Monday, December 17, 2012

Too Close for Comfort

In the last week small town life at it’s finest has nearly bitten me in my ass.  Early in the week Peabody, I and a couple friends were at their favorite place to eat in town. Now pre-Peabody I avoided this place like the plague because Coach always said all the girls who used to hate on me went there all the time. However since Peabody, we’ve been there quite a number of times and I’ve never even seen anyone in there I knew. Imagine that, Coach lying…

I digress, so we are in there eating dinner and having a good time.  This place is set up with bar seating only and the bar is this long curvy thing that winds in and out all around the place.  Across the bar from me a movement caught my eye and I glanced that way to see who was sitting down and it was…. Coach’s ex-wife. HA!  I wasn’t sure if she knew who I was or not and clearly since the whole break up debacle she and I have had no bad blood but it was still hella awkward.

I nugdged Peabody and filled him it and he said she kept looking at me like she was trying to figure out who I was.  I did my best to avoid making eye contact with her the rest of the time because it was just weird.

So then Saturday night we are at a Christmas party at a friends house in the next town over.  We are having a good time and socializing. I met a few people who know Peabody who I haven’t met before (and just like all the rest in the beginning they couldn’t sing his praises high enough) and this guy comes in who works at the aforementioned restaurant.

We were talking to him and he said he’d invited a friend of his to the party and next thing I know in walks SoCo of all people! Talk about a blast from the past.  For those who haven’t been on this whole journey with us, SoCo was a guy I had a nearly successful FWB relationship with before I met Coach. Then he started dating Coach’s sister about the same time Coach and I started dating. It was awkward and funny then and it was awkward and funny again Saturday night.

I haven’t seen SoCo in forever so we both were surprised and laughed and I had to explain to Peabody who SoCo was; well I left out the whole FWB part lol. Damn living in a small town can be nuts!

Otherwise there’s not a whole lot to tell. Peabody is hoping to go with me to Hawaii in February and I would so love for him to so the girls can meet him.  We are still getting along great and he’s opening up to me more and more from an emotional standpoint. Despite my initial craziness from it, I’m actually really glad we’ve taken things slow from that standpoint.  I just absolutely adore this man and I sure hope he feels the same way about me!


Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Baby Boom

So Sunday I found out my brother and his wife are expecting their first kid.  They’ve apparently been trying for quite a while and though they had a rough patch earlier this year, things are apparently on the up and up with them. 

My mom is over the moon. It’s been a good while since we had a baby in the family and quite honestly I think we were all starting to wonder if they were ever going to have kids.  It’s nice though because this is the first big happy family thing that has affected all of us since my dad passed away.  I digress though…

After they told me I met them at my mom’s house for a little family celebration time.  I queried if they’d told Duckie and the kids and they hadn’t so I called them up and put them on speaker phone.  I told them “we” had some special news for them and to turn their phone on speaker. They did and my sister in law started talking (without introducing herself) and said “I’m having a baby!”

There was a moment of dead silence then a choked sputtering and “what???” from Duckie.  We sat there in silence for a moment and then I died laughing because I realized Duckie thought I was the one saying I was pregnant! HA! 

Through my peals of laughter I clarified the situation but I’m pretty sure Duckie had a mini stroke from it.  It was a freaking hilarious way to cap off my Sunday!  


PS - Seriously, this is the third person I'm close to that's having a baby now.  If I ever worried about having an itch to have another baby I'm pretty damn sure I'm done because these ovaries aren't feeling anything even in the midst of this baby boom!

Monday, December 3, 2012

Merry Miranda

I feel bad because we are all neglecting the blog so much but I guess that’s what happens when you actually start LIVING life and being happy.  I find it incredibly humorous that all three of us are incredibly happy dating guys we almost passed up for one reason or another. I keep thinking how funny little decisions like that can change your life so dramatically.

Today as I was killing time at work I saw this advice and it made me think about my past dating habits – “Every online profile, every random dater, every TV single person all say they want the same thing in a mate: a sense of humor. From men and women. But the pressure to be funny, when mixed with a healthy dose of nerves, means that conversations easily veer into banter. But banter often flips directly into sarcasm and making jokes at your date's expense. Whatever happened to sincerity? Sincerity is wonderful. Sincerity is milk chocolate; sarcasm is a grapefruit. In the past, I was deeply in love with a woman who never tried to make jokes. Not that she never laughed (I still miss her laugh), but she just didn't feel the need to be constantly funny. And neither did I. Love doesn't always need a laugh track.”

I know in the past I’ve definitely toed the line of too much sarcasm on occasion, especially when I’ve felt insecure.  After my grounding the first part of this year I felt a lot of those defenses drop down and I’m not nearly as sarcastic with anyone – friends, family, boys – as I used to be.  And a lot of the time I think I was using humor to be entertaining because I simply wasn’t comfortable just being myself.  It’s nice to have all those things feel so different now.

And speaking of things feeling different…. I’m an avid reader. I love it. I’m probably one of the few adults who still has a library card and they regularly use it (shout out to Josie my other library loving sister – Whoop!). So I’m reading this book called The Island by Elin Hilderbrand. It’s basically about a family of women who are all single for one reason or another and the mother of the group has been divorced for about two years and has recently fallen in love again.  The women go on vacation for a month to this island and it’s essentially cut off from the rest of the world; so much that there’s only one spot on the island that can get cell reception.  After a miserable week the mother breaks down and treks out to the point on the island with cell reception and calls her new man – Hank.  The call is less than satisfying.  This repeats for a few days and then she fesses up to one of her daughters and vents.  There’s a ring of truth here in my feelings during the first two months with Peabody.

“So here’s the thing I don’t understand, still, at my age.  In the two years between the time your father and I split and the time I met Hank, I was fine.  I was reasonably happy, I had hobbies and interests – my gardening, my reading, the house, you kids, my friends.  Then I met Hank. And he liked to do things – go out for dinner, go to the theater, spend the night in nice hotels, go dancing. God it was intoxicating to have someone to DO things with. You have no idea. I’d always been alone, throughout my marriage, alone, alone, alone. The problem is my happiness, now, depends on Hank.  It’s not fair that someone should be able to affect me this way! But I don’t want to go back to how things were before I met him. I was lonely. Then, with Hank, I was not lonely. And now, without Hank, I’m even lonelier than I was before.”

In the first couple months with Peabody I was definitely struggling a bit. I have always been one to throw myself into a relationship so trying to take things slow and remember to not “lose myself” in the relationship was hard and anxiety producing.  But what the mom says above is still very true for me. It’s intoxicating to have someone to do things with.  For so long in my marriage it was just routine and boring and we had nothing to talk about or go do together that didn’t involve the kids.  Peabody has just blown those doors right off. We’ve done so much in the last four months its crazy.  Even with Coach, while we went out to bars, it was more about getting drunk and either having sex or fighting. There was little that we did, much less talked about. 

I think in the last month I’ve really settled into this relationship and being myself.  I think he has too.  We’ve both said this is a really different relationship from anything else we’ve experienced before.   The last week was amazing.  Peabody and I did so many fun different things from just hanging out and having dinner at this favorite place in town to discovering amazing new music that we both feel in love with to an impromptu dinner out of town with another couple that was incredibly fun and really set the tone for the holidays for me. 

I think this will definitely be a Christmas to remember!


Monday, November 26, 2012

Disney Dads

I’ve been thankful that Peabody has his kids the same weekends I have mine. It definitely makes dating easier and allows our kids to spend time together too which I think it important.  Example – we’ve done everything from taking them to the fair to playing at home to lunch/movies with them as a group.  I think it’s a good think for the kids to get to know each other and for both Peabody and I to see each other acting as a parent and see how we get along with the other one’s kids. 

All that being said, Sunday nights are really hard for him when the kids go back to their mom’s.  He’s only had the kids every other weekend (and a couple weeks in the summer) since they’ve been divorced and he really would like more time with them.  Something he is going to likely go back to court for this spring if his ex doesn’t want to compromise.  When they split, his kids were really little, like 6 months old and 2 years old, and everyone told him it was best for them to stay primarily with their mom.  He’s regretted that every since and he’s still beating himself up for not demanding more time even though it’s been four years.

