So a few months ago, I stumbled upon the movie “He’s Just Not That Into You” on TV and I was quite intrigued by it. It was a pretty accurate portrayal of your average girl’s behavior and really made me want to hunt down the book to see how it compared. I quickly forgot about finding the book as life got busy with all my power dating but last weekend I managed to get my hands on a used copy of the book.
It’s a very short, quick read and it’s pretty freaking awesome. It’s kind of presented as a Q&A with questions from women with the book’s authors answering the questions. Now I’m far from a “self-help” book about men's behavior kind of girl, but this book is like your conscious speaking directly to you. None of what’s covered is earth-shaking or new territory but it pretty much says what you’ve been trying to avoid thinking.
Basically, the book says we, women, make up a lot of bullshit excuses for men’s behavior because we just don’t want to believe they don’t love us. We say they are really busy, distracted, or overwhelmed with work and that’s why they can’t possible call us or see us when they say they will. We say they’ve been really hurt in past relationships or they like us so much it scares them and that’s why they just want to be “friends” or why they won’t commit to us. We make excuses and cover-up bad behavior by saying our guys are “different” when they are alone with us, that he broke up with us because he was scared, or that he’s so unhappy in his marriage it’s ok to be in a relationship with him. I could go on and on.
Ultimately, our women friends create, analyze, and reinforce those excuses and reasons that we come up with because, well hell, maybe part of it is being nice and wanting to support your girlfriends but mostly I just blame it all on the estrogen, which clearly makes us crazy.
The bottom line is that men are not complicated and there are no mixed messages. If he doesn't ask you out, call you soon after a date, or want to come inside with you after a date, then he's just not that into you. If he only wants to hang out when he’s drinking, if he’s married, or if he keeps going MIA, then he’s just not that into you. Essentially the book is trying to remind women that we need good boundaries and to remember that if he's just not that into you, it's not your problem, it's his, and you need to let him go.
So reading this book while fascinating did come with a few figurative smacks to back of my head for me. Clearly, I made tons of excuses for Lawyer Boy’s lack of attention. I overlooked IT’s bad behavior until it was just scary. FJB got a pass on his non-communicative tendencies and inability to make plans. Need I go on?
Every time I sit down and write a new post, I endeavor to be as truthful and honest as possible. But even then, I edit things, I present guys in a better light, I try to cover up some of my missteps. The reality is that all these guys that I’ve “liked” and it hasn’t worked out, they have just not been that into me. And instead of giving them one more moment of my day thinking about them, wondering what I did wrong, trying to figure out ways to win their favor back, I’m just going to accept the fact that they just weren’t into me. And damn it, I deserve someone to be into me. I already settled for 10 long years with Duckie and I’ll be damned if I’m ever going to settle again.
So what does this all mean? Basically, I’m going to move forward and try to only stay involved with guys who are clearly into me. I’m going to stop making excuses for shitty behavior and as quickly as possible excommunicate anyone in my life that doesn’t seem “into me.” Along with our week of non-initiating communication, this book has pretty much changed the game for me and I’m kind of loving it. Remind me of that next time I’m whining about a boy who’s not behaving the way I want please!
In other news, last night was another work concert and I actually was well behaved – LOL! We went to a local bar after the concert, one of my favorite VIP’s was there, and he came over to our booth, sat down, and started talking to me. He started telling me how amazing, beautiful, and intriguing I was. He said our 20-year age difference didn’t bother him and all he was looking for was a beautiful woman to have great conversation with. He said he’d love to take care of me and support me in whatever way I needed, financially or otherwise, and just be his companion. LMFAO! That’s right, he straight up offered to be my sugar daddy!
I’ll be honest and say I thought about his offer for about half a minute. Then I looked at his saggy pouches under his eyes, he’s enormous beer belly, the liver spots on his arms, his chrome dome on top (not to mention the fact that he’s a good 5 inches shorter than me), and I had to decline in the nicest way possible. No money is worth that!