Friday, June 4, 2010

The Funk Has Been Lifted!

OMG the funk has been lifted. Last night was ridiculous! RIDICULOUS! It was the perfect antidote to my funkiness from the last few days.

It was yet another of those concerts my work hosts and I was living out my bartender fantasy again (I’m seriously about one step away from trying to get a part-time job as a bartender). Flirting, chatting, and joking around with all the VIPs. Who should appear? Braceface! After I considered hiding behind my bar, I figured I should buck up and be friendly. He would barely talk to me at first and then he had some girl (who he worked with) that he was making this big show of flirting with and would look over and try to catch my eye every few minutes. Hilarious! Another volunteer told me Braceface had been asking her questions about me all night.

Meanwhile there was another Bud guy there helping out (sadly neither the Hot, Hottie, Hotterton or Gwyn’s Budweiser Man were there). This guy is a nice guy but he’s 46! We’re gonna call him BT because he referenced the city he lives in as BT which is hilarious. So as I tended the bar BT and Braceface were talking to me the whole night. Braceface’s fake girl left and then he started flirting with me big time. He’s so freaking full of himself! After hugging various drunken guys who thought it was funny to ask for a bottle hugger and then a hug, I almost hugged my work’s CEO – LMFAO. It was out of control.

So the event wrapped up and me and a couple of the girls were going to a club to meet up with Adam (one of the blog readers and one of Jules’ friends). Well Braceface and BT suddenly say to me, “Let’s go to a ballgame.” Very random. I told them we were heading to the club to meet up with a friend of mine and they could come with us. After they tried to convince me to go out with the two of them again they concede and said they’d go to the club. This of course was after BT slickly put his number in my phone and called his own phone so he’d have my number.

We got to the club and met up with Adam, which was cool to finally meet him in person. He and I have become chat buddies (nothing dirty you pervs!) and it was nice to put a real live face with a name. We all lined up at the bar and it was quite a motley assortment, especially when two redneck women I work with showed up to hang out. I bounced between talking to Adam, BT, and Braceface. I felt like a ping-pong ball (meanwhile College Crush was texting up a storm). BT did his best to persuade me he was the way to go and Braceface did his best to try to talk me into bed LOL. Eventually Braceface put his number in my phone and used the same trick of calling himself from my phone so he’d have my number – that’s like the 10th guy to do that, must be a new trick that’s come out in the last few years while I was an old married lady.

Eventually the Budweiser guys left and my girls left and me and Adam just hung out for a while making fun of the super short Asian girls who were grinding on the dance floor and the random African-American dude who was dancing up a storm by himself. During this time a blast from the past started texting me. A long time ago, I mentioned a guy called DJ (because well he’s a DJ) had contacted me via Plenty of Fish. He’s a little outside my general age range for dating but he was a nice guy so we chatted via email a fair amount. He’s actually the DJ at the random pseudo-biker bar Lawyer Boy and I crashed a couple weeks ago. I had introduced myself in person when Lawyer Boy and me were there. So DJ was texting me last night saying how boring it was and asking if I’d stop by. I told him I would. So Adam and I leave the club and not five minutes after I’m in my car headed to see DJ, then BT calls wanting to hook back up with me. I told him no I was going home and he asked me to call him this week and said he looked forward to spending more time with me at the next work concert. I hang up with him and like 30 seconds later who’s calling – Braceface. Same exact conversation almost to the word as with BT. It’s like they have one playbook they are working out of! I gave him the big NO to hanging out more that night and said I’d see him next week. Shessh!

So I get to the bar and DJ and me talk for about 30-45 minutes. He grilled me on everything from my favorite color to why my marriage didn’t work out. I finally told him to stop asking questions and hold an actual conversation with me. He thought that was pretty funny. DJ did spend a good bit of time questioning me about Lawyer Boy because he’d seen us together those two nights. Pretty funny! I helped him pack up his DJ stuff and then we spent another 30 or so minutes talking outside. After some finagling, he asked me out for next week and I told him I could see him on Wednesday, though now I can’t because I have a softball game. He asked for a hug as we said good night and I gave him one and as I pulled away dude tried to go in for the kiss! He caught me off guard and almost got one too! Thankfully, my reflexes kicked in in the knick of time and I gave him the cheek.

We texted for a while after I got home. DJ is really a nice guy, very funny, smart, pays me lots of compliments but he’s like 50! Yes 50! That’s really old in comparison to me! And because I’ve been on a Sex and the City reference kick lately, I just can’t help but think of that episode where Samantha dates an old guy and everything’s fine until she sees his ass and it’s a droopy wrinkly old man ass! I’m just not sure that I want to go there. Maybe it’s fate that I can’t go out next Wednesday. Plus, just from my experience with Motorcycle Man and Gwyn’s with Budweiser Man, these older guys seem all about falling straight into a relationship. And I’m not saying I wouldn’t stop all the boy playing if the right one kicked in to high gear and wanted a relationship but still. At least DJ heard me loud and clear that I was dating multiple guys.

Last night was just a testosterone-fueled frenzy of boys but it was fun! And it sure as hell beat the funk out of me! Now I’ve got Lawyer Boy on tap for tonight, a glorious day of baking in the sun tomorrow, and College Crush coming up for tomorrow night! Whew – I think I need a nap…


PS - What's with me and old guys????

PPS - I keep thinking that my life is crazy! I never in a million years would have imagined my life being like this after I left Duckie. I figured it'd be just seeing Sawyer occasionally and being alone. Now, I can't hardly get two seconds to myself! I keep catching myself saying, "This is really my life!?!?!?!"


  1. That sounds like a validating night. Play on playa!

  2. Had a blast! Glad I got to meet "braceface". I thought his toothpick behind the ear was classic!

  3. Guys making you call their phone so they have your number is definitely a recent trend...in fact The Barber did that to me the first night we met. I guess they finally figured out how to avoid getting fake numbers from girls!

    I'm sad to miss out on bartending again this week but I suspect you will do me proud again.


  4. Damn (looking at butt)!!!
    I gotta start exercising. Never knew that the "little old man" butt could be that devasting to your sex life!