On the nights his kids go back, he is seriously down.  I mean I’m always a little bummed when I drop the kids off Monday morning at school but I’ve learned to manage it and I think going to work and not back to an empty house helps too.  We’ve talked at quite a bit of length about how badly he wants more time with them.  His ideal would be to have 50/50 custody like Duckie and I do.  And Peabody is a really good day from what I’ve seen. Definitely capable and attentive and all the things he should be as a good dad.  But I still wonder if he does get them for more time, is he really ready?

Being a single parent and juggling work/school/home is not easy.  I consider myself on the upper end ability to handle things and it gets to me sometimes.  And even now I’m a far better single parent now than I was two years ago.  I always wonder if these guys who say they want more time really get what that means. 
A lot of these Disney Dads are just focused on packing as many fun activities into a weekend as they can.  It’s all games and eating out and staying up late.  Disney Dads are all about good times and fun.  I’ve seen them in action plenty of times when I’m out with the kids myself and I’ve got plently of female friends who’s exs are big time Disney Dads.

I’m certainly not accusing Peabody of being a Disney Dad, I have seen him dole out plenty of discipline, but I wonder if single parents who haven’t had their kids for more than a weekend or vacation times really get what being a single parent 24/7 means.

In the early days of our split, my mom has told me that Duckie struggled.  He’d come to her house to swim with the kids or visit and he’d have forgotten stuff he needed or neglected to pack enough snacks or stuff like that.  She said he often looked harried or stressed managing the kids and like he needed a break.  Of course, he grew into his single parent role and he has managed quite well, though I still think he’s probably a little light on the discipline (that was always my role) and stuff like that.  I really never had any doubts that he would do great and thankfully our relationship got through the rocky stuff pretty quickly and we’ve co-parented very well ever since.

Duckie went straight from being in a two parent household to managing every other week on his own. I wonder for dads like Peabody who have had the every other weekend time for an extended period of time if the transition to being a full on single-parent will be more challenging. 


Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Late Night Musings

Last night I had one of those random dreams that creeps you out and makes you wake up with your heart pounding and pulse racing.  It took me a while to calm back down and as I lay there my mind was drifting from topic to topic. I was thinking about Peabody and how all we did was hang out at home this weekend and it was a blast.  I was laughing at the fact he brought me a “good” voodoo doll back from New Orleans instead of an “evil” one because he was scared to bring it on the plane.  How my relationship with Peabody is so different from anything I’ve experience before. Thinking about how much things have changed in my life in the last year. Just those sorts of things.

Somewhere along the way I started thinking about Duckie and how things were with him.  I like to reminisce that I was very protective of my relationship (till my downfall with Sawyer that is) and I was by and large. I didn’t flirt or go out with single girlfriends.  But then I started thinking and I had a couple instances where I nearly cheated on him before we were even married. 

When I met him, I had been talking to quite a few different guys all who worked at the same restaurant as us. Nothing had happened with any of them but I was quite the flirt – shocking I know lol. There was one guy in particular that I’m a little ashamed to say was a Vanilla Ice-esque knock off who I had a hot and heavy flirtation with.  Right after the first couple times Duckie and I went on a date, I met this guy after work one night and we kissed.  I remember him saying I was going to break Duckie’s heart and I assured him that I just “needed to get this out of my system.” 

Fast forward about eight months, Duckie and I had moved in together and I was working in a daycare where there was this single dad whose daughter was in my class.  We got to talking and I offered to help watch his daughter after work a couple nights a week to help him out.  After he’d get home we’d sit and talk for a good while.  Duckie actually spoke up and said he thought it was weird I was helping him out for free and I pooh-poohed him.  Over time this guy and I got closer and I remember several nights sitting on his couch when I thought he would kiss me or I wished he would.  Thankfully before anything happened he moved away.  Side note – years later right after Leo was born I ran into this dad.  His kid was going to the same daycare for after school care.  How weird!

We got married and other than a few flirtations with colleagues nothing ever came close until Sawyer.  Lots of times I try to let myself off the hook and say that my dad’s suicide drove me into Sawyer’s arms but the reality is we were headed there in the months before.

For newer readers, Sawyer was our next door neighbor.  You can read the details here way back in myvery first post.  It’s was just interesting to lie there last night and ruminate on all this.  Makes me wonder if my subconscious knew it wasn’t going work even way back in the beginning and was trying to get me to do something to blow it all up. 

At any rate, I do think I learned a big lesson about letting myself be tempted when I’m in a relationship.  When I’m committed, I do my very best to stay away from temptation.  It’s something I worry about for my boss and Kansas because while they are living together and she’s totally in love with him, she still keeps in touch and flirts with some of her past boys. I just think that’s a temptation I don’t need and I worry that the longer she lets this flirtations dally, the more likely she will be to let them cross the line and since they live together with her kids, it’s not going to be an easy break up.  Maybe I’m overprotective or maybe I just know myself too well and how easy it is to turn to someone else for attention even on a purely “innocent” basis.


Sunday, November 18, 2012

THE Meeting

Yesterday, Russell and The Fisherman were supposed to meet on a hike, but it is winter in Hawaii and it rains a lot this time of year. Needless to say, no hike occurred. Russell suggested an afternoon of games on the porch drinking, but The Fisherman really wasn't into that idea so I simply invited him for dinner. after much discussion over what would be a suitable activity.

He came over at the appointed time with 2 bottles of really nice wine, which made Russell instantly like him. LOL, Josie pointed out he knows his audience! We ate and they talked and talked. I went inside a few times for things and to tend to Chloe and such and they kept chatting away. It was really, really nice! I could tell they both liked each other.

As I was leaving last night to go to The Fisherman's, where I pretty much spend every night and rush home in the am before Chloe gets up, I thanked Russell for being nice. He said it wasn't hard and he really liked him. He thanked The Fisherman before he left for not being Gavin aka a total douche bag and that spawned a whole convo over what an ass he was. I told them it had been a year and it was time to let it go. Anyway, it was a fantastic evening and I'm so excited everyone got along!! Now bring on the holidays!!!

Monday, November 12, 2012

Husbands and Boyfriends

Russell is back. I'm excited to have him home. The Fisherman seems less than thrilled b/c it's cutting into my time with him. I absolutely adore The Fisherman. I mean like in a way I see us being together for a very, very long time but his insecurity makes me a little crazy. I don't like this part of being in a relationship. I know it's weird. I know it's hard to wrap your head around if you don't know Russell and I, but it seems like I'm at a crossroads where I'm really going to have to make some decisions and I chose the bf.

I've been apathetic about filing for divorce. I hate that kind of paperwork thing, so I was going to let Russell do it. Now that The Fisherman is around though and I finally have a job with benefits, I'm going to look into filing the paperwork myself to give him some peace of mind that I really am his. The Fisherman is coming for Thanksgiving, so I suspect they will meet each other very soon! Stay tuned for how that goes. Can husbands and bfs mix? It didn't go well with Gavin, but then again I think I'm one of the only people on the planet who actually liked Gavin.

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Putting the Pieces Together

So Monday night I had a delightful conversation with Peabody where we were making plans to do things over the next few months including New Years Eve. When I got off the phone with him I sent a quick text to the girls saying that after making all these plans maybe I needed to let go of my insecurity related to him and just accept that he likes me. Gwyn queried why I was feeling that way, something I’ve discussed at some length with Jules (my private therapist) and I gave her my pat answer of it being because I’m dumb and get insecure.

Tuesday morning I was ruminating about it a little and considering calling my trusty counselor for a checkup session when I hopped on my work’s employee benefits site to look at our Employee Assistance Program to see if they had a therapist I could do a couple free sessions with.

