondered just how in the hell we were supposed to “beaver left.”  We proceeded to spend the next four hours debating just what this phrase meant and finally settled on it being an English expression that much be “be prepared to veer left.”  Later when we picked up Jules we asked about “beavering left” and with great delight she said, “It’s a joke you idiots. ‘Bear right, Beaver Left!’”  We died laughing the whole way back to Jules’ house.  Yeah it wasn’t the brightest day of our lives by any means.

This place is un-freaking-believably beautiful.  If you haven’t been here, I highly recommend it but you have to stay away from the city. It’s a whole different experience.  As of this moment, Gwyn and I are sitting in Jules’ dining room (aka the porch), listening to a colophony of birds and getting yelled at the very neighbor who has had sex with both Jules and Russell for being loud.  

When Jules gets back from an early morning meeting we plan to head for the beach and catch some rays. Tonight we’re heading back to town where we are hitting a booze cruise on a catamaren then meeting up with Penn and his friends for drinks.   Tonight is also the night Gwyn will have her fated meet up with Popeye and just much stamina that old spinach gives him. By the way, he send her a video of him shooting his gun yesterday (his literal gun you pervs!).  You know how us Infidelity Chronicles girls feel about guns….

I don’t know if you are gamblers but we’d love to hear your bets on how many of us girls will be having sex tonight.  Will it be Jules the sexaholic? What about Gwyn the man-eater?  Or even Miranda the “bad girl gone good” who has a boyfriend now?  Place your bets!

Miranda

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

The Games We Play

Actually, I'm not much of a game player. I think I've mentioned this before but my Daddy raised me to think that if you play hard to get, men will play who the hell wants you. (Seriously...direct quote.) It's served me well though because men think I'm a cool chick because I don't do drama and I don't play stupid games. I haven't started, but I've noticed my lack of recent availability has really gotten the team riled up and I have to admit I kind of like it.

Penn and I hooked up Thursday. We texted some over the weekend, but I was kind of busy and just not available. Sunday night, he was all twisted about me coming over. Russell went to the gym after work and he didn't get home until really late. By the time he got home, I wasn't leaving the flannel pants and sweatshirt I'd donned for anyone. Sexy, huh?

While we were texting, Penn finally busted out with the request that when Miranda and Gwyn visit this week that we all hook up. Dude, why do men think that just because I'm a little bit of a sexual freak (ok, I downplay) that all of my friends are as well and that we can't wait to fuck? Guys, here's a tip...most women do NOT think that way...including myself. I adore Miranda and I'm super freaking excited to finally meet Gwyn face to face, but I'm not engaging in anything remotely sexual with them.

Today Penn starts in again about wanting me to come over after class tonight. This was after he told me last night that he had to work all day and night today. I inquired about his work status and he told me that he'd probably get out of work approximately 2 hours after my class ended....um, yeah I'm going home and I'll catch you later. He's been a little put out by my overall lack of availability lately, so I hope he doesn't get too frustrated but it is what it is. School started back today and after my child, that's my priority right now.

Then we have Gavin...I saw him a few times over the weekend. He was sick this weekend though with a flu-like thing so he got no loving past his birthday blow job. I can't get sick right now. I did let him come over, but I literally sprayed my couch with Lysol when he left. Apparently, he's feeling much better today. I've told him for weeks that school started back today. How about he called me three times? I called him back once in between work and school, but he let it go to voice mail and I didn't bother calling back the last time. I'm off tomorrow, so I'm sure he'll be around since he didn't get to talk to me today. I've noticed that I either see him or talk to him pretty much every day now, though I'd like to point out that this still doesn't make him my bf (Miranda).

Owen works tomorrow doing  a side job and won't be able to meet up. He and I are talking about meeting on the beach some more though. I think that may become our new, regular spot when my house is full. It seems my boy loved the daytime outdoor beach sex thing a lot and he's figured out that if he runs down there and back he can cum during work hours!

