So Jules is BACK! The story doesn't have a happy ending, but Chloe and I are safe and that's all the matters. I missed a lot of red flags with The Fisherman, I mean a lot. Hindsight is 20/20, love is tunnel vision. I knew early on that he had anger issues, but he was willing to admit it and actually went to see a therapist once early on in our relationship, but that faded quickly and the anger became rage.
In February 2013, he lost his fishing job. It was a devastating turn for him that he didn't do well through, his confidence was shot. He became financially dependent on me and I allowed it. I was in love and thought I was going to marry him. In April, my dad passed away. It was a really horrible, sad, tough time and he did his best to get me through it. Again in hindsight, I mostly got myself through it. Anyway, we were set to get married that September despite all the chaos.
Right before our wedding, like 3-4 weeks before we had the first of three major fights. We fought a lot with both of us being Aries but mostly he would shut down or yell and then I would. This afternoon was different. I picked a fight and he got really angry. He threatened to kick us out, which I explained he could not do, called me a whore, etc...all in front of Chloe. At some point, we went outside the condo and he pushed me against the wall and I scratched the shit out of his arms trying to get away. I called the police and by the time they got there, things were calm and he was the one bleeding. I didn't press charges and we made up.
We got married, had a lovely wedding at the sandbar in the middle of the ocean with the company he now works for, surrounded by family and friends. Things were good, really good. We fought some but no more fits of rage, until January.
He is a big college football fan and his team was in the National Championship. He took off from work and drank all day watching pre game stuff so by the time the game came on he was totally drunk. He had the tv blaring and was screaming "fucking faggot" over and over along with other obscenities for hours at the tv. I mean nonstop and in a fit of rage, not like normal men scream at football (not that normal men say "fucking faggot" either). After hours of this, I had gone out with Chloe and come home and it was still going on, I approached him and told him to stop. He got even more angry and got in my face. Not being one to back down, I kept telling him he needed to stop and he kept pushing me until he pushed me down. When I fell, I fell on my hand and caught all my weight and sprained my wrist. I told him he had to go see a therapist if we were going to continue. He did (I think) once. When I asked about going back, he told me he didn't need it. I told him he did and that if and when this happened again, I was out.
He held it together pretty well. He would get mad and slam things or yell, but I lived with Russell for over a decade and I got used to fighting with him which amounted to him saying calmly, "Jules, I am really angry with you right now". I'm not kidding, he never yelled and definitely never threw or slammed anything. I just thought that maybe other men fought differently and even though he had hurt me, I wasn't willing to call it abusive yet, despite the fact that it totally was!
Easter Sunday we had a great family day, lots of fun, surrounded by friends, it was just a nice day. We drank all day but I can do that and hold my wine just fine, lol I rhymed. He cannot. At 9pm, he went to tuck Chloe into bed. I could hear them laughing and playing and the her tone changed. I went in and she was almost crying and said "Mom, make him stop!". He's very child like, sober too, and had been in there poking her and stuff just annoying her. I simply said "We need to go to bed now" and he flew off that bed into a fit of rage directed at her. He never touched her, but it was awful. He was in her face calling her a "crybaby bitch" and telling her he was over her "fucking shit". Um, she's 10 you mother fucker. I was yelling at him to get out of her room because she was screeching, not crying but making a terrified sound. He left and proceeded to trash the house and then came back in. I laid over her and told him to get the fuck out of the room or I was calling the cops. He left and passed out in our bed. I stayed with her and we left the next morning.
I have a tro against him for us. It is now an actual protective order for one year as of today. Seeing him in court today started out as awful and hard, until he opened his stupid mouth and I remembered how much I hate him now. I am trying to let the hate go because it's toxic but I can't help harboring some of it. Chloe and I are safe, we had a lovely place to go on the beach to recover and get it together for a few months. I'm calling this my healing house.
Blogging is therapy for me, so I'll be posting more. In other news, Russell left the island in February. I miss him tons. He actually was scheduled to come home 2 days after I left The Fisherman, so it was amazing having him here to help us through that. He wants me to move to the mainland where he is, I'm not. I do miss him, but not enough to leave Hawaii and really do I want to run back to my first ex-husband?! I mean he initially suggested we all move in together again and I told him I didn't think that would be a healthy solution for any of us. Then he moved onto us just moving there in our own apartment, uh no thanks.
Lastly, I have a huge confession. When they say marriages fail because of both parties, I played my part. He was abusive and ultimately the down fall of our marriage was based on that and him targeting Chloe because he never knew about Owen, but I only stopped seeing Owen briefly at the beginning of our relationship. He was the first thing I did today after court and I have to say, it felt amazing.