Monday, February 28, 2011

One Way or Another...

Miranda is fucking confused and thus has stopped thinking period.

I passed out Saturday night after all the crap with Coach because I was just exhausted. After waking up about 3 am and dragging myself to bed I slept about another 8 hours and woke up feeling discombobulated. I’m perplexed. I’m agog. I’m confounded. I’m confused. I’m pole-axed. In other words, I just don’t know what I want to do about the whole situation with Coach.

I had lunch with him and we spent a few hours after that running errands on Sunday and just hanging out before he left to go back to DC. He was trying hard to make things seem normal but my heart just wasn’t in it. I wasn’t being a downer but I certainly wasn’t my normal sparkling self. Coach apologized to me several times and said its killing him that he hurt me like this. I told him he doesn’t have a single fan in his corner from my camp. He asked if I could forgive him and I told him I honestly didn’t know. That I just needed some time to clear my head. We didn’t break up but things were definitely left hanging in the air when he left.

I feel like I’ve shut down on my ability to process what I want to do. Like I’m retreating from it all and refusing to think about it at all right now. I guess it’s some sort of self-preservation mechanism.

There’s a part of me that is arguing to give him one more shot because ultimately he is a good person. That side of me argues that we’re both new at this “relationship” stuff and maybe it just takes time to work past some of the baggage we carry from our past. That side of me reminds me how happy I have been with him and how many good things there are about him. This side of me says we all have our flaws and that everyone deserves a chance to grow and change and maybe this is his chance to change. He’s already got so many other qualities I want that I need to give him one last shot to prove that he’s the man I think he can be.

Then there’s another part of me arguing to cut the ties now and move on because I don’t want to get caught in an unhealthy relationship cycle. This part of me is suspicious and makes me wonder if he can lie about these little things, what else will he lie about in the future. This part of me says if he still lived here, maybe I’d give him another shot but adding this recent drama on top of the fact that he lives 324 miles away for god knows how long just makes it not worth it anymore. This part of me says people don’t change and I so don’t want another “fixer-upper” like Duckie.

Obviously for every point I come up with I have a counter point. I think this situation would be so much easier to navigate through if he’d physically done something like cheated. I feel like every time I circle close to the idea of ending it, some internal thing is telling me hold off, to think a little more, to be really sure this is what I want to do. I just don’t know why there’s that little nudge inside keeping me from making a final decision.

Basically I’m in limbo and just not dealing with it. I think I’m just going to take a few days and try not to think too much and hopefully by the end of this week my internal compass will be pointing one way or another.


PS Check out our new poll option to the right. First question to answer - Should Miranda dump Coach?

Straight Pimpin

I need a sitter...my sitter needs blow jobs. Is that really pimping myself out if I think he's hot and I fuck him anyway?

I've been putting Gavin off all weekend. Russell was closing, but damn it all I started my period and felt like crap Friday and Saturday. The good news is that I started my period though!! Hot Damn! Anyway, I told Gavin he could not come party at my house this weekend because I wasn't feeling it. I have seriously felt like crap for the last few weeks. I think it's stress, but I felt great today.

I was talking to Russell tonight about Chloe's spring break and trying to arrange the week with minimal cost. I suggested that the one day we hadn't covered could be a Camp Gavin Day. I literally finished typing the words to Russell and Gavin called. I asked him if he would please take care of her that day and bless his sweet, darling heart he readily agreed. He said he loves keeping her and would be happy to do so and then he invited himself over.

He came over super horny, as usual. He'd called me this morning and told me how horny he was and that he'd told one of his friends about me and really wanted us all to have a threesome soon. I haven't seen this guy, so that's TBD but if he's hot I'm on it. When he came over tonight, he came into the kitchen and started playing with me immediately. I told him I was bleeding and he said he'd take it in other areas. I ended up just blowing him (twice). I'm pretty happy with him when he agrees to help me out with the kid. It's so hard here not having any family, so I'm happy to keep him happy at times in order to have some extra help. Call it what you want, but it works for me. ;) It also gave me huge points with him and I know I'll get some fucking intense sex in return later this week for my efforts this evening.

Owen texted me today to see when I could see him this week. OMG I should have become a lot busier a lot sooner because now that he knows my time is so limited, he's at my freaking beck and call. It's awesome! I believe we're set for Wednesday morning before work if all goes as planned.

Clark texted me yesterday and asked for money. It seems his pay was docked for the incidents that are resulting in his discharge, so his check was only $300. While I feel sorry for him, it's not my problem so I declined his request. He caused all of this for himself and I refuse to get wrapped up in someone else's drama.

Saturday, February 26, 2011

A Big Fucking Bump In the Road

I don’t know what’s going to happen with Coach. He lied again. 

He came home yesterday and I asked him several times about what his plans for today were and was he going to be at my softball practice.  He said multiple times he was and that he’d be home around lunchtime.  He also said he was driving his own car to his son’s basketball tournament so he wouldn’t be stuck there all day.

Cut to this morning he leaves early to go to the basketball tournament.  I wake up and text him about 10:30 or so to see when he’d be home and he answers “about 5 pm.”  I rightfully am pissed and say something smart back to him and he tries to be cute and funny to diffuse the situation.  I laid into Coach via text and let him know exactly how I felt.  For hours I steamed about it and decided on my way to practice I may as well check out the rest of his story and see if his car just happened to be at the ex’s house.  It was.  I texted him and asked if he drove himself and he said, “Yes.”  I questioned him again and he said, “I rode with my dad.”  I seriously about lost my mind in that moment. 

After practice my sister in law came back to my apartment for a while and it was my intention to be gone to Gwyn’s house before Coach got here.  I got delayed though and spent a very uncomfortable 30 minutes with him and my sister in law before I could leave.  As I left, he asked if I wanted to talk and I said not really that I was still too mad but that I’d be back later.  Even as pissed as I was I still took the time later on to text him and let him know exactly when I’d be home.

Fast forward a couple hours I come home from Gwyn’s and he’s packed up all his shit and left.  He sent me a text saying he was at his sister’s taking care of her dogs.  We texted a little and I ended up calling him and asking what in the hell his problem was that he’d walk away like that.  We got into is some via the phone and he said he had gotten mad about the way I’d left and thought I wouldn’t want to see him tonight.  He also said he had gone to his sister’s and planned to go out with friends tonight but decided that wasn’t smart. (NO FUCKING SHIT ASSHOLE!) I finally said I wasn’t going to have the conversation via phone, if he wanted to talk he could come over.

He did and we talked (re I alternately spoke calmly, cried, and yelled) for more than an hour.  He swears he didn’t mean to lie that he simply “forgot” that we had plans this afternoon when he got in the car with his dad.  I told him all this was so much bigger than the fact that he lied today.  I told him all this shit (the previous lying and walking out today and one other time) was so much bigger than his lies today.  I told him all this made me feel like I was a second class citizen in his life. And letting things slide was a hell of a lot easier to do when he wasn’t living 324 miles away.

I told him I couldn’t be in this relationship and feel like this. That I deserved better and I couldn’t keep repeating this pattern. That us having been together for just a little over two months and for us to have had three big issues was ridiculous.  And I’d be damned if I was going to spend six months repeating this same cycle over and over.  We’re grown ups that have been in long term marriages. We know exactly how to make relationships work and how to kill them. 
I told him he needed to think about if he could be in the relationship because I couldn’t be if things didn’t change.   I told him I need someone who’s going to fight for me as much as I fight for them.  That I don’t want someone who just walks away. That I don’t want to have to question his intergiry and wonder if he’s telling me the truth. That I want someone who damn well shows up when they say they will and if they can’t be there, they admit it straight out.  I told him as much as I wanted him to spend the night (since we don’t have much time together these days) I didn’t feel like it was smart. I had to stand up for myself at some point and this was it.

He said he understood, hugged me, kissed my forehead, said he loved me, and then showed himself out the door. He’s sent me a couple text since then saying to give him time and that he will fight for me. 