Otherwise, things have been pretty quiet around here. I'm sure all of that will change as soon as Gwyn and Miranda land on the island!
-Jules

Monday, January 10, 2011

Somebody Better Shoot Me With A Tranquilizer

So it's less than 48 hours until Miranda and I arrive in the paradise known as Hawaii for our weeklong visit with Jules!!! And it's safe to say I have officially gone off the reservation and into Hawaii la la land....

Let me give you a brief breakdown of my activities/thoughts over the past five days:
1. Talk about Hawaii to everyone I possibly can, including store clerks, co-workers, friends, frienemies, family members, etc.
2. Obsessively check the weather radar over NC, IL, CA and HI
3. Try on summer clothes, pack, upack, re-pack, obsess over packing, try on more clothes
4. Resist the urge to shop for new clothes for Hawaii
5. Sext with Popeye...who lives in Hawaii
6. Look at Google Street View of Jules' house
7. Run to Wal-Mart at 11:30pm to buy 3oz containers for all of my toiletries
8. Constantly check Hawaii time and then discuss with Miranda what we would be doing if we were there
9. Sell gold jewelry to the pawn shop to earn extra spending money for Hawaii
10. Ask Miranda when we're going back to Hawaii before our first trip even begins
11. Spend my last dime on tanning bed visits and pedicures
12. Ponder the option of taking off work tomorrow and just going to the airport a day early
13. Consider my options for selling my house
14. Searching the Hawaii job boards

That's just the tip of the iceberg. Basically, I'm checked out. If it doesn't have to do with Hawaii, I'm not interested. Wednesday hurry up and get here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-Gwyn

It Pays to Have a Boyfriend

So one thing I’ve really noticed (aside from my outrageous levels of happiness and contentment – though that is also due in part to all the awesome sex I’ve been having) since I’ve been seeing Coach is how much it pays to have a boyfriend. Or man-friend. Or part-time boyfriend (haha Jules). Or hell, just a man who acts like a man and takes care of shit for you.


What I mean is that I don’t pay for jack these days. Not meals. Not drinks. Not entertainment. And now I’ve got a story to top it all.

A few days ago Coach and I were hanging out and I told him I needed to update my mp3 player for my Hawaii trip. Using the “feelings” words Gwyn and I have been working on I said, “I feel like my mp3 player isn’t meeting my needs and it makes me frustrated.” And yes I did the complete little girl pouty face when I said that.

Now every time I’ve used these “feelings” phrases in the past with Coach he’s jumped right on it and turned into my knight in shining armor. These words really arouse some protective “I’m the man” instinct. So no sooner had those words left my mouth then Coach offered me his IPod – his 80GB badass holds 10,000 songs IPod. The very IPod he had let his crazy ex have a few months ago and the very IPod he busted up in her house and took back last night.

That’s right; he took his IPod back from his ex and gave it to me. HAHAHA! I was quite shocked that he actually did it. I mean I figured when he offered it to me he was just being nice and not that he’d actually go and get it back much less give it to me. But he sure did and now I’ve spent umpteen hours updating it, taking off music I don’t want, adding in all mine, getting Gwyn to give me tutorial on how to use it lol.

Also after her craziness with all the Facebook stuff, Coach said last night she apologized to him and said she just “freaked out” about their boys seeing that he was in a relationship. He said when he pressed her for why exactly she was stalking his Facebook she had no explanation and tried to change the topic. She needs to learn that if you’re going to stalk, you have to a hell of a lot smarter. I could teach her a thing or two….but I won’t – HA!

OMG it’s almost Hawaii time!

Miranda

PS – I laugh as I say this but having sex with someone you have feelings for is awesome!

Friday, January 7, 2011

The Calm After the Storm


After all the craziness the rest of this week has been fairly quiet.  Thankfully Duckie and his girlfriend made up.  He didn’t really share any details about what happened other than they had just had a misunderstanding and “he thought she was seeing his point of view.” I can’t help but wonder if maybe one of them was ready to push for the engagement or shacking up or something and the other one wasn’t ready. Who knows, I’m just glad they got back together.

