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Friday, June 11, 2010

I Feel Like the Mayor of Whore-Town...

I never thought I’d say this but I’m a little bit ashamed of my own behavior in the last 24 hours. It was just silly, over-the-top, and out of control. I don’t even really want to blog about it but in the spirit of this being all about confession….

It all started with a little afternoon hook up with Sawyer. We haven’t seen each other in a while so in some ways it had that nervous feeling of the first time. Weird. I have to be honest, it was pretty awesome. Not just the sex, but the whole thing. After we did the dirty mambo, we just laid there for like an hour talking about all kinds of stuff. We used to do that all the time and that’s where we really developed the friendship and ultimately the “dangerous” feelings for each other. It was nice to talk and not be playing any of those freaking games with each other. So we just hung out for a while and chatted and then I had to head back for yet another of those work concerts. When he was leaving, we were both stalling, I don’t think either one of us wanted to break the mood or whatever it was that was going on. I will say I did give him hell about claiming he was leaving his wife and I totally called him out on that BS. I also messed with his head a little bit and talked about some of the boys on Team Miranda.

So then the concert. Now each week, the concert/after-party experience has gotten a little more intense and crazy and last night topped the others by far. The Hot, Hottie, Hotterton (H3) was working thankfully but Braceface was there too. I tortured Gwyn during the concert by taking pictures of H3 and me and sending them to her while she was stuck at a middle school graduation. It was quite hilarious. I actually got to spend quite a bit of time talking to H3 and he’s a really fun guy. Braceface was sulking around the VIP section and I had to play nice with him because I wanted him to come out with me and my friends afterwards so he could pick up the bill like last week! LOL! Randomly all these old men kept wanting a hug or saying how pretty me and my girl who was helping bartending were, and one who is a concert regular, even started asking for kisses! Ew! I politely declined but I did let him kiss my cheek.

I ended up getting like eight girls to go out afterwards along with Braceface and H3. I also got H3’s number and he got mine LOL. Right before we all left the venue to walk down to the bar, I ran over and was talking one on one with H3 and I’ll be honest I was pretty brazenly trying to get him to kiss me. He’s just that hot! He had to run his work truck back and then he was going to meet up with us at the bar and before he left, I did get a big tight hug (blazing hot smoking on fire hard cut body!) and a quick pop kiss.

So we hit the bar and Braceface was pouting saying he wasn’t going to buy the drinks because I never give him a chance. So before H3 got there I had to flirt with him pretty hard and sit on his lap, and snuggle up to him and all that crap. It was pretty hilarious but it did get him to foot the bill! Some of the girls cut out early leaving just a few of us at the bar and then H3 showed up. Apparently, he’d been texting me but very unusually I had left my phone in my purse instead of carrying it around with me. So while I was buttering up Braceface one of the other girls was faux texting H3 as me LOL.

We hung out at the bar for a while longer and then the shots started being passed around. We did a bunch of something called a Washington Apple, which was quite delicious, and I even did a tequila shot and I never do those! H3 and I chatted a lot. I swear half the stuff that he said to me I never heard because I was sweating his body. Randomly, one of the older ladies who was out with us had too much to drink and passed out in the bathroom. It took us a while to discover that and then everyone left the bar except for me, H3, and of course Braceface. We started to wrap things up because it was getting pretty late and everyone had to work the next day. H3 had to leave beause he has to be at work at like 4:30 but I did get a big hug before he left. We texted for a bit after he left and I told him he was a punk because he didn’t really kiss me and he left me alone with Braceface. He said he’d try to make it up to me in the future.

So I had had way too much to drink to be able to drive right at that moment and here’s where the evening spun out of control. Braceface was going to drive me to my car so we went to his car. We sat there talking for a little bit, oh and by the way, Braceface is MARRIED! WTF! I told him he shouldn’t be cheating on his wife. I’m not going to make excuses, I was really drunk but I knew better than to play with Braceface. Next thing I knew we were kissing and then we were in the backseat (tinted windows) making out. It was stupid, stupid, stupid. I have no interest at all in this guy and he’s a little punk. If I were the kind of person who embarrasses easily, I’d be totally blushing right now. And quite honestly, if he’d pushed it I would have slept with him, which would have taken my stupidity to a whole new level. Fortunatley for me, he didn’t have any protection so it was a no go. OMG I can’t believe I made out with him like that!

So eventually we wrapped it up and he drove me to my car. I was really still too drunk to drive but I didn’t have a lot of options. Still, it was stupid for me to drive like that! I think I’ve only driven when I shouldn’t have 2-3 times in my whole life before last night. I’m lucky I wasn’t pulled because I definitely would have gotten a DUI. Braceface called me while I was driving trying to be all sweet and stuff but I wasn’t having it at that point. Then the DJ texted me. Remember him? The old guy? He’s actually 49 I asked for his license to verify his age LOL.

He asked me to stop by his bar on my way home to hang out for a bit. And for some stupid stupid stupid reason I agreed. I was clearly not thinking with any sort of common sense last night. So I get to the bar he’s at and it’s about 2 am so they are shutting down but we hung out inside for a while just talking. He grilled me again about Lawyer Boy and I finally started telling him about all the boys on my roster just to get him to shut up HA! After the bar was officially shut down, we sat out in his truck talking for a while longer. Then suddenly I found myself kissing him and making out. Yes, you read that right! In the span of 12 hours, I had wild sweaty sex with Sawyer; PG kissed H3, totally made out with Braceface in the backseat of his van, and then dry humped the DJ. About 3:30 I knew I had to head home or I would be making a terrible mistake so while I was slightly more sober now I very carefully drove home only to realize I’d lost one of my favorite very expensive earrings in the DJ’s truck. He swears he’s going to find it for me.

I mean really. What is wrong with me!!!!! That’s a ridiculous amount of action and bad decisions in a really short span of time. I was texting with College Crush this am and told him I think I need a keeper because I clearly have no common sense anymore or any sense of decorum. Could somebody please give me a swift kick in the ass? I think I need to grow up just a tiny freaking bit…

Miranda

PS - Ok, I just had to add....the making out with Braceface and DJ just wasn't worth it for a lot of reasons including the fact that they both have small trouser snakes.

2 comments:

  1. I suppose that's the difference between guys and girls. A guy would call that an excellent day :)

    Seriously, you're a single girl who's making up for lost times. Nothing to be ashamed of by my count (although I'm not the shining example of moral direction, so take THAT with a grain of salt).

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  2. I leave you unattended for one day and you not only steal H3 from me but you make out with a grandpa and a psuedo-teenage braceface? Glad I'll be there to chaperone this week. And those pictures of H3's butt and muscles were the only pieces of joy I experienced during my hostage graduation experience!

    -Gwyn

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