I feel upset, rightfully so, and am now a sodden heap of self pity lying desolately on my couch. That being said I am sort of proud of myself in a weird way for drawing the line in the sand. I’ve never done that before in a relationship. 

I guess I’ll just see where things go from here. I feel like I want to forgive him but I just don’t know that I can let myself do so. 


Friday, February 25, 2011

Overwhelmed Sums It Up

Miranda, you were right on with the overwhelmed. Things have been insane since Tuesday evening's romp with Owen. Not fun boy insane, work-school-life insane. I won't whine about it here because it's not the forum, but I've also been (hopefully) PMS-ing.

I saw Gavin Wednesday night for a little while, but he was annoying me and I wanted to sleep...so at 12am I literally kicked him out. He wasn't in a very sexual mood, nor was I really after 2 days of many orgasms so my need to sleep won out over all else. Sadly, I only got about 6 hours so the next night was worse.

Last night, I was exhausted. Exhausted like I was right after Chloe was born and I hadn't slept in weeks...that kind of god awful, I'm going to fall over now kind of tired. Gavin called me to tell me that the gf had almost had him arrested. I yelled at him for being stupid. Then he asked me to the movies and I told him in no uncertain terms that I did not want to go to the movies with him, but that I wanted to go home, eat dinner with my kid, and sleep. So what does he do? He comes over! Russell just laughed when he heard him outside. Bless his heart, I was not hospitable. He got the hint and kicked himself out and I went straight to sleep at about 10pm.

Today he calls me and tells me how our relationship is the best thing in his life and how easy and comfortable it is for him and he loves the sex. I just laughed at him and agreed that yes, the sex is good and it's easy. He cracks me up.

In other news that cracks me up, Josie and Clark have become quite chatty FB friends. Apparently, Wednesday they engaged in quite the chat about Clark's sexual fetishes and the convo ended with him inviting himself over for DP once he moves back to NC. Josie declined....ROFL. She did take great pleasure in telling him about my recent escapades with Owen and Gavin though, which did prompt some jealous texting from him. The good news is that I haven't heard a word from him since then. I'm back to being over him. I think we've run our course for real this time, but you never know with me. I have a weakness for hot men and he's hot, damn it.

This Week Hasn't Sucked

Geeze you know we’re all totally overwhelmed when we haven’t posted a single post since Tuesday!

Week one of the long distance relationship is down and after the initial blues I have to say it really wasn’t a big deal. I’m sure with time I’ll get more annoyed or whatever but for now it doesn’t totally suck.

I think in large part the lack of suck-age is because Coach has done great at staying in touch. We talk usually twice a day and he’ll email every now and again. And of course we text so outside of not actually seeing him, it hasn’t felt too different.

Wednesday night was Wine Wednesday with the girls and a total blast. On the way home I was talking to Coach and we started a little dirty talk. Now Coach gets flustered easily. He’s so not a dirty talker. I’ve been working on that with him though! HA! So anyway, we were just flirty talking and it got more and more intense and ended with me sprinting up the stairs (half drunk in heels mind you), racing in my apartment, and clothes flying everywhere as I crawled in my bed to really get things going. And I have to say, my tutelage has paid off. Coach did a damn fine job dirty talking and much phone sex was had by all! HA!

Really because of the ongoing contact, this week hasn’t been bad. Last night was the first “night” I was really home alone and while it felt different, it wasn’t bad at all. I totally vegged out on the couch and watched tons of shows I had DVR’d. It’s a good thing with the way Duckie and I share the kids though because I’m pretty damn sure if I had to do five days in a row of being at home alone, party girl Miranda would be itching to get out.

The distance thing has been good because I’m super excited to see Coach tonight. When you see someone every day you are still happy to see them but that “thrill” or “anticipation” definitely fades. While he’s looking for an apartment he will be coming home every weekend so that’s a nice bonus. I wonder though how it will feel different when he has a permanent place to live up in DC. I mean then I’ll have the option to go up and see him but doing the weekend thing is going to be a weird way to maintain a relationship. Guess we’ll just see what happens.


PS Edited to add that already with Coach on his way home his ex is being a total bitch and trying to make him feel guilty for every minute he's going to spend away from his kids and with me.  Of course she's the one who insists that it's "not the right time" for me to meet their kids. Oh the joys of dating a gimp with a crazy ex.

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Tequila...I Mean TMI Tuesday

If you could only have one adult beverage every day what would you choose to drink?
Margaritas. - Gwyn
Margaritas - Miranda
Wine - Jules

Have you ever gone to work intoxicated?
Yes - let me clarify. I have gone to jobs (but not any of my professional jobs) stoned and also hungover aka still drunk from the night before. Most recently, during my post-Hawaii breakdown, I enjoyed a margarita with Miranda during our lunch break but unfortunately I didn't drink enough to get drunk. -Gwyn
I have gone in the next morning after a bender definitely feeling drunk. One time in college while I was temping I had drinks at lunch and definitely went back to work drunk. - Miranda
I've gone to work still drunk from the night before many times. I can't work drunk. I did it once in High School and realized quickly that this was not the way for me. If I'm drinking, I'm drinking...not working!
- Jules

Have you ever been sent home from work (or fired) due to being intoxicated on the job?
Yes - when I was 19-20 years old I worked at a big resort here as a banquet server. We often worked large weddings and events with open bars. The banquet bartender was my boyfriend at the time's mother (the same boyfriend whose dog I locked in his bedroom when he wouldn't come pick her up from my house).
She would always give me drinks while we were working. This was before I had much of a tolerance and one particular time she gave me 4 LITs in a matter of about 2 hours, it didn't end well. More specifically it ended with me passed out in the employee break room until one of my managers found me, woke me up and sent me home. Thankfully the manager was also one of my friends so I didn't get in any trouble. -Gwyn

Nope though wouldn't that be a great story! I gotta say I love the idea of a young drunk Gwyn passed out in the break room! - Miranda
LOL, never - Jules

When a guy at the bar asks you if you want a shot, what kind do you most often suggest he buy?
I usually just say 'something fruity' and let him choose but if I had to get specific I'd say I prefer Red Headed Sluts (funny aside: did you know there's a shot called the Lindsay Lohan that's a red headed slut with a splash of coke...hahahhaa), Kamikazes or Royal Flushes. -Gwyn
A Piece of Ass (delicious and fun to order), SoCo and Lime, or a Royal Flush - Miranda
I tell him I don't do shots because it makes my clothes come off and then I follow that with whatever is shoved my way swearing that he'll regret this later when I'm puking. - Jules

Describe the worst drunk sex/hookup you've ever had (or at least remember having..).
Ummm...there are too many to try and remember and I can't say any one in particular was worse than another. If something comes to me I'll repost it later. - Gwyn
Hmmmm. Maybe the one where I slept with a friend's friend who she really liked? I never had the heart to fess up to it to her face though I have to say she didn't miss out on much. His penis was tiny! Actually, I'm going to change that.  Hooking up with Cabana Boy. That was bar none the worst drunk hook up and not just because he gave me chlamydia. - Miranda
Oh dear lord, there are sooooo many....um probably the worst recent one was fucking my next door neighbor last summer when Russell and I were in the midst of our shit and he was home and totally heard us. The worst historical one was I was super hot for this guy I worked with that my bff was also very hot for and had an on-off thing with. One night I ended up going home with him but because I was so drunk I simply could not get wet and we tried a variety of makeshift lubes to include butter. I'm sure my guilt was playing into it as well. She still doesn't know about that. There are more, but those two stick out the most. -Jules

Have you ever woken up next to someone the day after a drunk one night stand and not remembered the person's name? Details please.
No - but there have been plenty of times that the person I'm with has forgotten my name...by that I mean that he admitted that when I told him my name the night before he had no idea what I was saying. Yes, my name is that weird and yes people always pretend they understand what I'm saying when they probably think I'm speaking Chinese. -Gwyn
No I have always known at least their first name and generally I try to verify that they know my name before we go to bed.  Generally...not always lol. - Miranda
Ha, yes probably because I didn't bother asking it in the first place. - Jules