Coach’s crazy ex hasn’t had much to say other than suggesting that Coach delete his entire Facebook page. Yeah, because that makes a lot of sense.  He pretty much told her to get a life and leave him (and me) alone.  But I’m not holding my breath that she’s going to keep the peace in the days to come.

He and I have been spending a lot of time together.  Now that I think about it. I might have seen him every day since last Friday.  That’s interesting now that I think about it. Hmmmm.  He’s even been coming over when the kids are here.  Wednesday he texted me and asked if the kids had had dinner, which they had. When he heard that he asked if it was ok to bring them ice cream.  I of course melted a little inside and said yes it was more than ok.  The kids were very excited to see him.

Ladybug has developed a serious crush on Coach.  The whole time he was here that night she was cozying up to him.  She even told me that he and I couldn’t sit next to each other because she wanted to sit there.  She also demanded that we not touch lol and said soon enough he could kiss me on the lips and then we’d be married.  I thought his eyes might bug out of his head when she said that!  I had to explain that in Ladybug land kissing on the lips equals marriage LOL!  She also gave him a really sweet hug that night when she went to bed.

Leo seems quite taken with Coach as well.  Wednesday night they talked all about computers and sports.  Wednesday night Leo also told me he has his first real girlfriend.  Apparently this little hussy asked him to be her boyfriend. HA!  He also said, “She’s kind of like you mom.  She’s funny. And sometimes she’s nice and sometimes she’s not.  But she’s never hurt anyone physically.”  WTF?  But it made me laugh.

Last night I was headed home when Ladybug piped up in the backseat and said, “Mommy, I sure wish Coach could eat pizza with us.”  I laughed so hard I almost wrecked my car.  I texted Coach to tell him what she said and before I knew it he had plans for all of us to go to dinner that very night.  Score! 

At dinner Ladybug was once again cozying up to Coach and laying her head on his arm and talking nonstop to him.  When we were done with dinner she even invited him back to the apartment!  She has learned from the best! LOL!  Coach sat on the couch for almost an hour looking through the Guinness Book of World Records with Leo and playing with Edith and her Olivia dress up set.  I swear it was one of the sweetest and sexiest things I’ve seen in a long long time. 

In all this time I’ve spent with Coach this week we’ve talked a ton and it’s interesting a lot of our marital problems are extremely similar.  I also found out he had a vasectomy a few years back from the very same doctor as Duckie! HA!  Seriously, the similarities in our lives are quite hilarious. 

I swear things with him just keep getting better and better. I think the time apart with our trip to Hawaii to see Jules will really be good and potential even amp things up more than they already are.  Gwyn mentioned her little photo session for Popeye in the magic mirror here at my place.  I did take some pics to send Coach from Hawaii but then I came up with an even better idea. I asked him if I could have one of his old baseball jerseys and I’m going to do a special photo shoot myself this weekend.  I intend to fully drive him insane with a week of hot sexting and photos.  As much hot sex as we’ve been having, it shouldn’t be too hard to have him sweating bullets waiting for me to get back.  He’s already planning to be off the day we return so we can have our own special homecoming.  What fun!

Miranda

PS - With Coach's house selling this week he's been looking for a new place to live. There aren't that many places in my little town so the likelihood that he could end up living in my same complex is high.  Having my boyfriend that close could either be really awesome or really awful.  Also, he thinks he's getting ready to be offered a three month contract for work outside of DC.  He'd be there Monday through Friday so that could be another interesting element to our relationship.  Guess we'll just have to wait and see what happens.

Apology Accepted

I rarely get pissed at the team because honestly when you're just fucking someone...what is there to get really pissed about? I've been pissed at Gavin like 2 or 3 times and he's quickly figured out the way to win the apology. Wednesday night, he showed up for dinner with oysters and beer. How can you stay mad at a man that brings you that for dinner? I sure couldn't. During the evening, he was looking at me and said the funniest thing to me..."You're really pretty even when I'm sober." I laughed and told him I'm always pretty regardless of his drunken state. No Miranda, no further declarations of love.

