Tuesday, March 27, 2012

TMI Tuesday - A Song For You

A Song For You

Answer the following questions using only song titles. Make sure you link to the song or the song’s lyrics so that we can listen to or read the song.
1. What is your present state of mind?
You Can't Always Get What You Want, but I've got a Good Feeling - Jules
I Wanna Be Rich - Gwyn
These Boots are Made for Walking - Miranda

2. How do you feel about your spouse, significant other, or someone you lust for?
Closer makes me think of Owen.  Russell says Alcoholic is "our" song, but not in the way he means it. :)         Jules
Hahahah to you and Russell's song Jules! This is the song that always makes me think of McDreamy. - Gwyn 
Well right now I don't really have any of those.  I suppose this is the the song I think of most often when I think of Coach - The Best Thing About You Was Your Dick. - Miranda
3. Describe your job.
Trouble Me - Jules
Making money is no walk in the park. This is my theme song for today. -Gwyn
Where Everybody Knows Your Name - partly because I still want to be the expert and I'm not yet and partly because despite now knowing all the answers everyone has come to rely on me as Ms. Fix It - Miranda
4. What are you hungry for?
Candy Everyone Wants (yep big 10,000 Maniacs fan)- Jules
Let's all just chill out. -Gwyn
A sugar daddy - Hell on Heels - Miranda
5. What’s your favorite color?
Blue Skies - Jules
Ha, I was doing so well until you had to ask me for my favorite something....-Gwyn
Purple (People Eater) - Miranda
6. What gets you excited?
Lets Get It On  - Jules
A Hawaiian classic hahahahaha - Gwyn
Love Song - Miranda
7. Who do you think you are?
Bitch - Jules
A bad ass mama jama -Gwyn
I Am Woman Hear Me Roar - Miranda
Bonus: Describe your life. Feel free to elaborate on your song choice.
Gwyn, Russell, and I were just talking about this the other night. It really doesn't suck to be me. I live in a gorgeous place. I have an amazing kid. I have fantastic friends and family. I am working on increasing my education, and I have a super hot lover. I think I've put this up on here before, but OneRepublic's Good Life is pretty much my theme song to life right now. I heard it for the first time last year when I was leaving a homeless shelter where I'd been surrounding by families needing help and it hit me like a ton of bricks and made me cry b/c in my life, what is there to complain about? I have a house, food on my table, money to pay my bills, and the aforementioned things listed above. I am a very lucky woman. - Jules
This song by Florence and the Machine really speaks to me right now. To me, it's about shaking off the bad things in your life and not letting them hold you down. My favorite line is 'there's always darkness before the dawn...' Every time I hear that lyric I remember that in order to get to the good stuff you've got to keep your head up during the bad stuff and just hang in there. Not that I have much bad going on in my life right now but even life in paradise can get a little dicey now and then! -Gwyn

I've been so introspective the last few weeks but I always try to remember no matter what's going on, better days are ahead.  Lemon Drop - This was a great TMI! - Miranda
How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblogfrom your website!
Happy TMI Tuesday!

Monday, March 26, 2012

I Am Pam

It’s not great secret that Miranda likes to imagine scenes from her life in a movie. There’s been more than one dramatic speech (that’s flopped) or a well swept exit from a room (that no one noticed) or a scintillating sexual escapade (that I’m sure looks better in life than on film) that I’ve lived. However I never realized I’d psychoanalyze myself thanks to a classic 1980s movie.

Urban Cowboy is one of my all time favorite movies. The romanticism of down home cowboy Bud sweeping trailer trash Sissy off her feet. Their fiery love story. Fighting. Making Up. A wedding in a light blue tuxedo with a ruffled shirt. Cowboy hats and boots galore. Mechanical bull riding. If you haven’t seen this movie I don’t know what rock you’ve been living under but you must see it immediately. I insist. If you haven’t, so much of the humor in this post is going to be lost on you….

Anyways, the story is about this country redneck couple in Texas who meet, fall in love, get married, get jealous, break up, Bud hooks up with a rich cowgirl, Sissy hooks up with the ex-convict bouncer at their favorite club, no one’s happy, and eventually they hook back up and Bud reinstates Sissy’s license plate in the back window of his truck. Swoon! I’ve always loved this movie. I used to watch it with my sister when I was a kid and we still get together and watch it to this day. Damn John Travolta was fine back then!


So as I’ve been “re-singalized” I’ve often thought of myself as Sissy just looking for her Bud, particularly as I’ve become more and more of a country music lover and wanna-be-cowgirl. I think many of the guys I’ve dated have been their own special versions of Bud in fact. But as I’ve been grounded, I’ve done a lot of thinking. And I’ve realized something, I’m not Sissy. I’ll never be happy with a hard working man who can’t hold a decent conversation. I’ll never be content living in a trailer eating tuna salad with onions made by my mother in law. And despite my many attempts (yes I’ve tried more than once in real life) I’ll never ride that mechanical bull quite like Sissy did.

However, I’ve come to realize … I am Pam. Pam is the rich cowgirl in the movie who meets Bud at a club and is charmed by his boorish manly ways. Pam is classy, fun, charming, well kept; she takes care of herself and enjoys a night out in the clubs. When Pam brings Bud into her world he’s a lost soul. He doesn’t know what to do with himself. He can’t hold conversations with her friends/family, he doesn’t have the same level of manners as her, and ultimately he’s just gimping along trying to forget about his Sissy. After a short, tumultuous relationship in the movie, Pam sets Bud free and tells him to go back to Sissy because they are made for each other.