Do your prefer drunk sex or sober sex? Why?
Drunk sex for sure. I'm way more relaxed and much more in the moment than I am when I'm sober. -Gwyn
I can go either way though I think drunk sex is much more fun. I'm definitely more relaxed and open to trying all sorts of things. - Miranda
I like sex period - drunk, sober, high, whatever - slightly tipsy is my fave. - Jules

And a Little Bit of Awkward Sex

Last night was fucking porn star sex, well this afternoon was a little bit of awkward. No worries - it ended well but damn if it wasn't an effort! ;)

Owen has been hot on me to get back over and this afternoon following work was a great time (or so we thought). We didn't factor in the interruptions. It started with me telling him that I'd be waiting for him on the couch since I could hear the teenage boys right outside my bedroom window and didn't think that would be a good idea. I cannot (no matter how hard I try) have quiet sex with Owen. It is NOT possible. He and I had made some specific requests from each other today via sexting that we both wanted. He wanted some super sloppy, wet head and I wanted to ride him while he sucked my nipples (which he said he would gladly do and preferred if I also had my new vibrating plug in my other hole). Um, yes!!

He gets here and right before he came in, Gavin starts calling (I'm not kidding...like twice). Owen comes in and we get right into fulfilling each other's requests. It's hotter than hell here right now because we have no tradewinds at the moment and sadly this house has no AC. Within minutes, we were dripping in sweat. Despite this, we're going at it and moving all around my living room until I'm finally pinned up against the wall with him behind me and we hear a knock at the door followed by "Aunty Jules is Chloe home?". Three nanoseconds prior to this I was cumming...bye bye mood. I started laughing and he raced into the bathroom and I told her through the window that Chloe was not home and would not be back anytime soon. She left and he came back out to finish things up. At that point, we had kind of lost it so he starts again back in my ass but it wasn't overly comfortable because my mood was shot at that moment. We move back to the couch and resume other activities while totally dripping sweat all over each other. The couch is a bit awkward for us too because he's so tall, but we managed to work it out after some rearranging. We fucked for a while longer and he finally came.

It was pretty funny afterward and we joked that maybe the 6 o'clock hour in a hot house with small kids running around and paper thin walls might not be our best time for the activities that we seem to so loudly enjoy. It all ended well and we were both very satisfied, but it was totally awkward in the making of such happen. I think next week will either be back on the beach, in his van, or during the morning hours here when everyone else is working or in school!

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Forecast - Partly Sunny

After a good 48 hours of moping I think the fog has lifted and Miranda is back to being Miranda. Well for the most part, if work doesn’t cause me to go postal and take out my whole department before the end of the week.

I was pathetically mopey Sunday afternoon after Coach left and yesterday I swung wildly between being grouchy about him being gone and psychotically irritated with the idiots Gwyn and I work with every day. I told Jules that her Clark drama was a good distraction but damn it, that still didn’t make it worth the ruckus she’s causing on the east coast!

Last night while I was watching Weeds (my current TV obsession), I was thinking that this long distance thing with Coach was a good twist of fate to remind me not to wrap myself up totally in any guy no matter how good things are. I know Coach and I have been spending way more time together than we normally would have at this point in a relationship since we knew he was moving, but it did make things get intense fast. Having this time/distance between us I think will be healthy for me and make me focus on “me” instead of “us.” At least that’s what I pepped talked myself into believing this morning.

It is weird to hear him talk about how nice people are at his new job or figuring out his way around town. And hearing him talk about nice apartments he’s seen in the area is just about too much for me right now. The totally teenage part of me wants him to hate it up there and for there to be no redeeming qualities about the job or the city, however, the grown up part of me will admit I want him to be happy and enjoy his life regardless of if he’s living in the same town as me or 324 miles away.

On the plus side though, I can totally selfishly control my TV, wear my grungiest lounging around the house clothes, and I don’t even think twice about what pair of underwear I’m wearing these days. And I have felt more than a little like I was neglecting my girlfriends by being wrapped up in “Coach World” so it’s nice to be able to balance all that out and get in some good girl time with them.

So I guess just a few days into this long distance thing, things aren’t looking near as bad as I thought.


Porn Star Sex

Gavin's home!! :) I missed him a little. Actually, I was a little pissy with him for not calling this weekend while he was gone but I was sick and he was having fun with his kid, so I got over it. He called me like 4 times today before he finally came over this evening. He was dying for some when he got here about 5:30, but since Russell was home sleeping and Chloe was out playing I told him "No". I was laying on the couch, watching TV, and enjoying not being in class. He's not really one to take no for an answer, especially with sex so he pursued it and I ended up letting him get me off with his fingers until Chloe came back home. He knew he was prepping me for some hot sex after she went to sleep, which he got.

We hung out watching TV (his house lacks cable if you wonder why we watch so much TV) and such until she went to sleep and then he brought my laptop out into the living room and started playing with me again. He asked me to please suck his cock, but to just tease him...not to do it well. I don't really know how to not do it well, but I teased to the best of my ability. I like giving other men head, but there is something about Gavin's cock that I love having in my mouth. This is probably wayyyy TMI, but it's almost soothing for me to just lay there and have him in my mouth while he pets me and talks to me in that deep voice of his. It's almost like a pacifier or something. (Feel free to mock me...)

Finally, I couldn't take it anymore and pulled him into my room. He put me onto the bed and started licking my ass. This is one of those things that I never thought I would like, until someone did it and I've been a big fan every since. When he licks my ass, it means he's getting it wet to fuck. He did me doggie style for a little bit and after I came all over his cock, he took it out, flipped me over, and entered my ass. We went for a really long time like this as I fingered myself and he gave it to me nice and hard. I love to watch him watching me...it's so hot.

After we finished this round, we went back out to watch the news and he scooted over beside me and asked if I would play with him some more. One of the things that I adore about both Owen and Gavin is their ability to match my sex drive. Let me assure you that this takes some doing. I was more than happy to put him back in my mouth (yes, he washed it off first) and get him super hard again. He took me back into my bedroom where I gave him a handjob while he played with my breasts and pinched my nipples until I was almost screaming. He took my breasts and squeezed them together and as I was jacking him off came all over them. He keeps telling me how much bigger my tits seems lately, which coupled with my lack of desire for wine is totally freaking me out. I'm supposed to start my period this week and I'm praying hard for it (figuratively since I'm an atheist and all).

Meanwhile, Clark was texting me this evening asking me to come over and spend the night. I declined, especially when I figured out that his main motivation was so I could drive his sorry ass to work tomorrow. When I questioned why he didn't go rent a car while his is being repaired, he told me his license expired and he can't. Then he got pissy and said he would just take a taxi to work tomorrow. Splendid idea especially since I live an hour away, have a child, will be doing practicum 30 minutes from my house tomorrow which is in the complete opposite direction of him, and have NO business on that side of the island anyway...jackass. The girls have empowered me to think about this long and hard before traveling down this road again. I'm thankful for their intervention and I hope I can stay motivated to keep away from him. I was strong today, but it helped that Gavin's sexy ass was in my bedroom at the time I was texting with him.

Owen is in heat right now too. Is there something in the stars right now that has everyone's sex drive in full throttle? That man has been blowing my phone up way more than normal and I've got to say I'm loving it. Now that my schedule is so insane, he's made it his personal mission in life it seems to figure out a time each week that we can still squeeze in some orgasms. I appreciate a man on a mission and we are taking every opportunity we can find.

Monday, February 21, 2011

True Confessions

I wasn't fully honest yesterday and by that I mean I lied. I omitted a good deal of information to save face with my girls, but it was wrong and I shouldn't have lied so I'm confessing it all now. Here's how it started. Josie and Miranda friended Clark on FB very quickly upon learning that he and I were friends. It seems their red flags rightfully went up. He asked them how he knew them and Miranda ignored him. Josie did not. As they started chatting, he revealed I'd seem him yesterday, damn it.