There were definitely some declarations of jealousy though. During the time he was here, I was texting with Penn, Bob, Russell, and Miranda. He said something about how my phone goes off ALL the time. I told him I can't help it people love me and I shared a few of the "safe" ones with him. He was assuming they were all from guys I'm seeing. He let it go though because during dinner I put it inside. After dinner, I gave him the Myers-Briggs which makes me a social worker nerd according to Miranda, but it is a really good indicator of people's personalities. By the way, I totally called most of his profile.

He called me yesterday while I was at work complaining about his life. He's broke, hates living with the gf, the gf's son is back and he's miserable. Then he started complaining about my texting again. Jesus ! I finally yelled at him through the phone to break up with her or deal with being unhappy. I dished out another helping of tough love and we hung up. People that are unhappy that refuse to change their situations really frustrate me. I don't understand it. If I'm unhappy, I change the things that are making me that way. 

Penn invited me over last night and I was able to go since I hadn't been able to see him the last few nights. I'll admit my lack of being able to see him lately has totally been on me, so I'm kind of having to eat my words to him from a few weeks ago where I bitched about his lack of availability. We had a great time hanging out on his balcony drinking wine, talking, and then having some fantastic sex. I really wish he was older. We were watching Two and A Half Men and he made some comment about Charlie. I said, "You know that's the guy that played Duckie right?". He said "Who's that?". Sigh....

One thing that he did do last night that scored him major points (and wasn't sexual) was to move my car. I have mentioned how I will eliminate men from my dating/sex pool if they live in a place where I can't park. Where he lives you can illegally park in this one spot but I hate to do that because if I get up at 5am to come home and my car's been towed, I'm screwed. Last night, I parked in that spot and as we were sitting out there he saw a car move from an actual spot, grabbed my keys, raced out, and moved my car so I wouldn't have to worry. I love when guys are thoughtful like that. It's the small things that make me swoon.
-Jules

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Tough Love

While yesterday afternoon was the highlight of my freaking sex life, yesterday evening was really weird. I am hesitant to blog about this too much, because Russell slipped and said something one day that made me paranoid that he’s onto the blog. He knows Clark’s real name but he called him “Clark” one day in conversation. Now it could have been a slip because they are very similar, but what kind of coincidence is that?? Russell is obviously not on Team Gavin and I don’t want to add anything to fuel the fire. He tolerates Gavin because I like him and Chloe likes him, but that’s it.
Anyway, the storm has passed it seems from our being busted Monday night. Gavin came over last night while Russell was working and as he was leaving the first time, he said “Ok, love you…” on the way out. My emotionally gimpy self laughed and said “Mmmm hmm” in response. I was totally freaking out.  Then he came back later…sadly.  I wish that had been the end of the night.
When he came back, he made me super mad and I threw him out. It was time for some serious tough love and I dished it out. I love Gavin. I’ll admit it, but I’m not in love with him. Those are two very different things. I love him like I love all of my friends and I love having sex with him, but I do not fantasize about spending my life with him or anything. He’s a fun, good time guy but he’s got too much baggage for me to be in love with him.  I’m a realist and I also don’t want to settle and he’s still got the whole gf thing going on too. It’s just not the time.
I hated throwing him out. It really hurt me to do it, but it needed to happen. I actually dreamed about us fighting last night, so it’s clearly on my brain. Oddly enough, I have some abandonment issues and I’m always afraid when I fight with someone that it will be it. This doesn’t stop me from being the confrontational bitch that I am, but I’m just saying this other goes through my head too. He called me today around lunchtime to apologize for last night.  I let it go to voicemail. I’ll call him back after work today but I decided to let him sweat it out a little.
In other news, Penn really wanted to me go out to his campsite last night and after I figured out Russell was going out after work and I texted him this, he quit responding…so I’m assuming he’s pissed at me.  I hope he gets over it because he’s cute and fun, but ultimately whatever.  I guess I’m the flaky one now.
-Jules

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Crazy Ass Bitches

Let me give all you adult women a piece of advice – GROW THE FUCK UP!


