Thursday, October 23, 2014

Is it Me?

I have noticed recently that every single person I know my age (ish) is in one of two boats. They either are in little kid survival mode or they are in a relationship and unhappy as fuck. I mean literally everyone, whether they are fully ready to admit it or not. The ones in so called happy relationships are irritated with their significant others and complain about it constantly to others, yet do nothing to change it. The ones in admittedly unhappy relationships are making serious plans to get out. It's crazy. I don't know if it's one of those things going on with the universe right now or if our generation is simply ill  equipped to manage relationships or maybe it's just the people I know?
Me? I'm cruising...living with my kid, my BFF (who is a pain right now bc he took a job he hates and is miserable but this too shall pass), and still fucking Owen every week with lots of sexting and playing in between. I don't have anyone to worry about right now but myself and Chloe and it feels really good, especially looking in on other's lives. I'm sure it's boring to read about, but again this too shall probably pass. I hope not for a long while, I'm enjoying the ease of things right now.

Monday, August 4, 2014

The More Things Change, The More They Stay The Same

So my life has done an epic 360, Russell and I are moving back in together next weekend. As I said in my previous post, just as roommates, but it ended up being harder for me to swallow than I had thought it would be. I feel like it is a huge regression for both of us, but I feel like it will be such a good thing for Chloe. The regression part comes from I feel like if I'm doing his thing again I should kinda stick with it until she graduates. I hate commitment in any form, so this is hard for me. It is also unrealistic given my personality to think I'm going to resume this living arrangement and then just coexist in the same house for the next 7 years, but I don't know. It feels big. I may be making a mountain out of a mole hill. I feel like I would suck on an epic level as a mom though if I move back in with her dad, meet a guy a few years down the line, and move us out. I think it would make her feel like a child of divorce all over again. She knows we aren't back together, but she's 11 and her parents now live together again. Then there is the flip side of dating...it's hard enough to find guys that are cool with a kid, but to also be cool with my roommate, gay, co-dependent, ex husband living across the hall, yeah no. I'm a package deal though, you have to love us all.
Anyway, I have decided that I am putting the whole dating thing on hold for a while, perhaps a long while. I feel like after Gavin (who was just total rebound, not Russell) and now this clusterfuck of a marriage, clearly I have shitty taste in men. I need to work on me for a while. Plus given this new arrangement I certainly won't have a lack of adult conversation and I have Owen to fulfill all of my sexual needs, which he is blissfully doing again on a very regular basis now that the latest husband is out of the way! He has been taking things to new sexual levels and pushing us to try things, it has been amazing!! Russell is definitely my intellectual soulmate and Owen is my sexual one. I'm going to be content with that for now, but it still feels like 2009 all over again when I was married to Russell and fucking Owen on the side. The only difference now is a divorce and open doors (figuratively of course).

Monday, June 23, 2014

Boring Jules

Josie just texted me and said she couldn't believe I have been home alone for over a week and nothing blog worthy has happened. Life has gotten weird. I think I'm processing. Russell moved away in February for a new job. He got fired from said job last week in the biggest case of self sabotage ever because he missed us and Hawaii. So, he is moving back and in with Chloe and I. It is strictly a roommate situation with my BFF, but it's admittedly a little weird, even for me. They come home mid-July.

I am talking to The Chilean again, minimally. I like him, but I don't think we are ever meant to be anything more than friends. I like talking to him though, he's a good friend. He told me the other night he thinks The Fisherman is gay. If you read this, I hope you know he's not the first person to mention this and perhaps it's why you are so angry and have now had three wives, just saying.
No divorce papers have magically appeared from his "attorney" yet...sigh. He sucks a lot.

There is one crazy plot twist going on in my life at the moment, but it feels risky in that I feel like I could lose a friend out of it in the long run, so I am avoiding it. Polly, my friend I just stayed with for a few weeks in town, has the boyfriend I mentioned. She really has feelings for him, a lot. She's married and swears she won't act on them but I feel like her marriage is doomed and at some point things are going to change. Anyway, her bf who we will call Superman, is pressing me hard to hang out and hook up. He's cute and very charming and not a criminal, but because she has feelings I think it would hurt her and I am enough of an adult not to lose her friendship over some cock. The other interesting twist is that he, and then they, wanted to go to a sex party with me. They know I've been to swinger parties before, but I bailed. It feels weird going with them. He doesn't share the same feelings for her and I just see it ending poorly whether or not I fuck him or not. If they go, it's on them but I'm not going to be the catalyst.

Owen is off island on family vacation until July 5th, I think I'm content waiting on him to get back and then the whole family returns for cohabitation again. I'll try to spice things up around here soon!

PS Remember the Gavin clone? Superman apparently ran into him the other day. He didn't move home but instead reunified with his wife and now they are homeless living on the beach and sleeping on some $3 pool mats Superman gave him. Oh and strung out...I think that played into my calming down too.

