That Damn Radar Strikes Again

Friday night I went out to celebrate Miranda’s birthday – girls only so there wasn’t much man activity to report. Of course we all flirted our little tails off for free drinks, I even spent twenty minutes talking to some 25 year old guy about ‘mattress patterns’, ‘textiles’ and ‘the Chinese’ just to get one last rum and coke.

Apparently, as I usually do, I did a little bit of drunk texting Friday night because Saturday morning I awoke to a text message at 8am from my old booty call (the one who I drunkenly sleuthed his number of the Internet after Thursday night’s drunken debacle) saying “It’s cool. I’m single now lol.” I don’t know what I texted him on Friday night because I always erase my drunk texts right before I go to bed – it’s kind of like if I erase them they never existed (right?). The funniest part about this is that my former booty call is The Barber’s cousin. We actually met and dated back when I was about 22 years old and at that point The Barber wasn’t in the picture. We stopped dating but somehow or another we always manage to find each other in our times of need lol – although I haven’t seen him at all since I met The Barber. It wasn’t until The Barber and I started dating that I learned they were cousins, just my luck. He texted me all day Saturday and I kept it very G rated. I definitely can’t re-institute the booty call at this point in time but it’s nice to know he’s back on the market in case things don’t work out with The Barber. Side note: I got a text at midnight on Saturday from the booty call saying “What’s Up?”. What was up was I was waiting for The Barber to come over at that point….lol what have I gotten myself into?

Also on Saturday, I got a random picture message from a strange number about 9pm. The subject line read “Remember me?” I opened up the picture and there was The Inmate. He had snapped a rather funny picture of himself in the bathroom of the halfway house. I haven’t heard from him in about 3 weeks and his phone has been disconnected so I figured either he got in trouble or it was something with his girlfriend. I was so right. He said his girl and him broke up and she tried to run him over with her car, took his phone and took his car (he was driving her car although technically it was his because he bought it for her way back before he went to prison). I think I may be in trouble now that he doesn’t have a girlfriend but thankfully he doesn’t have a car either. He gets out of the halfway house on August 3rd so I’ve got about a month to formulate a plan for dealing with him. At this point I’m really not sure what I’m going to do.

Saturday evening I was texting with Miranda telling her about all these recent developments and discussing how happy I was that all the boy activity didn’t happen on Friday night when I was drunk and bound to make bad decisions. We were discussing how funny it was that some of the team who had been MIA decided to re-appear while I hadn’t heard from The Barber since Tuesday. Literally as soon as the text went through to Miranda my phone rang – it was The Barber. We talked for about a half hour and he told me he was going to come over and see me (I’m quite sure I drunk texted him on Friday night as well). Of course, I was thrilled. Also during this conversation he decided to put his youngest daughter on the phone with me. Granted, she is just getting to the age where you can actually have a conversation with her but still it threw me for a loop because I’ve never met her in person and he’s never let me talk to her before. He put her on the phone and told her to say “Hi Gwyn”. My real name is rather difficult to pronounce but she sure did try. Then after saying my name she started saying “Mommy?” repeatedly. I kept saying no this isn’t mommy and I could hear The Barber in the background laughing and telling her it was Gwyn not mommy. Talk about awkward, but I was happy he let me speak to her it made me feel special as silly as that may sound. He came over later that night and we had a blast talking and watching tv. He opened up a lot to me and told me some things he hadn’t before about his past, his family and the mother of his youngest daughter who he was in a relationship with before me. He stayed until about 3pm on Sunday afternoon. Once again, I was giddy and happy. We did have fantastic sex as we always do but something else happened that is still making me laugh. Ladies and gentleman for the first time since high school, I participated in a 69. For some reason doing the old 69 is just funny to me now. It’s confusing, I don’t know what to do – am I supposed to be enjoying myself or pleasuring him? It’s too much going on and lord knows I am the most easily distracted person on the planet. Last time The Barber came over he didn’t attempt the full blown 69, instead he literally kissed my ass for 10 minutes while I took care of him. This time I guess he figured he’d go for the whole enchilada lol.

One final piece to add, if you read Miranda’s post about Friday night you notice that we were over an hour late to her bday dinner. We were an hour late because I had to go get in a quick booty call with Truck Driver. That’s why I love Miranda – I told her to go ahead and leave without me but she stuck around, waited for me to come back to the house and was late for her own bday party just so I could get a taste of the microphone. Now that’s a friend.

I’m headed to the beach this weekend for my friend’s 30th birthday. Maybe I’ll have some new team members come Monday………..

-Gwyn