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Saturday, September 11, 2010

Insecure Moment

Yesterday was a crazy boy day with all three of them. There must be something in the stars right now b/c they were on it. Owen emailed me in the morning to tell me how great Tuesday had been and that he was feeling so horny today. I took that as my cue to see if he wanted to meet up on his way home. We talked about it for a while, but in the end we both had time schedules that just didn't mesh. We are definitely on for Tuesday though and he's brought up the idea of a threesome with a girl again, so we're having a photo shoot to put some pics on CL. (Incidentally, Gavin also wants me to post an ad for us on CL advertising "Live Porn" b/c he's convinced people will want to just watch us fuck and pay for it.)

Gavin had started calling me at work yesterday to ask if I wanted to hang out last night. I told him Russell was home and so my place wasn't an option. I told him Russell is working tonight and Sunday night and suggested those as better options. He called me again once I got home and asked what I was up to, which at that point included drinking wine and reading a cookbook on my front porch (exciting times). I again told him later this weekend would be a good time for us to see each other. He calls back (seriously) about 20 minutes later to invite me to dinner, but I was in the process of making dinner for everyone here and couldn't go. I'll skip ahead in the story a little and tell you that he then calls back AGAIN about 10pm, but I let that one go to voicemail, which he decided not to leave and then I had to explain who was calling me.

Now, Clark and I had talked about hanging out last night and by about 8:15 when I hadn't heard from him, I was pretty pissed. I had expected him to call me from some friend's phone earlier to arrange plans. I sent him an IM, which is not something I'm apt to do, saying "Haven't heard from you, have plans with friends, guess I'll see you next week sometime.". He replied I want to see you, I just didn't have a way to contact you b/c I erased our emails. I was like whatever since I know he has my phone number memorized, but it seems he didn't have anyone around to borrow a phone from and to his credit if you are IMing/emailing my cell, it requires more than just my number...so I let it go and got over being pissy somewhat.

I'd had enough wine though that I started to ask some questions. I told him that if he's asking me to give up all of these things in my life to be with him, I need to feel like he's interested. He said he's definitely interested and that not only does he LOVE the sex, but he also loves spending time with me. (Score 1 for him.) I told him I felt like before he left the gf, he seemed far more enamored by me and now that he has the opportunity to be with me, he's seemingly less enamored. (I get bold when you put a few glasses on wine in me.)

He said that I'm way off base with that and that he's very into me and that if he wasn't he wouldn't have spend the night with me Wednesday before his big test at work, he wouldn't have taken me to his favorite place to eat the other night, etc. (Score 2 for him.) So, he asked me to come see him and I told him it was getting late and he had to work at 6am and was he sure? He said "Of course, I'm sure, but hurry!". (Score 3 for him.)

I get to base and I've taken a Xanax as well at this point per his request b/c he says it loosens me up to allow him to do things I won't always agree too, like just hard core sex stuff. I was kind of out it, but I remember having more discussion prompted by him about how I shouldn't be insecure about us, that he really likes being with me, and that I make his dick harder than it's ever been for someone (lol, ok...thanks?). We fooled around a little bit, but no actual sex. He said he just wanted to sleep with me and cuddle. If any other guy had said that to me and if I hadn't had some wine and Xanax I would have thrown up. He said it and I loved it. His point was to prove that he really does like me outside of the sex...neither of us came, we just slept.

Well, that's what I found out this morning. I had to ask what happened last night and he said we really did just sleep and cuddle, that he had just wanted me to be there and that was enough. I woke up this morning and blew him before I left. He was shocked saying that most women want something in return. I told him I think he's giving me plenty right now and it was my pleasure to make him happy before work. I apologized for my insecure moment and he said it was ok, that I'm a girl and allowed to have those, but it's not necessary with him. Ya'll I think I'm in trouble with this one. I hope he doesn't hurt me in the end, but he's right on it right now.

We talked about his CA trip as well last night and I told him that after he gets back, I think I'll start to slowly introduce him to Chloe. He's alone here on this island and he says he doesn't get along with his family at all, so I'd like for him to spend some of the holiday time with us which is the reason for this. We'll see how that flies with Russell as well. He likes Clark, so it may be ok.
-Jules

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