Asshats and Boomerangs

It’s been the week of the Boomerang Boy. For those who aren’t familiar with this very special term of ours it means a guy you throw away and he keeps coming back. In the last week I’ve had three different boomerage boys return for more.


The Landscaper, who I told off a couple weeks ago, started texting me again. I didn’t answer any of them so then he started emailing me. Friday night he texted me late about 11 and asked what I was doing. I was a little agitated (damn the repressed anger) and responded with a, “WTF do you think I’m doing?” The Landscaper sent some random chatty texts after that and I told him there was no point in continuing to text. He asked why and I said because all he wants was to get laid and that wasn’t going to happen with me again. He denied that and said he really wanted to spend time with me and get to know me better and I told him good luck with that. Haven’t heard from him since.

Kansas, who I told him off the same weekend I told the Landscaper off, has sent some text here and there since then but that’s it. Then Thursday he texted me, “I need sex.” I was in the middle of a meeting at work and I almost fell out of my chair laughing. I wished him good luck in finding what he needed. He wasn’t nearly as amused as I was. Kansas started texting more after that and over the weekend and I was playing along out of boredom. Saturday night he was out and while I was sleeping texted me about 20 times asking if I was awake and if he could come over. Incidentally that night he also got a public urination ticket for peeing in a parking garage. And he texted me that too to tell me about it. Boy, nothing says sexy like a guy who pees in public (even if he does have a giant trouser snake and I’m really horny right now).

Side note - Somewhere along the way I found a Happy Meal. Now a Happy Meal is my boss and mine’s special definition for a younger guy who you know has no nutritional value but he’s fun to play with for a short period of time though you know he’ll never be enough to satisfy you. So anyways, this guy is friends with her boyfriend and he Facebook stalked me and friend requested me a couple weeks ago. This weekend was a big Duke/Carolina game and everyone was trash talking on there and he and I started going back and forth. Now he wants to text every day. He lives in Texas and works nights so it’s the weirdest text exchange ever.

Back to boomerangs – of all random contacts in the last week Jethro (the guy I dated very briefly in December where there was this instant connection and then he imploded and called me a party girl). Outside of a few texts right after everything ended we haven’t talked at all. Anyways he texted me and after I had to ask who it was (damn right I delete people outta my phone all the time) we exchanged a couple general pleasantries. He said he’d been thinking about me and wanted to talk about what happened and see if I’d be willing to give him a second chance.

It caught me off guard big time. I told him I might be willing to listen if he had a damn good explanation. He said he wanted to talk face to face and asked if I’d meet him for dinner tomorrow night. I told him I’d think about it. I haven’t answered him yet but my curiosity is going to win out and I’m going to meet him I’m sure. I would like to hear what supposedly happened because we really seemed to have a connection and it was all so weird and out of the blue.

In other news, the boss’s BF who totally skeeved on me last week is definitely all wonky and weird with her. I expect they’ll break up by this weekend and though I hate it for her and I’m sad for her I can’t say I’ll be sorry to see him go since he proved to be such an asshat.

Miranda

PS – Link to a totally great article on the Frisky.