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Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Call Me a Sinner and a Whore (You Can Skip Killer)

I don't believe in god, so these accusations really are lost on me but if I did, I'd say that they were pretty spot on. I'm enjoying the hell out of it though. Guess I'll be bummed in a few years if I'm wrong and burn in hell for eternity, but since I'm also not a future thinker at all...I'll worry about it when the time comes.
Where is this coming from? Two places...

First off, Clark clearly missed his calling in the military and if the Navy had known what an awesome psychological warfare tool he is I'm sure they would have kept him on. Oddly enough, they still haven't processed him out. I did find out that when they do, he's leaving the island.  I opened this can of worms by responding to him IM Saturday...so I own that. Here's where I'm not sure how to proceed though. I've mentioned that I am scared of him and I really mean that. I've responded to most of his texts (many, many texts) the past few days because I'm honestly afraid if I don't that he'll show up. Russell is off island this week and while Gavin can be here in 3.5 seconds, it's dependent on whether or not I'm able to actually get to the phone to call him.

He's spent the last 3 days now going back and forth between how much he loves me to what a whore I am for fucking all of these other guys. I told him honestly about all 3 current team members in hopes that this would dissuade him from pursuing me. It didn't. I'm not letting it into my psyche, but I will admit it's a little exhausting. I've said no way, no how in about as many ways as I know how at this point. Next time, I'm going to have to google it in different languages so that I can continue with some variety.

Moving on to more fun topics, I have to back up and say that this morning was ridiculously shitty. Sunday night I went to Penn's and had some really great, hot, dirty sex. He talked a lot of shit while he was fucking me and I LOVE that. I love when men tell me graphically what they are doing and ask me things like if I think about them when I'm alone. Um hell yeah I do and if I didn't before I damn sure will start now , cowboy! Ok, so things are back to "normal" with him but I was out super late and I've paid for it by being soooo tired for 2 days.

Monday I muddled through the day. My car has been having some problems and Russell was kind enough to drop it off at the dealership for me that day. Today, the dealership calls and they are fixing the main issue under the warranty but all of the other stupid shit that was wrong (which I think should have also been covered) wasn't and it cost me $350. I was less than thrilled. On top of that, I'm actually pretty stressed that Russell is gone this week and I'm having to do it all alone. I know this is how it's going to be one day, but one day I won't be taking night classes, working, doing a practicum, and juggling three men in addition to my parenting duties. (Technically, I'm not totally alone in this though. Gavin is actually picking Chloe up the next 2 days for me so that I can attend classes.) Add in Clark's insane texting and pressure from my Dad to webcam in the 3 spare seconds I have this week and the fact that I haven't gone to the grocery store in weeks, the laundry needed to be done, and my house is dirty, plus I haven't done a bit of reading for any of my classes to date and well...I'm a little bitchy today. Then, I had to go to town without my GPS and find parking. I ended up cussing out a poor old man in the midst of that adventure. I mean he was a jackass, but still....inappropriate.

So, Owen texts me this morning to find out if we can hook up. Sex cures my pissy moods, but honestly this one was soooo bad I didn't even know if I should chance human interaction with anyone that voluntarily sees me in life. I had talked to Gavin and despite his request to hang out today I told him he probably wanted to avoid me and that I really wasn't going to be around today anyway. He heeded my warning, poor man. Owen was insistent that he could cure what ailed me and he did with virtually no discussion other than 'you feel amazing', 'you love it when I fuck you like this, don't you?', and 'can I put my hard cock in your tight little ass now?'.

I finally agreed to meet him out on our beach between my TB skin test (the joys of living in Hawaii includes mandatory testing all the time), picking up my car, and picking up Chloe from school. It was worth every nano second. We actually met up right past the old Lost set at my favorite beach and as I was walking up he was fairly close behind me. He'd left earlier than I got there and so I hurried to spread everything out and get into place for him. It seems that he throughly enjoys running up off the beach and seeing masturbating MILFs naked in the sand waiting for him. He knew my time constraints today and he very thoughtfully got right down on it. I'd brought a toy per his request and we played for a little bit and then he DPed me with his huge cock and that toy. As we were in the midst of it, a woman jogged by and he kind of pushed me down into my total fave position and I swear it was all I could do not to scream as I came like a billion times in a row. I can fuck Gavin pretty quietly but it's just impossible with Owen.

We finished up with him loudly cumming a ton in my ass. I love that. I know it's dirty, but I just do. Here's the part I really like and I know this makes me a sinner and a whore to a lot of you...whatever. He sent me a text about 5 minutes ago telling me that it wasn't a good time to text back but that today had been amazing and it felt so great and that he hoped it was what I'd needed. I know I shouldn't enjoy that, but it really turns me on that he's at home thinking about it. Feel free to judge...I do NOT want him to leave his family for me, but I do like that he thinks about fucking me all the time.

I've also had some weirdness lately resurface from like 16 years ago. This post is long, so I'll wrap it up but first of all a guy I went to HS with and haven't seen since I was 18 sent me a FB friend request the other day. In this, he also sent a message saying how he'd love to have sex again. Dude, it was 16 years ago...seriously? I mean I'm flattered, but let it go. He's sent me subsequent IMs about how much he'd like to go down on me again and how you just don't forget awesome sex. I'll admit I still remember how hung he was/is, but I don't sit around and think about him...ever. We had sex maybe 3 or 4 times total and he lives 5000 miles away.

Then earlier this week I got a wall post on FB from a guy I had a HUGE crush on when I was 17. He and I worked at the same restaurant...the same one with Russell too by the way. He was somewhat older, maybe 22 or 23 and I thought he was the heat. We never hooked up though because he was afraid of my age. I used to tempt the hell out of him, but he resisted out of fear of prison and my Daddy. We "met up" again on FB last year and had some hot IMs but then he got a gf and dropped off the face of the Earth. They must have broken up because he's back in full force. Mind you he lives in NC, so nothing is going to come of this but some sexting fun. Anyway, he's been begging all night for pics and sexting me to death. I will say it's good for the ego (albeit random), especially after hearing Clark go between loving and hating me all day.
-Jules

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