As I read over some information something dawned on me that should have a long time ago. I know I have some minor form of PTSD from my dad’s suicide. Hell my whole family does and it’s come a long long way in the last three years.  And in the past I’ve thought maybe I had some lingering depression of something but it’s not been anything that lasted for more than a day or two at a time and generally they have been tied to things about my dad.  As I read a little more I self diagnosed that my “insecurity” moments with Peabody are really minor anxiety attacks. Here’s what I’m thinking…

Since my dad passed away, things i.e. interpersonal relationships that are out of my control bring up the anxiety and it manifests itself differently.  I have always felt very in control work wise, money wise, parenting wise, family wise and hell even Duckie wise.  He was pretty much my bitch.   And I always knew that if things went out of control, I had my dad there to back me up and take charge.

The thing that I have had to come to terms with since my dad’s death is that ultimately at the end of the day, I have no control over what other people do.  I know shocker – NOT.  But sometimes you really can’t see the forest for the trees.

With Coach, I was trying and trying to control the relationship and “fix” him and every time it didn’t happen, it made me mad.  The anxiety manifested itself as anger and made me lash out and do crazy things and have crazy fights with him that revealed a level of anger that I never knew I was capable of. I’m talking throwing things at him, throwing his stuff off the balcony, totally invading his privacy, etc. Ahh the good ole days lol.
There were some random guys after him that I tried to make things work with but I was always so focused on Coach still that those things never got off the ground leaving me feeling completely emotionally adrift. Which made me more angry.

With The (crazy ass) Christian, I had let go of my Coach issues finally but I was defaulting to my old habit of trying to be the ideal version of myself for someone else.  This led me to suffocating my own personality and being stressed out about never feeling like I was enough for him and turning into a dishrag, which the girls thankfully called me out on when I was in Hawaii. 

With Peabody, I’ve been working tremendously hard to just be myself.  And I think I’ve been more my true self with him than with anyone before.  That being said, being “myself” opens me up to a different level of being hurt if things don’t work out, thus comes the anxiety.  When my confidence slips, when I start looking for things that aren’t there and defaulting to old thought patterns, I start to question myself and whether or not he really likes me – even when everything he is doing says how much he does in fact like me. 

So what I need to do now is learn to manage that anxiety and catch myself when I start falling down the proverbial rabbit hole and shake myself out of it. I know I know, for anyone who has been reading this blog for more than a couple years you’re probably thinking, “Damn girl it took you this long to figure this out!”  But I feel strangely empowered now.  Like maybe I can start taking control of it.  I know my tendency is that when I finally figure out what I’m feeling or what’s going on, it seems to greatly lessen its appearance and relevance in my life.  I sure hope I follow this pattern again.


Monday, November 5, 2012

Waiting to Exhale

This weekend Peabody took me to the mountains of Virginia for a music festival. It was really just want I needed to not be focused on the anniversary of my dad’s death and we had a fabulous time and I feel like it moved our relationship forward a little bit.

We left Thursday afternoon and I will admit I was a wee bit nervous because I didn’t know how I’d feel crying in front of him (which I was surely going to do) and because this is the longest we’ve been together (just the two of us). I always think a “road trip” is an ultimate test of a relationship and I’m happy to say I feel like we passed with flying colors.

Over a weekend of much drinking and indulging we met some of the craziest cast of characters ever. Hippies, stoners, old people, young people, people with names like Wild Bill, Jeb, Fireman Mick, Elvis, and much more. Hell we even met some swingers!

Friday morning around the campfire we started talking to this couple who were really very nice.  Immediately something clicked in me though and I just knew they were swingers.  I told Peabody and he didn’t believe me.  As the night went on at some point the wife made some reference to sex and we were joking about it.  Even later in the night she said something to Peabody and I started laughing and thought she was flirting with him.   We had a good laugh about it and then when we went to bed finally Peabody decided to go take a shower before bed.  As he opened the camper door she popped in.  I was already buried in the covers and I swear all I could think was “lord don’t let this woman climb in the bed with me.”

So eventually we go to bed and the next morning when I got up he was sitting outside talking to the husband while I went and took a shower. When I got back he was inside the camper dying laughing and said that the husband had apologized for his wife’s behavior the night before because she was trying to get ME in bed!  WTF??? I swear I don’t remember her flirting with me but maybe my radar was just too focused on Peabody lol.  It was hilarious!

As far as my dad stuff, I did cry a little Friday morning when Peabody asked me how I was feeling.  He jumped up so quick and started hugging me it made me laugh.  I also cried a little later that day when I talked to my mom and he was super sweet hugging me and taking care of me.  I gave him my phone about 3 pm and asked him to not let me look at it again for the next hour (because that’s when everything happened with my dad) and he did just that and we wrapped up that hour having one of the best sexual encounters we’ve had to date. HA! Not quite how I considered marking the anniversary but it definitely set the tone of the weekend.

There’s a ton of other funny stuff that happened like laughing at stoner conversations, taking about making plans for things that aren’t happening until the middle of next year, dancing our asses off, people falling down everywhere, and the most random crazy lobster feast I’ve ever seen but really words can’t do any of it justice.  It was a really, really good weekend.  I won’t say that all my insecurity is gone but I definitely made some leaps and bounds and I am just doing my best to trust that sometimes, things aren’t too good to be true.


PS – Halloween night Duckie and Peabody did meet. It was weird and a little strange and it made Peabody get possessive afterwards which cracked me up greatly. 

PSS – On Halloween night I gave Peabody a T-shirt he’s seen a while back that he’d said he wanted and you’d think I’d had bought him the Grand Canyon. Has anyone ever done anything nice for this guy?

Friday, November 2, 2012

Naughty Holiday Ideas

The Fisherman is very much into toys. He's into a lot of fun things and has really pushed me to be more dominant in bed, which is something it turns out I like way more than I anticipated having always been submissive in bed. We switch it up though and it turns out we both like spankings, a lot. I've taken my hairbrush to his ass a few times and I'm going to get one tonight like I give him but I really want one of these whips from our favorite sex store, Eden Fantasys. I want him to know he's been spanked. ;)

One of our other working fantasies is a swing. I'm pretty sure this is on my Christmas list!! He has a lanai that is ocean front, but the way the building is situated, no one can really see in. I want one of these swings to hang outside so that we can go out there at night and fuck with the ocean behind us and rock both outside sex and swing sex at the same time!! I've never been in one of these but they look like soooooo much fun!

The Fisherman is also very much into me dressing up in lingerie and pretty things. I'm not that girl so much, but his reaction is making me lean more toward it. I am thinking this sexy santa would make him rather hot for the holidays too!! I'm not sure what to get him for Christmas, but that seems like a great start!!

Eden Fantasys did sponsor this post, but I seriously love them and their products. I have never been dissatisfied with any of their products and they are forever running a sale. Currently, you can get 20% off with the end of their Halloween sale through November 2nd at 3pm (so act now!!) with the use of code SPOOKY 20. Use it and start your holiday sex toy shopping now. I am!!

Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Lesson Learned

Well well lesson learned big time by this ol’ girl.  After our “fight” the other night and me valiantly fighting my instincts of throwing a hissy fit and being an uber-bitch I managed to stick to my “feelings” words courtesy Rory Raye and boy did it every pay off.

After the last text exchange, Peabody and I didn’t talk about Monday night. I did text him a simple good night but that was it till the next morning.  About 7:45 he texted me like normal and I responded and then he blew up my phone for the next few hours texting me.  Apparently he’d been doing a little research and found a music festival for this weekend he wanted to take me to out of the blue.  Note, from the time we started talking Tuesday morning I acted completely normal. I had processed my hurt feelings and let it go and I was not on a mission to make him feel bad or guilty or anything.

After a couple hours of texting and working he called me at work, very out of the ordinary, to make sure it was ok for me to be gone this weekend from the family (Friday is the 3rd anniversary of my dad’s death).  I assured him it was and that I’d already asked my mom about it.

The rest of the day was busy with work and right before the end of the day he called me again to chat. I just had just been talking about him and told him so and he groaned and said, “Oh God if you’re talking about me after last night it can’t be good.”  I laughed and assured him it was all good.

