Thursday, December 30, 2010

Your Kiss is on My List

Miranda has requested that I share one of my dating techniques with you all, after I shared it with her last week while telling her about a recent experience with Romeo. In a nutshell, I do not kiss guys on the lips unless they are my boyfriend (there are a few other exceptions I will explain).

I know lots of you may instantly think I copied Julia Robert's character in Pretty Woman when coming up with this no-lips policy. But that's not the case, my inspiration came from The Ex. When we had been together for about 6 months he instituted a no kissing on the mouth policy. Now, the insane-ness of this policy and his motives behind it are for another post but I wanted to give you a little background as to how I came up with my current rules. At first, I was really bummed about not kissing him on the lips because he had been such a good kisser and at that time I was a big fan of kissing. But as time wore on I got used to it and the desire to kiss on the mouth kind of just went away. Sure, I've kissed on the lips plenty since that time but going without for so long really got me out of the habit. Even now when I do have a boyfriend I regularly have to remind myself to kiss him.

I can't really remember exactly when I came up with my current kissing policy but it was about two years ago. After not kissing The Ex for so long it was really uncomfortable and awkward the first time I kissed a new guy. It felt weird and strangely wrong - I had worked so hard to be o.k. with no kissing that it had literally become a foreign concept to me. But, at some point I decided that if we are not boyfriend and girlfriend you're getting nothing but cheek action. You're welcome to kiss me anywhere else on my body but the lips are off limits.

Now, I told you there are a couple exceptions to the rule. First, if I'm drunk the rule is temporarily suspended. Second, occasionally depending on my mood, I may allow kissing on the lips during sex. It really just depends how into it I am - most of the time if I'm having sex with someone who I'm not in a relationship with I just want to do the damn thing, no need for romance or lovey dovey talk. We're not together...we're both here for the same thing...let's not pretend it's something it's not - and to me kissing passionately on the lips brings with it emotions and feelings of closeness that are pointless and can be damaging if the man is not my boyfriend. Most of the time, if it's a one night stand or a FWB situation the guys just follow my lead and once I avoid the kissing the first couple of times they try they get the hint and stop trying. Sometimes I have to explain my policy and most of the time the guys think it's funny. When I'm dating a guy I will tell him my rule the first time the situation comes up. If they don't like it oh well I don't really care. If you want to kiss me on the lips then you'll have to be my boyfriend.

I am sure some of you are thinking "So you'll have sex with a random guy but not kiss a guy you're dating on the lips?" I see the hypocrisy of my policy, I just don't care. For me, sex isn't as intimate as kissing on the mouth - I know that may sound crazy to some people but I'm crazy when it comes to love and sex. For me, kissing brings out feelings and emotions. It makes me feel closer and more connected to the guy I'm with and I don't want those feelings to arise unless I'm in a committed relationship - it's just cause for trouble otherwise. I can handle having sex and never seeing someone again because I'm pretty adept at separating feelings and sex. But when it comes to feelings and kissing, I haven't figured out how to separate those two yet. Until I do, the policy stands.

In other news, I saw The Inmate on Wednesday then went and spent the night at Romeo's house that night. No lip kissing occurred during either incident and the visit with The Inmate was completely platonic. He actually bought me a steak dinner and a bag of weed, and I gave him a hug in return - yes, Miranda I have a heart of stone lol. What can I say, when I don't want to give it up there's not much anyone can say to change my mind. The Ex called me last week (we've been talking a little more often recently) and told me "I'm going to change my life around and be a better friend to you" and also that he plans to buy a Camaro next year. My response, "So you're saying we're friends?" and "Wow. That sounds really family friendly. I'm sure your future wife will really appreciate that purchase." He is used to my sarcasm and bluntness so he laughed at my comments - but I was serious. No plans on the horizon with any of my man team members for New Year's Eve (although both The Ex and Romeo have inquired about doing something). I'm really considering staying in because my New Year's Eves always tend to be big build ups that lead to big disappointments. Plus, I'm saving my cash for my trip to Hawaii to see Jules....in 12 days!!!!!!



  1. OMG 12 days! I can't wait! I have to say that I totally concur with the kissing being more intimate than having sex. I've always thought that. Kissing is probably what gets me in trouble more often than not but you know I have a weak will in comparison to you! If I really think about it, the guys that have been more just hooking up with, I've definitely kissed way less if at all during the actual sex.

    My friends used to say I was crazy when I said kissing was more intimate and special than sex. Maybe that's why I'm so gaga for Coach right now because it's been all kissing the last two weeks.


  2. I can't wait for you guys to get here either!! I never go out on NYE because that's when all the amateur drink drivers are out. It's scary business. I am going to a friend's house this year, but there are no bars in between our houses so I'm feeling ok about it. ;)

  3. I like your policy and it's reason. I should do the same.

    IN addition, I don't like to kiss someone until I do a complete dental exam, cleanings and all necessary dental work has been performed....and I'm not kidding.

  4. So Kenny are you saying I can send my potential suitors to you for a thorough inspection??? Maybe you could set up a satellite office in NC?