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Thursday, September 2, 2010

Negotiations and Love Songs


As are most of my days and nights lately, yesterday was another strange one. I think the word I’m looking for is surreal though, not so strange I guess. It started out with Gavin calling me and inviting me to go to the beach. He said he had an errand to run and would call me right back and we’d figure out which beach. I’m still not overly keen on being out in public around the North Shore with him after the dirt bike track incident, but I figured the beach might be ok. I called him back about 30 minutes later because I hadn’t heard from him and he told me he couldn’t go b/c he was headed  home to make sure his house wasn’t on fire. What?? It turns out there was a HUGE brush fire right near where he lives. I started to go over there to see if I could help him do anything and about half way there I remembered that I’m not his girlfriend, so I went to the beach instead. I called about 2 hours later and he didn’t answer. I did see on the news that it didn’t hit any homes (thankfully), but I told Miranda this morning I’m willing to bet money that he used this as an excuse to move his stuff out of there quickly and into the girlfriend’s house. I think he will be miserable (and I say this from an objective standpoint…really), but I also think he needs to see this for himself yet again. It’s clear that he’s a slow learner, bless his heart.

Clark started texting me as soon as he got to work. Now I’m not one to discuss my feelings a lot, as we all know, but I’ve been pushing him a little since this thing on Monday about not seeing him for a little while. If I’m just going to have text contact with you for the foreseeable future, I need to know the end game. I asked him point blank last night if this was really a life he could see himself in and by that I meant being with me, having Chloe around, staying in Hawaii, living in the community that I live in, and not re-enlisting. He assured me that it is and that he really wants to be with me. He’s saying all the right things right now. Then he asked if I’d seen Owen that day since he knows Tuesday mornings are Owen time. I told him no and he said it really upsets him how much I like being with Owen. I told him again that I don’t have feelings for Owen, just really great chemistry. Clark has really been going back and forth on this monogamy thing. Basically I think he wants me to be, but he wants to be free to do whatever and that’s not how I roll. He’s gone back and forth from telling me that I’m all he needs to asking if he can see girls with me just for oral. Finally last night, he told me that he doesn’t want me to see Gavin or Owen anymore and that I can see guys we arrange together, but he doesn’t want me to see anyone that I connected with before him. Jealous much?

I’m on the fence about what to do. We had a very long, very intimate conversation last night, which resumed as soon as I woke up this morning (4 hours later). I feel things are heating up and moving in a positive direction, but I’m really not ok being told who I can and can’t see by a guy that’s still living with his gf. I think I’ll probably continue to see them for now just when it happens while this plays out and if/when things get to a point with Clark that I feel he’s really going to commit to me, I’ll stop. If I had the ability and willingness to be monogamous, I guess we would have picked another name for this blog.
-Jules

2 comments:

  1. Seems to me like Clark may have some control issues. That's not a bad thing, Lord knows I have a ton of my own, but knowing how independent and strong willed you are I'd think it could cause some tension if you were in a serious relationship with him.

    I will say, though, that it seems like he's trying to squash his issues and allow you to be you which is awesome! I'm betting you guys will be able to come up with some sort of arrangement that works for you both. I mean, hell, if you can make your current situation manageable then Clark should be a piece of cake!

    -Gwyn

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  2. Excellent observation - he does have huge control issues which was one of our problems before...well that and I was staying married at the time. ;)
    I'm not picking out china patterns just yet, but I do really like him. While I'm extremely independent, it would be nice to not have to make ALL the decisions in life, which is what I did with Russell (something he claimed to like until I told him I wanted a divorce, then he said I was controlling...lol).
    -Jules

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