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Thursday, September 2, 2010

My Name is Miranda and I'm an Attention Whore

My attempt at monogamy is wearing dangerously thin due to a lack of attention on FJB’s part. I’m trying so hard to give him room and not be all “in his face” or whatever but he’s still a little bit too distant for my taste. I mean we email a few times during the day and I may or may not get a phone call or IM at night. That’s about it folks. Nothing else since our Saturday/Sunday date. And you know me, Ms. Attention Whore.

I’ll admit I started answering the texts of both College Crush and Twin the last few days. I’m keeping it light and chatty but I felt like I was going cold turkey on the attention front and I’m sure I’ll live to regret it, but I needed a hit. I was jonesing bad!

I will also admit that yesterday when I pulled up to pick up Leo from afterschool and realized the superhot guy who ran his summer camp was running the afterschool program I felt my “sign” immediately go on. His tall, dark, fine self rolled right up to me as I was signing Leo out and commenced with the complimenting and flirting and I gave it right back. Yes, I know. I’m a dirty, dirty attention whore. Get over it! He’s just too fine. I will even admit that as I drove home chuckling how I was trying to be good and here was temptation being thrown in my face, I was also thinking about just what to wear today to kick it up a notch for him.

Last exhibit on the Miranda’s Monogamy Hall of Shame list is the fact that I unhid my profile on PoF. I’m not intending to do anything with it, but I just felt like I should open it back up.

I can tell this inactivity on FJB’s behalf is setting me back emotionally as I regress back to a 16 year old girl and I can only deal with so much anxiety and self doubt before I start building up my defenses and figuring out back up plans b, c, d, e, f….

I don’t know what to do! I’m frustrated! I mean I know it’s still early on with FJB and while he has shown clear signs of liking me, he’s moving too slow! I did break my Gwyn character today and told him via email that I was free Saturday night as the children had other plans and suggested we hang out.

I mean hell, I only get every other week free, and you’d think he’d figure that out and try to make the most of the childfree time I have. Shit, as I typed that I had to recognize the fact that we only went for the “first” time again a week ago yesterday.

Clearly, I need to get over myself. I’m going to need a whole prescription of xanax before this thing with FJB goes anywhere.

Miranda

2 comments:

  1. Hmmmm...well I think you can guess my advice. I would go back to being me until FJB picked it up and decided to commit. I'm willing to give the old monogamy thing a go, but only if you're providing the appropriate attn that goes along with this. Otherwise, I'm out there! I wouldn't turn down anymore fun just yet, especially since you told him how you feel about him!!
    -Jules

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  2. The key to success with a non-clingy, non-attached type of guy like FJB (and I know this because I am the female version of FJB and I date the FJB-type guys quite often) is SELF CONFIDENCE.

    Don't take the distance personally, that's not what it is. It's a difference in preference of the other person. He likes you but he doesn't feel the need to be around you all the time or even talk to you every day. In this case, it's really not you, or any girl for that matter, it's him.

    The tricky part is deciding if it's something you can deal with and still be happy. For me, it works. For you, it may be more of a challenge but I certainly wouldn't get discouraged so soon.

    -Gwyn

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