Sunday, June 6, 2010

Dazed and Confused

With Jules on hiatus and Gwyn swamped with work, I guess I’ll have to amp up my boy life and posting to keep you guys entertained! HA! Seriously, this weekend was a great one. Lawyer Boy Friday night and College Crush Saturday night. But it had some of the most unexpected developments I’ve experienced in a long time….

So Friday Lawyer Boy (LB) and I were going to grab a late dinner and then I was going to take him to downtown to a couple of bars I’ve been to that I thought he would really like. He was pretty stoked by my offer to drive because that meant he could be a little irresponsible and drink his face off LOL. So he got here about 7:30 looking blazing hot. Neither of us were starving so we just hung out here for a while having a couple drinks and listening to some music. LB’s quite a talker but its good conversation. Like all sorts of random and interesting topics and because we are the same age, both have kids, and both have the whole divorce thing going on, there’s lots of existential BS we can talk about in regards to life in general. We ended up having this ridiculously great two hour conversation.

One of the things we discussed was why he’s always saying the thing about feeling bad that he doesn’t have the time to commit to me that I deserve until the whole bar thing is over. Seems he’s a 100% guy, he’s either all in or all out. Doesn’t like to do anything halfway and it’s driving him crazy that he can’t just go out and see me whenever he wants or that he can’t focus on me as much as possible because he’s got to be so committed to studying to pass the bar. I did my best to reassure him that it was ok and I could hang in there till the bar is over with. Things I banned him from talking about after we left my place 1 – the law/anything to do with the bar exam, 2 – anything to do with not having the time he wants right now to spend with me, and 3 – saying I was “sweet.” He’s forever telling me how sweet I am! Now for those of you who know me in real life, I know you’re laughing hysterically that he describes me as sweet, apparently I really have been on my best behavior for him. For those of you who don’t know me in real life, just take my word that the word “sweet” is far from a truthful description LOL.

I digress. So after our marathon life conversation, we debated just staying in but I had put a lot of effort in to getting dressed to go out so we headed to downtown. LB and I jammed out to Lady Gaga on the way – dating a metrosexual is fun! We went to the first bar and it was a perfect fit for him. He loved it the minute we walked inside. Classy yet trendy. Great music. Good variety of people of all ages. LB was very pumped and I was glad I was spot on with thinking he’d like that place. We sat at the bar and had some drinks and talked more. LB was digging the music so much he sent drinks to the DJs (yes he’s that guy) and then made friends with them. They even let him throw in a few songs in the mix. He was quite delighted living out his DJ fantasy. We had a blast hanging out there and then he said he wanted to go to that dive pseudo-biker bar on our way home.

I think he really only wanted to go there because I had told him about the DJ hitting on me and I think he was feeling a need to “mark his territory.” I texted DJ and asked what was going on and it turns out the biker bar was closing early. LB was disappointed LOL! LB wanted to check out the other bar I had in mind for him and we stopped in for a drink there on our way home. BTW he loved it too, it’s more of a classy 50’s kind of bar. The kind of place where you’d sit in a leather club chair, drinking a martini, and smoking a cigar while listening to some jazz. We ate a late night snack at the Waffle House (ew!) and then finally made it back to my place about 4. We lay in bed talking and well doing things other than talking and then finally went to sleep somewhere between 5 and 6. Now an interesting thing happened. Early on in the “doing things other than talking” portion of the evening he was attending to my lady needs and he was kissing along my ear and jaw when something popped out of his mouth – I love you. Now he had had a lot to drink but he was by no means shitty drunk and I had not had much to drink at all so I know what I heard. When he said that my eyes popped open and I’m sure my body jerked or something but I didn’t acknowledge it or anything, just moved along. It was quite shocking to say the least.

About noon, he got up and had to go study. It might be a while before we get to see each other again because our schedules are conflicting the next few weeks but I’m hoping we can somehow work it out for him to at least see me on my birthday. My excuse for not seeing him Saturday night was the old girls night out excuse and he told me to call him when I got home and that he’d come over. Of course I couldn’t exactly do that which sucked.

I hit up the pool for a few hours before College Crush was destined to arrive and about two hours after he’d left, LB called me. He was taking a study break and just wanted to call and make sure I was having a good day and tell me how much fun he’d had. Awwwwww. During my baking at the pool I realized how much I wanted to see him again that night. After some furious “what have I gotten myself into texting” with Gwyn and Jules I knew this thing with LB was taking a very different turn from all the other boys. Honestly, if College Crush (CC) wasn’t literally already in his car driving to see me, I would have totally cancelled on him to see LB again that night. Where is all this coming from? I certainly didn’t expect these feelings to be around so soon…

So I did my best to put myself in the right frame of mind for CC. He got here and went all boyfriend acting on my right away which wasn’t bad just unexpected. CC immediately kissed and me when we sat down he was all cozy right up on me, arms around me, snuggling, kissing my forehead, calling me Baby. All right off the bat! I was still a little out of sorts from my LB revelation and I think he picked up on that vibe at first so I had to work hard to shake free of it so he wouldn’t think anything was up. We chilled for a while and then headed out to dinner at one of my favorite places to eat – shout out to PF Changs! We ended up eating at the bar there cause they were slammed but that was fine, I actually like sitting next to someone instead of starting at them while you eat.

We had lots of fun, good conversation, laughing, all good stuff. He introduced me to my new favorite drink vanilla vodka with orange juice – tastes and smells just like a dreamsicle! We finished up dinner about 10:30 and decided to just head back to my place and watch a movie. We snuggled on the couch (hello boyfriend move!) and tried to watch a movie but things broke off and we ended up just turning off the movie and heading for bed. CC’s really sweet and a good kisser! By this time I was doing better about the LB situation but I got to admit I kept catching myself thinking I wish this was LB! We had some very sweet but admittedly very average sex (maybe all that drinking last time inflated my memories) and then fell asleep. Now I will give big props to CC that he is by far the best snuggler/cuddler to sleep with.

So now I’m here a couple hours after he left, still lying in bed, trying to muddle through this entire unexpected emotional BS. I only call it BS because I’m trying to maintain my hard, crusty shell. What I’ve learned this weekend is that LB has pulled way far in the lead, leaps and bounds above everyone. And that pressure to “make a choice” that I felt last weekend is back bigger than ever. But I’m refusing to make any choices until this whole bar exam stuff is over at the end of July because I know he’s just not going to have the time he wants (or I want) until then. And this limbo land of where we are now while very fun and exciting also sort of sucks. It’s like we’re straddling that line between just something casual and “dating dating.” And I don’t think either one of us feel comfortable crossing that line until the bar is behind him.

I don’t know where exactly this thing with LB is going, but it’s sure turned into something I never expected…



  1. Dating is supposed to be about weighing options and trying different people on to see who is best suited to take a shot at the long term with... now granted, it's generally frowned upon to try on two people at once, sure, but this sounds like a golden opportunity: you've got to great-sounding guys that you get to "try on" indefinitely (or at least, as long as you can keep doing the non-exclusive tango); by the time you are forced to "choose" one of them, you're going to know them both a whole lot better than most people know their partner before becoming exclusive. This sounds like the way dating should be :)

  2. As much as I want you to emplore your options and have fun, I have to say starting a long term or more exclusive thing with LB might be something worth thinking about (as much of a damper as it might put on the blog LOL). He sounds like a really special guy. And anyway it isn't like you are marrying him. If he ever pisses you off you can always still dump him. But really, I don't want anyone else to have him- you need to snap him up before some crazy bitch does LMAO