Monday, June 14, 2010

Why Can't I Keep My Pants On???

I mean really.  So this weekend was supposed to be me being a good girl since I had the kids.  Going to bed early, not drinking, and certainly no boys.  Oh how it all went downhill…

First up Friday night.  I had to work late so any actual face-to-face boy play was out.  But College Crush (CC) was out with his friends and he got shitty drunk and was texting me the funniest stuff.  By about eight, I’d already started receiving mushy “I miss you and I think about you all the time” texts.  By 10, they had changed to even more mushy “I wish we could spend all our time together” texts.  Somewhere around midnight, they started getting dirty lol.  I was supposed to be sleeping by this point but it was just too entertaining.  I don’t think I’ve ever dirty texted before (email, now that’s a whole nother story) and it was quite fun.  By about three, the phone rang.  CC actually called me to finish our, ahem, conversation.  When all the dirty part of over, he was just talking about me in general when this little beauty popped out of his mouth, “You’re so great.  I mean, I just love you.  You’re so awesome.”  OMG!  The “L” word again!  First Lawyer Boy and now CC?!?  I merely said I thought he was awesome too, wrapped up the conversation quickly, and finally went to bed.

Saturday I had the kids early in the day and we spent most of the day by my mom’s pool.  I invited Josie (previously known as Melissa) and Dave over to hang out and we just chilled out for a while.  Of course, this is where the adult beverages came into play.  While we were at the pool, I was getting texted majorly by CC and by various girlfriends who know about my extracurricular activities wanting updates on various team members.  We ended up being chased in by a storm so I took the kiddos home and we actually made it to church!  And I didn’t burst into slutty flames the minute I set foot in the door LOL.  I was so freaking tired though from staying up talking to CC that it was all I could do to stay awake.  I actually dozed off during the final prayer and did one of those waking up with a starts where you hope no one noticed you just jumped out of your skin.

Afterwards I drug the kids out to dinner as an early birthday celebration for me (my bday is this Friday – holla) and out of the blue High School Crush started texting me up.  Things have been very much on the quiet side with him mostly because I know he’s just looking to hook up and while there is certainly a time and place for that, I clearly have enough bed buddies at the moment without adding him into the mix.  Randomly he told me he had a motorcycle – yes another guy with a motorcycle.  WTF!  The rest of the night was pretty quiet but I did get caught up in a vicious emailing cycle with a couple of cute guys I’ve been evaluating as team members on Plenty of Fish.

Sunday is where all hell broke loose yet again.  I invited Josie and her kid to come swim at my place this time.  We chilled by the pool for the entire freaking day drinking all my free beer I’ve been getting from those work concerts.  During this, we started hanging out with a couple of guys – Pool John and Cabana Boy.  Pool John was clearly digging Josie even after she told him she was quite happily married to a sex god LOL.  But he was a good sport about it and I think just enjoying her sarcastic company.  Cabana Boy is a fixture at my complex.  I’ve had a couple old ladies try to hook me up with him before.  He’s a nice guy and all but, I just haven’t been interested, he can’t even compare to any of my team members.  So anyways, he asked me out yet again and I just laughed it off.  But after drinking all day and watching him play with all the kids in the pool, I admit my beer goggles were on a bit.  An afternoon thunderstorm blew up and chased us all under the shelter where Pool John and Cabana Boy (CB) ordered pizza for everyone.  While they went to get money, I asked another of the ladies what CBs deal was.  She said he was a really good guy, very sweet, but that if I wasn’t looking for a relationship I shouldn’t get involved with him because he was ready to get married again – I should have taken note of this (mistake #1).

So we do the pizza and then swim some more.  Josie abandons me drunk at the pool to go home and be the good wife.  Eventually it’s about eight and everyone packs up and heads inside but not before I gave CB my number (mistake #2).  Now though my actions of late have been questionable, I’m a smart girl.  I know you don’t get involved with someone at your work or in your neighborhood.  I have no excuse for what came later.

So I get Ladybug ready for bed (Leo had gone off with Duckie to some sort of wrestling thing and was spending the night there)  and am drunkenly cooking what turned out to be very good chicken enchiladas when I get a text from CB saying he wants to come see me.  I answered sure and gave him my apartment number (mistake #3).  I hurried to get Ladybug in bed but he actually got there before I accomplished that fully.  So there was a boy in the apartment at the same time as my kid being awake (serious mistake #4).  So Ladybug goes to bed and suddenly I find myself (much in the same position I was in with CC last weekend) cuddling on the couch.  Then kissing on the couch, then a few other things (mistake #5).  The kitchen timer goes off, I take the enchiladas out of the oven, and then we went to the bedroom (serious mistake #6).

I know!  I know!  WTF!  Theoretically we went in there just because there was more room than on the couch but come on, with rare exception does anyone not end up having sex once a bed is involved.  The only consolation for my night of mistakes was the fact that 1 – he had a big Johnson and 2 – he knew what to do with it very, very well. 

Today we’ve exchanged a bunch of text and I’m trying to keep it friendly but I feel as what Gwyn called CC a “stage five clinger” coming on.  Of course, he just told me moments ago that his ex left him because they didn’t have the “fairy tale” relationship she wanted and she had had a bunch of people in her family die, including her DAD, right before they broke up.  Sounds eerily familiar huh?  I told him as much and said how weird I had had much of that happen in my life too.  Perhaps that will be the golden ticket to dissuading him.

At any rate, Gwyn says I clearly need a chaperone from now on when alcohol is involved and I’m very apt to agree with her.  Anyone care to apply for the job?



  1. Doesn't sound like that bad a consolation :)

    By the way, if you reread the Mistake List with Jason Stratham's narrator voice from Snatch in your head, it's really really funny.

  2. LOL too funny. He's still texting me but I think he's gotten the message we need to take about 50 steps back. A neighborhood booty call wouldn't be the worst thing in the world to have if he could keep it in check...


  3. The first time I leave you unattended at the work charity event, you find and make out with a married 'man' with braces.

    The next time I leave you unattended at the work event, you steal Hot, Hottie, Hotterton from me and make out with a 49 year old DJ.

    I let you go to the pool on your own (because Melissa or whatever her new name is is by no means a chaperone - not even close) and this happens.

    I'm slightly concerned at what may happen this weekend for your bday celebration - because although I will be there with you I will also be completely wasted, and wasted me is rarely a good influence.


  4. That is some of the funniest shit I've ever heard Gwyn! This weekend it's so on!


  5. LOL, I'll volunteer for chaperone, but I'm an enabler!!