So yes, I am Pam (or at least I’m a lot closer to Pam than I am to Sissy). And instead of Bud, I need to be looking for JR, as in JR Ewing. My boss and I were talking about this very realization this weekend (she’s even more Pam than me) and it hit home in a whole new way. We went to dinner Saturday night at this very upscale place in town that we had a gift certificate to. We walked in the door and bam, there was this guy who’s affiliated with our work and he’s one of the richest guys in town. Literally. We’ve both talked to him at several work related events and he came right over to talk to us.

We exchanged a few pleasantries and then headed to our table. A short while later he tracked us down and joined us for a few moments as we waited on our food. As he talked about his travels (he’s been everywhere – the man owns his own 8 seater plane), and he was charming us with tales of business and social life around town. We bonded over the fact that we both pay alimony (him to the tune of $37,000 a month – yes you read that right – he didn’t say how much but I know from gossip around town) and then he told the waiter that whatever we wanted was one him. We demurred but he insisted and he also insisted on ordering us a bottle of the best cabernet I’ve ever had in my life. After he left our table to rejoin his party I stealthy googled it and it is a bottle of wine that sells for almost $200! Our total bill came up close to $400 I’m sure.

After she and I shook the stars from our eyes we looked at each other and said simultaneously – We are Pam. This is the environment I want to be in. This is the type of man I want (ok he doesn’t have to be super rich but I’d like him to be cultured and someone who provides well for himself). This is the lifestyle I want. Its fun to “slum” in the clubs but it’s really just a way to kill time. It’s time for a whole new ballgame people!

Pam (aka Miranda)

Saturday, March 24, 2012

Sex God

Owen has really been one hot sex god this week despite his shoulder being operated on Monday! He came over Wednesday for some really great sex that I told you guys about, but unfortunately about half way in his pain meds (which he apparently had doubled up on!) kicked in and he was done. Yesterday he came over for a quickie on the way to pick up his kids from school. It was spontaneous and just timing wise perfect. Today he came back for lunch! He's getting better each day (from the surgery) and it's evident in his performance!!

He pinned me down and gave it to me today like I love it and finished in his favorite way...my ass. His wife comes home tonight and Russell returns tonight as well, so our fairly unlimited, house available, free time will go back to normal next week but this week was a 4 in 1 week and it was epic! I dare to overshare though and tell you all that I think he bruised me. We've done a lot of toy play lately with DP and DV and I think he may have caused a slight injury. Damn sex injuries...lol.

Thursday, March 22, 2012

Breaking Patterns

So this month of grounding (still have a week to go dammit) has been interesting. Sometimes painful, sometimes peaceful, and full of hard work. Basically it’s required me by and large to change all my patterns. I certainly haven’t been perfect and I’ve bent (ok broken) the rules once or twice but by and large I’ve stuck to it and I am really starting to feel clearer about my feelings, emotions, and motivations but I still have a long way to go.

You know growing up I always heard people say it takes three weeks to form a habit but a quick Google search shows that psychologists now say it takes closer to 66 days. So if I really want to continue down this path of self revision and discovery I need to extend my grounding for another month. That’s a long ass time!

It’s funny. As I’ve been nursing my boss through her break up it’s given me something else to focus on and I’ve been more open with her about things I’ve learned over the last two years. I’ve also seen her on the brink of developing some of the bad habits I’ve developed and it’s been both eye opening and motivation to keep her from falling into my ruts and to keep pulling myself out of them.

It’s like I’ve been on an emotional roller coaster nonstop for two years. Every new guy presented another “hill” to climb, emotions rocketing up and down as I raced around the track with him. Many times with multiple “relationships” going on at once. Then the whole Coach thing happened and I so do not want to rehash the constant ups and downs with him. And over the last 8 months it’s been me battling the issues leftover from him while trying to start something new with someone else.

I realized the other day that since I left Duckie, I have not been legitimately single. I have either been dating or talking to someone non-stop over the last 25 months. That’s nuts! I don’t think I’ve gone longer than a week without a date. Good lord Miranda! Take a break woman! No wonder I’m so exhausted all the time.

All this is to say I’m considering extending my grounding for another month by and large. I’m completely off the online dating world. I’ve pretty much slashed and burned every guy I was talking to (Jules – including Jethro yesterday because I decided you know I really don’t need to keep beating my head against a brick wall after all. And I haven’t even been going out other than to work related functions or just to hang out at my boss’s house. Sometimes it’s really boring I’ll be honest lol. But it’s also helped hugely to get my lingering repressed anger under control and take time to focus just on me.

Now that I’m not frantically running around juggling boys, I actually take a minute to think before I respond to one or before I do something boy related. And I’ve been trying to take better care of myself mentally and physically. And I’m getting better each day. Stronger. More secure. More settled back into who I want Miranda to be.

Grounding has not been fun but it sure has been useful. Here’s hoping I can go another month.


PS - Dr. Jules gave me some great insight today when we were chatting and she said maybe all this boy attention seeking behavior was me acting out to get the attention I felt like I never got from Duckie.  Good food for thought Dr Jules!

WTF Wednesday

I started off the morning by peeing on a stick. I've been feeling odd lately. Last week, I threw up and was sick one night very randomly. I think it was the meat I'd eaten...blech. Then this week, my uterus has felt like it was going to fall out it hurt so bad and I was feeling dizzy and had no energy.  I don't have a period anymore b/c of the way I take my birth control pills, but I've been on an antibiotic for eons and that makes the pill ineffective. So,Gwyn convinced me to take a pregnancy test just to be on the safe side.

I'm extremely giddy to report that it was negative!!! That would have been an awkward convo...