I did...I'll finally admit it now that I have to because it's out there. He took me to the commissary for super cheap groceries since Bob has left us. Clearly I am NOT proud of this or I would have been honest yesterday. We have been talking a lot lately and he's been really nice. I know he's a sociopath and that he can hold it together for a little while. Trust me, I've been down this road a few times now. So why do I keep going back?? I haven't a clue. I know how troubled he is (though I learned a lot of details tonight). I know I can't fix it, yet for some reason I can't explain I'm drawn to him. I see no future with him. I see nothing good coming out of it, but damn if I don't feel the need to keep touching the stove just to make sure it really is hot.

I have always had my suspicions that he was sexually abused. He's a classic case of symptoms - the need for power and dominance, his sexual fetishes, his never ending search for someone to make him happy, how quickly he moves through women and relationships. It's like you're looking at a checklist. I thought it was a family member because he has told me before that his father was abusive. It seems his father was verbally and physically abusive, but he was in fact sexually abused. He was raped by his best friend and his best friend's brother. He totally shut down after telling me that, so I don't know the details but it does explain much.

Today has been a little mind-blowing. First of all, my worlds colliding was a little strange. Second, it's awesome to learn that you have women (or friends of any gender really) that love you enough to defend your honor on FB with a sociopath for 4 or 5 hours...seriously. Josie took Clark to task today on his past treatment of me, his claims of still caring for me, etc. She didn't roll over with him like I do and he didn't like it one bit. He was a total ass to her. I read a portion of their exchange and it was nuts. Sadly it was just the beginning and they both ended up super pissed off. I begged them both to stop and finally Josie put an end to it. They are both very strong willed people and I knew no good would come from this after that many hours.

Meanwhile, I'd been taken to task (rightfully so) by Miranda for my involvement with him again. She has committed herself to digging up his dirt and within minutes had learned his parents' address and that his dad owes back taxes and can't register his car. She's scary good. While Josie is the bad cop in this, she's apparently been given the role of good cop.

I know I need to walk away. I wish I could. I don't like this kind of drama in my life. I don't have time for it, but I can't in all honesty say that I won't see him again. I would love to be strong enough to do it, but something about him makes me weak and stupid which are normally not words people use to describe me. I know he's being kicked out of the Navy any day now and I know he's moving back to NC as soon as it happens because he can't afford to stay here. I really need that to happen like now. I wish they would quit dragging their feet and process him out already! I truly think him being 5000 miles away is the only thing that will break this stupid cycle.

Ok - there it is. I am weak for some stupid 25 year old. It almost physically hurts me to type that. Obviously with him it's not just about the sex because I'm having some awesome sex with the other team members, yet the irony is that that's exactly all there is to it. There is no potential for anything else. On that note, I need some wine.

Sunday, February 20, 2011

A Whole New World

Well today starts a new journey in the world of Miranda – that of being a long distance girlfriend. Despite my worries, I adjusted quite quickly to being a girlfriend so let’s hope the transition goes as easily this time.

Last night Coach and I had a great “last” night together and just chilled out and watched a movie (I Am Number Four – very good BTW).  We spent the night much like you might imagine being incredibly sweet to each other and indulging in copious amounts of cuddling.  This morning he woke me up to another delicious series of orgasms.  That my friends is a hell of a way to start any day of the week!

Coach went through the ringer this morning too. First he went and said goodbye to his parents, then me, then his sister, and finally his kids. I think it about pushed him over the edge even knowing he was going to be home more weekends than not.  Our goodbye was both not as bad as I feared and more intense feeling than I expected. I did pretty good holding it together this morning until it was right at the time for him to start gathering up his stuff and leave.  Then I had a slight Miranda meltdown.

Coach was really sweet about it though.  He so doesn’t like it when I get upset.  The traitorous tears started slipping out despite my valiant efforts and next thing I knew he scooped me up and I was sitting on his lap like a little kid while he rubbed my back and I cried on his shoulder.  I finally gathered myself and he said I was killing him by crying lol.  I helped him carry his stuff downstairs and then we hugged some more and his eyes got all watery right as he was getting in the car to leave.  I wanted to be all “strong” and watch him leave but I ended up sprinting up the stairs to retreat to the safety of my apartment.  Where I could give in to my girly emotions and lay prostrate on the couch mourning the departure of my boyfriend (geeze can you tell I’m feeling a little dramatic right now?).

I was fine after a short lapse though I will admit I’ve been pretty mopey all day.  See Miranda has learned to express and deal with her feelings in the last year! No more suppressing – well almost no more suppressing!  HA! 

Gwyn called me shortly after Coach left and gave me a great analogy. She said to look at it like we’ve been banking up all this time together saving it up for the future. Now was the time to withdraw it bit by bit to get through the next few months.  I’m not sure if you’ll find it as funny but it made me laugh for sure. 


PS I just stumbled on a secret nugget. Duckie apparently applied for a line of credit with the jewelry store Jared.  I bet you anything he was going to give the GF a ring after our divorce was final. Damn her for going crazy and cocking it all up!

Saturday, February 19, 2011

Confession Time

Ok, I've minimally let Clark back in. Miranda (being the total Nancy Drew that she is) busted me today for becoming FB friends with him and then tattled on me to Josie and Gwyn. LOL! He's been really nice for the last week and it's just so obvious that he literally has no one in his life and needs a friend. I have no intention of becoming involved again and there will be NO emotional guilt trips. I've been chatting with him on and off for a little while and when he's an ass, I just shut down and don't respond until he's nice. He's received the message.
PS As the day has worn on, it seems Josie got the idea for Josie and Miranda to FB friend him as well. When I asked Josie if Clark had questioned who they were before accepting their requests, she told me he had not but that she suggested to Miranda they tell him they were on the same prescription trial together for anti-psychotic meds. She's a funny woman.

Parties, Strippers, and the Blues

Last night was a rousing success! Coach was totally surprised by his dinner with family and friends and then his night out on the town!

We started the night off with dinner with two of his sisters and his two best friends.  His younger sister if you don’t remember is dating SoCo.  We’ve been around them before but not for such an extended period of time.  I don’t know how much Coach knows about me and SoCo and I’m really not trying to clarify the situation any time soon.  I am sure he’s heard that we used to hang out but I bet that is the extent of what he knows. 

Anyway, sitting at dinner watching SoCo and Coach’s younger sister cuddle and coo was quite entertaining.  They seem to be very much into each other and it’s pretty funny to watch him be all lovey-dovey and call her “babe” and stuff.  They are actually really cute together and I love Coach’s younger sister so as long as she’s happy it’s all good with me.  I wonder if she knows about me and SoCo.  Also, after I had a few drinks I kept cracking up remembering that SoCo liked for me to bite his cock.  It was a very weird experience. 

The next part of the night was hitting the bar that is the new “up and coming” place in town.  It’s become the place everyone goes to and is actually a pretty decent place all in all.  A lot of Coach’s friends turned up to celebrate his last night out and he was again very surprised. I think he was overwhelmed with how many people came out to see him off.  Even Gwyn came!

Coach is a great drunk.  He laughs, dances, acts silly, and basically goes out of his way to entertain you.  Last night he kept flexing his arm muscles and showing them off which made me laugh and honestly made me more than a little hot. You know I have a thing for nice arms!  Between laughing and talking with friends, we danced all night and even forced Gwyn out on the dance floor a few times before she was properly lubricated with alcohol. 

At one point I noticed Gwyn talking to one of the very few black guys in this country place. Trust her to go to a country bar and end up pulling in a black guy!  She’ll have to fill you in more on that one.  By the end of the night I was going to be the designated driver (I was very responsible and quit drinking earlier in the evening) and take Gwyn and her boy back to her car then drive home a friend of Coach’s.  Somehow after dropping off Gwyn, Coach’s friend convinced us to go to a local strip club to wind down the night.