He immediately apologized for “screwing it up” the night before and I told him it was all fine and good.  He asked if he could take me out to dinner and I said I’d give him a call when I got done with work.  When I got to Peabody’s we jumped in his truck and he said he was taking me to one of his favorite places and he was glad we were both dressed up from work still because it was a nice place.

He started filling me in on details of this music festival and how he’s gotten us VIP access and it’s basically going to be an all inclusive trip and that he’s not inviting anyone to go with us because he thought we could use some time just us together (awwww).  We ended up eating dinner at this fabulous Italian place in a nearby town and it was SO good. We had this pumpkin gnocchi appetizer that I swear I’d have eaten off the floor because it was just that good!

All through dinner he was trying so hard to make it up the night before it was just too funny.  We laughed and talked for like three hours there and I found out lots of new things about him!  At one point in the night the wine has loosened my tongue a bit and I asked him if he thought I was going to be mean to him all day and he said, “I was sure hoping you weren’t but I figured I deserved it.”

After dinner very spontaneously he took me to his office to show me around and introduced me to a couple co-workers who were working late.  Then we headed back to his house where we lounged around and he insisted I wear his clothes because I didn’t have anything else with me and he wanted me to be comfortable.  This was all followed by some very lovely, hot make up sex too that wound up with him playing with my hair and rubbing my back till I fell asleep!

So lesson learned, don’t be a bitch – unless they really really deserve it!

Miranda (wearing her angel halo this Halloween)

PS  - Tonight Duckie and I are taking the kids trick or treating in his neighborhood. My sister invited us to go with them to a friend’s neighborhood that happened to be the very same neighborhood where Peabody’s ex wife lives.  My how fun is small town life… Thankfully neither Duckie nor I really wanted to turn it into a big production so we opted to stay in his neighborhood. So if you’re following the story that means that Duckie and Peabody will actually meet tonight unless the kids wear out before we get to his door. 

PPS – A couple weeks ago I made the decision to take some money out of my 401k and I paid off my credit cards today! For the first time in my adult life I have no credit card debt.  How freaking awesome!

Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Speed Bump

Well I had my first “fight” with Peabody Monday tonight.  I haven’t seen him for the last eight days.  Yes EIGHT days without sex or even a kiss.  First I had the kids back and then he was out of town the rest of the week and then we both had the kids and were running in opposite directions all weekend. 

Sunday night he crashed early but we did have a good conversation about our “relationship” and all was well. Today was pretty normal, random outbursts of crying related to my dad not withstanding. Tonight we talked on the phone per our usual pattern on the way home and he said he’d call me in a little while after we both did some chores.

We were talking on the phone about 6:30 when I heard one of his friends show up.  We got off the phone and he said he’d call me back in a few minutes. About 25 minutes later I texted him that his friend was a cock block and how was I supposed to get in his pants with him around.  He replied and said “well looks like it’s turning into a boys football night.” I sat shocked for a few minutes and queried “seriously???”  He said, “Unfortunately.”

I didn’t answer him back because honestly I was pissed and between my raging emotions from this being the week of my dad’s death to my raging hormones, I was an angry girl.  I know anything I said in the heat of the moment would be a – dramatic, b-overly emotional and c – just over the top in general.  So I bit my words so to speak and sat on my reply for a while muddling through what to say. A few minutes later he texted, “Sorry. Can I make it up to you tomorrow?”

I sat in silence for a bit biting my tongue because I’m fully aware that I’m highly emotional this week, as is he because we’ve talked about this week a fair bit.  Finally following the advice of the ever genius Rory Raye, I simply said, “My feelings are really hurt right now. Especially after our conversation last night.”

He replied back, “Listen it wasn’t expected. I’m sorry. I will make it up to you.”

I didn’t reply because I didn’t want to have a conversation about this via text. About an hour or so later (meanwhile I was drinking wine and texting Gwyn and my boss about what happened) he sent a “You are obviously upset with me” text.

I did reply and stuck to simply saying, “I told you my feelings were hurt. I’m not trying to hide that from you.”

That was about 30 minutes ago.  I don’t know or even really care (thank you wine gods) if he responds again. My guess would be he will after the guys leave.  But who knows. We’ll see where this goes.


PS – I give him lots of time to himself. It’s not like we see each other every night and I NEVER complain when he wants to do things with his friends or with us and his friends together.  That being said, I haven’t seen him in EIGHT fucking days and tonight has made me a little angry.

Monday, October 29, 2012

TMI Tuesday

Thank you Erotic Adventures in Brisneyland for the following TMI Tuesday questions.

The LONG and the SHORT of it

1. What is the longest relationship you have been in?
12 years - my marriage - Jules
11 years - my marriage - Miranda
6 years - with The Ex. The reason I may never get married lol. -Gwyn

2. What is the shortest relationship you have been in?
One night (LOL) - Jules
Ditto lol - Miranda
Relationship - probably a couple of weeks or so. If we're talking sex then I'd say 15 minutes. -Gwyn

3. How often do you have sex? How often do you want sex?
I have sex with The Fisherman at least once every single day, but often multiple times if we are able to do so. I want it daily, at least once! - Jules
I'm a woman in her prime. I want sex every day.  Schedules damn me with Peabody though and we have it a couple times a week. I'd never turn him down if I could have him under the same roof as me every night though. - Miranda
Right now I have sex about 4-5 times a week. Typically, I want sex a couple times a week but depending on what's going on in my life I can go about 6 weeks or so before I start noticing that I'm not having any. -Gwyn

4. How long does sex usually last?We usually spend a good hour or so having sex but it varies. He has amazing stamina! - Jules
Anywhere from 20-30 minutes unless we're marathoning it.  - Miranda
Overall, I'd say most guys I've been with go for about 30 minutes to an hour. The guy I'm seeing now can go a really long time - I don't know exactly how long because I usually have to stop him to take a break! Our typical sex is 3 or 4 30-minute sessions with little breaks in between for me to regain my composure and possibly smoke a cigarette...but if Jules and Miranda read this then forget the smoking part ;) -Gwyn

5. Have you ever had an experience where someone couldn’t perform, finished too quickly or couldn’t keep up with you? Tell us about it? Omg yes...I've had too many to recount. Hence the one night stand from above... - Jules
Well I am a woman. - Miranda
I've never had someone who couldn't perform at all but I've had plenty of cases of 'drunk dick' that takes a little while to get its act together....never had someone who couldn't keep up with me...had plenty who finished too early but not since I was much younger. The funniest part of all of it, to me, is when guys try to give their dick a pep talk in front of me. -Gwyn

6. If you could only have one “type” of sexual encounter for the rest of your life, would you prefer

a) short and sweet

b) wham bam thank you ma’am

c) here for the long haul

d) slow and tender

C please! If I'm only getting one way, let's make it long and pleasurable!! - Jules
C - Miranda
A or B - I'm far too distracted to be tied to marathon sex for my entire life. Give me 15 minutes then let me go cross something off my to do list. -Gwyn

Bonus: Would you consider ending an otherwise healthy and loving relationship if the sex wasn’t what you wanted?

