Where Do I Begin??

I hardly know where to begin this tale. Wednesday night, Clark and I texted briefly for us...about an hour. He seemed distant like he was busy at work and when I asked about it, he said there had been a lot of fighting at home that day. I let it go and told him I was going to sleep, since I've had precious little sleep the last few weeks. I was surprised to wake up Thursday morning to no messages from him. I didn't dwell on it too much and headed off to school. Gavin called me during class and I called him back at some point. We chatted briefly but his phone cut out. I swear I'm tempted to BUY the man a new phone...seriously.

During my last class, I get two phone calls from a local number and when I checked the voice mail they were frantic calls from Clark. Clark had told his gf the night before (Wed) that he no longer wanted to be in a relationship with her and she'd retaliated. Since I have no idea how smart big brother is, I won't go in details...but it's bad. He asked me if I would come see him after class. Of course I did and I spent the night in the barracks in a twin sized bed...fun times. I mean the sex that night and then this morning was AWESOME, but sleeping in a twin bed is ridiculous enough as an adult, but with another person it takes on a whole new level. I finally moved to the other twin bed for about 2 hours and got about an hour of sleep there.

I'll say it though...the sex was worth it. Let a man think he might got to prison and holy fuck he will take things to a whole new level. He was very verbal too, asking me things like "Are you falling in love with me?" right as I'm cumming...what's a girl to say to that? Um, yeah I fucking love you right this second, hard core. Ask me again when the endorphins slow down though. At one point, he also told me he wants to spend the rest of his life with me...it was a very emotional night. The police have his phone, so our contact is sporadic right now. I have not heard from him since I left this morning. I did tell him that after today, I'm off until Wednesday and would be as available for him as he wanted. My heart really goes out to him right now. I'm secretly dying to talk to him and hear how he's doing today.

I saw a side of him last night though as my phone was blowing up. He hated it and assumed it was all men calling. One text was from Chloe, who I called back in front of him. One call was from Gavin, who I went outside and called back and let him know that I was out. He went to Kauai today with his son and called me again this morning to check in and to tell me that he'll keep me posted on his son's progress this weekend. As much as I try to deny it, I do think I have feelings for Gavin too (which I'm sure is obvious to you guys), but it's one of those things that I just don't see progressing...ever. I see things going somewhere with Clark. I believe in my heart of hearts that he did not do what she's accusing him of and that she's a spiteful bitch. I think the truth will come out in the end, but who knows what will happen in the interim, so I suppose I'm keeping my options open so to speak with Gavin all while letting him know that I am seeing other people as well.

Now to top off this entry, which I should have entitled "The Queen of the Whores", Owen texted me last night in the midst of class too. A friend have given him this ridiculously long cucumber. He sent me a pic and a text saying he wanted to give it to me. (He was being funny in case that doesn't convey.) Apparently it got his mind going though, he emailed me last night to see if I could meet up with him tonight on his way home from work. It just so happened that I could and we had some seriously hot sex. The man can literally make me cum within minutes of being in his presence. He's changed his game up some too and is trying new things. I'm usually not a big fan of oral sex. I need penetration to cum (tmi). Usually when he goes down on me, it gets me wet but that's about it...tonight he provided all aspects and the results were favorable. This all happened in the first few minutes of being with him. It just got better! Clark has asked me to give up certain aspects of my life to be with him (which hopefully will work out in the end). I can give up the partying...I don't know that I can give up Owen. My addiction to him may be too strong.

I was looking forward to a quiet Labor Day weekend with Gavin on another island and Clark home with his gf and Owen being Owen. Well, Owen kicked it off right. I'm sure I'll end up spending more time in a twin bed with Clark and Gavin will probably call me at the most inopportune times to update me, but I have to say I love my life and I really am enjoying my current boys despite their drama! Clark's concerns me but I'm trying to have faith that things will work out in the end. He said this to me last night as we were laying there with his arms wrapped tightly around me, obviously scared to death..."I'd ask you to pray for me, but since neither of us believes in God I guess it's not worth trying.". I don't believe in God. I do believe in the universe and I've been asking for things to work out since I found out. If you believe in God, I am asking you to say a short one for him because he's a good guy in a really shitty place. Damn, now I feel guilty about seeing Owen tonight.
-Jules