Saturday, February 5, 2011

New Perspective

I woke up seeing things very clearly today. Penn was very dominating, but in a manner that I thought was just sexual play. I'm shocked that I could be with someone for 2 months and not see the signs. I'm reviewing all of our interactions in my head today and trying to figure out what should have been red flags. In hindsight, there are quite a few.

He used to order me to do things, like come to see him. It really wasn't a request. He would say things like "Get over here now". If I didn't, he would get angry but again I thought it was playful. I didn't see it for what it was, which was all about power and control. One time, I texted him something and he didn't like it. It was something confrontational. I can't remember now what it was, but he essentially told me that he would not stand for that type of discussion from me. Yep, I missed it. I'm NOT blaming myself for what happened last night at all. I'm just surprised that I misread him.

When I got home last night, I sent him an email telling him I had almost stopped to have a rape kit done and that what he did was totally unacceptable and that he sucks as a human being. He replied this  " I wish you the best in the near future and it hurts to know you feel that way.  I think very highly of you.  Take care Jules."  I told him that if he had respected me he never, ever would have done what he did to me and that I had only sent him this email to tell him how wrong his actions were. I explained that I never, ever wanted to see or hear from him again.

1 comment:

  1. It's weird how hindsight works. There are lots of things I think of with crazy IT and he clearly had come controlling issues. Weird!