I’m not exactly sure why I agreed other than that I thought it would be funny to watch Coach squirm.  He’s gets so uncomfortable about stuff like.  On Valentine’s Day I made him go in a Priscilla McCalls (a sex store) with me just to look around and proceeded to laugh so hard at his squeamishness as we browsed the sex toys that I had tears running down my face.  So we were going to this one club where the friend has a texting relationship with a stripper (did I mention this friend is a very uber-church goer?) but it was already closed.  Next we headed to a totally sleazy place in a nearby town.  About this time I got my safety text from Gwyn saying she was safe and sound at….. another strip club! HAHAHA! We got a good laugh out of that! 

So this strip club was totally gross and sketchy.  The girls by and large were, well LARGE.  Not at all what you’d expect even at a subpar strip club.  Almost all of them had saggy boobs and guts that were so not attractive.  Now I’ve only been to one other strip club but the women there were much more attractive.  I mean if you’re going to be a stripper you should at least have a tight body! I mean really!  And these girls got totally butt naked and did things like literally spread their vagina open for guys and girls to look at and throw money at.  It was so WERID!

We were only there about 10 minutes and Coach was on the edge of his seat the whole time.  He could hardly look around without tensing up.  It was quite funny.  At one point I had to go to the bathroom and he wasn’t about to let me walk around unattended so he walked with me. We went past this one part of the bar that was curtained off and I got a glimpse in and there was a guy zipping up his pants and a nasty stripper was putting her clothes back on. EWWWWWW!

This place was so sketchy and seedy, I honestly kept expecting there to be a fight or a gun flashed at any minute.  After maybe 25 minutes the friend was trying to get a lap dance from one of the few pretty strippers and Coach had had enough and said it was time to go. 

As I drove the friend home he kept talking about how he cheated on his wife all the time and about all these strippers he had “relationships” with. I so wanted to say, “You know those relationships are all about the money you give them right?”  I did take him to task for his behavior when he was saying how much he loved his wife and what a good marriage he had.

We dropped off the friend and then came back to my place and collapsed into bed because it was about 4:30 or so.  We both fell asleep in a split second and then Coach woke me up with the most delicious array of orgasms.  Lord I love that man!  Today we’ve just been running errands and hanging out for the most part. We were supposed to go out to a friend’s birthday party tonight but I think we’re both feeling more than a little blue about him leaving tomorrow so we’re opting to go the quiet route and have dinner and go see a movie.

Last night I did good at keeping the sad feelings at bay but it’s getting harder as the day goes on.  Tomorrow when he leaves to head to DC in the morning is going to be the pits. I’m so not looking forward to this morphing into a long distance relationship.  Even knowing he’ll be back on Friday isn’t helping much at this point. 


Friday, February 18, 2011

The Demise of Duckie's Relationship

So the other day I left you hanging about Duckie’s break up with the GF. Apparently for a while now she’s been upset with him because he’d come up to my apartment to drop off something for the kids or pick up his alimony check or whatever. Now let’s put this in full context here. I bet he’s been in my apartment less than 15 times total in the last year.

So anyways, it sounds like they got in a slight tiff because one day a couple weeks ago Ladybug really wanted to see her Dad. We had just got home from the work/school routine and I saw Duckie’s car so I texted him and asked if it was ok that we stop by the GF’s apartment. (If you are a new reader she and I live in the same apartment building.) He, being the good dad, of course said yes. We stopped on the way up the stairs and he came out of the GF’s apartment and stood there for no more than five minutes talking to the kids and gave them both hugs. Then we went our separate ways.

Duckie said after that night things started falling apart and she came at him with a bunch of crazy ass stuff like I was trying to interfere in their relationship and he wasn’t making her his number one priority in his life. WTF? Clearly this woman is ass-backward insane. There was a bunch of more stuff he told me about her seeming to be jealous of the arrangement we have with the kids and over the fact that Duckie and I have a decent co-parenting relationship. Duckie also told me that back in early January when they broke up it was over the fact that he didn’t introduce her as his girlfriend to my sister and her husband in the middle of the welcoming line at church. Again WTF?

Duckie spilled even more by telling me that she and her ex have a really bad relationship and she was always whining to him about how her ex was acting. Sounds like there was a whole load of drama there. Duckie also told me he had been bothered more than once over how the GF’s 11 year old son would be rude or say rude things to him and the GF would never call our her son for bad behavior. The GF also said she thought it was inappropriate for him to come up to my apartment on CHRISTMAS morning and spend about an hour with the kids. WTF????? Though initially I thought she was nice, I think she’s probably bat shit crazy and clearly an incredibly needy person.

He and I had this little information exchange via email and it was interesting to get so much information out of him. He’s been pretty tight lipped in the past so I feel like this is a good step forward for us. I did feel extra bad for him though because this all happened the day before he was meeting with our divorce lawyer to start our final paperwork and it was also just a few days before Valentine’s Day. And I think he was sad about the breakup but I think at the same time he was realizing he deserved better than how she was treating him. I also think it’s a good sign that he’s willing to stand up for himself (for a change) and that he seems to be growing some form of a backbone. Let’s just hope he doesn’t try to use that backbone on me anytime soon!

Tonight I’ve organized a little surprise going away dinner for Coach and then a night out at one of the local clubs. There should be lots of people coming, including Gwyn who will get her first taste of the crazy small town life I’ve encountered through Coach’s friends. It should be an interesting night to say the least!


While the Mouse is Away...

I know it's the other way, but since I'm the one with the kitty...
Russell is in LA this week and Gavin has been around helping a lot (and busting me). Russell left Tuesday morning and Gavin was over here Tuesday night as soon as I got home. We had some super hot sex and he went home around 11pm. I went to bed and had promised Chloe that she could sleep with me. I picked her up, put her in my bed, and snuggled in. He came back into my room at 1:30am to tell me that the gf had kicked him out and in the process woke me up, scared the fuck out of me because I was sound asleep, and my screaming woke up Chloe. Chloe could not for the life of her figure out why Gavin was in our house at that hour, much less in my room. He went to lay down in his old room, much to his dismay.

Yesterday he picked Chloe up for me and was on babysitting duty so that I could go to school. Neither of us felt good, so no hanky panky, but he told me he'd see me the next day. What I didn't count on was the time of the next day...

Today I worked from home this morning and had informed Owen of this window of opportunity. He was texting me earlier this week recounting how hot Saturday was, so we were happy to have the house available and more full, open access than his van or the beach allows. He came over and crawled right in bed with me for some amazing, screaming, omfg sex. At one point in the midst of it, he heard a car and asked if I was expecting anyone because someone was here. I said "No, I'm sure it's the neighbors or something.". We actually fucked a little more and then got up to check, just to make sure. Neither of us saw anything, so we went back to it. As we are showering after about a billion orgasms (well only one for him but it was a BIG one), my phone rings and it's Gavin. After Owen left, I called Gavin back and he grilled me because it actually was my neighbor (it just so happened it was the one I'm fucking).

The funny thing is that he's seen that same van in my driveway before, because he has Owen radar. He took this opportunity to lecture me a little since I do the same to him, though he swears he's just been with me and the gf for the entire last year. I assured him that it was fine and we moved onto him inviting me to breakfast (which I had to decline because I was late for work at this point) and him discussing his afternoon plans with Chloe since he was picking her up today. I didn't hear another word from him all day, so I was wondering what was in store for me what I came home.

I came home to him grilling my dinner, shirtless I might add (ahhhhh....). He'd taken Chloe out on his wave runner and had spent another great day with her. We just hung out and talked for a long time. It was nice just chatting, nothing sexual. Before he left though, he looked at me with his cute puppy dog face and mentioned that he'd been a really good boy the last few days and since he's going to be off island this weekend wanted to know if he could have a blowjob to tide him over until he gets back Monday. I complied. I figured I'd throw him a bone since he let the Owen thing drop. He kissed me and left promising to call this weekend.

