Monday, December 13, 2010

Miranda's Manifesto - Pt 1

For those of you following this blog for any length of time, you know I attract gimps.  Boys who don’t know what they want, say they want one thing and really want another, boys who want all the benefits of a relationship without the commitment, and boys whose emotions befuddle them to such a degree that it pretty much cripples their interaction with girls.  Why? I don’t know. I’m a firm believer that you get what you give but I really don’t think I’m the Gimp Queen or anything. I mean I know a vacillate between wanting a relationship and being content with my single status but it’s not like my emotions are beyond my control.

So after my last few funky weeks, I’ve decided it’s time to reroute this train before it careens off the tracks and down into the valley of broken boys forever.  That’s right; it’s time for Miranda’s Manifesto. 

It’s time for me to draw the line in the sand and say what I want and what I’m not going to put up with anymore.  I’ve been a veritable power dating pro for the last 10 months and the constant disappointment in guys is getting more than a little old.  One by one they came. One by one they went. I don’t want to invest time in guys who are never going to be anything close to what I deserve anymore. 

I’d like a man this time, that’s right a MAN, who is reasonably put together and knows how to be a grown up.  No more fixer uppers.  No more serial daters. No more party boys. No more catch and release.  I know, that’s big talk for a girl who’s been single for just 10 months but look at my track record.  I’ve dated quite the array of guys and without a road map, no matter how different they seem on the surface, I keep ending up with the same issues again and again and again.

So I’m grabbing the bull by the horns and creating a map to get myself back on track.  I’m far from old and I am in the prime of my life and I don’t want to keep spending it on all these shmucks!  So here is my manifesto of sorts in two parts.  Today, we’re going to cover the basics of what I want in a man. These are the base qualities/characteristics that I feel are critical in a Miranda match.  My goal is to use this list to measure all future team members against with only those rare specimens fulfilling 85% of the “requirements” to have any real chance with good old Miranda. 

That’s right. I’m not scared to say it.  I’m a catch.  I’m far from perfect but if I don’t acknowledge all the good things about myself, how can I expect any man to?  I know a “list” to measure boys on is a little uppity and strange but the hope is that this will help me connect with better quality guys and fewer gimps. So here we go!

Miranda’s ideal man will…
  1. Be at least 6’ tall.
  2. Use appropriate grammar whenever possible.
  3. Be physically affectionate.
  4. Have a car.
  5. Be punctual.
  6. Have good friends who he enjoys spending time with.
  7. Be intelligent – both book smart and street smart.
  8. Have a college degree.
  9. Be hilarious with a mastery of sarcasm.
  10. Enjoy traveling and doing spur of the moment activities.
  11. Regularly compliment me.
  12. Take me on dates.
  13. Communicate at least once a day via phone, email, or text.
  14. Be a non smoker.
  15. Be decisive and make plans instead of relying on me to do so.
  16. Enjoy texting.
  17. Not be a fan of using racial or homophobic slurs.
  18. Be socially confident enough to fit in with my friends and family.
  19. Have a career he enjoys with at least a moderate drive to succeed.
  20. Make an effort to see me regardless of whether or not I have the kids.
  21. Be able to appropriately express his emotions.
  22. Be able to hold his own in any conversation.
  23. Enjoy a wide array of music.
  24. Make more money than me.
  25. Be someone who seems as excited about me as I am about them.
That’s right those are my top 25 requirements.  All based on experiences from my marriage or from my crazy array of team members over the past 10 months.  Hold me to it.  When I start talking about new boys force me to be honest about how they measure up.  Don’t let me gloss over things or make excuses.  Both you and I are too good for that. 

Next up, Miranda’s Dating Do’s and Don’ts. Stay tuned….


PS – I must give credit where it is due.  I got the idea for this list from a highly entertaining blog – Starts with an X. She created her own list after a particularly rough row of guys and guess what, she found her a good man and they’re getting married. I think she’s on to something


  1. Ok, you're on and I'll start by saying when you texted me about this today it was 90%...why is is 85% now???

  2. HAHA! Once I realized I had 25 requirements I figured I had to cut the guy a little slack. He can start at 85% but he has to work his way up!