First off there was the crazy 42 year old “I can be your best friend or your worst enemy” woman from New Years. Sunday night Coach was at my place when he started getting text from this woman. Supposedly one of her friends was interested in Coach and she just wanted to check with Coach to see what he wanted her to tell her friend. I quickly set him straight and let him know that this crazy woman was the one interested. It’s classic girl diversionary tactics to claim someone else is interested. Poor sweet Coach was astounded by the depths of girl trickery. Coach told her, and I paraphrase, “You know I have a girlfriend. Stop acting like this.”

We laughed about this and I shared some of mine and my friends’ crazy stories about things we’ve done when the hormones took over our brains and we got obsessed with guys. Then he suggested we make it real public and go on the record on Facebook as being in a relationship. With a deep breath and feeling very much like I was in high school myself, I agreed and we both changed our relationship statuses. (Cue cheesy music that reminds you of slow dancing in your first high heels at the homecoming dance freshman year in high school.)

So all is hunky dory until last night when Coach’s 40 year old ex-wife got on the crazy train and reverted to high school. Coach and I went out to dinner and were back at my place when his phone started blowing up with calls and text messages from his ex. She was over at their old house, which they just sold, with someone who was measuring rooms to replace the carpet for the new owner. He didn’t want to deal with her so he was just ignoring her calls.

We had a good laugh about her behavior because it was so weird and funny. Not in anyway normal for the way she acts. So finally he checked his phone and he had a message from both his sister (the one who kept telling me she loved me on New Years Eve) and his best friend that he needed to check out his Facebook page.

So we get online and somehow the ex has signed in as him and not only deleted all of my posts from his page but also the fact that we’re in a relationship. In addition, she sent me this lovely message from him – “From CRAZY BITCH’S REAL NAME: Relationship? Wow, so soon! Glad the boys (their sons) could see it on facebook! Won't be friends with their dad on facebook anymore! Enjoy the relationship or whatever you want to call it!"

Yeah, lovely. Apparently even though they’ve been divorced for two years and the divorce was mutual someone is harboring some bad feelings. So Coach jumped online, corrected all the shit she messed up, changed all his email and Facebook passwords, and moved in to ultra-protective mode with me.

Gwyn and I will have to fill you in but we’ve been on this “I feel” kick to put us and the guys we like in touch with our emotions. I told Coach, “I feel vulnerable and nervous about this.” I wish you could have seen the look on his face; he was quite stricken. He went into overload assuring me that she wasn’t going to create drama in our lives and that he was going to “handle this” ASAP and that I had nothing to worry about. It was quite charming and cute. He called his sister back while he was still at my place and she had him tell me almost the same exact thing verbatim and that I didn’t need to worry about the ex, she would take care of her herself. HA!

After Coach went home he tried to call the ex-wife several times to address her behavior and she wouldn’t answer her phone. So not only is she crazy but she can’t take the heat. Whatever! He also called me twice later in the night worried about me and making sure I was ok. Awwwww!

I don’t know. Maybe it’s something about women in their 40s not liking guys in their 40s to date younger women? I mean I’m only 34 so it’s not like Coach is dating a 20 year old but still. As a woman, this behavior out of grown ass women is embarrassing and a blight on the reputation of grown women everywhere. Again I say, “GROW THE FUCK UP!”

In other crazy bitch news, this morning I was emailing with Duckie about the kids and he told me the girlfriend broke up with him yesterday. I didn’t want to dig for details and I figure I can get some out of the kids today when I pick them up. But I did tell him how sorry I was for him and that no matter how weird it seemed/felt, if he wanted to talk I was here for him. He seemed sad. I feel bad for him. Just a day or so ago she was all “I love you” on his Facebook so I can’t imagine what happened there. Maybe it will just be a blip for them. Let’s just hope Duckie doesn’t revert to his own craziness now that he’s single and I am openly dating someone.

Miranda

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Daytime Beach Fantasy - Check

I have always, always, always wanted to have sex out on the beach in broad day light. I've asked Owen a few times to fuck outside, but we've never done it...until today. Since he's married, he's less adventurous in this regards but I guess he finally decided it sounded like hot fun.

