So this weeklong challenge of not initiating contact with boys has been quite interesting. It has given me a lot of time to do some thinking about what I want and what I’ve been getting. Coupled with the fact that I stumbled upon an actual hard copy of the book, “He’s Just Not that Into You” which has provided peals of laughter and some slaps in the face, I think perhaps I’ve been barking up the wrong proverbial trees.
So since we started this challenge, I’ve been pretty good. Other than 1-2 random drunken texts, I haven’t initiated ANYTHING. I know, pretty impressive for ole’ Miranda. Who have I heard from this week? Wooderson and Tiny Baby Head just a couple times, but mostly from Hot Chocolate, Twin, and College Crush.
Now Hot Chocolate called me out one day via phone and asked me how I was feeling about him. The trust is pretty freaking ambivalent. I think more than anything I’m realizing he was my rebound guy from FJB. He is a very nice guy and he’s very attractive but honestly, I’m just not feeling the desire to take things any further with him. He talks, A LOT, and he hardly every asks questions about me beyond “How was your day” and “What are you doing” which just are not up to par. He’s known I was pulling way back but he has been biding his time. I actually cut him from the team yesterday. I told him it was just too complicated with him being with Leo, that Leo was already asking why we talked so much, and that I had real concerns about what Duckie would do when he found out. I mean I’d be pretty uncomfortable if the girl Duckie was dating was keeping our kid 3 hours a day. And as good as things have been with Duckie, I really don’t want to test the waters and have things go back downhill. Hot Chocolate said he was fine with however I wanted to leave things.
College Crush and I have been very up and down the last few weeks but we had this really good, long text conversation on Sunday. Basically it amounts to the fact that we both have a ton of fun together but the distance/scheduling issues (we live about 1.5 hours apart) always bite us in the ass. I told him I was open to seeing him again but he would have to ask me, I wasn’t just going to invite myself down to hang out with him. Randomly, Monday my horoscope said a whole bunch of stuff about surprising things coming up from a friendship and that I shouldn’t rule anyone out just yet. WTF?
Twin has been the most consistent communicator. I’m actually growing quite fond of my Grandpa Twin (we add in the Grandpa when we’re talking about his name, which is one of the oldest sounding names ever). Realistically I’m very skeptical that it would amount to full-blown relationship but you never know. I think we both bring good things to the table – I definitely lighten him up and he calms me down LOL – and we both know that distance/scheduling is an issue here too (we live about an hour apart). I do think Twin needs some more time to process his divorce before he’s going to authentically be ready to be involved with someone and not just rebounding so I’ve intentionally taken it very slow with him. I have agreed to see him this Saturday and I’m traipsing down to his neck of the woods so that should be entertaining to say the least.
I failed to mention that Sawyer is back and trying hard to get back in my good graces – and bed. I am happy communicating with him via email right now but I’m not going to let it go further. The bottom line is he’s married and no matter what I think/feel/say/do, I need to respect that. If he ever actually leaves his wife, we can talk about “us” but not until then. He has greatly toed the line of “I miss you,” “I want to be with you,” etc this week though.
I will say most of my compulsion to initiate texting exchanges is gone now and I certainly have been able to easily resist contacting FJB or any of the other boys from the past. I’m learning to be ok with my phone being “quite” and frankly, I’m very curious to see how my text usage drops overall lol. I’m a big texter – like close to 5,000 a month!
I’ve had the kids this past week so we shall see if this newfound sense of peace and Zen continues into the upcoming kid free week. Keep your fingers crossed. Learning to be “alone” is clearly something I’ve needed to work on and I think this is a good start.
I’m going to save the “He’s Just Not That In To You” topic for my next post but let’s just say it’s going to be eye opening.