I was dishonest last night and I've felt guilty about it today...not guilty enough to fess up to the person I lied to, but guilty all the same. Clark and I met up last night after I got out of class. He took me out to dinner and then we went to his favorite sex toy shop. I am so into this guy it's not even funny. Immediately after picking him up, I went down on him while he was driving. He said he's never cum while driving before...he can't say that honestly anymore. During our outings, we were all over each other and at one point he asked if I'd seen my other guys and I lied. I don't know why I lied, but I totally did. Ok, I know...I like him A LOT and I do not want to lose him by being honest, but I"m also not sure where this is going yet, so I'm not ready to cut the others until I know.
We did a lot of future talking last night about him eventually (like months from now!) living with me, the holidays, him staying in HI, and what he plans to do after the military to remain here (school). We had really great conversation that did include him asking me about school and a lot of other things in my life. I'm so afraid to actually commit to these feelings. I feel like we are worlds apart sometimes. He's going out Saturday night with a friend of his that is turning 21. OMG, the last 21st birthday party I went to was my brother's...6 years ago and before that, I think my own. All of my friends are either my exact age or older...this is a new world order. Then other times, I feel like we are so on the same page. Last night it was so natural being with him and not just during the sex parts. The sex is A-M-A-Z-I-N-G. I mean amazing like I could give up Owen and be totally satisfied. We had fantastic sex last night, fell asleep for a few hours, woke up, and had more fantastic sex this morning.
With Russell sex was very clean and almost clinical...we had to shower, we had to brush our teeth, etc. With Clark he could care less if I have morning breath, he is going to totally kiss me deeply. He told me last night that he has to go to CA for training October 2-November 7. I think this will be a great time for me to get the other boys out of my system and see where this leads when he gets back. So here it is folks if we're still seeing each other in November when he comes back, I'm going to work on being monogamous with him. Yes, I like him this much and by that time we'll be 3 months into this. I should have a better gauge at that time where we're headed.