The morning improved immediately by this result and by a text from Owen saying that yes, 2 days after shoulder surgery, he was coming over for sex. He is a freaking sex god. He comes over and we play around and have amazing, sex despite his arm being in a sling. He can't lay down without being in pain, but he can bend me over and fuck me like crazy still. Finally the pain killers kicked in though and after about 30 minutes we had to stop b/c he was done...damn Oxy. Then, we spent the next hour or so just hanging out and he showed me how to use a tool he'd bought me and it was nice and weird all at the same time. We don't hang out. We fuck, we go. We text all the time and we'll talk about what we're doing or what our kids are up to, but we have never really crossed the line into just hanging out, even when his family was gone last summer. I like that boundary in place, but I appreciate him taking the time to teach me some things today too. Anyway, no big deal. It was just odd for me.

Then tonight I'm in class and I get a text from him that says his wife may be checking his text history. I ask why and he says b/c they just had a phone fight. She's on the mainland for the next few days and apparently they got into it about how much she texts with this 18 year old kid that stayed with them for a few weeks this winter. It's a complicated story, but the kid is part of a team that their son is part of and he said he really doesn't care who she's texting in general, but he doesn't want his son to be embarrassed by his mom being all cougar-ish. I refrained from asking a lot of questions and pointing out that he was discussing his wife's potential infidelity with his mistress,  but I did ask if he thought they had fucked b/c well I'm fucking him and he stills fucks her sometimes and well that could get messy if she's having an affair too. He said no, but it was just weird and looks bad. I did ask how he felt about it all and he said he's been ready to walk out of his marriage for years, but he's pissed about her putting their son in a weird position. I don't think that's the total truth. When I found out Russell was also lying to me about cheating, I was furious and I suspect Owen is as well, but I could be projecting. He did admit to texting the kid and asking the kid if he texts his mother as much as he texts his wife, so it seems he's feeling a little more territorial about it than he admitted to me. I mildly suggested that perhaps he shouldn't poke at the bear (you know since he's been having affairs for years!!).

At any rate, he asked if I would change my VM to a standard greeting for a few weeks in case she goes through his history and we've switched back to using his second line. He texted me a few minutes ago asking if I'm home tomorrow..I hope that means he's coming back over! The sex is amazing enough for me to put up with this bit of drama. I just hope it plays out quickly and she doesn't snoop around too much.

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Nobody warned me about this!!!

I've been gone from the blogosphere for awhile, busy establishing myself here in Hawaii. But I wanted to take a moment to let you all know that I hate my boyfriends sister.

I thought if there was going to be anyone in his family I'd have an issue with it would surely be his mother. I mean I've heard plenty of mother in law horror stories (no I'm not engaged). But apparently everyone failed to mention the disaster that can only be described as the 20 year old spoiled brat control freak know it all bitch little sister.

Luckily my saintly mother gave me some great advice about how to handle the little monster of a human being. She told me to be nice no matter what and not to complain to my boyfriend about his sister because, after all, it is his sister and I shouldnt put him in the position of having to defend her. She advised that he would notice if she was unfriendly and to let him address it with her on his own (which she was and he did). My dad had 9 brothers and sisters so I figured my mom probably had some good experience in this area.

The problem was that my mother gave me this advice AFTER I told my boyfriend that his sister was a "spoiled fucking brat" and that I would rather cut my fingers off than be around her any more. Oh, in case you were curious, she was here for a week visiting with another one of his sisters (who I got along great with). My revelation of hatred wasn't that well received at first but after spending a few days confined in a 1 bedroom apartment with this gem of a girl, my boyfriend began to see where I was coming from.

Needless to say I hope that this particular sister (and she's only his half sister really, which makes it ok for me to hate her) never sets foot on this island again. If she does, I'm going to conveniently work lots of overtime and/or fake a severe illness that requires inpatient hospitalization.

Thank you for allowing me to vent. I knew there was a reason I was an only child, siblings suck.

-gwyn aka sister hater

Monday, March 19, 2012

I'm Hunting Wabbits (said in the voice of Elmer Fudd)

Whoo hoo! It's my turn to be our Eden Fantasys Blogger!

I want a Rabbit Vibrator. I always have. I don’t know if it’s because a friend of a friend in college had one and talked about how amazing her “Pearl Rabbit” was or if it’s because of that darn episode of Sex and the City where they talked about the magic Rabbit but it's become the sex toy of my dreams. I just want one dammit!

Honestly I’m sort of confused about what to do with it. Well not what to “do with it” because that much is obvious but for me, solo play is a solely outside activity if you get my drift.  So my mind is all a twitter at thoughts of using a Rabbit.  For years I didn’t understand what the big deal with vibrators was but then I got one as a joke in one of those mystery grab bags.  It was a basic white bullet and I used it a few times in secret (Duckie would have died) and really liked it.  But it was much easier to take care of my own lady business when he was sleeping next to me than finding time to bust out my little friend and hope he stayed awake.

The first week after I moved out I ordered my first big girl vibrator.  I randomly picked one that looked good and had good reviews and it’s been my favorite to date (though I do love my little black bullet I got from Eden Fantasys this past fall but the batteries run out too much!).  But I think it’s time for me to bite the bullet and step it up to a Rabbit – or dolphin or beaver or yes Gwyn - they even have birds (see the throbbin' robin) whatever else crazy animal they have manipulated to be a sex toy.

The good news for me is that Eden Fantasys is having a sale with 25% off all Rabbit vibrators right now. Give me your suggestions! What’s good, what’s not, what is so worth the money! 