Yesterday, he sent me a text asking me what my fantasy would be today if we could play. I thought better of asking for a threesome with Gavin or Penn, so I asked again for outside beach sex. Then, I asked to be tied up if he didn't want to do the outside thing. I think it's good to give men options...plan "B"s if you will.

This morning he sent me a text saying that he didn't think he could get away today to meet at lunch, but maybe we could hook up on Friday. I said ok and hit the beach (my standard plan "B"). I was laying out on my most favorite beach (incidentally where they filmed Lost which I'm now watching compulsively on hulu) and Owen texts me. He starts telling me that one day we should meet out on that beach way down near where they filmed since it's so secluded. I told him that I was actually on that very beach right then. He couldn't get away right then and asked if I could meet after 2pm there today and I said I couldn't because I had promised to pick Chloe up after school. We sexted a bunch and I sent him some pics and video after I ran home and then went to pick my kid up. Chloe has never, ever asked to stay at A+, but she did today to play with a new friend of hers. SCORE!

Once he confirmed that he could get away, I raced to shower and then went back to the beach and hiked out to where we were going to meet. I told him I would be laying out topless and he asked me to please be playing with myself when he walked up. Well, I was expecting him to come from one direction since I knew he was coming down the beach. I'm laying there on my towels, topless, and doing what he'd asked for when he came around the other way and scared the crap out of me. I literally jerked my hand away and rolled over and up all in one move while screaming a little. He died laughing and said he thought I would be more on the beach and I said I thought I was where he'd told me to go since I knew he didn't want to be full on out on the beach. I was behind some bushes near some palm trees with the ocean in sight, if you are wondering. It was a great location. Anyway, he had passed me and then circled back around.

I calmed down from my heartattack and we resumed what I had been doing and then he rolls over for me to start sucking his huge cock, when some lady walks up there. I rolled off him and over on my stomach and he sat there petting my leg until she left. It was so funny. No one ever goes up there...I mean, what were the odds? I thought he would call it off after that because he is married and a little paranoid, but it didn't phase him. She left and we got it on hard core out on the beach. It was every bit as amazing as I had hoped and I was actually just thinking it would be a quickie, but no. He brought his "A" game out there. We did all of our usual favorite positions and I loved watching his hot, tan body against mine in the gleaming sunlight. It was like straight out of a book (or a really good porn...lol).

We finished up and he kissed me goodbye in a way that made me want to rip his shorts off again, but I knew he had to go. I told him he was awesome for fulfilling my fantasy. Then as if I wasn't already impressed with the man...he literally ran down the beach. This beach is a hard beach to walk. I was a little exhausted and I only went half the way he went each way. Once he got back (he claimed to be on a training exercise), he texted me to say that his family had shown up while he was gone and they were waiting there for him...whoops.

As I'm walking back, Gavin called (radar). He wanted to check in and make sure that everything was ok from last night and to tell me that he'd come by and borrowed a bunch of stuff. I told him that everything was fine and that Russell is closing the next two nights so the coast is clear. Then, Penn texted me to tell me that he's coming North Shore tonight to go camping...guess which beach? Yes, it's the exact same beach Owen and I were on today. He wanted me to join him and meet his friends, but I'm home alone with Chloe since Russell is working so I doubt I'll make it.
-Jules

Condoms and Carry Ons

So far 2011 has been a pretty shitty year for Gwyn.

I spent the last day of 2010 at the hospital with a close friend while her baby was in intensive care.

On January 1, The Ex came over and told me that he recently had a baby with another girl (will post on that later but right now I'm trying to pretend it never happened).

On January 3, Miranda and I's first day back to work since before Christmas, we were called to a meeting where we were told our department is merging with another one effective Feb 1 and that they don't "anticipate" eliminating any postions.

On January 4 (today), I'm in full freak out mode as my friend's baby is undergoing open heart surgery  for the third time - for those of you who pray she sure could use your prayers right now.