Yes b/c I think sex is a key component in a healthy, loving relationship! - Jules
Yesh I think sex is a key to a health, loving relationship. That being said if for some reason he couldn't perform as long as he could do take care of my needs in other ways I'd be ok.  But still that would suck. - Miranda
This question assumes that I'd be in a healthy and loving relationship before finding out that he couldn't please me...um...I tend to switch the order of those things. -Gwyn————-

Monday, October 22, 2012

The Man Lottery

I have won it. I am so totally into The Fisherman it is insane. He continues to rock my world both on a romantic, sweet level and on a dirty, hot sexual level. We’ve started doing some things that I’ve never done like serious spanking. It seems not only does he like to give them nice and hard (yes, please!), but he also likes to get them equally as hard. I have fingerprint bruises on my ass right now as I type this. I spanked the holy hell out of him the other night and he loved it. I never thought I would like doing it, but I did. It was a total role reversal from my normally submissive self.
My bff was here last week and they got along great except for one slightly heated political discussion, lol. It was a wonderful week of fun and I think her being here and really liking him has helped ease Chloe more and she’s gotten to the point in just 2 weeks where she really seems to like him more. This weekend after my bff left, we took Chloe snorkeling and swam with sea turtles and she loved it. After that fun afternoon, he took us to a resort for a lovely dinner and then bought me a dress in one of the shops there. He’s the most thoughtful of men!
I went over to his place yesterday with her to go the pool and to hike and he had more gifts for me to include shoes to match the dress, earrings, and a cute sign that I had noticed in a shop. We had another fantastic, domestic day followed by some hot sex last night of me riding him frontwards and backwards and then bending over and letting him have my ass.
I finally talked to Gavin and told him about The Fisherman. He feigned being happy for me…lol. He said he broke up with the gf again when she heard messages from some girls in Jersey this summer on his phone. That man will never, ever grow up. Then he asked if he could come stay with me for a week next month…not kidding. The Fisherman was happy I finally told him about us, but pissed he still calls me. I told him that he would still call me too. He didn’t seem to find that as amusing as I did.
Owen is blowing up my phone too. He says he really misses me and is not looking to replace me and thinks we had the best sex of his life and on and on. It’s flattering that’s for sure and I almost caved a few times b/c that sex is AMAZING, but I think I would feel too guilty b/c of how much The Fisherman adores me and honestly how much I adore him. I would love a “free pass” to keep fucking Owen, but that will never happen and I do not want to fuck things up with The Fisherman ever.

Times They Are a Changing

Being happy girls makes for dull blogging or so it seems.  Our updates have really trickled down but being happy is good, right?  And who would have every thought all three of us would have NICE guys all at the same time. The universe has definitely turned us upside down lol.

Me and Peabody are still trucking along. This past week I managed to find my words and we talked a bit about the state of our relationship and him being more emotionally protective than me.  He said he’s felt like all the drama with his parents and his ex have made him less able to focus on me and he feels bad about that and he’s trying to work through it.  He’s had some hard discussions with both his parents and his ex this past week and today he says is the “dawn of a new day” for him.  Peabody said he’s going to get back focused on his life and what he wants so we’ll see if that makes it easier for him to let his guard down.

The whole crazy relationship with his parents still blows my mind. I can’t imagine my parents ever treating me like that.  Makes me really grateful that though my mom can drive me nuts, she always always supports me and would never choose anyone over me.

As far as my emotional guard, I've definitely felt it starting to ease up with Peabody. That’s not to say I’m shouting my emotions from the rooftops but I’m starting to relax a little more and feel more comfortable being vulnerable.  We’re in the final two weeks till the 3rd anniversary of my dad’s death so it’s an up and down time anyways.  Yesterday I actually turned to something I haven’t done in years to help process my feelings.  Don’t laugh – poetry.  Yep, Miranda’s a closet poet.

In college was my most prolific time and it’s interesting to look back on them and re-read them.  I haven’t read them in years and I feared they’d be cheesy over the top and while some are, there’s some good stuff in there.  Interestingly most of the poems I kept were about wanting to be loved or having a broken heart.  Seems to be a theme of my life no?

Anyways yesterday I was feeling all bound up and muddled and got inspired all the sudden and pulled out some paper and started writing.  Like a rusty wheel the words didn't turn easy at first but before I knew it an hour had passed and I’d written down 3-4. It felt good, cathartic in a way.  I’m going to try to keep a notebook handy over the next few weeks and keep writing. 

I kind of want to do something special this anniversary.  The first one I got a tattoo of my dad’s initials on my wrist.  The second one I was just starting my job here so I didn't take the day off and I didn't really do anything special per se.  I want to do something this one though. Any ideas?  I've taken the day off so at the very least, barring weather issues, I plan to do something outside like spending the day hiking around this lake near my house or something.

Fun story from this weekend.  Saturday night Peabody was having a boys’ camping night up in the mountains and I went with a work friend to see my favorite singer at a local club. Afterwards my country party friend D wanted me to meet up with her and her boyfriend because I haven’t seen them much at all in the last few months.  I stopped hanging out with them partly because they were bad influences and also because The Christian definitely wouldn't fit into their scene and while I have no doubt that Peabody would go with the flow and make the best of hanging out with them, I just really don’t want to get back into their crazy drama filled world.

Anyways I ended up going to meet up with them and not two minutes after I got there, D was trying to fight a girl and she was talking about Coach and his new gf.  Apparently they had been out with them earlier and the new gf didn't want him getting shit-can drunk and was trying to prohibit him from doing shots.  That made D mad and she argued with the girl and every time Coach’s gf would walk away, Coach would sneak and do a shot.  Some things never change.  Apparently they were supposed to come to this same bar but thankfully the gf decided they needed to go home. I wonder if D was trying to start some shit by having all of us at the same place?  I don’t think she likes that I’m happy and in a relationship that doesn't involve drinking copious amounts of alcohol just to tolerate each other.

After that, D started bitching about her boyfriend, both of them were trying to get me to do shots, and they started fighting with each other.  I hadn't been drinking at all and as I stood in this nasty bar watching them drunkenly fall all over each other and fight, I realized what a long way I've come since I grounded myself earlier this year.  I hung out for a few minutes to be nice and then made my excuses and headed home. 

My how times have changed.


Sunday, October 14, 2012

Crash and Burn

Well the whole meet the parents thing did not go well. Not on my behalf by any means but by theirs.  Peabody has a ….. complex relationship with his parents. He’s an only child with very little external family.  I’ve gotten the distinct impression that there was a fair amount of hero worship for his father growing up though his parents have a fairly dysfunctional relationship with each other.  He says his mom has always been degrading to his father (which explains why Peabody ended up marrying an uber-controlling bitch but that’s a story for another time). And I think their relationship is still very much that way.

As Peabody’s marriage fell apart and he strayed, he was eaten up with so much guilt that he confessed to his ex-wife, his parents, and what little family he has.  Everyone jumped his shit hard core and pretty much turned against him.  His parents have routinely belittled him, gotten between him and his ex-wife, and pretty much treated him like crap since then.  As an only child, he still really wants their love and approval and it tears him up that they think so little of him.  Add on top of that that they always seem to side with his ex-wife and you can imagine that their relationship is of a love-hate nature.

During the last couple months we’ve been dating we’ve talked at some length about his struggles with them and his ex.  It’s a pretty shitty situation all in all.  Last weekend the ex-wife was having a birthday party for his son and there was all this drama and stuff about Peabody coming and it resulted in him making the wise decision to just have a party on his own for his son, which is what Friday night was.

A couple days before the party Peabody found out after the ex-wife’s party she took the kids to see his parents. Instead of waiting till Peabody’s party (which was on his son’s actual birthday) they went ahead and gave his son his birthday presents.  Peabody was understandably irritated by this and it sparked yet another discussion/argument between them.  When I got there Friday night he said he wasn’t sure if his parents were actually going to show because they hadn’t answered his calls or returned his messages since earlier in the week.

There were several of us there who all have kids and the kids were having a blast and everything was going good. The party started at 6:30 and about an hour into it, Peabody called his parents. His dad said he wasn’t coming and it was up to his mom if she came or not.  About 8 she called and said she couldn’t find his house in the dark.  He gave her directions and she showed up about 15 minutes later. She came in, spoke to the people she knew and hugged the kids.  Peabody greeted her and offered her some wine. I grabbed it to pour and introduced myself to her as one of his friends.  I don’t know how much he’s told them about us and I wasn’t about to make any assumptions that she knows anything more than the fact that I exist in some form or fashion.

She thanked me for the wine and then turned around and talked to a friend of his who was recently separated.  As they talked, I could see her judging him for splitting up with his wife and she said some less than supportive things to him.  I stood awkwardly by and tried to insert myself in the conversation when I was hit with a realization – I don’t give a shit about this woman or what she thinks about me. I mean she’s his mom and I want them to repair their relationship but honestly all the crap his parents have pulled on him over the last four years is insane.

