Damn it! I spoke too freaking soon. After my cheery sunshine post from yesterday I was hit with a proverbial double whammy that’s left my head spinning. Wait for it….it appears that Coach is the worst kind of gimp of all – the Undercover Gimp.
All these weeks I’ve been looking for signs and not seeing anything until last night. Then my super sleuthing skills turned up some serious red letter shit that I don’t know what to deal with. I’m feeling pretty perplexed right now.
Last night started off normal enough. Coach came over and brought ice cream for the kids and we hung out for a bit. He signed on to his email via laptop to show me pictures of the apartment he’s going to be renting while he’s in DC and then he made a critical error. He left himself logged in to his email. That’s right, he set Pandora’s box in front of Miranda’s greedy little eyes and I couldn’t help but engage in a little snooping.
First I was just glancing at it to see what communication had gone on between his ex and him and the very first email I see had to do with getting a copy of their divorce decree. It was dated in August. Coach had told me verbatim in the past that they had been officially divorced for two years. When I saw that email my mind started racing and I put my laptop down (note I did not sign out of his email) and engaged him in a little conversation.
I asked him again about when he was divorced he said again two years ago. I asked when his decree was and he said well that was official last summer. I immediately pointed out that he’d told me two years ago and I had been repeating that. We engaged in a little discussion about semantics and he said that for him separation was as good as divorce. I eventually let it drop but I still think he was in the wrong there.
At this my spidey senses were tingling and I started to wade into the divorce conversation more. Again in the past he’d said the divorce was mutual and relatively amicable, much like mine and Duckie’s. I probed a few more questions and my spidey senses were off the chart noticing that he answers weren’t quite what they used to be. I asked if he’d addressed his issues in relation to the divorce and he said he didn’t feel like he had any issues and that he’d never sought any kind of counseling.
At this point my anxiety was sky high and more than anything I wanted him to leave because I knew I had some hard core investigating to do. We hung out for a little more and things felt off kilter. He knew my mind was racing and I’m willing to bet good money he was figuring I was starting to question some things. Eventually he did leave and I literally raced back to my laptop and started combing through his email were I found quite a few distressing things. In short order:
1 – The whole actual divorce timing as discussed above.
2 – Job offer/job acceptance letters for his position in DC. Which is NOT a 3 month contract position as he told me. It’s a permanent full time fucking job. Maybe he’s planning to quit after a few months or maybe not. Either way he straight up lied about the job and told me it was a 3 month contract position. I don’t know if he’s figuring we’ll get used to the long distance thing and it won’t matter when his “contract” is magically extended or if he is planning to quit after a few months (which makes him have a shitty work ethic and opens up a-whole-nother can of worms).
3 – A psudo-suicidial-esque email he sent to his ex last February saying he’d been laid off from his job because of the DUI he got the year before. Not I knew about the DUI so that’s not the issue. It’s the suicidal undertones to the email. I’m not sure if he was depressed and actually feeling that way or if it was something else. He’s been honest about how the divorce was really hard on him and broke his confidence but he’s never said it was that bad. So if he was that bad off, Coach needs to still be in therapy. I’d demand it after what happened with my dad. On the other hand if this was his passive-aggressive way at getting the ex’s attention and sympathy, that’s even worse. You can’t use suicide as a bargaining chip to get what you want in life. During one of our worst fights Duckie said something to the effect of he had no reason to live anymore and I jumped all over him like I’d never done before. I pretty much told him if he ever made any sort of vague reference to killing himself then he better damn well do it or I’ll kill him myself.
4 – A series of responses back and forth in that same suicidal-esque email that showed he clearly wasn’t “over” his ex at that point and still wanted to be with her. He’s repeatedly told me that after their initial split, there was a short period of time when he wanted to work things out but then he was over her hard core. Methinks he doth protest too much.
5 – In further sleuthing today I discovered that their house which supposedly “sold” in December was actually foreclosed on. Now I know lots of people getting divorced do stupid shit like that as retaliation but I’m damn sure not going to have my finances involved with someone with bad credit. Been there, done that, not going to happen again.
6 – The kicker email and perhaps the most disturbing I’m going to share verbatim. Please note he sent this email to the ex on January 18 – the day Gwyn and I left Hawaii.
“I just wanted to send you a quick email to tell you that I know why our marriage didn’t work. It all started going downhill when I hurt my back and got on pain pills. I never admitted that until now and the person I’m taking to said I have to admit that first. My career went down the tubes because I was focused on those pain pills and all my drive just left me. Our money issues were because of me and those pills. I see all of this now and I want you to know that I haven’t taken any type of pain pills in over a year now. This has been hard to face up to but I am trying. I wish you all the best in the future. I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU!”
Sweet Jesus Lord above! What the fuck??? I knew about the back injury. I didn’t know he had a drug addiction. I can get over that though as long as he’s aware of it and seeking treatment. If he really hasn’t been on the pills in over a year that’s great. That’s not my issue. It’s the fact that he’s never mentioned it before to me. And we’ve talked quite frankly about drugs. And even bigger, what the fuck is the “I will always love you” bullshit??? I mean I feel love for Duckie but I damn sure don’t utter those words to him and I never will again.
I don’t know. This morning he knew something was wrong with me and we talked for a short while. I did more investigating and let me just say I have everything including his freaking social security number right now. That’s right – I’m that freaking good online.
We’re supposed to talk tonight. He knows something is up. I’ve been seeking counsel from Gwyn and Jules all day. I think I’m going to give him the chance to fess up to everything on his own first but if he leaves out any freaking detail I’m going to ballistic and let him know every ounce of what I’ve found out.
I know I totally invaded his privacy by reading his email. I know I opened Pandora’s Box and now I have a hot mess to deal with. I just don’t know where my head is after all this. I’m hoping I’ll figure that out tonight when we talk.
A Very Disillusioned Miranda