Needless to say, I'm a little on edge for what the rest of 2011 has in store. But, I guess it can only get better from here - knock on wood.

Luckily, I have had some good moments mixed in with all the craziness and stress. This past Saturday night, after I recovered from my breakdown over hearing The Ex's baby news, Miranda took me out to a country bar in her town (the same place where she spent New Year's Eve with her new BOYFRIEND!) and promised she was going to show me a good time and lift my spirits - boy did she ever!

I was dressed in my magic boots - stiletto, knee high black suede boots with hot pink soles on the bottom. No matter the occasion these boots have some sort of power over men. I wore them to work one day and thought my male boss may have a heart attack when he saw me and also had a co worker call me from another building to tell me she witnessed the landscaping guys googling over me as I walked into my office and that she thought they were all going to follow me inside lol. These boots are truly magical - painful as hell, but magical. I combined them with a cute, short dress that got even shorter as the night wore on. Needless to say, I was slightly over dressed for the country bar but it certainly worked to our advantage.

Miranda pimped me out like a whore all night long. I was her bait and I must say it was a fun job. We strategically moved around the bar targeting men who had been checking me out and then almost effortlessly getting them to buy us alcohol - if the boots weren't enough Miranda also gave them my sob story about The Ex telling them "Look how sad she is" and then I would give my best sad face. It worked like a charm. In between all my whoring, I found plenty of time to give sexy eyes to the door guy all night as he was one of the few men under the age of 40 not wearing either Wranglers, a cowboy hat or a mullet.

We had our fun at the bar and headed back to Miranda's place about 2:30am. We were both still drunk and had plenty of energy. On the way back to Miranda's I decided to send Popeye a text, with the time change it was about 9:30pm his time. He said he was in bed (after all he had to wake up at 4am for Obama!) and that he'd send me a dirty pic the next day because he was sunburnt and too tired to do it then. Boy did he change his tune.

Once we got back to Miranda's I had a brilliant idea - or maybe it was the 5 Soco and lime shots that had the brilliant idea, either way. I had been doing a little flirting via text with Popeye and at some point he asked me for some pics. Now here's where my idea comes into play - Leo's bedroom has full-length mirrored closet doors - magic, mirrored closet doors. Something about the angle of the mirror makes your reflection look much taller and much slimmer. I decided that I would use the magic mirror in combination with the magic boots to do a sexy photoshoot for Popeye. I took a few pics and sent them to him, one by one, starting with a very innocent shot of just my face. In all of them I was in various stages of undress, but always wearing the magic boots. I must say I even impressed myself. After the second one he sent me a shirtless shot (face included). Guess my ass motivated him to get out of bed and get over his sunburned face. After a couple more pics and a lot of dirty talk (by him) he sent me a penis picture - I was so scared I made  Miranda look at it first. Her comment, "Oh my God it looks like a dildo. It's so straight and smooth. And it's veiny." I asked her if was big and she said yes so I took a look for myself. Well folks, it's a pretty penis what can I say. A pretty big penis at that.

A side note, and particularly funny part of this photoshoot, is that my naughty poses are juxtaposed with Leo's racecar bedspread, bean bag, and various toys lying around in the background. A detail that didn't go unnoticed by Popeye lol.

We proceeded to sext until 5am my time, 12am his time - so much for going to bed early to be well rested to protect the President (he was working security detail and had to report to work at 4am that morning). At one point I even said I was going to let him rest because I didn't want the fate of the country resting on my shoulders - he basically said he didn't care and that he wanted to keep sexting, Obama or no Obama. I told you those boots are magic...they even trump the damn President. Without getting too detailed, I will say that Popeye is a bad boy. He said some very hot and very perverted things via text and let me know that my pictures had been VERY pleasureable to him. I was so worked up by all of it that Miranda and I were literally jumping up and down on the bed (I even rolled on to the floor a few times) giggling like two schoolgirls. I haven't been in lust like this for awhile - if I could've gone to Hawaii that night I would have. Like no questions asked hop on a plane and be gone in an hour fast. It was a much needed high point in my otherwise depressing start to 2011. It was so fun in fact, that Miranda decided to do her own photo shoot for her new man. I'll let her fill you in on those details....

