Sunday, December 5, 2010

A Weekend of Debauchery

Friday night started with me planning to stay in.  I was in my yoga pants chilling on the couch when one of my girls texted me and essentially demanded I go out with her to a new bar in our town.  I’m never one to turn down a girl’s night so I strapped on my going out duds and got right on it.

We get to this club and first up meet this random friend of hers might just be the most redneck girl I’ve ever met.  This bar is actually pretty nice though the stripper pole for the patron’s use is certainly of questionable taste.  After a few minutes SoCo texts me asking what I’m up to.

Now I’ve been trying to figure him out and whether or not he knows about the Friend.  I was certain he knew because he was acting distant but then all that changed this week so I was thinking maybe not. Anyway, I told him where I was and he said he was out of town at the moment but he’d try to get back and come to the bar.  Not 10 minutes after I got that text then who did I see…. the Friend!  Oops!  I really have to stop getting involved with people in this same group of friends! 

So me and the girls are hanging out with the Friend and some of my other guy friends.  SoCo keeps texting me and eventually says he’s too drunk to drive and can I come get him.  WTF!  Umm, the answer was no and not just because I’d been drinking myself.  We exchanged a few texts back and forth and I said something about how he never seems to want to hang out and he busts out with, “Well you’re rolling with the Friend right?”  AWKWARD!  I denied that there was anything between the Friend and me but a passing connection and all seemed fine with SoCo.

Then I proceeded to get the Friend to drive me home and we had hot hot hot sex on my living room floor.  Secret nugget (lol Jules and Gwyn!) when we first got back to my place, I went ahead and took out my contacts in preparation for eventually sleeping and put on my glasses.  As things were breaking off I went down on him and during my “administrations” he said, “Damn that’s so fucking hot to see you doing that with you glasses on. You’re like a sexy librarian.”  I literally burst out laughing because it reminded me of Gavin’s librarian fantasy with Jules!

Saturday I got up to much laughter at my own behavior and headed over to Gwyn’s house to chill for a while and share the hilarious, weird, and crazy details of the night with her.  No word from SoCo all day so I’m guessing he heard about me and the Friend going home together again and it’s probably finished with him.  C’est la vie.

Saturday night Gwyn and I decided to go out and we ended up deciding to go to this total dive bar in my town.  It’s seriously sketchy and very much a dive but it’s tons of fun. Me and Lawyer Boy used to go there and I even took FJB there on our last fated night when he said he just wanted to be friends. Grrrr, I digress.

So we hit the dive bar and we hit it hard.  As soon as we walked in we identified really the only suitable guys in the bar and made our mark.  Basically we identified them, stood near the bar for a while, moved in and took their seats as soon as they stood up, then as they came back to the bar for drinks we initiated operation “Gwyn and Miranda Rule the World.”  LOL!

There was a lot of drinking going on, Gwyn made friends with a very nice guy next to her and I’ll let her fill you in on them. It’s an awesome story!  This super buff guy that was one of our targets I kept in my sights.  We did the old, “OMG look how tall you are let’s compare hands” with him to reel him in. 

Yall know I have a thing for tall guys. Well this guy was 6’6.  O-M-G and he had a body that was so banging he put Hot Chocolate to shame.  His basic run down, he’s 33, super hot, is from my town but lives an hour away now, no kids, never married, and par for the course, he has an old man name.  What is it with me and the old man names??? 

So we flirt and flirt and flirt and I end up inviting him and his freaky friend back to my apartment for a late night along with Gwyn’s bar boyfriend.  HA!  We get back here and are chilling out, having fun, and I think I was literally salivating at how tall and hot this guy was.  Gwyn took one for the team and left with her bar boyfriend to give me space for a hook up.  The freaky friend was getting even weirder trying to initiate a threesome and my hot guy was not having it. He ended up telling his friend to hit the road and come get him in the morning. 

We pretty much sprinted to the bedroom shedding clothes as we went and started playing and making out hard core.  Between kissing we were talking a ton and he was asking me lots of questions.  We kept getting right on the verge of having sex when he’d pull back.  Finally he told me (if any of this is true who knows) that he’d just gotten out of a six year relationship and this was the first time he’d been with someone since her.  We ended up just falling asleep for a while without having sex though at this point he’d satisfied me more than enough.

Now, most of us aren’t 6’6 tall so we fit in a normal bed quite well.  This guy had to sleep sort of diagonally and with his legs bent. I felt bad for him!  And he was an intense cuddler.  And having a 6’6 seriously buff guy wrapped around you like a freaking boa constrictor is quite a weird way to sleep let me tell you what. At one point I woke up and my arms were pinned by his giant tree trunk arm wrapped around me and I literally couldn’t move. LOL!

At some point I woke up to him kissing all over me and he just took complete control and manhandled me for hours of intense making out and banging sex.  He just took complete and total control and I was like a freaking puppet. It was OMG so awesome!  I’m still shaking my damn head at how hot it was and over how smoking his body was and my body feels like I did the most intense work out of my life.

This morning his freaky friend showed up to pick him up and he gave me a really sweet kiss and we said goodbye.  Then Gwyn showed back up and we lay on my couch in a stupor for hours reflecting on the craziness of the night. 

Damn when me and Gwyn go out shit always happens!  Just think what’s going to happen when me and Gwyn go to Hawaii to see Jules in a month. That’s right bitches – we’re taking Hawaii down!


PS - Sawyer  called me not once, but twice this weekend and I didn't answer either call. I guess you can teach an old dog new tricks.  Wait, did I just call myself an old dog?

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