He told me tonight that he sees his life drastically changing over the next few months. It seems he's rethinking his decision (yet again) to live with the gf. I laughed out loud at him when he said this and pointed at his old house. I told him that last March he and I sat on that very porch on the very first day I met him and he'd told me the exact same thing, yet things went right back to the way they've been for years. He cracks me up. I've never seen anyone want a change so badly, yet be so completely unable to facilitate it for themselves.

Miranda and I were texting about him earlier today. He's just going to be gone for a few days on this trip and I know he'll call several times this weekend but this summer he's going to be gone for a month or two. Last summer when he went home, I didn't hear a peep from him while he was gone. We had a big fight right before he left, but he called me the day he got back onto the island. I'm curious to see what he does this summer. Things amped up between us when he got back almost immediately and have been going at this level every since. I'm curious how it will go this summer. Will I take this as my opportunity to move on or will I remain in complacent, sexual bliss?

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Sexual Bucket List - TMI Tuesday

According to a website I was checking out today, here is a list of 50 sexual must-dos before you die. We'll tell you what we've done. Feel free to tell us yours! ;)

1. Kiss a girl
No - Jules
No - Gwyn
Yes - Miranda

2. Have anal
As often as possible, by that I mean at least weekly. - Jules
A couple of times with The Ex. Not a fan. - Gwyn
A couple of times. I prefer playing in that area in other ways than the penis. - Miranda

3. Have a threesome
Of course - Jules
No - Gwyn
No - Miranda

4. Engage in group sex
Yep - Jules
No - Gwyn
No - Miranda

5. Have phone sex
Yes, though I prefer webcam sex. - Jules
Yes - Gwyn
Yes and I prefer phone to webcam - Miranda

6. Masturbate
Often - Jules
Sometimes - Gwyn
If no regular sex partner, often. - Miranda

7.Use a vibrator
See above, of course! - Jules
No - Gwyn
Hell yeah! - Miranda

8.Use a sex toy on someone else
Yes! - Jules
No - Gwyn
No but I've had someone use a sex toy on me. - Miranda

9. Be tied up
Why yes I have - Jules
Yes - Gwyn
Yes!!!! - Miranda

10. Tie someone up
No because I like men to be in control during sex. - Jules
No - Gwyn
Yes though I prefer to be the submissive one. - Miranda

11.Have sex in a public space
Definitely - Jules
Yes - Gwyn
Yes - Miranda

12. Be a voyeur and watch others having sex (live, porn does not count)
Yes, once in HS - Jules
Yes, but not on purpose - Gwyn
Yes though they didn't know I was watching. LOL - Miranda

13.Sex in a car
YES! (mostly a van, but yes cars too) - Jules
Yes - Gwyn
Yes though I never think it's all it's chalked up to be. - Miranda

14. Sex at a drive-in
If it were 1955, maybe...but since it's not - No - Jules
No - Gwyn
What year is it? No - Miranda

15.Mile-high club
Sadly, not yet - Jules
No - Gwyn
No. Airplanes gross me out. - Miranda

16. Sex with a stranger
Of course - Jules
Yes - Gwyn
Define stranger. Yes I guess - Miranda

17. One-night stand
Yep, lots - Jules
Yes - Gwyn
More than my fair share. - Miranda

18. Married sex (the best kind, in my opinion)
Yes I have, both with my husband and other women's - Jules
No - Gwyn
Yes by both Jules' definitions. - Miranda

19. Sex on a boat
Yes - Jules
No but it sounds fun - Gwyn
Yes! With the Giant this past summer. Mosquito bites on my ass. Enough said. - Miranda

20.Sex in a body of water
Oh yeah - Jules
No, too many germs! - Gwyn
Yes!!!!! - Miranda

21.Light spanking
Yes and I love it - Jules
Yes - Gwyn
If you don't leave a hand print don't bother. - Miranda

22. Read erotica
Yep, esp with the blog world - Jules
No - Gwyn
Yes - Miranda

23. Play strip poker/Monopoly/card game
Why yes I have - Jules
Yes - Gwyn
Does strip Wii bowling count? - Miranda

24. Sex in the shower
Yeah, though I'm not a fan...slippery and a bit awkward. - Jules
Yes - Gwyn
Hated it. - Miranda

25. Sex standing up against a wall
Yes and it was HOT - Jules
One of my favorites - Gwyn
I don't think so. Weird... - Miranda

26. Sex with no kissing
Frequently - Jules
Hahahaha all the time - Gwyn
Not even one peck? I don't think so. - Miranda

27. Sex in the pitch black
Yes - Jules
Yes - Gwyn
Fun! Yes! - Miranda

28. Sex in the broad daylight
Yep and in public - lol! - Jules
Yes - Gwyn
Yes - Miranda

29. Making out with no sex long after you're no longer a virgin
Lol, yes I have - I actually did this to Gavin for the 1st few dates. - Jules
Yes - Gwyn
Yes. Though it's very hard to resist taking things further. - Miranda

30. Sex in a tent in the wilderness
Well if you count the beach as wilderness, the only time I've been camping was filled with great sex! - Jules
No - Gwyn
No but I'm game for it! - Miranda

31. Watch porn together
Dude, every time I see Gavin - he's a big fan. - Jules
Yes, tons of times - Gwyn
Yes, not a big porn fan though. - Miranda

32. Watch porn alone
Yes - Jules
Yes - Gwyn
Yes - Miranda

33.Learn to give yourself multiple orgasms
Of course - Jules
No - Gwyn
Yes! I'm a late bloomer but hell yes! - Miranda

34. Sex on the beach
Again, as often as possible - Jules
Hooking up, yes - but no sex - Gwyn
Making out yes, no nookie. - Miranda

35. Blindfolds
Once - hated it - Jules
No - Gwyn
OMG love love love it! - Miranda

36. Using ice sexually
Oooh yeah - Jules
Yes - Gwyn
Yes - Miranda

37.Sexual role play
Yeah, but again not a fan of this one - Jules
Yes - Gwyn
Yes. Depends on my mood. - Miranda

38. Whipped cream
Oddly no - Jules
No - Gwyn
Yes. Way overrated! - Miranda

39. La Perla lingerie sex
No, not big on lingerie - Jules
Victoria's Secret I can't afford La Perla - Gwyn
That's a lot of money for very little clothing. - Miranda

40. Frederick's of Hollywood lingerie sex
See above - nope - Jules
No - Gwyn
Nope - Miranda

41. Sex with someone much older
Yeah, about 20 years older - Jules
No - Gwyn
Yes - 8 years older is my oldest - Miranda

42. Sex with someone younger (legal!)
Lol, of course - I'm equal opportunity - Jules
Yes - Gwyn
Yes - three years younger is my youngest. - Miranda

43. Sex in a foreign country, possibly with a foreigner
Yes, but sadly not with a foreigner - Jules
No - Gwyn
No - Miranda

44. A quickie in a skirt
Yes - Jules
Yes - Gwyn
Yes! A lot! - Miranda

45. A longie in the rain
Ha, yes - I mean it was raining outside while we were inside. - Jules
No - Gwyn
Not actually in the rain. - Miranda

46. Sex in the ocean while people swim all around you
Almost - fooled around in the ocean but no sex while others were around. - Jules
No - Gwyn
No thank you. - Miranda

47. Feather ticklers
Yes, lame - Jules
No - Gwyn
No. I'd feel like an ass! - Miranda

48. Sex while "altered" whether by alcohol or something else
ROFL now, um yeah - Jules
Hahahaha now that's funny - Gwyn
HAHAHA do you read this blog? - Miranda

49. Learn to orgasm in less than five minutes from intercourse alone
Oh I'm really cracking up now, of course! - Jules
Yes. I didn't realized that was something you had to learn - Gwyn
Yes - but only with a few guys. - Miranda

50. Silent sex in a full house
Frequently, thanks Gavin for teaching me to be quiet so we can fuck more. - Jules
Yes - Gwyn
Yes. Jules you've never been quite a day in your life! - Miranda

I've done 42 of those...so either it's a lame list or I'm adventurous, or both. - Jules

I think I've done 26 but I kind of lost count because I'm rushing lol - Gwyn

Par for the course I'm in the middle with 35. - Miranda

Happy Single Awareness Day

I've had good Valentine's Days and bad ones and everything in between. I think this is my third one in a row as a single girl...I'm not really sure, you guys know I'm not into all that sentimental crap.