I walked over and talked to some other people and after about 10 minutes she asked which kids were mine and I pointed them out.  She said how cute Ladybug was and then told Peabody she had to leave. He looked poleaxed and said ok.  She hugged his kids goodbye and went out the door. Total time she was there had to be less than 20 minutes. It was super weird and awkward and you could see how disappointed Peabody was.

His friends and I rallied around him and tried to gloss over everything.  After everyone left but me, we talked for a few minutes about it and he said he wished she hadn’t even bothered coming.  I didn’t really know what to say so I just hugged him hard before I left with the kids.

I’ve met his dad about a month ago and spent about 30 minutes chatting with him and watching football so I feel like I scored there.  But I definitely feel like I struck out with his mom.  Correction – I feel like I never even got to step up to the plate with her.  But hey, it’s her loss not mine. 


Friday, October 12, 2012

Meet the Parents

Miranda is a happy girl.  Peabody has been out of town all week at an intensive strategy planning retreat for his job so I haven’t seen him much less even been able to talk to him very much.  But he was home yesterday and surprised me by coming over with my favorite Japanese dinner!

He chatted with the kids for a bit talking sports with Leo and listening to Ladybug read her latest book and then I sent them off to bed.  We ate and watched some of the Yankees game and then got down and dirty lol.  Afterwards we lay in bed and watched most of the rest of the game when he suddenly said, “Will 6:30 work for tomorrow?”

I asked for what and he said to come over for his son’s birthday party and to meet his parents!  I’ve met his dad very briefly in passing before but for like two minutes and I’ve never met his mom. 

What is it about the idea of meeting someone’s parents that immediately makes me feel like I’m about 16 years old?  Even meeting Gwyn’s mom for the first time a couple years ago or re-meeting Jules’ as an adult made me feel that way.  He’s got a tumultuous relationship with his parents and I’ve heard quite a lot of about them (they were very non-supportive of him during his divorce and it’s been up and down since then) so tonight should be interesting.  It’s also kind of a big deal in my mind because they will be meeting my kids. It will be an interesting night any way about it.

I simply adore this man!


Tuesday, October 9, 2012


So despite continuing wonderful weeks with Peabody I’ve had a couple minutes of insecurity. Just here and there but nothing major or lasting by any means.  As I sat here today ruminating on why that is (and how crazy that is because literally everything he does says how much he likes me) and I was reflecting on why I’ve had any moments of doubt with him when something smacked me in the face.

Do I think I’m unlovable?

Obviously with this month leading up the third anniversary of my dad’s suicide it’s an emotion filled time.  But perhaps deep down in my psyche, his suicide created some underlying damage that makes me think because he didn’t love me enough to stay here and fight for me no one ever will. 

Now before everyone freaks, I know that’s crazy.  I have read quite a bit on suicide and the effects on families, children, and particularly daughters who lose their fathers so I know similar thoughts plague many people.  But I’ve never really considered that as an issue for me. 

Perhaps that’s why I threw myself away from my marriage so fast and why I’ve endured a string of worthless dalliances and relationships with unsuitable men.  Like my psyche thinks that I either have to “leave them” before they leave me or I am scared to let anyone get close enough to hurt me because at the end of the day, the shrapnel from my dad’s death has made some tiny irrational part of me think I’ll never be enough for anyone to fight for .

So if this damage even truly exists, and I think it likely does in some small way, it’s caused me to date men who are either totally unemotional available, men who are not serious at all about finding a partner, men who are gimp-tastic, or men who generally are “less” than me so I feel I have some sort of upper hand and feel more in control. 

Then along comes Peabody, who surely has gimp issues of his own, and he’s none of those things.  And that scares me and though it’s steadily getting smaller and smaller, causes these moments of insecurity.  And for some reason when I’m feeling insecure, I keep wanting him to say “words.”   And we all know that words are essentially meaningless – actions always speak louder. 

Hmmm, interesting thoughts on a rainy cold day.


Monday, October 8, 2012

Weekend of Awesomeness Part II

So this glorious holiday weekend has continued and it's been full of awesome. The Fisherman did make it to polo yesterday and he met Gwyn and her bff and Chloe's bff, who according to Chloe was the real test of whether he could stick around. He passed with flying colors though. Our polo field is on the beach here, so he played with the girls in the water and they were sold. Chloe said yesterday was less awkward and she does like him. Yay!!!

After polo, we took the girls back to his pool and he played and swam around with them for a good hour and a half while I lounged between the hot tub and the pool. Then he suggested we take them to Chloe's favorite restaurant for dinner. We packed up, showered, and then he came over and we went out to a fabulous dinner. His next door neighbor joined us for a few drinks after dinner and she's a sweet lady. She and I talked and talked, but as we talked I could tell we were losing the rest of the table to fatigue. They had worn themselves out in all the sun and fun and water play. We headed home and they all promptly passed out. I didn't get the girls to bed before he was already snoring. I wasn't planning on him staying, but I didn't have the heart to wake him up. He got up at 4am and kissed me goodbye and apologized for not having sex before bed last night. Bless his heart, he worked and played his ass off yesterday, I told him it was ok to skip a night every so often. ;)

Keeping On Keeping On

Everything just keeps going along well with Peabody.  I’ve been working hard on being really open, especially about how I’m feeling in regards to my dad, and working on continuing to take things slowly and easily with him. 

Weekend before last we took the kids to a concert and it was a worlds colliding moment with all my old party friends there and Peabody and a bunch of his friends who are fast becoming my friends. My friend D, the country party girl, was there of course and I think it made her mad I wasn’t throwing down with her but hell I had my kids there and it was really not the right venue, nor am I the same girl I was the last time I went out with her like that (back right after the period of grounding).

Anyways we had a ton of fun that night with the kids running around playing on the bouncy slide and hula hoops while we listened to music.  That Sunday morning, Ladybug got up and announced that she was making Peabody a picture.  Awwww!  That afternoon we all went to the fair together and it was fun but overwhelming!  Keeping up with four kids in a crowd is a lot different than just two. Though it was cool to see Peabody helping Ladybug and his little girl on and off rides and seeing Leo step up and play big brother to all three of the other kids.  It was good too to see Peabody parenting in such a different situation than just around the house. It really showed how good of a dad he really is.

I have seen Peabody slowly letting down his guard a bit.  I mean he’s been amazing introducing me to his friends and family and us spending time together with our kids, but he’s not been the most verbally affectionate guy.  In the last couple weeks he’s been slowly being more and more open about his struggles with his ex-wife and the shrapnel an ugly divorce and the ugly breakup with his ex-girlfriend. I’ve told him just a bit about my divorce, the whole Coach situation, and my dad but nothing in detail. We’ve only toed the lines of those things but we are both starting to relax a bit in that arena. 

This weekend we did an impromptu camping trip to the mountains and to his college homecoming where for the first time in my life I tailgated.  We had a super fun time and I’m consistently impressed how welcoming and nice all his friends are.  Friday we hiked some and he took me to his “secret spot” on a lake where he says he never took anyone before.  Made me feel special lol.  That night we sat around the campfire and drank like fishes. It resulted in me volunteering up the half a Viagra I have from the night of the jewarician lol.  Peabody promptly took it and we christened the tent in a big way. 

Saturday we went into town for breakfast then headed out for tailgating and the game.   One of his bffs who we spent the music festival weekend with was there and pulled me aside for a little talk.  He wanted to know what the deal was with me and Peabody and said he seemed really happy with me.  I told him we hadn’t had any official defining but that I considered us a couple since we had said we weren’t seeing anyone else and that I really liked him.

Interestingly he volunteered that he and his GF had dated for six months before they said the “I love yous” and that she had said it first. He said he knew Peabody had a big guard up but that he seemed to really like me and for me to just keep doing whatever I was doing because it seemed to be working.

So that’s just what I intend to keep doing.  This thing with Peabody is good, really good.  And it still scares the shit out of me.


