Thursday, January 27, 2011

Women Rule Everywhere

HAHAHA! Jules I think you took me way too literally. By saying women need to chill and let men be men I in no way meant that it’s ok for guys to be weak, whipped, embryo men or assholes who treat you like crap.

Just that women need to chill out in trying to make relationships (and men) be things that they aren’t. Women need to love themselves enough to get out of bad relationships and find guys who are ready to be strong, manly men who take care of business and not be led around like a puppy.

I think far too many men are weak, pathetic examples of men because all their lives they’ve been “managed” by women. First their mothers and then later their girlfriends and wives. I think in the right situation with the right woman, almost every man can earn back their balls and step their game up. And I think there are men, like Coach, who have always had good game - hopefully because their moms didn’t let them puss out on life – which is something I work hard on with Leo. I’m determined he’ll be a strong man when he’s grown up.

Looking back on my marriage, I know I was totally over-functioning in the relationship. I was the one giving, leading, stepping in, rescuing, and generally doing all the shit men are supposed to do. I pushed things from the start and tried to mold Duckie into some semblance of the man I wanted to end up with. And because he’d been a mama’s boy (in a bad way) his whole life, he was more than happy to let me run the show. Ultimately it created boatloads of resentment in me and an incredible imbalance of power in the relationship.

Did it feel good to have all that control? Sure but it also really sucked the enjoyment out of it for me and made me not have any sexual desire for him at all. It’s a miracle we had two kids! LOL! I guess it comes down to a fine balance. I can damn sure take care of myself in every way possible. However, in a relationship I don’t want to be the one taking care of everything.

I think in a lot of ways you and Gavin have the whole pearl/clam thing going on. He’s definitely providing for you in lots of ways and you don’t hold back letting him know how you feel about things. Sure it’s not a “love” relationship but then again that’s not what you’re looking for.

The whole giving up control aspect of this relates a lot to me (and most women) being a control freak. But I have to remind myself again and again, where did that control freakness get me – unhappily married and miserable. It doesn’t mean I don’t get to say and do what I want, just that I’m not trying to force Coach to be/do what I want.

Does that make sense? I guess ultimately if you end up with a good man, none of this matters. He does what he’s supposed to do as a man and the relationship works well. I’ve just haven’t encountered that guy until I stumbled upon Coach. As much of an optimist as I am, I still keep waiting for his inner gimp to come out or for him to fold and start being crazy. HA! Though at this point I think it’s a safe bet to deduce that he’s not a gimp but he seems to have the power to turn women into gimps. I know I’ve mentioned on the blog a few crazy run-ins I’ve had with women friends of his and his ex but there are so many more it’s insane! I tell him all the time he’s lucky to have a strong woman like me who really doesn’t give a shit about what other women think because a lesser girl would have folded by now!


1 comment:

  1. OK, I'll put my bra back on and save the burning for another day. I actually agree with this because essentially you're say we should quit trying to change people into what we want them to be and I'm a firm believer in that concept.