Sunday, March 11, 2012

Quiet Time

I haven't blogged much lately, b/c there isn't much to blog about. Gavin called me last weekend to tell me that he was coming to the island to visit his son this weekend. He asked me if I wanted to have lunch and then I haven't heard from him since. I have no idea if he came or not and I'm thankful that he didn't contact me again b/c I really don't like who I am around him. It's one thing to have your friends (all of them!), your mother, and your ex husband tell you what a loser he is, but when fellow bloggers who have actually never met him (Ethan) tell you for whatever reason it really hits home. So, bullet dodged...thank you universe.

Owen and I have been having awesome sex. I saw him twice last week and I'm hoping for a few times this week, although that may be hard b/c the kids are out of school here and while mine will be at her auntie's house, his will be home. He's having shoulder surgery next Monday, so that will result in probably 2-3 weeks of no sex...boo. He's taken an interest in a recent hobby of mine and Gwyn's and has been buying me things for it and teaching me how to do certain things. While I really appreciate it, it's also a little weird and makes me feel oddly guilty about our affair. Sex is one thing, but crossing the line into other things feels strange. I know he's just being nice but sometimes he'll text me and ask me about said hobby with no reference to sex...uh. no.

I am chatting up a new guy that I met online. He and I started talking a few weeks ago and then he left the island for work for a few weeks and now he's back. I suspect he will be Owen's sub while Owen is on medical leave...haha.

No other major news going on here...Russell and I are getting along at an epic level. It's so nice. I really feel like we are back to truly being friends and not just faking it. We had a really nice conversation this week about the 'what next' phase of our lives. We obviously can't settle anything with regards to it b/c there are so many things up the air, but it was a nice chat and it made me feel secure in that we're going to maintain the status quo until we are both financially able to change it. Not that I think for a moment he would do this, but part of me needed reassurance he wasn't moving out the day I graduated. He's not and we agreed to wait a few months after I get a full time job and can save some money for a deposit and such. We also decided that if he's leaving the island after the first of the year to just ride it out until then too.

On a personal note, I'm actually thinking about going back to school again after taking a year off. I am meeting with the university admissions people next week Monday to discuss their doctorate program. It would more than double my student loan debt, but since I'll be working for another 30 years after I get that degree anyway, it seems worth it to work for 30 years at that awesome rate of pay vs. what my rate of pay will be with this masters degree. Plus, I'll actually apply for scholarships and grants that I didn't with this degree. I want to be able to afford to live here comfortably and to do it alone if I need to. I refuse to enter a relationship with someone just so I can pay my bills...a thought that has recently crossed my mind and scared me enough to call the university and get this ball rolling. I am not that woman.

Things are quiet here right now and that's a good thing. I am taking some time to continue healing from the Gavin fiasco. It's been 4 months and I finally feel like I'm ok again, but I'm definitely not ready to open the door to anyone else for a while. I'm keeping the status quo with Owen and perhaps introducing this new guy into the mix but only on a purely sexual level.


  1. Paging Dr. Jules! That would rock!


  2. Yes, it does! I just need to find the balls to do it now. - Jules

  3. I missed the part where Russell was talking about leaving the island. I'm glad you two still care about each other enough to work with each other on this kind of stuff. It may not be a marriage any more, but it still seems like a family.

    As far as Gavin goes, I've just used the "we can still be friends... at least for long enough that I can get you in bed again" tactic before. When I was 19. I think he's reckless, toxic, addictive, and dangerously good at hiding his egocentric nature. But his use of cliched "moves" is downright offensive.

    Doctor Jules puts too many dirty images in my head for me to comment on :-)

  4. He may leave next year if he gets promoted, but not promoted into the job he hopes they create here...it's complicated and totally up in the air but highly probable. We are definitely a family and it feels so nice to be back to good.

    Wait til you hear the latest Gavin-ism...lol. He's becoming comical.
    - Dr. Jules ;) (LMAO, I HOPE!)