Thursday, March 15, 2012

Grown Up Sex

While Chloe has been at her Auntie's house this week, Jules has been getting it on! Sunday night, I was texting with Owen's potential sub and realized that he was a tool. When I told him to bring condoms, he informed me that he doesn't wear them. I informed him that he wouldn't be fucking me then. He told me he doesn't like rules and that I'm probably not the girl for him...um yeah, that's what I said....idiot. So I spent the night sexting with Owen, which was a continuation of a day long sext a thon and we exchanged lots of pics and videos. Lord jesus that man makes me HOT! In the midst of that, I stumbled onto The Grown Up who was going to be in town from a neighbor island this week.

Monday, I had omg hot sex with Owen over lunch. He started the day off telling me how he'd just watched the videos again and he wanted to lick my kitty and play with my ass...well what is a girl to say to that, but yes sir...what time can you get to my house?! He came in and did just that and then proceeded to fuck me in every imaginable position. I went back to practicum with a huge smile on my face!

Last night, I went out to dinner with the Grown Up. He works for a huge hotel chain and comes to my island several times a month. He has a really great job with them and I've gathered makes a very nice living. He has a 16 year old and has been divorced for a few years. He's got some issues b/c his ex-wife was Borderline Personality Disorder and abused the crap out of him for years, but through some therapy he's working through his emotional gimpiness. The only issue I see is that he seems a little too into me and he's 53!  He told me approximately 1000 times how beautiful I am. I mean that's nice to hear and while I am pretty, I really don't want to have to thank you 1000 times for the same compliment. I know that makes me sound like a grade A bitch, but it actually did get a little weird.

After dinner, I went back to his hotel room and I'd already decided to have sex with him. He's pretty handsome for his age and I was drunk by this point. He's a totally nice guy and we had really great conversation over dinner about all sorts of things. It's a nice change to actually be able to hold an intelligent conversation with a guy, something that hasn't been happening with the cougar thing. Twenty something year old guys are not great conversationalists.

Once we got to his room, his whole demeanor changed from nice older man to a dirty old man. It was dirty old man in a good way though. He spent 2 hours fucking the ever living hell out of me. He's HUGE by the way...not overly long, but I swear one of the thickest cocks I've ever seen (and I've seen a lot!). We went to sleep about 11:30 and he asked if he could wake me up later for sex. The answer to that question is always "yes"...who says "no" to that??? Sure enough, he wakes me up about 3:30am for another round of incredible sex. I mean this man made me feel like I was losing my virginity again kind of thick and he kept saying super sweet and then super dirty things to me...it was a huge turn on. We had incredibly dirty sex for an hour or so. He really likes to use his tongue and he really liked my ass, a lot. You can infer the rest.

We go back to sleep after that and damn if I didn't wake up about 2 hours later to him kissing and rubbing me again. This time he spooned me and proceeded to spank me and then rub my ass to soothe it. I absolutely love that. I mean love, love, love it. We had sex again for a while and then finally got out of bed to shower and get ready for our days. He started kissing me again in the shower and I honestly had to stop him b/c I was afraid if we fucked again that I wouldn't be able to walk today. It was intense! We parted ways and b/c of his need to tell me over and over how much he likes me and how beautiful I am, I wasn't sure I would see him again...but then I decided that I really like going out to nice restaurants and I love a good hard fuck, so why not?

I'm going back in the morning for more. He leaves tomorrow afternoon and due to some extensive mainland travel won't be back on this island again until mid-April...so we'll see what happens after this. Oddly, I felt guilty at one point last night like I was cheating on Owen. I guess it's because he's the only one I've been consistently fucking...I just rarely feel that. He was texting me like crazy this afternoon too. Apparently he had some free time, but I was on the other side of the island and couldn't meet him...not that I could have had sex with him today anyway...I'm sore! We are planning to hook up this weekend though before his surgery and apparently his wife is leaving for a week the day after his surgery, so if he's not in too much pain I suspect next week will be some hot, sexy time with him! It seems he's perfectly willing to lay back and let me do all the work while he heals.

Lastly in Gavin news, he's driving me a little nuts...which is funny b/c he's 2500 miles away!! We had a really nice, hour long conversation Sunday night. It wasn't sexual until the end, but just chatty and fun. At the end, he asked me to Skype sex with him and I declined. I can be friends with him, but I cannot ever fuck him again and maintain my sanity. So we talked and he told me that he didn't think he was coming after all b/c airfare is so expensive....good! Today he calls me right after I dropped off The Grown Up (his radar seems to still be working) and asked me to stop at his old place and see if a package for his son had been delivered. I did it on the way home from school tonight and called him to tell him that it had not. I got his VM and assumed b/c of the time difference that he was in bed. I was wrong. He called me back and we chatted and he asked me if  I would pay half of his ticket here for this weekend so he can see his son race and in exchange for this, he would spend 4 days fucking me. Um, where did he get the notion that I want to fuck him again?? I'm talking to him again, but I'm in no way indicating that I want him in my life in that way ever again. I guess it goes back to Ethan's astute comments on his behavior the other day...it's like he stopped developing at 19 and his brain is stuck there despite the fact that he's like 43 now. I'm going to have to stop taking his calls for a while, maybe forever. I may need to just reconcile in my head that we can't simply be friends.

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Grounding Redux

So my grounding was going well until Friday. Apparently I was possessed by the spirit of Jules and had an almost insatiable need to get laid. I’m not sure where exactly that came from. Maybe I was hit with a superhuman level of hormones or maybe I was channeling all my suppressed anger but I wanted it. Bad.

