How are two southern belles like Miranda and I possibly supposed to survive on the big island during our upcoming visit to see Jules? I'll tell you how - by going online and finding hot guys in Hawaii to serve as our tour guides and to pay for our alcohol.
Thursday night we went out to dinner with plans to go see that freaky ballerina movie, Black Swan. Well, after downing a bottle of wine I decided that instead of going to a movie, we needed to set up new online dating profiles to find hotties near Jules' town to show us a good time. So we left the restaurant, headed to pick up a couple beers at the store and went back to my house to get started!
We each set up a profile saying we were coming to the island in January and looking for some fun people to show us all the hot spots. Now, keep in mind this was about 9pm our time - 3pm Hawaii time. Did I mention we were drunk? At first we didn't have much success. The guys online looked skeezy and we werent' getting any messages. Miranda kept telling me to be patient but I was getting drunk and mad lol. Then our luck took a turn for the better.
I did find one hot guy that we messaged but hadn't heard back from. Finally, after what must have been the longest 30 minutes of my life lol, he instant messaged me. Which led to texting. Which led to an exchange of pictures. Which led to Gwyn being in total lust.
So our potential Hawaiian tour guide #1 will be named Popeye - he's a 30 year old in the Coast Guard...from Virginia (my home state!)...Duke fan (thank god)...lives in Waikiki with a couple of roommates...and has the sickest body I've seen since Crossfit (it's worth your trouble to check out the bod on Crossfit if you haven't seen it already...). He has some sexy tattoos and what looks to be a nice sized bulge in his board shorts. Right now he's getting up for work at 4am everyday providing security detail while Obama is on vacation in Hawaii. How hot is that???????
If my past man team members are any indication I expect Popeye to be extremely hot while simultaneously crazy. But for the purposes of this vacation that is totally fine with me. I just need a hot man with a decent sized wallet who doesn't like kissing on the lips.
If we can figure out how to crop Popeye's picture to remove identifying tattoos I'll try to post a pic of for your viewing pleasure....
-Gwyn aka ManEater