Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Please Return to Hell

I don't get why men think they can come back after I've finished with them. If I've quit fucking you, I'm over it. I'm done...I've moved on. You really should too, otherwise it's just a little pathetic. Furthermore, if we chat and I haven't met you before now...there's probably a good reason and I'm not overly invested in trying again. Life is short, I'm getting older, and I have less patience. The last few weeks has brought a resurgence of former boy toys and contacts.  It's been really kind of overwhelming actually.

It started with "The Baby" and you guys know that tale. Then I got an email like 3 days after I hooked up with him from a guy I'd talked to earlier in the year and hadn't met yet either. He's cute, but he works insane hours and we just never found a time. We're talking about hanging out Thursday, though that remains to be seen. He's 25 and I'm kind of over men younger than 30 right now. Then, I got a random email from a guy that I totally don't remember talking to previously. He sent a email chain, but I've got nothing...so he must not be hot and I most likely blocked him from my mind after I saw his pic. Then we have Canada. He contacts me about once every 4-6 weeks to tell me how much he misses me and how he hates he screwed things up with me. I've quit responding but mostly recently he emailed me via PoF this week to tell me yet again the aforementioned things. The guy I went out with once that has 4 kids has been ever present lately too. We talk via IM and FB some, but he's kicked it up lately. I like him. He's a nice guy, but I have zero chemistry with him and well, he has four kids. Last but not least, we have Clark.

I've decided to give Clark his own paragraph. I was on yahoo IM today and he pops up. I am actually stupid enough that I replied, but I was curious since I hadn't heard a peep from him in almost a month. I'm feeling very strong about my resolve to not see him again, so I thought I would be ok (and I was). He starts off with how he misses me (specifically my ability to give great blowjobs) and he wants to see me. I told him I wasn't interested. He asked about Gavin and I told him he moved 4 houses up. Then he said something snippy about how I should just go be with him to which I replied, "Actually I'm seeing Owen today for lunch, so I'll probably wait until tomorrow to fuck Gavin.". I said this because I know how much he hates my relationships with them and I felt like being a bitch. So, he doesn't let it go at this and I'm laughing and texting with Miranda at this point telling her about this conversation. He says "I know you want to be with me because you gave them up for me (um, no I lied) and you told me that I was the best you'd ever had.".  (He is really good, but Owen is better...though at the time he needed the ego boost so I did say this but I was being nice.) I responded that "Yep, and then you totally fucked me over...good times." and you guys will be super proud...I signed off. Chew on that motherfucker.

Anyway, this whole thing spawned Miranda and I to have a discussion about the return of former men. She's decided to define boomerang boys as boys that we sort of still like, but are mostly finished with. We may give them one last chance before moving on. She called it the purgatory period. Then there are some men like Clark, who just need to go right straight back to hell and leave us alone.


  1. Good job on kicking him back to the curb. You have to wonder what some of these guys are thinking to be such assholes and then expect us to jump right back on their trail.


  2. What is that guy's problem?! Too bad there's no "She's just not that into you" book- you could mail it to him!