Bad enough to do a total sober booty call to Kansas. As Gwyn and Jules said, “yes the very Kansas I told off a couple weeks ago for not wanting more of a relationship.” He quite readily complied and we hung out for a while at my house and drank a couple beers. Then we got it on – big time. And I mean that both metaphorically and in reality. The man is hung like a Clydesdale. Even bigger than I remember it being before. And he may be a gimp but he damn sure knows what to do in the bedroom.

After a couple hours of fooling around and having sex we fell asleep only to awaken an hour later and go at it again. Then we said goodnight, he went home, and I rolled over and passed out in an almost magically slumber for the next eight hours. When I woke up I was pretty sure I’d never stand again. I seriously contemplated if it was possible to break your vagina. Gwyn said it was God punishing me for my procreation haha!

Saturday night I went to a work related event with my boss and my friend D. It was a dancing with the stars type deal that actually proved to be pretty entertaining. Until D flipped her lid and got all girl jealous. Alas, unless you’re totally spectacular women like Gwyn, Jules, and I – threesome friendships never work. I think D realized what totally different worlds we really live in and felt uber intimidated being in “our world” for that long. Who knows. She got mad and said I was acting different (i.e. I guess that means I wasn’t drunk and acting like a total fool). Things eventually simmered down though I didn’t placate her at bit. The rest of the weekend was just running errands and letting myself “feel.” Damn, I sound like I go to a therapist!

Jules and Gwyn expressed concern for my recent decision making in regards to Kansas (and contemplating meeting Jethro) and technically breaking my grounding rules. I pooh-poohed their concern at first because I am feeling really sound and secure in my mind right now. However, after marinating in their concern for a while I figured I owe it to them and to myself to take their concerns as valid. I’m fully aware that sometimes you don’t see what’s lurking right in front of your face.

So I’m back to being strict on my grounding. I’m halfway through the month so I certainly can make it a couple more weeks. I’ve been admittedly a little distracted by my boss’s BF drama (he still hasn’t spoken to her) and the attempted reintroduction of Jethro (who I’ve decided not to meet after all – too much water under the bridge). So here I am focusing on myself again. Good thing I’m damn funny or I’d be bored to death!


Sunday, March 11, 2012

Quiet Time

I haven't blogged much lately, b/c there isn't much to blog about. Gavin called me last weekend to tell me that he was coming to the island to visit his son this weekend. He asked me if I wanted to have lunch and then I haven't heard from him since. I have no idea if he came or not and I'm thankful that he didn't contact me again b/c I really don't like who I am around him. It's one thing to have your friends (all of them!), your mother, and your ex husband tell you what a loser he is, but when fellow bloggers who have actually never met him (Ethan) tell you for whatever reason it really hits home. So, bullet dodged...thank you universe.

Owen and I have been having awesome sex. I saw him twice last week and I'm hoping for a few times this week, although that may be hard b/c the kids are out of school here and while mine will be at her auntie's house, his will be home. He's having shoulder surgery next Monday, so that will result in probably 2-3 weeks of no sex...boo. He's taken an interest in a recent hobby of mine and Gwyn's and has been buying me things for it and teaching me how to do certain things. While I really appreciate it, it's also a little weird and makes me feel oddly guilty about our affair. Sex is one thing, but crossing the line into other things feels strange. I know he's just being nice but sometimes he'll text me and ask me about said hobby with no reference to sex...uh. no.

I am chatting up a new guy that I met online. He and I started talking a few weeks ago and then he left the island for work for a few weeks and now he's back. I suspect he will be Owen's sub while Owen is on medical leave...haha.

No other major news going on here...Russell and I are getting along at an epic level. It's so nice. I really feel like we are back to truly being friends and not just faking it. We had a really nice conversation this week about the 'what next' phase of our lives. We obviously can't settle anything with regards to it b/c there are so many things up the air, but it was a nice chat and it made me feel secure in that we're going to maintain the status quo until we are both financially able to change it. Not that I think for a moment he would do this, but part of me needed reassurance he wasn't moving out the day I graduated. He's not and we agreed to wait a few months after I get a full time job and can save some money for a deposit and such. We also decided that if he's leaving the island after the first of the year to just ride it out until then too.

On a personal note, I'm actually thinking about going back to school again after taking a year off. I am meeting with the university admissions people next week Monday to discuss their doctorate program. It would more than double my student loan debt, but since I'll be working for another 30 years after I get that degree anyway, it seems worth it to work for 30 years at that awesome rate of pay vs. what my rate of pay will be with this masters degree. Plus, I'll actually apply for scholarships and grants that I didn't with this degree. I want to be able to afford to live here comfortably and to do it alone if I need to. I refuse to enter a relationship with someone just so I can pay my bills...a thought that has recently crossed my mind and scared me enough to call the university and get this ball rolling. I am not that woman.

Things are quiet here right now and that's a good thing. I am taking some time to continue healing from the Gavin fiasco. It's been 4 months and I finally feel like I'm ok again, but I'm definitely not ready to open the door to anyone else for a while. I'm keeping the status quo with Owen and perhaps introducing this new guy into the mix but only on a purely sexual level.

Thursday, March 8, 2012

Hell Hath No Fury...

So yesterday I mentioned that my boss’s asshat boyfriend was likely to break up with her. Little did I know how prophetic that was going to be.

He’s been doing the classic withdrawal that guys tend to do over the last week since he hit on me. Started by backing down the texts, started not going over to her house as much, etc. Friday he had his kid and he asked her if she’d keep him while he went out with some friends. She for whatever reason said sure and he ended up going out to see one of the band’s I’m friends with. All seemed fine and he went to her house afterwards and they had a decent weekend though she said he was definitely more reserved than usual. I thought so too when I was at her house over the weekend.