Better make sure I leave room for a box of condoms in my carry on. Because I don't know about you but I'm not about to pass up this fine piece of work (tattoo-blurring courtesy of Miranda).....


-Gwyn

TMI Tuesday - Travel Edition

Gwyn and Miranda have travel on the brain because of their pending trip to visit Jules next week! Check out this week's TMI. We'd love to hear your tales of travel sex as well!

What the longest distance you've ever driven/flown/etc. to get sex?
If my memory serves me correctly the furthest I've ever driven for sex is about a 45 minute drive. - Gwyn
Hmmm, maybe an hour that one time I did a late night visit to Flyboy.  Mmmmm, Flyboy.... - Miranda
In college, I drove from Greensboro to DC to see a guy...so 4 hours. Here on the island, an hour. - Jules

Do you abide by the motto "If sex happens while I'm in another area code than my partner then it's not cheating"?
Yes - for the most part I'm a firm believer in 'out of sight out of mind'. When I'm traveling I'm open to new experiences, meeting new people, etc. and if one of those new experiences is sex that I wouldn't otherwise have the opportunity to participate in - I'm going to jump on it. And this doesn't just apply to me - if it's just sex I really could get over my man straying while in another town (disclaimer: not within driving distance). Now if it were an ongoing affair or lip kissing (lol) that lasted the entire trip, that would be a different story. -Gwyn
Really?  Really?  Yes, cheating is cheating. As a cheater, I declare it cheating anytime you've both agreed to be exclusive with one another and you get it on with someone else. You can't make excuses, you just have to own the fact that you're a cheater. - Miranda
Cheating is cheating, I agree. I just don't care. I'm going to play with whoever I want too because at the present time I'm not exclusive with anyone. I was faithful in my marriage until I got tired of being ignored. If I were with someone that met my needs in that area, I may not cheat. I guess we'll see as time goes on. I also don't care if the person I'm with is married, has a gf, etc. That's on them in my book. - Jules


Have you ever had a romantic fling with a stranger while on vacation?
No but I'm hoping our trip to Hawaii will change that. -Gwyn
Absolutely. Junior week at the beach. Senior week at the beach. I think that's it.  I narrowly avoided a hookup with that ridiculous Karoke Boy last time I visited Jules in Hawaii.  That would have been a disaster! - Miranda
LOL guys - you're too funny. I've had random hook ups when I was at the beach and once when I was visiting my bio mother in Florida, I fucked one of her friends. We actually kept that going for a few months after I got back from my trip since we both lived in the same town. He was pretty much a stranger since I'd never really met him before. I like older men, what can I say? - Jules


Have you ever had sex with someone from another country?
Yes. I used to be a counselor at a summer camp for girls and during our overnight leave we would always hang out with the male counselors from the all boys camp up the road. One summer, I met myself a lovely counselor who was an Englishman and we had sex twice. He wasn't all that handsome but his accent made up for all of his other shortcomings, very sexy! I think I've probably had sex with other men from outside of the U.S. but this is the one that stands out in my mind. -Gwyn
Nope. So far I've been a pure American girl.  Not that I'd turn down some strange from a hot foreigner though. - Miranda
Of course! I've been with a few English guys. I was with a guy here that was from Switzerland I think...somewhere in Europe, I don't remember. I'm running through the rest in my head, but I haven't had caffeine yet so there may be more. - Jules

Have you ever moved to another city/state/country for a man?
Nope. But, again, I'm hoping my upcoming trip to Hawaii will change that. -Gwyn
Well Duckie and I agreed to move to a different city together.  Does that count?  - Miranda
I moved to Hawaii to follow Russell since he took a job here. I'm glad I did, but I'd never do it again (move for a man). The man can come to me, or we're not meant to be. Women do it all the time though. Clark has moved at least two women here. The gf moved here from CA to be with Gavin. I'd like to point out that none of these have ended up as what most people would deem "successful" relationships. - Jules