Monday, October 22, 2012

Times They Are a Changing

Being happy girls makes for dull blogging or so it seems.  Our updates have really trickled down but being happy is good, right?  And who would have every thought all three of us would have NICE guys all at the same time. The universe has definitely turned us upside down lol.

Me and Peabody are still trucking along. This past week I managed to find my words and we talked a bit about the state of our relationship and him being more emotionally protective than me.  He said he’s felt like all the drama with his parents and his ex have made him less able to focus on me and he feels bad about that and he’s trying to work through it.  He’s had some hard discussions with both his parents and his ex this past week and today he says is the “dawn of a new day” for him.  Peabody said he’s going to get back focused on his life and what he wants so we’ll see if that makes it easier for him to let his guard down.

The whole crazy relationship with his parents still blows my mind. I can’t imagine my parents ever treating me like that.  Makes me really grateful that though my mom can drive me nuts, she always always supports me and would never choose anyone over me.

As far as my emotional guard, I've definitely felt it starting to ease up with Peabody. That’s not to say I’m shouting my emotions from the rooftops but I’m starting to relax a little more and feel more comfortable being vulnerable.  We’re in the final two weeks till the 3rd anniversary of my dad’s death so it’s an up and down time anyways.  Yesterday I actually turned to something I haven’t done in years to help process my feelings.  Don’t laugh – poetry.  Yep, Miranda’s a closet poet.

In college was my most prolific time and it’s interesting to look back on them and re-read them.  I haven’t read them in years and I feared they’d be cheesy over the top and while some are, there’s some good stuff in there.  Interestingly most of the poems I kept were about wanting to be loved or having a broken heart.  Seems to be a theme of my life no?

Anyways yesterday I was feeling all bound up and muddled and got inspired all the sudden and pulled out some paper and started writing.  Like a rusty wheel the words didn't turn easy at first but before I knew it an hour had passed and I’d written down 3-4. It felt good, cathartic in a way.  I’m going to try to keep a notebook handy over the next few weeks and keep writing. 

I kind of want to do something special this anniversary.  The first one I got a tattoo of my dad’s initials on my wrist.  The second one I was just starting my job here so I didn't take the day off and I didn't really do anything special per se.  I want to do something this one though. Any ideas?  I've taken the day off so at the very least, barring weather issues, I plan to do something outside like spending the day hiking around this lake near my house or something.

Fun story from this weekend.  Saturday night Peabody was having a boys’ camping night up in the mountains and I went with a work friend to see my favorite singer at a local club. Afterwards my country party friend D wanted me to meet up with her and her boyfriend because I haven’t seen them much at all in the last few months.  I stopped hanging out with them partly because they were bad influences and also because The Christian definitely wouldn't fit into their scene and while I have no doubt that Peabody would go with the flow and make the best of hanging out with them, I just really don’t want to get back into their crazy drama filled world.

Anyways I ended up going to meet up with them and not two minutes after I got there, D was trying to fight a girl and she was talking about Coach and his new gf.  Apparently they had been out with them earlier and the new gf didn't want him getting shit-can drunk and was trying to prohibit him from doing shots.  That made D mad and she argued with the girl and every time Coach’s gf would walk away, Coach would sneak and do a shot.  Some things never change.  Apparently they were supposed to come to this same bar but thankfully the gf decided they needed to go home. I wonder if D was trying to start some shit by having all of us at the same place?  I don’t think she likes that I’m happy and in a relationship that doesn't involve drinking copious amounts of alcohol just to tolerate each other.

After that, D started bitching about her boyfriend, both of them were trying to get me to do shots, and they started fighting with each other.  I hadn't been drinking at all and as I stood in this nasty bar watching them drunkenly fall all over each other and fight, I realized what a long way I've come since I grounded myself earlier this year.  I hung out for a few minutes to be nice and then made my excuses and headed home. 

My how times have changed.


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