So here's how Valentine's Day went for single Gwyn....

I came home Sunday (after running in a marathon relay...sounded better in theory than it was in reality) to a card from my mom with a heart shaped box of Reeses cups. My grandmother also sent me an e-card via her iPad lol. She has the flu so she said "I'm sorry I didn't buy you a real card. This damn flu has me operating two weeks behind schedule." God I love her.

On Monday, I woke up and went to work as usual. I got asked to be someone's "work valentine" at about 3pm - this someone is our IT guy who has no chin/neck and has a girlfriend (and dressed as a vagina for Halloween). Score. I almost forgot that I did have some chocolate from Miranda waiting for me at my desk when I got to work :) No one wished me a happy valentine's day via text, email, FB, nothing. I did have an FB friend request from a hottie who's a friend of a friend but whom I've never met...the kicker here is that he's not only a Virgo (my curse) but a Virgo born on September 15th. I mean, really. Who else continuously attracts guys with the exact same birthdate???? I'm supposed to be playing kickball on a team that he's a part of so if my normal weirdo magnet is still working I'm guessing there could be more to develop with this story.

I decided at about 4pm that I was going to go out with my guy BFF who also doubled as my valentine for the day (I can't remember the nickname I've given him in older posts, forgive me) to play BINGO at a bar downtown with a bunch of our other single friends. Well, to play BINGO and to get drunk. It turned out to be a really fun night. No random hookups (the sex drive issue is still in full effect) but I did get hit on by first a 20 year old cop (shout out to Jules lol) and immediately following... a paramedic. Hello people I smoke pot I can't be dating public servants. Anyways, both were very nice but neither was my type physically. And damned if the cop didn't stalk me on FB and send me a friend request this morning which I just denied. The perks of having a weird name and living in a small town never end.

So that was my day. Very exciting, I know. I ended up in bed alone at 3:45am after stopping at an all night diner with my valentine and eating BLTs with fries. Apparently, I also ordered some chocolate pie to go which I was surprised by this morning when I opened my refrigerator. Drunk me was planning ahead, she knows I love sweets.


Happy VD!

Lol, now it's time for your resident cynic to weigh in...I'm not a fan of today. Russell and I always skipped it, citing it as a Hallmark Holiday. Today was my normal, very long, insane Monday. I left home at 7:45am for work, then class tonight until 8pm with a 45 minute drive home...good times. I did get a sweet text from Owen, a phone call that went unanswered from Gavin (too much pressure), and some oddly randomly nice texts from Clark. (Don't worry...I didn't get caught up in his moment of clarity.)

While I did nothing to note this day, I did have an amazing weekend. You guys know about Friday and Saturday with my team. Gavin has been on it lately. I reminded him last weekend that he is not the only member of the team and I think it shook him up a little because he's been fucking me lately like he's got something to prove. He called last night while I was watching the Grammy's with Russell and Chloe...twice. When I did not answer, he came over. Lucky for us, they both went to bed not long after his arrival and he took me into my room and put me on the bed on all fours and let me have it. I actually had to reposition myself some because my bed was making sooooo much noise I knew Russell would hear us! We hung out for a while after just doing our normal thing.

All the way around it was one of the most relaxing weekends probably due to the daily dose of multiple orgasms! Russell and I got along fantastically well! We even spent Saturday night home alone together when Chloe was gone on a sleepover...now that's something! I'm so very glad to be back into a good place with him that isn't forced. He leaves for LA tomorrow, so it's going to be a little stressful but with Gavin's help and my decision to cut class on Thursday we should be just fine.

Monday, February 14, 2011


Happy Valentine’s Day from your resident optimist. Though I have to say now that I’m in the last week of having Coach in the same state as me, I’m feeling more than a little anxious. Luckily I’m relying on my long manifested skills of squashing emotions and I’ll deal with the anxiety and stress after he’s actually moved.

I’m determined to make this week a good one and do my best not to think about the fact that this time next week he’ll be living five hours away. We’ve pretty much been glued at the hip for the last few weeks and this weekend was no exception. Saturday we went and saw Blue Valentine. Very good movie, but very intense. It’s about the end of a couple’s marriage. Yeah, heavy stuff but it was very relevant and hit very close to home for both of us in a lot of ways. As good as it was, I wouldn’t recommend it unless you’re ready to face some of your own emotions/issues from divorce.

The rest of the weekend was us being the uber-happy couple and having some of the wildest sex I’ve had in a long long time. Like the kind of sex that involved a blindfold and that left me feeling like I’d just run a marathon. My back is still sore today!

Then if the Saturday night sex wasn’t enough, Sunday we were each doing our own thing and he came by my place to change clothes. He had been all dressed up in a suit for a family thing and I took one look at him and about lost it. Coach was freaking hot in a suit. Hell most guys are freaking hot in a well cut suit but I digress. We were standing in the kitchen talking and kissing for a minute. He had about 15 minutes until he was supposed to be at his ex’s house to pick up his kids and the next thing I knew I was bent over the kitchen counter and it was on big time. WHOA is all I can say. Well that and he was about an hour late to get his kids. Oops – LOL!

After a lovely, indulgent weekend together, I’ll admit I was more than a little excited to celebrate Valentine’s Day. I have NEVER, and I mean NEVER had a good Valentine’s Day. And I’m so pleased to report that Coach has hit it out of the park big time! I woke up this morning to presents! He got me a pair of rainbow flip flops, a super cute purse, and some bath and body stuff. Then this afternoon he surprised me at work with an ice cream cake and a card. Then later in the afternoon he sent me flowers! And he’s taking me to dinner tonight and said there are more surprises! I think I’ve hit the jackpot here!


Saturday, February 12, 2011

A Day Late and A Dollar Short

Well if it isn't the damn story of my life, I'm late posting this even factoring in Hawaii time. Happy Blog-a-versary to you girls too! I would have posted this last night, but Gavin needed some loving. It seems like he's not so fond of my new schedule. Looking back on the past year is a little mind boggling with all I currently have going on to boot! I'm currently really overwhelmed by school work and starting my practicum, which is why I've been sort of MIA this week and will probably be around less and less in the upcoming 3 months. (sigh)

I remember how last February felt. I was so relieved, so sad, and so anxious all at the same time. There were so many unknowns that miraculously have fallen into place this year. Some things have blissfully remained the same and some things have changed a lot, but I all feel for the better. The biggest thing is that Russell and I have moved from living as a married couple to pretty successfully living as separated (though I do say divorced, it's no where near legal) in the same house. This was not without some major hurdles that really came to a head over the summer, followed by some severe depression on his part in the fall, to where we are now pretty good friends again. I really like the direction we're headed. It feels like we're getting back to a good spot. I'm sure when we do finally go through the legal part of the divorce there will be some mild upsets, but that's to be expected I imagine....maybe not, but I don't want to be naive.

