Saturday, February 12, 2011

A Day Late and A Dollar Short

Well if it isn't the damn story of my life, I'm late posting this even factoring in Hawaii time. Happy Blog-a-versary to you girls too! I would have posted this last night, but Gavin needed some loving. It seems like he's not so fond of my new schedule. Looking back on the past year is a little mind boggling with all I currently have going on to boot! I'm currently really overwhelmed by school work and starting my practicum, which is why I've been sort of MIA this week and will probably be around less and less in the upcoming 3 months. (sigh)

I remember how last February felt. I was so relieved, so sad, and so anxious all at the same time. There were so many unknowns that miraculously have fallen into place this year. Some things have blissfully remained the same and some things have changed a lot, but I all feel for the better. The biggest thing is that Russell and I have moved from living as a married couple to pretty successfully living as separated (though I do say divorced, it's no where near legal) in the same house. This was not without some major hurdles that really came to a head over the summer, followed by some severe depression on his part in the fall, to where we are now pretty good friends again. I really like the direction we're headed. It feels like we're getting back to a good spot. I'm sure when we do finally go through the legal part of the divorce there will be some mild upsets, but that's to be expected I imagine....maybe not, but I don't want to be naive.

Owen is definitely a constant. I've been seeing him for over 2 years now. It is still just as amazing this second in time as it was when I first met him. I've never had a sexual connection with anyone like this. I remain firm in that I think it would not still be like this if he left his family and I still maintain that I never want that to happen but I really, really like our relationship. It's just easy, fun, and consistent (mostly). Of course I have some internal moral struggles with it, but I just stuff those struggles right back down...lol. I did notice something striking today though. We had some great sex this morning and since I'd just had sex with Gavin the night before, as I've been placing them closer and closer lately I've had time to draw more comparisons. Owen and I have very passionate sex. There is lots of kissing, caressing, and touching. He will spend a lot of time kissing me, not just on my lips but all over like my neck, back, etc. It's very sensual, yet we don't really have feelings for each other beyond the sexual. We don't chat about our days or much beyond sex. (It helps keep my guilt down that way too.) On the other hand, Gavin and I are definitely more "connected" feelings wise. We are honestly friends, but when we have sex it's just hard core fucking. He'll run his hands all over me, but we rarely kiss. I digress, but it struck me today as I was sitting on the beach in my after sex with Owen daze.

Gavin has also been a constant. I've known him almost this entire time. I met him early last March. That's been a ride, but a fun one. I still really enjoy his company and we have great chemistry too. I still look forward to fucking him. I point this out because in general I get bored with partners easily, so it's noteworthy the length of these relationships because it's not my MO to keep the same guys around for extended periods of time. As far as where I think things are headed with Gavin, I see us keeping this up as long as it works for both of us...meaning I think we'll do it until I find someone I want to be with more. I would never be in a relationship with him because of his addictions, his lack of financial responsibility, his history of domestic violence with the gf, and his total inability to remain faithful. He's pretty much told me that he's never been faithful to a woman longer than a few months. While I certainly relate as it's my nature as well, I think we would be doomed....so I am not hoping for him to leave the gf either. He seems pretty damn happy with our current arrangement, as am I.

What else has happened this year? Of course Clark and Penn and their crazy is fresh in my mind. Those were some good times followed by really bad. I had a few near misses with guys that wanted to cling and be in a relationship. The minute you tell me you want me to be your gf (with the exception of the Clark brainwash), I'm out. I still feel that way. Unlike Miranda, I'm no where near the point of wanting to be in a committed relationship. For starters, I'm not a fan. I like variety. I like doing what I want to do when I want to do it and not having to answer to anyone about it. I've always been that way, which is why I predict this year being more of the same and for me that's a good thing!

As I mentioned school is nuts. I'm so happy to be going, but also so overwhelmed right now. It's really cramping my sex time too. I'm supposed to go out with a new guy tonight, but I don't know how I feel about it. I may bail. He lives really far from me on a side of the island I refuse to go on and I honestly just don't have the time to put into anyone new right now. Next year this time, I'll be almost finished with my degree and Russell and I will be moving toward legally filing. Gwyn will hopefully be here on the island and I'm sure we'll get into some fun!

Stay tuned for another year of fun, hot fucking, and good stories! I bet there are many in store!

1 comment:

  1. I'm coming Jules!!! I'm coming!!!