A Zen Approach

Well here’s a lesson in being careful what you ask for, because sometimes you may just get it! Last night, I posted something on FB about letting the universe sort out this boy situation for me so that I didn’t have to put a lot of effort into it myself. It answered quickly! I received a text from Clark this morning saying that he has a new supervisor at work that knows his gf and therefore we can’t meet out while he’s at work anymore…which was the only way we were able to see each other. So, I have no idea where this is going to go now. I’m not going to just sit around and wait for her to decide to leave him. I fully understand why he can’t leave her (or why he feels like he can’t), but frankly none of it is my problem. Our conversation was pretty quick this morning because by the time I woke up and answered his text, he was getting ready to go home. I’m sure he’ll text me more tonight and we’ll discuss it further, though I’m not sure what there is to discuss at this juncture. I’m just glad it happened now and not later when we were further into things. Plus, I’m not sure that I really want to be with a man that can’t own responsibility for his actions and handle his affairs. If we are meant to be together, we will. The universe crossed our paths again for a reason, I just don’t know the reason yet.

I feel that way about Gavin too. I’m really not sure where things are going with him either. We’ve been doing this thing for about 6 months now and he’s pretty hot and heavy at the moment. As I’ve said I think time will tell regarding whether or not he moves in with his gf, which would be my luck this week. However if that happens, then clearly it’s my sign that we really aren’t meant to be together either, which is what I tend to believe to be true. I just can’t seem to shake this attraction I have to him. He just called and invited me to lunch since he’s in town today. I declined because I only have an hour and my boss already invited me to share something she brought in. I did tell him Russell is working late again tonight and he can come hang out later if he wants. If that happens, this will be the 4th night in a row.

I received an email today from Adam explaining why he’s been MIA from my life for the past few months. It appears he’s concerned about my recent behaviors, though I did point out to him that he disappeared before any of this summer’s drama really came into effect. It did make me think though that if you just read the blog and don’t know my day to day life or bother keeping in touch beyond this, I can see where you would be concerned. If any of you that know me are also worried, rest assured I’m fine. I have been using some recreational substances with Gavin from time to time, but I’m pretty busy these days and I’m definitely keeping it in check. Russell and I are getting along really well at the moment and have seemed to find some balance in this crazy situation. Things are looking up and I’m just going with the flow and letting the universe guide me where it wants. I may not always like it, but I know things will work out in the end and if not, it’s not the end.
-Zen Master Jules