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Friday, February 11, 2011

It's Been A Hell of A Ride!

Happy Blog-iversary!  A year ago today in the midst of divorce angst Jules and I started this blog as a means to bitch, whine, and vent out our emotions.  Who would have known it’d still exist today?  Who would have known that so many people would be interested in our bi-coastal lives? Who would have known that we'd write 538 posts in the course of a year?

The last couple weeks as we approached this momentous occasion, Jules and I have debated on how to recognize it. Ultimately we’ve decided to each do our own post reflecting on the last year and making a couple predictions for the year ahead.

This year has been a huge year of growth for me.  I’ve discovered I’m a hell of a lot stronger than I ever thought, that despite being 34 years old I still make some very immature decisions, I think I’ve figured out how to have a (mostly) healthy relationship, I feel like I’m really starting to be comfortable in my own skin, and that above all, having a few really good friends who support you through thick and thin makes this world a hell of a lot easier to live in.

A year ago I’d never have believed I’d be this happy and content right now, and this happiness is way bigger than my relationship with Coach.  All of the running around, partying, being wild girl Miranda was fun and greatly needed.  But towards the later half of the year I really started to be comfortable being well, just Miranda. I know I’ve talked about it before but one thing I’ve discovered is that for most of my life I played the role I thought other people wanted me to be.  I kept my emotions to myself and outside of a few good friendships, I kept the real me on lockdown.  I’ve worked hard over the last year to let my “inner” Miranda out and I think I’ve come a long way. I still have a way to go but I am more authentically happy and content right now than I have ever been before.

I am so proud of the relationship Duckie and I have been able to maintain.  A year ago I had high hopes that we could always put the kids first and our interpersonal drama would fade away with time and in large part it really has. Sure he still makes me crazy sometimes and I hate paying him alimony but we have had a pretty fairy tale divorce all in all.  Hell today we had real adult conversation about him and his girlfriend breaking up last night. (Yep they broke up again but it sounds like he is the one who ended it this time.  I’ll share more in another post because damn it, this one is about me! LOL)

Looking back on the last year I’ve had more than my fair share of adventures and I feel like I did a hell of a lot of living in a short amount of time. From my power dating everyone from a lawyer to a UPS driver to a near run in with the guy who worked at the Dollar Tree (that still makes me laugh), it’s been a wild ride.  As trite as it sounds, every one of those guys taught me something about myself and what exactly I wanted in a future relationship.  Who knew I could learn so much from so many gimpy losers.

Recently, my relationship with Coach has added yet a whole new chapter to this growth and one that it continuing to unfold.  I’m discovering that Miranda does in fact know how to be in a relationship and is not necessarily always going to be a cheater.  I can say with 100% authenticity that I have not been tempted to cheat on Coach one single time and you all know I have worried about that in the past.  My next hurdle is to see if I can maintain a healthy relationship with him long distance.  That’s going to be a whole new ball game and one that I feel more than a little trepidation about.  

Many months back one of my favorite blogger, Diner Nighthawk, made a comment about how he felt like he was seeing a transition in me almost like a play.  The first few months were the “first act” of my story, and at that point I was transitioning into the “second act.” I think this time with Coach has definitely been my “third act” so now we just have to see how the story ends.

It’s so interesting to read back over my own posts and see this evolution in Miranda.  At times I sound so sophisticated and mature and then in the very next post I sound like a love sick teenager.  I guess it’s all just part of figuring out who this new “grown up” (and I use that term very loosely) version of Miranda is.  I without a doubt think I’m a better person today than I was a year ago. 

I’m so thankful to friends who have helped me through this year of transition.  Short Girl and Josie have been there in so many ways it’s just crazy.  Friends who don’t even know this blog exists have done so much for me.  Blog friends have shared all sorts of perspective that has made me think long and hard.  And without a doubt Jules and Gwyn have carried me through this year time and time and time again.  Not a day goes by that I don’t talk to both of them and thank the stars above for having them as part of my life.  All the crazy things that brought me back to my hometown after living away from it for so  long leave no doubt in my mind that it was fate for me to be in this place and have these two amazing women in my life. There will never be enough ways to say thank you to these girls!

As for what the future holds, who knows?  My life is so entirely different than I imagined it as I sat on my bed and wrote my first post last year it seems insane to try to imagine the year ahead.  But since we agreed, here are my thoughts on what’s to come. 
  • A year from now I expect I’ll still be living where I am now but Gwyn will be living with Jules and I’ll be insanely missing them both.  
  • I expect Jules will be about to be happily divorced and I hope Gwyn is living out her Hawaiian fantasy with a hot surfer/outdoorsy guy who rocks her world!
  • I will have made at least one if not two more trips to Hawaii. 
  • I’m hopeful that I’ll still be in a relationship with Coach. Despite our recent rocky patch, I feel really good about things with him and you know Miranda’s ever the optimist.   
  • I think I’ll still have the same job but I’ll be making an exit strategy to get to my end goal of being a labor/delivery nurse one day.   
  • And I think I will be even more content than I am now.  Scratch that, I know I will be even more content than I am right now.
 Thank you for listening to my inner dialogue over the last year. Thank you for supporting me, cheering me on, calling me on my BS, keeping me honest, and most of all for challenging me to continue trying to be the best version of Miranda that I can be.  I hope you keep reading because Jules, Gwyn, and I have a lot more to do in this world!

Miranda

2 comments:

  1. I am absolutely flattered that you remembered one of my rambly comments! And to be described as one of your favorite bloggers totally made my weekend.

    When you put it all like that, it has been a hell of a year for you, hasn't it? I'll definitely be staying tuned for the next part. It's refreshing to read about someone stuck in a shitty situation a year ago with so much optimism and momentum just a year later.

    "At times I sound so sophisticated and mature and then in the very next post I sound like a love sick teenager. I guess it’s all just part of figuring out who this new “grown up” (and I use that term very loosely) version of Miranda is."

    That's the amazing thing about being "grown ups" now. After watching the somber and pessimistic situation of our parent's generation, it's finally our turn to define what "grown up" means :-)

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  2. We love comments. What others say really does weigh in with us. I think for me it's nice to have another perspective. Miranda and I text a lot during the day, so I think that's why we don't comment as much on our stuff here b/c of our external dialog but we definitely process a lot!
    On that note, Miranda I am so happy for you that you're in a good place and things are working out with Coach. It's amazing what a difference a year can make!
    -Jules

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