Sunday, October 7, 2012

Weekend of Awesomeness

I swear I am more and more into The Fisherman every day. He is awesome! We spent Friday day working and doing our own thing. I met him right after he got off at his place and he poured me a glass of wine and I sat on the lanai drinking it while watching the waves and sea turtles as he showered. We went to a seafood festival Friday night at a gorgeous resort here and it was pure heaven. We did a wine tasting, so much wine was flowing, ate tons of amazing food, and listened to some bands play. One of the bands that played was one I saw with The Chilean a few months ago and I was afraid he might be there since he loves her, but I didn't see him! We came home and actually passed out together having sex. I remember waking up to him taking a toy out of me and admitting he'd fallen asleep too.

I woke up yesterday morning about 6am to him rubbing against me. As I became more and more awake, it heated up and we had spooning sex. I can honestly say I've never had sex in that position before. It was great though and allowed for some powerful orgasms b/c I guess he was in so deep. Afterward, we lay there kissing and I looked down and he was hard again, so I blew him. We fell back asleep after this and woke up about 8:30 to have more sex. Days we are both off and sleep together, this is how it goes. It's amazing! I don't even get out of bed until 10:30. After two more times, he got up to make me coffee in bed and we started our day. We went for breakfast and he helped me do a few things around my house. Yesterday was his day to meet Chloe, so he was kind of nervous throughout the day. It was cute.

After errands, we went to a nude beach near where we live. It was very sensual! He rubbed me with sunscreen and we laid there talking and watching other people. Other people there are not overly hot, but it's an interesting experience and a great way for me to be with him on the beach and still be naked...a combo of my favorite things!! We got into the water a few times and he held me and we made out and fooled around some in the water. Right before we were leaving, an old man naked as the day he was born comes up and just starts a convo with us. He was German and just standing there over us talking away about all his political views and extolling the benefits of nudity. It was hilarious and awkward all at the same time.

I left The Fisherman to go pick up Chloe from her auntie's house and we talked on the way home about them meeting. She was nervous too. I was oddly calm. I think it's because I am so totally into him and this has just been so easy that I knew they would be ok. Their meeting was so sweet! He came over with flowers for her, dessert for all of us, and a bag of goodies for her! She was super shy, but that will pass in a few meetings. We ate dinner (yes, pizza as my mother had suggested) and I put her to bed.

We went to bed shortly thereafter and watched some TV and had some more sex and he told me he hopes he's enough for me sexually b/c of all the crazy things I've done. I assured him that despite all of the crazy things I've done, I have never, ever been with a man that can keep up with him sexually. We have sex at least twice a day, but often 3-5 times a day! How can I ask for more than that?? I am on cloud 9 with him! I woke up about 4am to him kissing me goodbye and leaving for work. He said I was sleep talking last night and yelled at him for moving around, which he said he wasn't doing...lol.

He is supposed to meet Gwyn today at a polo match, but he texted me this morning and said his work phone got drowned in the ocean this morning and he has a shit ton of things to do when he gets off the boat today, so that meeting may have to be postponed a few days. I'm excited for them to meet though! My bff gets here on Friday and I'm also excited for her to meet him! It's going to be a fun week!

Thursday, October 4, 2012

Steamy Sex

I know you are all tired of the sappy love story with The Fisherman, so Jules is going to give you a hot sex story. He is my sexual soul mate. I swear I have never been with a man that can and wants to fuck as much as I do until this one. I have spent every night with him this week and it’s been OMG great, but last night was one of the hottest.

I went to his place after work and I still had on my work clothes b/c I looked nice and he was taking me to my favorite Indian place for dinner.  I walked in and he kissed me and told me how hot I looked and how much he wanted to bend me over the bed right then. I asked what was stopping him and the next thing I knew, my panties were coming down, my skirt was being pushed up, and he was deep inside me. He fucked my kitty for a long time and then moved to my ass. I came and came and came and finally he pulled out and came so hard he shot cum literally all across the bed. It was hot.

We cleaned up and went to sit on his lanai and have a glass of wine while watching sunset. We drove to town and ate an amazing dinner and along the way, we passed 2 sex shops. He told me he was taking me to one after dinner. He took me in and went straight for the lingerie. He picked out something he really liked for me with garters and then we browsed the toys. He bought me every single thing I wanted. It was like Xmas in the sex store!! He’s gotten more and more into me playing with his ass and we bought this one toy that was one of the most erotic things I’ve ever used with a guy. I have to say before him I was not a huge fan of playing with a guy’s ass, but since him I am so incredibly into it. It is so hot and so dominant and controlling, something I’m usually not in bed.

On the way home, I told him my kitty was soaked from being in the shop and thinking about all of the toys we had bought. He reached over to feel and proceeded to finger me into 3 orgasms while we drove home, one of which made me squirt and soak his seat.  We raced upstairs when we got to his place and opened our new toys! One of them is a cock ring with a vibe for my clit and a small dildo for my ass. I liked it well enough, but if you are every curious to buy one, go bigger on the dildo b/c the small one didn’t stay in well. He finally ended up putting it in my kitty along with his cock, which made me cum a lot! Then we broke out the best toy I’ve ever used with a guy…a long, bendy, beaded dildo. I put it into my ass and then put the other side in his. As I worked it in and out, it thrusted into him. We were both laying on our backs with our asses together and could watch each other masturbate while we shared this toy.  OMG HOT!!!! If you have a man that is willing to let you do this, go buy it NOW.

We fell asleep after this and I woke up this morning to him rubbing my body and telling me how hot last night was and he woke up wanting more. We had sleepy, intimate sex this morning and held each other as we came…awwww, there’s some of the love story interspersed…lol.  I laid in his arms after and noticed he was hard  again so I blew him until he came again and then he got up and made me coffee in bed. I heart him.


Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Heating Up

The Fisherman continues to be the greatest thing since sliced bread. I know I’ve been horrible about blogging lately, but if I’m not with Chloe or at work, I’m with him. It’s been a whirlwind romance but I have to tell you guys I am just completely head over heels for him.  Since I last blogged about him, we have literally seen each other pretty much every day. He comes over most nights after Chloe is in bed. I’ve cooked dinner for him several nights and getting to know him and falling in love with him is just simply amazing. Did you guys ever think you would hear this from Jules??!  
Here’s an example of his awesomeness, last week I was talking to my bff. She’s going through some shit and I was lamenting how much I miss her and I hate being so far from here in times like this. He says “bring her over”. I laughed and said that would be awesome, but neither she nor I could afford a ticket for her at this time. He said “I’m paying”.  People, he bought my bff a ticket to come to Hawaii in 2 weeks. If that’s not the sign of a keeper, I don’t know what is!!
Saturday, Chloe was with a friend so I took him shelling with me to one of my favorite beaches. We walked and talked and shelled. He marketed mine and Gwyn’s online business to some tourists on the beach. It was very endearing! As the sun set, he held me and kissed me and I can’t tell you guys of a happier moment with a guy. He just adores me, as I do him. We went home and he came over and I made us dinner and then we had sex for hours! He fell asleep in my arms on my chest. I’ve never let a guy fall asleep with me holding them, intentionally anyway. There was that one night that Gavin and I passed out having sex and I woke up with him on top of me entwined in one another.
Sunday, Chloe had a birthday party all afternoon, so I went over to his place. We had amazing sex and then went down to his hot tub with wine. I feel like I live in this amazing parallel universe with him, but those worlds are getting ready to collide. I emailed Russell this week about The Fisherman and Chloe meeting. I wrote him a long email about it and he simply replied “I trust your judgment, Gavin not withstanding”.  Russell is fairly self involved, so I don’t know if this was a self involved, ‘I’m in China and could care less what you are doing’ statement or if he’s not really into it. Either way, I trust my judgment and I think it’s time. They are both super curious about the other one.  I’ve run this meeting past all of my relationship advisers and they all seem to think it’s ok.
I met his boss last week. The guy is known for being an ass, but he’s been pleasant to me. The Fisherman said he likes me and told him not to mess this up. We’ve both told our families about each other. My grandmother is dying of curiosity. She’s texted and called asking all sorts of questions. My mother is pretty over the moon about it too, but she’s not as persistent. His mother is very happy. He told me that she cried when he told her about me. Of course, then he followed it up with this story…it seems he had a sister named Jules that died when she was like a year old b/c she had a hole in her heart. He was 2 ½. His mother told him “Maybe we’re finally getting another Jules in the family…”. I already love her.
I swear he has turned my grumpy, cynical, sex addict self into a pile of romantic mush. I have feelings for him I have never experienced. I adored Russell and I will always love him, but I’m thinking the difference is that I’m actually falling IN love with The Fisherman.  Our sex life is amazing. I’m not exaggerating when I tell you guys we have sex multiple times for hours. He’s as sexual as I am! Chloe is on fall break this week and is staying with her auntie. I’m spending the week with him at his place and I can tell you based on last night, it is going to be one wonderful week! I’ll try to keep you filled in.
Owen is going rather peacefully. He texted me this weekend to see how things were going and I told him that this guy is continuing to rock my world and I can’t cheat on him. He maintains he’s happy for me and that I truly deserve this, but that he will miss me a lot. I will miss that sex immensely, but I really want this to work out with The Fisherman and if that’s the trade off, so be it. It’s not like I’m missing passion and amazing sex. It’s not Owen level great, but it is daily, sometimes hourly, and with someone that I can see building more with than just sex.  Jules is simply giddy over The Fisherman!

