Anything You Can Do We Can Do Better

So anyone who read my answers to yesterday's TMI questions should be able to tell that I'm a bit of a sourpuss lately. Yes, my hormones are playing a role but so are all the stupid boys (yes, boys not men) in my life. Frankly, I'm getting really tired of spending so much time thinking, writing, dreaming about them and even fucking them. So....I've decided to take on another little experiment of sorts and Miranda has agreed to join me.

Starting today, September 15th, we will not initiate contact with any members of our man teams or with any prospective members of our man teams. Under no circumstance will we contact these boys unless we are contacted first and, even then, only if a response is 'required'. Below are a couple of examples of how these rules work, in case any of our female followers are interested in joining the experiment.

The following types of texts are not to be responded to under any circumstances:

• "Hey baby. Just thinking about you. Hope you're having a good day!"
• "Good morning sweetie!"
• "Sweet dreams."
• "I can't wait to see you again."
• "I will take your head in my hands and kiss the f**k out of your mouth." (Miranda this one clearly only applies to you and Grandpa Twin)

The following types of texts may be answered with a reply, but a brief one that asks no additional questions unless absolutely necessary:

• "Are you busy this weekend?"
• "Can I see you tonight?"
• "What would you like to do on our date? Go sailing the Riviera or catch a Broadway play?"
• "Are you ready for me?"
• "Do you need some money?"

Now, the rules for phone calls are more cut and dry. We will not make ANY phone calls to any boys under any circumstances unless (a) our car breaks down and/or tire goes flat and we don't feel like changing it ourselves, that's right we can change it if we want to but we'd rather not or (b) something heavy is on top of us and we can't get it off. Miranda is also allowed to initiate contact with Duckie for any reason. We are allowed to answer calls from boys and return calls as well, but only if the boy leaves a voicemail asking us to do so. If it is simply a missed call, we will not call back.

I have to go to a wedding at the beach this weekend which involves an open bar; I'm guessing that's going to be the time I'm most tempted to break the rules. The only good news is I tend to lose my phone when I drink at weddings because my clutch is never big enough to fit it (I mean come on I gotta fit my Newports and my lip gloss in there) so I end up carrying it in my hand and I always set it down somewhere and can't remember where I left it.

So keep your fingers crossed for us blog readers. You know how much Miranda loves attention and with my ADD and dislike of face-to-face interaction this could be harder than we think.

-Gwyn aka Hormonal Bitch