This week comes and the withdrawal is more pronounced to the point that it had watered down to just a couple texts a day and he didn’t go over to her house at all. She asked him a couple times what was going on and he said he was just stressed or busy with work and not to worry about it. She knew the break up was coming she just was waiting for it really.

So Tuesday day they text and make plans for the weekend. The last text she got from him was about 2 pm. No more texting that day. He didn’t respond to her. No more calls. Nothing. Wednesday comes. Still nothing from him. Wednesday afternoon comes. Still no contact. She asked me to text him to see if he’d respond. I sent a generic hey what’s up kind of text. No response.

About 3:30 he texted me back – with a FREAKING BREAK UP message to give to her. Yeah. You read that right. He texted me a message to give to her. He didn’t text it to her directly; he fucking sent it to me. Basic BS about how he just wasn’t ready for a relationship, that he had stuff to work out with his family, that he thought she was great and he was sorry, and that he wished her nothing but the best. Oh, and he said given the situation he thought it was better that he and I don’t stay friends either. AS FUCKING IF!

I replied back – Fuck you. You aren’t man enough to send that message to her directly? She deserves better than that. Clean up your own fucking mess and leave me out of it you pussy! And you better hope I don’t see your sorry ass face again in public!

Yeah I went there lol. What can I say? I’m an angry girl. He didn’t respond obviously. Funny enough one of my co-workers was right outside my office during this and she came in all concerned and said the blood had drained from my face and then I went bright red and she just wanted to make sure I was ok.

An hour passes; he still hasn’t sent her anything. Another 45 minutes pass and she and I are getting ready to leave work and she’s looking at me all sad and confused and hurt saying she can’t believe he’s just going to leave her hanging. And I just couldn’t leave her hanging for another night wondering about him and blaming herself.

I made her sit down and told her want he sent me. She of course was really hurt and super pissed off that he wasn’t man enough to even text her that BS directly. I can’t believe I had to break up with someone that I wasn’t even dating! I could literally wring his neck right now.

Because hell hath no fury like a scorned women, she has of course sent him a variety of texts of the fuck you genre and frankly though I know good and well you should wash your hands and be done with someone I’m encouraging her to rant out her anger. I don’t want her to end up like me in six months being the Incredible Hulk lol. Though I did tell her to limit it to texting out her anger and then be done with it.

Un-fucking-believable. Honestly, I would not hold the least ill will if he’d just broken up with her like a “normal” person would have. But the fact that he was so disrespectful as it refuse to talk to her and then send me the message to deliver makes him the biggest douchebag in all the land.


PS To add salt to the wound, last night I was on Facebook (the devil’s stomping ground) and there are all these videos of my friend’s band playing from the night the ex-bf was there. And guess who’s all over some girl in the videos. Yep – the asshat. I was so angry last night I almost told her about the videos but I decided not to. If she starts wavering and wanting him back I just might have to show my hand though.

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Asshats and Boomerangs

It’s been the week of the Boomerang Boy. For those who aren’t familiar with this very special term of ours it means a guy you throw away and he keeps coming back. In the last week I’ve had three different boomerage boys return for more.

The Landscaper, who I told off a couple weeks ago, started texting me again. I didn’t answer any of them so then he started emailing me. Friday night he texted me late about 11 and asked what I was doing. I was a little agitated (damn the repressed anger) and responded with a, “WTF do you think I’m doing?” The Landscaper sent some random chatty texts after that and I told him there was no point in continuing to text. He asked why and I said because all he wants was to get laid and that wasn’t going to happen with me again. He denied that and said he really wanted to spend time with me and get to know me better and I told him good luck with that. Haven’t heard from him since.

Kansas, who I told him off the same weekend I told the Landscaper off, has sent some text here and there since then but that’s it. Then Thursday he texted me, “I need sex.” I was in the middle of a meeting at work and I almost fell out of my chair laughing. I wished him good luck in finding what he needed. He wasn’t nearly as amused as I was. Kansas started texting more after that and over the weekend and I was playing along out of boredom. Saturday night he was out and while I was sleeping texted me about 20 times asking if I was awake and if he could come over. Incidentally that night he also got a public urination ticket for peeing in a parking garage. And he texted me that too to tell me about it. Boy, nothing says sexy like a guy who pees in public (even if he does have a giant trouser snake and I’m really horny right now).

Side note - Somewhere along the way I found a Happy Meal. Now a Happy Meal is my boss and mine’s special definition for a younger guy who you know has no nutritional value but he’s fun to play with for a short period of time though you know he’ll never be enough to satisfy you. So anyways, this guy is friends with her boyfriend and he Facebook stalked me and friend requested me a couple weeks ago. This weekend was a big Duke/Carolina game and everyone was trash talking on there and he and I started going back and forth. Now he wants to text every day. He lives in Texas and works nights so it’s the weirdest text exchange ever.

Back to boomerangs – of all random contacts in the last week Jethro (the guy I dated very briefly in December where there was this instant connection and then he imploded and called me a party girl). Outside of a few texts right after everything ended we haven’t talked at all. Anyways he texted me and after I had to ask who it was (damn right I delete people outta my phone all the time) we exchanged a couple general pleasantries. He said he’d been thinking about me and wanted to talk about what happened and see if I’d be willing to give him a second chance.

It caught me off guard big time. I told him I might be willing to listen if he had a damn good explanation. He said he wanted to talk face to face and asked if I’d meet him for dinner tomorrow night. I told him I’d think about it. I haven’t answered him yet but my curiosity is going to win out and I’m going to meet him I’m sure. I would like to hear what supposedly happened because we really seemed to have a connection and it was all so weird and out of the blue.

