Monday, December 3, 2012

Merry Miranda

I feel bad because we are all neglecting the blog so much but I guess that’s what happens when you actually start LIVING life and being happy.  I find it incredibly humorous that all three of us are incredibly happy dating guys we almost passed up for one reason or another. I keep thinking how funny little decisions like that can change your life so dramatically.

Today as I was killing time at work I saw this advice and it made me think about my past dating habits – “Every online profile, every random dater, every TV single person all say they want the same thing in a mate: a sense of humor. From men and women. But the pressure to be funny, when mixed with a healthy dose of nerves, means that conversations easily veer into banter. But banter often flips directly into sarcasm and making jokes at your date's expense. Whatever happened to sincerity? Sincerity is wonderful. Sincerity is milk chocolate; sarcasm is a grapefruit. In the past, I was deeply in love with a woman who never tried to make jokes. Not that she never laughed (I still miss her laugh), but she just didn't feel the need to be constantly funny. And neither did I. Love doesn't always need a laugh track.”

I know in the past I’ve definitely toed the line of too much sarcasm on occasion, especially when I’ve felt insecure.  After my grounding the first part of this year I felt a lot of those defenses drop down and I’m not nearly as sarcastic with anyone – friends, family, boys – as I used to be.  And a lot of the time I think I was using humor to be entertaining because I simply wasn’t comfortable just being myself.  It’s nice to have all those things feel so different now.

And speaking of things feeling different…. I’m an avid reader. I love it. I’m probably one of the few adults who still has a library card and they regularly use it (shout out to Josie my other library loving sister – Whoop!). So I’m reading this book called The Island by Elin Hilderbrand. It’s basically about a family of women who are all single for one reason or another and the mother of the group has been divorced for about two years and has recently fallen in love again.  The women go on vacation for a month to this island and it’s essentially cut off from the rest of the world; so much that there’s only one spot on the island that can get cell reception.  After a miserable week the mother breaks down and treks out to the point on the island with cell reception and calls her new man – Hank.  The call is less than satisfying.  This repeats for a few days and then she fesses up to one of her daughters and vents.  There’s a ring of truth here in my feelings during the first two months with Peabody.

“So here’s the thing I don’t understand, still, at my age.  In the two years between the time your father and I split and the time I met Hank, I was fine.  I was reasonably happy, I had hobbies and interests – my gardening, my reading, the house, you kids, my friends.  Then I met Hank. And he liked to do things – go out for dinner, go to the theater, spend the night in nice hotels, go dancing. God it was intoxicating to have someone to DO things with. You have no idea. I’d always been alone, throughout my marriage, alone, alone, alone. The problem is my happiness, now, depends on Hank.  It’s not fair that someone should be able to affect me this way! But I don’t want to go back to how things were before I met him. I was lonely. Then, with Hank, I was not lonely. And now, without Hank, I’m even lonelier than I was before.”

In the first couple months with Peabody I was definitely struggling a bit. I have always been one to throw myself into a relationship so trying to take things slow and remember to not “lose myself” in the relationship was hard and anxiety producing.  But what the mom says above is still very true for me. It’s intoxicating to have someone to do things with.  For so long in my marriage it was just routine and boring and we had nothing to talk about or go do together that didn’t involve the kids.  Peabody has just blown those doors right off. We’ve done so much in the last four months its crazy.  Even with Coach, while we went out to bars, it was more about getting drunk and either having sex or fighting. There was little that we did, much less talked about. 

I think in the last month I’ve really settled into this relationship and being myself.  I think he has too.  We’ve both said this is a really different relationship from anything else we’ve experienced before.   The last week was amazing.  Peabody and I did so many fun different things from just hanging out and having dinner at this favorite place in town to discovering amazing new music that we both feel in love with to an impromptu dinner out of town with another couple that was incredibly fun and really set the tone for the holidays for me. 

I think this will definitely be a Christmas to remember!


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