Saturday, June 7, 2014

Stupid Is As Stupid Does

Well if it wasn't affirmed before today, I married an idiot (The Fisherman) the second time. Good lord I had pet rocks as a child that were smarter, no kidding.  I have also discovered that he's a criminal and a liar. He told me he went to FSU, um he didn't. According to the newspaper article about his first marriage, he went to the University of Alaska. He also failed to mention the multiple fishing charges that were filed against him in 2010 in that state too. It seems my mama had googled him and when I got curious and did the same, I found out about the college lie.  Lesson learned, google people before marrying them!!
So in other news, it seems I must have his address to file divorce papers. I emailed him today to ask for it and hilarity ensued. First he told me I had to talk to his Atty to get it, uh ok you make about half of what I do and you have any atty? Then he told me I was violating the tro, I'm not. The cops told me that night he violated it that I can contact him, he just can't contact me. In this case, I needed him too so I wasn't going to report him but omg his responses got hilarious in the end. Apparently his atty (lmao) is on vacation but is simply waiting to file the divorce papers. I replied "Great, thanks for saving me the filing fees! They can serve me at work, address is on the tro.". This didn't set well and he proceeded to go on about how he's the one divorcing me and I would have to pay half. I will pay the whole gd thing if it means being rid of his sorry ass, which is likely what's going to happen anyway because trust me, he does not have a lawyer. So, I gave him until the first of July and then I file and they publish it and eventually grant me a divorce anyway.  You could tell from all of his replies that he is super pissed at me and yet trying to have the upper hand.
Then he told me that he found the blog on Facebook and knows about my past, all of which he knew about minus Owen before we were married. I literally laughed at him and told him that it wasn't news and that I assumed he knew because he threw up me seeing Owen one time after I met him! So I've always known that he knew, but Hawaii is a no fault state so it doesn't matter at this point how much he knows or not.
An idiot, a liar,and a criminal...I really went all out on this one.
PS My mama is really letting it all spill out now too since she knows I'm never going back to him. She told me today that my brother called her once and asked why the Fisherman had boobs. She told him he used to be a girl. Lmao, he believed her for a moment but in reality it's just because he got depressed when he lost his job and got fat, but her answer was way funnier.

Thursday, May 29, 2014

Crazy Magnet Still ON

Remember Gavin? Well I managed to find him in a different person but not really...
So, I am staying with a friend for a few weeks and she has a neighbor who moved into her building a few doors down and has been hanging out with her.  We all went out Memorial Day to this community event and before and after drank copious amounts of wine and cocktails. I probably had two bottles of wine, if not more. Point being, I'm blaming this one on the alcohol, lol. We hang out and finally my friend, Polly, tells me that this guy wants to sleep with me, in front of the guy. He took that as his cue to start kissing me and he was a good kisser so it went from there into him playing with me and finally me going back to his apartment (by that I mean some guy's apartment that his brother takes care of). We fuck in his brother's bed, I later find out because he sleeps on the couch. His brother was quite unimpressed with my ability to squirt and I felt bad for him once I realized it was in fact HIS bed. 
During the evening, this guy offered me cocaine and weed no less than five times. He has a lot of charisma which is what drew me to Gavin. Gavin was crazy, but he was hella fun crazy. This guy is the same.  I mean they are practically the same damn person. 
Last night, we are all hanging out and he proceeds to start talking about the times he has been in jail and how only once was for a felony. Then he drops that his mom bought him a ticket home to the mainland so he can move back in with her and get his shit together. Yep, seriously. Oh and he launched into tales of swinger parties too, although I can get on topic there. I swear it is like every time he spoke,  I was transported back to Gavin. I did sober up and got off that crazy train because I have seen the end of this movie already, but today's plot  twist was a little unexpected. 
Meanwhile, Polly's husband allows her a boyfriend and he was part of who we were hanging out with last night and he kept making all these sexual references, showing us the restraints on his bed, etc and asking me to hang out this summer while Chloe is gone as his "wing woman". I left there and went to Gavin clone's apartment to help him find his phone he had lost the night before. He lost it in a couch cushion and it took all of three seconds to find. He then proceeds to offer me more drugs so that I can stay up and fuck him again. I declined and went home to bed. I need to get back into my house ASAP, lol!! 
Today I go to work and see Owen at lunch for some hot ass sex on the beach. Sex with him lately has been at a new level of great. We went through a few awkward encounters right before I left The Fisherman. I think because I was torn and feeling like my marriage sucked and maybe this contributed, but of  course I never felt guilty enough to stop. So now that I'm free, things have shifted back into our amazing rhythm. He literally rocked my world this afternoon. It was never bad awkward because there is no such thing as bad sex with him, but it was not our A game. I am pleased to report A game is back on! 
When I got home tonight,  Polly told me she fucked the Gavin clone today. Seriously, I couldn't make this stuff up.  

Wednesday, May 7, 2014

Where to Begin?!