In other news, the boss’s BF who totally skeeved on me last week is definitely all wonky and weird with her. I expect they’ll break up by this weekend and though I hate it for her and I’m sad for her I can’t say I’ll be sorry to see him go since he proved to be such an asshat.


PS – Link to a totally great article on the Frisky.

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

TMI Tuesday - Blast from the Past

This week’s TMI Tuesday consist of questions pulled from various TMI Tuesday posts from the year 2010.  If you played with us back then and already answered these questions, feel free to reproduce your answers. It’s fine, there are a lot of new TMI Tuesday players. Of course, things have changed over time so you could give all new answers to the questions, too.
The link after the question, is the URL of the blogger that created that TMI Tuesday question(s).
November 23, 2010 – Have you ever shared sleeping accommodations with someone of the opposite sex without anything steamy happening? (http://www.playfullyyours.blogspot.com/)
Uh yeah, I slept with Russell for almost 10 years...haha. I actually slept with Gavin one night when our kids were here and Russell was home and we didn't have sex that night. -Jules
Aside from Duckie, likely not. I mean there were probably a few times that Coach and I just slept in the bed but I'm sure we fooled around first.  Well actually now that I say that the night I brought home Imaginary Baby Daddy nothing happened in the actual bed because I made him go lay down then I waited like 30 minutes to join him in hopes that he'd be passed out. Oh how I'd change that now.... - Miranda
November 9, 2010 – When it comes to swinging or partner swapping, which would excite you more, watching or being watched? (virtualsin.wordpress.com)
Being watched - Jules
I would guess watching.  I'd probably be too self conscious to have a group standing around watching. Maybe if I knew someone was peeping that wouldn't be too bad but I wouldn't want to put on a full show myself. - Miranda
November 2, 2010 – Would you vote for a candidate caught in a sex scandal?

Can you really avoid it anymore? I honestly don't care. - Jules
It would depend on the scandal. Cheating on their spouse with another consenting adult - wouldn't affect me much.  Cheating on their spouse with a kid, teenager, animal, inanimate object, etc - I doubt they'd get my vote. - Miranda
October 11, 2010 – Do you masturbate to porn, and if so, what is your favorite genre?(virtualsin.wordpress.com)
Rarely, I have a great imagination, men that like to sext with me, and enough amazing encounters in my head to entertain myself far more than most porn sites ever can. Plus, Gavin burnt me out on it. - Jules
I have more than enough imagination to get me off.  I've watched porn in the past and it's interesting but mostly I get fascinated by the bad acting and weird fetishes. I still can't believe there's such a legit thing as granny porn! - Miranda
September 7, 2010 – What are three mistakes someone could make on the first date with you that would automatically make you turn down a second date with them?(http://www.pleasure-principle-hedone.blogspot.com/)
Telling me how much money he makes or is worth or what he owns, being rude to the restaurant staff and/or being a crappy tipper, and telling me how much he hates his family (unless there's a legit reason) - Jules
Acting condescending/belitting towards me, being a bigot/serious homophobe, making me pay for my own meal (i.e. Toe Boy - talk about a blast from the past!) - Miranda
Bonus: Is your sex drive in park, neutral or over-drive. Explain.
Overdrive and if you read this blog, I don't really feel like an explanation is warranted. - Jules
Mine varies. It was in park for a long time while I was being celibate. As I've slipped, it's reved back up into overdrive though I've been holding it at bay for a while.  I can feel my self about to break though. A girl has needs! - Miranda
How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblogfrom your website!
Happy TMI Tuesday!

Monday, March 5, 2012

No Means No

Miranda’s been doing a lot of decompressing lately but it’s all good. I’m feeling in a much much much better place today than I was a week ago. No contact with Coach has been freaking freeing! And I find that every day he’s less in my mind which is nothing but good for me. Last week it was easy to be distracted with the kids and all but now that I’m at the start of a childfree week, I’m still confident it will keep going well.

A couple random things…last week my boss’s boyfriend totally hit on me and made me feel icky and gross. The weekend before I’d been out with them and we all danced together and a couple times she took a break from the dance floor we kept dancing. All very appropriate. The “we’re not together” zone was never breached. Until the end of the night that is. She’d gone to the bathroom and he pulled me on the dance floor again and totally got all up in my business! I pulled back and he laughed and pulled me in close again and I pulled right back and danced my way off the dance floor. It was very odd but I let it slide that night as him being drunk.

Sunday morning came along and as I lay in my bed in a stupor of the night before (the night of the psychosis lol) her BF texted me something about how much he liked dancing with me. I just said thanks for the fun Friday night out and then he said something about me having a sweet ass! I was so stupefied by other things that I just didn’t answer him back and didn’t even think about it again.

Come Tuesday I noticed he had untagged himself in all the photos on Facebook that featured the three of us. My boss noticed it too and asked me to ask him why. So like a good friend I did and he gave a vague answer about just switching things up on his Facebook page (his ex wife mistakenly thinks I’m his GF based on the pictures from his wall) and that he wanted new pictures to put up. I said we didn’t have any new ones and then he said “maybe you’ll send me some private pics??”

I almost fell out of my chair at work. I mean friendly flirting is one thing but to straight up cross the line with one of your girlfriend’s best friends??? We exchanged a couple texts after that and I very clearly put him in his place and told him that kind of behavior was inappropriate and that he better be good to my boss. He apologized but it ate at me all day. I debated with Jules on whether or not to tell her but I ended up erring on the side of not telling because really there’s no good to come of it if I bust him to her. And if he’s gonna try it with me, it’s only a matter of time until she busts him on her own with someone else.