Owen is definitely a constant. I've been seeing him for over 2 years now. It is still just as amazing this second in time as it was when I first met him. I've never had a sexual connection with anyone like this. I remain firm in that I think it would not still be like this if he left his family and I still maintain that I never want that to happen but I really, really like our relationship. It's just easy, fun, and consistent (mostly). Of course I have some internal moral struggles with it, but I just stuff those struggles right back down...lol. I did notice something striking today though. We had some great sex this morning and since I'd just had sex with Gavin the night before, as I've been placing them closer and closer lately I've had time to draw more comparisons. Owen and I have very passionate sex. There is lots of kissing, caressing, and touching. He will spend a lot of time kissing me, not just on my lips but all over like my neck, back, etc. It's very sensual, yet we don't really have feelings for each other beyond the sexual. We don't chat about our days or much beyond sex. (It helps keep my guilt down that way too.) On the other hand, Gavin and I are definitely more "connected" feelings wise. We are honestly friends, but when we have sex it's just hard core fucking. He'll run his hands all over me, but we rarely kiss. I digress, but it struck me today as I was sitting on the beach in my after sex with Owen daze.

Gavin has also been a constant. I've known him almost this entire time. I met him early last March. That's been a ride, but a fun one. I still really enjoy his company and we have great chemistry too. I still look forward to fucking him. I point this out because in general I get bored with partners easily, so it's noteworthy the length of these relationships because it's not my MO to keep the same guys around for extended periods of time. As far as where I think things are headed with Gavin, I see us keeping this up as long as it works for both of us...meaning I think we'll do it until I find someone I want to be with more. I would never be in a relationship with him because of his addictions, his lack of financial responsibility, his history of domestic violence with the gf, and his total inability to remain faithful. He's pretty much told me that he's never been faithful to a woman longer than a few months. While I certainly relate as it's my nature as well, I think we would be doomed....so I am not hoping for him to leave the gf either. He seems pretty damn happy with our current arrangement, as am I.

What else has happened this year? Of course Clark and Penn and their crazy is fresh in my mind. Those were some good times followed by really bad. I had a few near misses with guys that wanted to cling and be in a relationship. The minute you tell me you want me to be your gf (with the exception of the Clark brainwash), I'm out. I still feel that way. Unlike Miranda, I'm no where near the point of wanting to be in a committed relationship. For starters, I'm not a fan. I like variety. I like doing what I want to do when I want to do it and not having to answer to anyone about it. I've always been that way, which is why I predict this year being more of the same and for me that's a good thing!

As I mentioned school is nuts. I'm so happy to be going, but also so overwhelmed right now. It's really cramping my sex time too. I'm supposed to go out with a new guy tonight, but I don't know how I feel about it. I may bail. He lives really far from me on a side of the island I refuse to go on and I honestly just don't have the time to put into anyone new right now. Next year this time, I'll be almost finished with my degree and Russell and I will be moving toward legally filing. Gwyn will hopefully be here on the island and I'm sure we'll get into some fun!

Stay tuned for another year of fun, hot fucking, and good stories! I bet there are many in store!

Friday, February 11, 2011

It's Been A Hell of A Ride!

Happy Blog-iversary!  A year ago today in the midst of divorce angst Jules and I started this blog as a means to bitch, whine, and vent out our emotions.  Who would have known it’d still exist today?  Who would have known that so many people would be interested in our bi-coastal lives? Who would have known that we'd write 538 posts in the course of a year?

The last couple weeks as we approached this momentous occasion, Jules and I have debated on how to recognize it. Ultimately we’ve decided to each do our own post reflecting on the last year and making a couple predictions for the year ahead.

This year has been a huge year of growth for me.  I’ve discovered I’m a hell of a lot stronger than I ever thought, that despite being 34 years old I still make some very immature decisions, I think I’ve figured out how to have a (mostly) healthy relationship, I feel like I’m really starting to be comfortable in my own skin, and that above all, having a few really good friends who support you through thick and thin makes this world a hell of a lot easier to live in.

A year ago I’d never have believed I’d be this happy and content right now, and this happiness is way bigger than my relationship with Coach.  All of the running around, partying, being wild girl Miranda was fun and greatly needed.  But towards the later half of the year I really started to be comfortable being well, just Miranda. I know I’ve talked about it before but one thing I’ve discovered is that for most of my life I played the role I thought other people wanted me to be.  I kept my emotions to myself and outside of a few good friendships, I kept the real me on lockdown.  I’ve worked hard over the last year to let my “inner” Miranda out and I think I’ve come a long way. I still have a way to go but I am more authentically happy and content right now than I have ever been before.

I am so proud of the relationship Duckie and I have been able to maintain.  A year ago I had high hopes that we could always put the kids first and our interpersonal drama would fade away with time and in large part it really has. Sure he still makes me crazy sometimes and I hate paying him alimony but we have had a pretty fairy tale divorce all in all.  Hell today we had real adult conversation about him and his girlfriend breaking up last night. (Yep they broke up again but it sounds like he is the one who ended it this time.  I’ll share more in another post because damn it, this one is about me! LOL)

Looking back on the last year I’ve had more than my fair share of adventures and I feel like I did a hell of a lot of living in a short amount of time. From my power dating everyone from a lawyer to a UPS driver to a near run in with the guy who worked at the Dollar Tree (that still makes me laugh), it’s been a wild ride.  As trite as it sounds, every one of those guys taught me something about myself and what exactly I wanted in a future relationship.  Who knew I could learn so much from so many gimpy losers.

Recently, my relationship with Coach has added yet a whole new chapter to this growth and one that it continuing to unfold.  I’m discovering that Miranda does in fact know how to be in a relationship and is not necessarily always going to be a cheater.  I can say with 100% authenticity that I have not been tempted to cheat on Coach one single time and you all know I have worried about that in the past.  My next hurdle is to see if I can maintain a healthy relationship with him long distance.  That’s going to be a whole new ball game and one that I feel more than a little trepidation about.  

Many months back one of my favorite blogger, Diner Nighthawk, made a comment about how he felt like he was seeing a transition in me almost like a play.  The first few months were the “first act” of my story, and at that point I was transitioning into the “second act.” I think this time with Coach has definitely been my “third act” so now we just have to see how the story ends.

It’s so interesting to read back over my own posts and see this evolution in Miranda.  At times I sound so sophisticated and mature and then in the very next post I sound like a love sick teenager.  I guess it’s all just part of figuring out who this new “grown up” (and I use that term very loosely) version of Miranda is.  I without a doubt think I’m a better person today than I was a year ago. 

I’m so thankful to friends who have helped me through this year of transition.  Short Girl and Josie have been there in so many ways it’s just crazy.  Friends who don’t even know this blog exists have done so much for me.  Blog friends have shared all sorts of perspective that has made me think long and hard.  And without a doubt Jules and Gwyn have carried me through this year time and time and time again.  Not a day goes by that I don’t talk to both of them and thank the stars above for having them as part of my life.  All the crazy things that brought me back to my hometown after living away from it for so  long leave no doubt in my mind that it was fate for me to be in this place and have these two amazing women in my life. There will never be enough ways to say thank you to these girls!

As for what the future holds, who knows?  My life is so entirely different than I imagined it as I sat on my bed and wrote my first post last year it seems insane to try to imagine the year ahead.  But since we agreed, here are my thoughts on what’s to come. 
  • A year from now I expect I’ll still be living where I am now but Gwyn will be living with Jules and I’ll be insanely missing them both.  
  • I expect Jules will be about to be happily divorced and I hope Gwyn is living out her Hawaiian fantasy with a hot surfer/outdoorsy guy who rocks her world!
  • I will have made at least one if not two more trips to Hawaii. 
  • I’m hopeful that I’ll still be in a relationship with Coach. Despite our recent rocky patch, I feel really good about things with him and you know Miranda’s ever the optimist.   
  • I think I’ll still have the same job but I’ll be making an exit strategy to get to my end goal of being a labor/delivery nurse one day.   
  • And I think I will be even more content than I am now.  Scratch that, I know I will be even more content than I am right now.
 Thank you for listening to my inner dialogue over the last year. Thank you for supporting me, cheering me on, calling me on my BS, keeping me honest, and most of all for challenging me to continue trying to be the best version of Miranda that I can be.  I hope you keep reading because Jules, Gwyn, and I have a lot more to do in this world!