My attempt at monogamy is wearing dangerously thin due to a lack of attention on FJB’s part. I’m trying so hard to give him room and not be all “in his face” or whatever but he’s still a little bit too distant for my taste. I mean we email a few times during the day and I may or may not get a phone call or IM at night. That’s about it folks. Nothing else since our Saturday/Sunday date. And you know me, Ms. Attention Whore.
I’ll admit I started answering the texts of both College Crush and Twin the last few days. I’m keeping it light and chatty but I felt like I was going cold turkey on the attention front and I’m sure I’ll live to regret it, but I needed a hit. I was jonesing bad!
I will also admit that yesterday when I pulled up to pick up Leo from afterschool and realized the superhot guy who ran his summer camp was running the afterschool program I felt my “sign” immediately go on. His tall, dark, fine self rolled right up to me as I was signing Leo out and commenced with the complimenting and flirting and I gave it right back. Yes, I know. I’m a dirty, dirty attention whore. Get over it! He’s just too fine. I will even admit that as I drove home chuckling how I was trying to be good and here was temptation being thrown in my face, I was also thinking about just what to wear today to kick it up a notch for him.
Last exhibit on the Miranda’s Monogamy Hall of Shame list is the fact that I unhid my profile on PoF. I’m not intending to do anything with it, but I just felt like I should open it back up.
I can tell this inactivity on FJB’s behalf is setting me back emotionally as I regress back to a 16 year old girl and I can only deal with so much anxiety and self doubt before I start building up my defenses and figuring out back up plans b, c, d, e, f….
I don’t know what to do! I’m frustrated! I mean I know it’s still early on with FJB and while he has shown clear signs of liking me, he’s moving too slow! I did break my Gwyn character today and told him via email that I was free Saturday night as the children had other plans and suggested we hang out.
I mean hell, I only get every other week free, and you’d think he’d figure that out and try to make the most of the childfree time I have. Shit, as I typed that I had to recognize the fact that we only went for the “first” time again a week ago yesterday.
Clearly, I need to get over myself. I’m going to need a whole prescription of xanax before this thing with FJB goes anywhere.