Thursday, June 17, 2010

It's All in the Luck of the Draw

Remember those Choose Your Own Adventure books from the 70s and 80s?  The ones where you “cast” yourself in the role of the protagonist and then had to make choices along the way while you were reading that either led to a great ending (usually with a monetary tie-in) or a death.  Well, said analogy is a rather good descriptor for how we’ve been perceiving our dating lives lately.

From our posts, you know we’ve both made some really good choices (re: Gwyn) and some really bad choices (re: Miranda) with our various team members.  Lately, quite a few of these choices have been tied to events occurring at or after our work concerts each Thursday.  Well, it’s Thursday and there’s another concert tonight where Gwyn and Miranda will be running the VIP bar.  An awful lot of our team players will be there.  Tonight, if played correctly, could go down as legendary.  LEGENDARY! However, if we make one wrong step along the way, it could end with severe penalties.

Another wrinkle to this story is that it’s Miranda’s birthday tomorrow so tonight officially kicks off the festivities.  You know some serious drinking will go down in the next 48 hours and where there’s drinking, there’s always lots of good stories and bad decisions.

Here are the potential players for tonight (you’re gonna need a logic model to keep up)  – Gwyn, Miranda, Lawyer Boy, Braceface, H3, Pool John & Cabana Boy, DJ, College Crush, and Budweiser Man.  Plus Cougar (an older lady friend from work)

The Gwyn & Miranda Win Scenario – If Gwyn and I (Miranda) play tonight just right, making all the right choices, and saying all the right things, this is what will happen.  I will be with Lawyer Boy all night.  He’s coming to celebrate my birthday with me!  Even told me last night he wants to bring me a gift, which I demurely said he didn’t need to, even though I really want him to!  So if all goes well, I’ll be able to focus on him while deftly pawning Braceface off on Cougar.  She went out with the group last week after the concert and has the hots for Braceface for some reason.  I told her I needed her to take him off my hands tonight (and forever!) since Lawyer Boy’s coming and because we need Braceface happy and coming to the bar since he picks up the tab.  In this scenario, Gwyn and H3 finally hook up and hang out!  No other boys make surprise visits to the concert (I really have to start censoring what I tell my team members about my schedule) and Braceface picks up the entire bar tab while also avoiding contact with Miranda as he is busy making out with Cougar all night.

The Gwyn & Miranda Lose Scenario – If all goes wrong, a whole lot of shit could go down.  Braceface could not be interested in Cougar, stomp around all night pouting, and eventually tell Lawyer Boy about his and Miranda’s little make out session last week.  Pool John & Cabana Boy could show up to see if Miranda really did blow them off or not (originally they were invited to the concert this week until Lawyer Boy said he was coming; then they were uninvited and told to come next week).  College Crush could show up unannounced for a surprise visit since Miranda has given him a guilt trip about not being able to see her on her birthday weekend.  Then when Lawyer Boy is taking Miranda home (if he didn’t leave her stranded after all her infidelity was revealed) he could want to stop off at the dive bar in her city and whom are we going to run into there… the DJ.  Bad, bad, bad.  Also in this scenario, H3 could say something to Lawyer Boy about Miranda hitting on him last week.  As any of the beer guys could tell Lawyer Boy about her outrageous behavior these last several weeks or so.  In addition, H3’s “sort of” girl (aka girlfriend we’re sure) could show up and want to throw down with Miranda for texting H3 or Gwyn for flirting with him tonight.  All of this would end up with an almost total implosion of Team Miranda, Miranda and Gwyn drunk as could be, footing the bill for our own alcohol, and stranded without a sober ride home.

The Gwyn & Miranda Get Played Scenario – I, Gwyn, need to give you a little background before setting up the final scenario.  A few weeks back you may remember mention of a ‘Budweiser Guy’ who was slightly obsessed with me after a fateful meeting at our work charity event.  Well, Budweiser Guy also got Miranda’s number so she and I decided to play a little game with him to figure out his real intentions.  Fast forward to last week and we busted him trying to get fresh with Miranda via text (when she asked what he was doing one day he said “You?” followed up by the classy “What?  Are you scared?), while also begging me for lunch dates and motorcycle rides.  Now, to give him credit he did claim to like me and did pursue me like a damn dog in heat but you know I wasn’t having that crap.  After endless apologies and attempts to get me to hear ‘his side of the story’, I was finally able to deter him by telling him “Well, you’re also a lot older than me and that is an issue you can’t fix.”  LOL I tell it like it is.  He responded that if I ever wanted to talk or anything to give him a call because he’s a ‘really nice person.’  Poor guy didn’t stand a chance. 

So, this means that up to this point between the two of us we have given our numbers and talked to every single beer guy who has worked the charity event – with the exception of the one with a cloudy eye. You can see where this is headed. We know they tell each other about our various interactions with all of them because Budweiser Guy indicated that in his many texts, it was even part of his ‘proof’ that Miranda tricked him into getting fresh.  Supposedly, Budweiser Guy is in trouble at work and not allowed to work the charity event anymore – so he shouldn’t be there tonight, God let us pray. However, it is entirely possible that Braceface and H3 lure Miranda and I to the bar tonight with H3’s muscles and hotness and Braceface’s credit card……we drink up quite a bar tab…..we flirt with them mercilessly ignoring Lawyer Boy who is probably off chatting up the DJs or has succumbed to his ADD……they whisper sweet nothings in our ears………..then they ditch us as retaliation for not only playing their boy Budweiser Guy but also for playing them.  We end up drunk, broke, and with no ride home.

So the million dollar question.  Will this night rule or suck?  Either way, it will make for a good story tomorrow.  Care to place a bet which way it will go?

1 comment:

  1. I have a sneak peek at the answer thanks to Miranda's drunken texts, but I can't wait to hear the rest - Happy Birthday Miranda!!!