Later that day I texted him again and just reiterated that that was not cool and that he better not be messing around on her. He swore (yeah right) he wasn’t and that it was just flirting gone out of control. I dropped it but then he was weird to her all week. Just much more reserved and her own spidey senses started tingling. I felt like I was playing both sides of the fence all week trying to reassure her and at the same time encourage her to trust her gut instincts.

Saturday she and I were texting and she accidently sent him a text she meant to send to me talking about his weird behavior. They talked about it that afternoon and she said she felt like things were mostly back to normal between them though her gut is still telling her something is off. I don’t know what’s going on but I am trying to stay out of it by and large. My guess is they dove in head first and maybe he’s just not ready to be as serious as they already are but who knows.

At any rate it made me wonder if I send out some kind of signal saying I’m open to cheaters lol. I know I’m not but damn! Then of course Sawyer tried to get up with me all weekend and I think I said no in 57 varieties, versions, and languages.

What the hell is wrong with people?


Sunday, March 4, 2012

Hot Aussie with a Wonky Eye

Friday was a big day of whoring it up for Jules. Gwyn's bff is here visiting and Thursday night we sat up wayyyy too late drinking red wine and I was actually hungover like crazy on Friday. Friday night was a scheduled Girl's Night Out and I almost bailed I was that hungover. We can thank Owen for letting me sweat out some of the toxins though and getting it together enough to go!

I met Owen for a quickie lunch on Friday. I was kind of bitchy because it took him forever to meet me (timing wise) and because of the hangover. I apologized later though b/c as usual he made me cum sooooooo many times that I couldn't not forgive his poor time management. I can't wait to see him for a longer time period one day next week.

Back to Girl's Night Out and the whoring it up part...Gwyn, her bff, another friend, and I went out in Waikiki last night. After taking a mid evening nap and downing some caffeine, I was ready to go. We started drinking shots at 8pm and continued for the many hours it took them to get ready. We hit the town about 11:30pm and walked down to a bar Gwyn had been to on her fateful night of whoring it up last January when she visited. Since she has company, I'll go ahead and tell you guys that the very guy she hooked up with last January was in fact in the same bar last night! He was over playing pool and left pretty shortly after our arrival. A series of odd and/or super young guys hit on us and then these 2 Australians on holiday came over.

They were cute and chatty with their awesome accents, so we had fun talking to them. One of the first things out of one of the guy's mouth to me was how much he likes to party and had been doing cocaine last night, but thinks he overpaid and wanted to know how much a gram goes for here. Dude, do I have a magnet??? I decided to let it go though b/c he wasn't using then and I didn't care, but it was funny (funny odd, not funny haha). So, we decided to leave that bar b/c I was feeling ancient in there and not having a blast (it was pretty lame, despite my age) and went over to a huge nightclub. We get there and the line is insane and we stand in it for a second and one of the guys remembers that they bought the VIP membership last night which allows us to bypass the line and go right in. They paid our covers and we headed in...score.

Inside was a hot, hot, hot (and I mean temperature hot) meat market...lol. It's been a long time since I was in a club and I was a bit overwhelmed, but this club was definitely more fun and had much better people watching opportunities than the first place. Because of the previously mentioned massive amounts of alcohol consumed, I cannot rightly recall how this came to be but at some point the coke head Aussie and I started flirting and he told me that he could pleasure me for hours. That was my cue and we were out. I didn't have my phone or wallet or anything with me, but Gwyn being the queen of awesome friends got all of his information before we left and since his friend stayed with them, I felt ok about leaving with him. It seemed like people would know where to look for my body.

We walked back to his hotel and got straight down to it. He was really good and we had sex for a long time. He even had condoms that his mother had sent with him on holiday...rofl. I died laughing when he told me that. I had asked on the way there if he had some or if he needed to stop. I told him he should just stop with the "yes, I have some" part of the sentence in the future. Anyway, I'll own it here that he is 25. For someone that likes older men, Jules really has been cougaring out lately.

Back to the hotel, we are fucking like bunnies and after he finished he decided to keep pleasuring me. He spent the next long while making me squirt all over his hands. That boy knew exactly what to do with his fingers to make me gush all over him and it was with such force that I remember being shocked at how hard I was repeatedly cumming. I finally finished and we slept for a few hours. By this I mean, he passed out cold in the bed spread eagle and hogging most of it, which was cool since it was his and all, and snoring soooo loudly! I slept on and off, waking up every few minutes because of the snoring and b/c I was afraid of oversleeping and not being back to meet the girls at our hotel on time, and here's some TMI because the bed was so wet I couldn't get comfortable.

I finally woke up about 6:30am and decided to go ahead and do the Waikiki Walk of Shame the many blocks from his hotel to ours and the icing on the cake...it was raining. I arrived back at our hotel at 7am and the girls were passed out. I mean out. I knocked and knocked and finally Gwyn's bff let me in. Now this hotel has weird bed arrangements and we ended up with 2 twins. Gwyn and her bff were in one twin and the other girl was in the other bed. I decided that I didn't want to curl up with her on that bed and opted for the floor. I finally got up and went down to breakfast. Gwyn and her bff joined me about an hour later and the first thing out of Gwyn's mouth about the night was "So, did you notice his wonky eye?". I had not in my drunken stupor, but she assured me that he seemed to have a wandering eye at times. She confirmed that he was hot when his eyes were in line but when the one drifted, it creeped her out. I am not sure how in the hell I missed it, but I did.