So Jules is BACK! The story doesn't have a happy ending, but Chloe and I are safe and that's all the matters. I missed a lot of red flags with The Fisherman, I mean a lot. Hindsight is 20/20, love is tunnel vision. I knew early on that he had anger issues, but he was willing to admit it and actually went to see a therapist once early on in our relationship, but that faded quickly and the anger became rage.
In February 2013, he lost his fishing job. It was a devastating turn for him that he didn't do well through, his confidence was shot. He became financially dependent on me and I allowed it. I was in love and thought I was going to marry him. In April, my dad passed away. It was a really horrible, sad, tough time and he did his best to get me through it. Again in hindsight, I mostly got myself through it. Anyway, we were set to get married that September despite all the chaos.
Right before our wedding, like 3-4 weeks before we had the first of three major fights. We fought a lot with both of us being Aries but mostly he would shut down or yell and then I would. This afternoon was different. I picked a fight and he got really angry. He threatened to kick us out, which I explained he could not do, called me a whore, etc...all in front of Chloe. At some point, we went outside the condo and he pushed me against the wall and I scratched the  shit out of his arms trying to get away. I called the police and by the time they got there, things were calm and he was the one bleeding. I didn't press charges and we made up.
We got married, had a lovely wedding at the sandbar in the middle of the ocean with the company he now works for, surrounded by family and friends. Things were good, really good. We fought some but no more fits of rage, until January.
He is a big college football fan and his team was in the National Championship. He took off from work and drank all day watching pre game stuff so by the time the game came on he was totally drunk. He had the tv blaring and was screaming "fucking faggot" over and over along with other obscenities for hours at the tv. I mean nonstop and in a fit of rage, not like normal men scream at football (not that normal men say "fucking faggot" either). After hours of this, I had gone out with Chloe and come home and it was still going on, I approached him and told him to stop. He got even more angry and got in my face. Not being one to back down, I kept telling him he needed to stop and he kept pushing me until he pushed me down. When I fell, I fell on my hand and caught all my weight and sprained my wrist. I told him he had to go see a therapist if we were going to continue. He did (I think) once. When I asked about going back, he told me he didn't need it. I told him he did and that if and when this happened again, I was out.
He held it together pretty well. He would get mad and slam things or yell, but I lived with Russell for over a decade and I got used to fighting with him which amounted to him saying calmly, "Jules, I am really angry with you right now". I'm not kidding, he never yelled and definitely never threw or slammed anything. I just thought that maybe other men fought differently and even though he had hurt me, I wasn't willing to call it abusive yet, despite the fact that it totally was!
Easter Sunday we had a great family day, lots of fun, surrounded by friends, it was just a nice day. We drank all day but I can do that and hold my wine just fine, lol I rhymed. He cannot. At 9pm, he went to tuck Chloe into bed. I could hear them laughing and playing and the her tone changed. I went in and she was almost crying and said "Mom, make him stop!". He's very child like, sober too, and had been in there poking her and stuff just annoying her. I simply said "We need to go to bed now" and he flew off that bed into a fit of rage directed at her. He never touched her, but it was awful. He was in her face calling her a "crybaby bitch" and telling her he was over her "fucking shit". Um, she's 10 you mother fucker. I was yelling at him to get out of her room because she was screeching, not crying but making a terrified sound. He left and proceeded to trash the house and then came back in. I laid over her and told him to get the fuck out of the room or I was calling the cops. He left and passed out in our bed. I stayed with her and we left the next morning.
 I have a tro against him for us. It is now an actual protective order for one year as of today. Seeing him in court today started out as awful and hard, until he opened his stupid mouth and I remembered how much I hate him now. I am trying to let the hate go because it's toxic but I can't help harboring some of it. Chloe and I are safe, we had a lovely place to go on the beach to recover and get it together for a few months. I'm calling this my healing house.
Blogging is therapy for me, so I'll be posting more. In other news, Russell left the island in February. I miss him tons. He actually was scheduled to come home 2 days after I left The Fisherman, so it was amazing having him here to help us through that. He wants me to move to the mainland where he is, I'm not. I do miss him, but not enough to leave Hawaii and really do I want to run back to my first ex-husband?! I mean he initially suggested we all move in together again and I told him I didn't think that would be a healthy solution for any of us. Then he moved onto us just moving there in our own apartment, uh no thanks.
Lastly, I have a huge confession. When they say marriages fail because of both parties, I played my part. He was abusive and ultimately the down fall of our marriage was based on that and him targeting Chloe because he never knew about Owen, but I only stopped seeing Owen briefly at the beginning of our relationship. He was the first thing I did today after court and I have to say, it felt amazing.

Thursday, February 20, 2014

Five months later

Here we are amost five months later. Jules is happily married and coping with Russell leaving the island. Gywn is bursting with pregnancy - shes having a boy! -and counting down the days till her hubby comes home. And Miranda, well Miranda is...happy. As strange of an emotion as she can imagine, Miranda is happy.

Peabody has pulled out all the stops and completely committed himself to her. It's about damn time lol. Maybe fairy tales can cone true after all? Fate has taught Miranda to be cautious but she can't help feeling cautiously optimistic at the moment.