Wading Back In

I’m sure it’s no surprise that Coach and I are back together.  We’ve spent a ton of time talking and working through some issues.  I feel good about where things are and in large I feel like I’ve put the past behind us and I’m being much more open emotionally than I was before. I think we are both trying to treat each other with great care. 

We spent some time together last weekend and I went to his birthday dinner with his family where I got to meet his kids.  That was a very odd feeling let me tell you what.  We took my kids to play mini-golf and then Coach surprised me by staying in town an extra day and coming to my softball game.  He’s coming home again this weekend so we shall see how things progress but I am feeling really happy right now with both of us.  And truthfully, being with him just feels right.  It’s where I want to be right now and where I’m choosing to be. 

I know it’s hard to know the whole story because all you see here is what you read.  And even my girls Jules and Gwyn only know how I portray things. And I’ve talked on here about things that have been bad between us, how good the sex is, how good he is with the kids, how he blew my manifesto list out of the water. But I realize I’ve also done my typical hold back the emotional stuff so I’m going to try to change that.

I’m not ready to skywrite my feelings for the blog-a-sphere but I will say that my feelings for Coach are very true and deep.  I am not looking at it with rose colored glasses and I know we have some obstacles to overcome but I can honestly see the potential to end up sharing a life with him.  Putting aside the issues we both have to work on, we are very similar and I feel like I have more in common with him than any man I’ve ever met before.  So I’m willing to take some time and see where things go.  I’m willing to risk getting hurt if it doesn’t work out because the potential reward is much too great to pass up without feeling like I’ve put my whole self into the situation, which I don’t think I was doing before.

I started seeing the counselor I saw after my Dad died this week and it was some good validation for what I’ve been thinking and it brought up some interesting insights.  I already feel a lot more at ease about some of my insecurities just from my own introspection but I really want to address them with the counselor and make them go away as much as possible. I also want to learn some new relationship patterns so I can go forward not being afraid I’m going to keep repeating the same mistakes I made with Duckie. 

I told the counselor about my manifesto list and she said she was very impressed I’d taken the time to do that.  She also encouraged me to create a manifesto list for myself – sort of the things I like and don’t like about Miranda. Then she said if I was really brave I’d ask Coach and my sister to create manifesto lists about me as well.  She said seeing what I thought compared to what they thought could be really eye opening for me and help me address some of my insecurities.  I don’t know if I’m that brave yet but the idea is certainly tempting me…

Miranda