Tuesday, June 22, 2010


Well, well...I'm not sure what I've done now, but we'll see how it all plays out in the end. I went to Damien's house Friday night to pick up an application for food stamps (yes, seriously). I had figured out that if I was going to stay on the island, go to school, and try to house Chloe and I on what Russell was willing to pay, I had better find some alternative means to fund this operation. I've always said I would move home before I applied for assistance, but I love it here and again I say I don't want to move Chloe 5000 miles from her Dad. Well, Damien can be a real asshole when you don't agree with him and he's telling me how to fill out this application and that basically I'm going to have to lie if I want to get anything. Hmmmm, ok it was hard enough to swallow the fact that I was having to apply for food stamps, but then I was told I would have to falsify the application. I drew the line, we had a big fight, and I left. He's still pissed, but I'm tired of him trying to tell me how to run my life...seriously over it now. So, last night Russell mentions at dinner that he's going to look at a room this week in a house with a couple of students. He says this with a big sigh, so I know he's not relishing the thought of moving. Then, I went over to Gavin's for some mega hot sex and to get high and we were talking about the asst. application too. He's on food stamps (as are most people up here...really I'm not kidding.) and I asked him how he completed his application. He pretty much lies on his too...and by pretty much I mean he does. This made my heart sink to my knees. The plan to throw Russell out included me having roommates and foodstamps. Well, if you don't know me here's a little factoid...I can talk a cat off a tuna boat if I need to do so. I say this with some pride, but I am one of the most manipulative people you will ever cross.
Today I told Russell we needed to talk about our current situation. I basically laid it out for him that I had calmed down, we were squarely in new territory here, but Chloe and I were likely to not get foodstamps b/c I refuse to lie on the my application and that we needed to explore our options. I went on to say that we really can't afford 2 households here in HI and that it was stupid for him to go rent a room and for me to rent out the other 2 rooms here to all these strangers that we would be introducing into Chloe's life. I truly do believe this now that the dust has settled some. I told him I fully plan to go to school and I'm not moving back to NC at this time (read never if I don't have to). He's agreed to essentially keep on paying all the bills and we're resuming life as it was before but with more freedom now that Chloe knows. Oh and he's taking over the headache of writing the bills again so that he feels he has some "control" over how his money is spent...again, I've been trying for months to get him to do this...so yippee!! I'm going to start seeing a therapist on Thursday in an effort to make myself ok with this situation and to try to minimize the urges that I have to stab him in his sleep (kidding...mostly). Odddly enough due to my profession, I'm not a big fan of talk therapy but I'm willing to give it a whirl. So, here we stand...should be interesting to watch it unfold.
In dating news, I texted briefly with Nick yesterday. I hope to see him again and actually hope he ends up replacing Gavin and Owen, but he seems to have a lot of irons in the fire, so he'll probably need a backup player. Which leads us to Andy...I was supposed to go see this hottie last night, but stupid Gavin called with an offer I couldn't pass up abt 30 minutes before I was supposed to leave to drive an hour to Andy's. I bailed, but I think we've rescheduled for Wednesday night. He seems like a nice guy (26 years old though...ugg) and is yummy to look at from his pics. He's very engaging and actually isn't looking to just jump into my pants. We had a very weird text conversation today about that. I was sexting him and he asked me "Is that all you want?". Ummm, dude you responded to my CL ad entitled "Consistent Hookup for NSA Wanted". I texted back that he was the one that had replied saying he wasn't looking for a relationship and found out that he just got back from a 7 month deployment only to find out his gf of 3 years had cheated on him while he was over there sending money home to support her while she was in school. I'm thinking I might not mention the blog to him.


  1. I think just take it one day at a time and see where things go with you and Russell. It might work to cohabitate and it might be a big disaster. Hopefully now that Chloe knows about the divorce it will take some of the stress off.

    I was never big on the therapy idea but I did go for about three months after my dad died and I was contemplating divorce and it actually helped a lot. Just helped me verbalize some of what was going on internally and let me know I wasn't crazy and acting out of grief or whatever. Good luck with it! Make sure you like your counselor!

    Oh and based on my experience, definitely keep the blog to yourself!

  2. Haha, second Miranda's "keep the blog to yourself" advice.

    There's no shame in wanting to do whatever it takes to diminish the amount of crazy in your daughter's life, even if it does require swallowing a little pride and putting up with a soon-to-be-ex-husband for a little while longer. Also no shame in cutting out on your own and requesting assistance, if that's the way it ends up going either (I owe a large chunk of my childhood to assistance).

    But MAJOR props on refusing to lie on your application.