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Getting Back on Track

So I had a wee bit of crazy sneak in this weekend.  Friday night I went to bed and everything felt fine with Peabody.  Saturday morning I woke up paralyzed with the idea that he didn’t like me as much as I like him. Where did this devilish little thought come from?  I have no freaking clue. It certainly wasn’t because of anything he did or didn’t do.

That day I had to work a large part of it so I didn’t see him until the night.  That period of absence seemed to make my crazy grow exponentially. It resulted in me being stilted and awkward that whole night and a good portion of Sunday.  Peabody asked me several times if I was having fun(we were at a concert) and if everything was ok and I valiantly tried to paint a “I’m not freaking out” smile on my face and act normal but judging from the number of times he asked I’m pretty sure I failed.

Sunday evening I was at home and got determined to squash this weird insecurity I was feeling by just addressing it with him.  I’d thought about doing that for the previous 24 hours but every time I even thought of forming those kinds of words I swear my throat closed up.  I put my big girl panties on and went over to his house rehearsing my speech the whole way.  I marched up to the door with determination, knocked on it, and immediately lost all my words when he opened the door.  We just messed around his house for a bit and then settled down to watch a new show I’m obsessed with – Sons of Anarchy.  I’m only to season three so no spoilers you freaks!

I was half watching and half arguing with myself to just talk to him.   In the episode we were watching the girlfriend of one of the main characters had a mini-meltdown because she was feeling insecure about their future.  Given my state of mind it made me laugh. Peabody looked at me, paused the show and pretty much demanded to know what was wrong with me.

After a few false starts and stops I managed to string together a garbled string of phrases that probably sounded like, “Umm, errr, well I’m a freak. And umm, well I know I’ve been acting weird.  Errr, ugh, and see ummm, I feel insecure for some reason but it’s not because of anything you’ve done. I’m just ummm, a freak.  Meep meep booble booble I don’t like feeling vulnerable and that’s how I feel.  I’m a freak!”
We had a semi-civilized short conversation after that about how we both have been through a lot in the last few years and have our guards up and we need to start talking more about that stuff so we can head off things like this in the future.  I felt immensely relieved that he neither left a Peabody size hole in the door as he ran down the street away from my craziness nor did he shoot down my feelings and try to trivialize them.

I immediately felt relieved. Immensely.  I’ve been trying to think where this insecurity came from because as I said before it’s not because of anything he’s said or done.  Peabody treats me better than anyone ever has and though neither of us are ready to talk “emotions” every single thing he does shows me he cares about me and thinks about me all the time. 

Most of Monday my dad was very present in my mind and it got to me towards the evening.  I was really missing him and a little upset.  Despite my inner demons saying to keep it to myself I told my sister, Jules, Gwyn, and even Peabody how I was feeling.  I had a nice little pity party for a while as I lay buried under my down comforter when I had an epiphany.

My feelings of insecurity have very little if anything to actually do with Peabody. They are because we’re approaching the three year anniversary of my dad’s suicide.  He was my rock.  My shelter from the storm. He was the person I went to for advice, when I needed a shoulder to lean on, or when I just needed to feel safe and secure.  When he died, all that went away (which explains a lot about why I ran so fast and hard from my sham of a marriage).  And since then, I really haven’t felt very secure in anyone.  Dealing with Coach’s lying BS for so long just compounded the problem. 

So it’s like here I sit with a guy and situation that seems almost too good to be true, with everything moving along at an appropriate normal (and very different) pace for myself and it scares the ever living shit out of me to think that it could all be pulled out from under me in a heartbeat.  You would think by now I’d have a little more grasp on all the crazy things that grief and the emotional trauma of my dad’s death do to me but I guess maybe I’d just gotten comfortable and forgot about those lurking demons. 

I know with time I’ll find a way to feel more secure. And I think actually I have made strides since my whole grounding incident earlier this year.  Peabody knows the bare outline of what happened but I probably need to find it within myself to talk to him in more detail about how much it affected me and still affects me to this day. I still have a long way to go but I do think I’m on the right path now.


Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Breaking News

Things have been an amazing whirlwind with The Fisherman that I don't even know where to start since I've been without my computer and the ability to blog regularly. First of all, let's start with Owen. I saw him last week and felt so incredibly guilty that I just knew I couldn't do it again. He texted me about meeting up last Friday and I told him I could not and that I'd met someone who was rocking my world and I needed time to explore that. He was sweet about it and told me I totally deserve someone awesome in my life. Oddly his reaction made it harder, but I did it. I freaked out a little and cried afterwards, but I felt like it was totally the right decision. He texted me again last night and I stood firm telling him I seriously need some time. He said he's willing to give me that and if I want to ever see him, he will be waiting. I don't do goodbyes, ever. I suck at that so I've just put him on hold but have been very open about my feeling for The Fisherman. I think it's challenging for him b/c in Owen's eyes this just came out  of no where.

Ok, so The Fisherman is just simply put the most awesome guy I've ever met. He adores me and has said as much and I'm not freaking out like I normally do. I honestly see myself with him and it makes me insanely happy. I was talking to my mom last night about him and she said that she has never, ever seen me so happy and has definitely never, ever heard me talk about a guy like this. I sent her pics and she's circulating them through NC as I type. We spend as much time as we possibly can together b/w work and Chloe. Chloe is dying to meet him and I talked to my mom about this last night too for some good ole motherly advice b/c I am adamantly opposed to introducing her to every guy that comes along. My mother eased a lot of my concerns and for those curious minds, Chloe and The Fisherman will probably meet sometime next month. She has fall break next week and will be at her auntie's while I work, so I think the week after that I may have him over for dinner. My mother retold the story of meeting me last night on the phone and it actually made me a little teary. (It's PMS week though and I'm crying like a baby over everything.) When I was 3, my parents met (I say parents b/c my bio mom is an addict and we have no contact except her internet stalking) and the night I met my mom she came to the house and I opened the door and said "I'm Jules, you must be (her name). Daddy is making pizzas.". So, she told me that Chloe and I simply must make pizzas for him.

Enough with the sappy stuff though, I am honestly on this emotional high with him but I'll share some of the sexual details with you too. Who was amazing enough in bed to take me away from Owen? This guy! People, we have sex an insane amount. He loves sex as much as I do and is totally open and into doing all kinds of things. On days we are off or alone, we will have sex 4-5 times a day...a day. He loves my toys, he loves anal (even me playing with him some which is taking some getting used to but I'm finding very erotic), he loves spanking me, he loves my tits, and he will go down on me for hours. I have never seen a man cum like he does too. He cums in massive amounts, which I find oddly very satisfying. We fuck like crazy and make love for hours. He has a very active fantasy imagination, so I can only imagine things are going to get better and better. In and out of bed, we talk about everything. I feel so comfortable and open with him. Stay tuned to see how this all plays out, but rest assured Jules is one happy camper right now!