Clearly I Think I'm 25 Again...

I was talking to my bff today about our lives and it became apparent that we are both still in (or have reverted back to) the mindset that we are 25. I guess I should say 23 because when I was 25, I was married and not acting quite like I am these days, although I did cheat on Russell twice early on. This is something I've never admitted to him or on this blog before. Once when we were engaged, I hooked up with an old crush of mine. Once right after we got married, I hooked up with an old friend of his. From that point on though, I honestly was a faithful wife until August 2007. Both were one time things...well, the crush of mine was a repeat but not a repeat while I was with Russell. We are "celebrating" our 10th anniversary on Thursday. He actually wants to take me to dinner...weird.
I've lectured him (Russell) a lot on his behavior lately, but honestly I'm doing a lot of the same shit just in a more covert manner regarding Chloe. Gavin called me tonight and I went and hung out with him for a bit. It was strange, but fun strange. We seriously have a very odd thing going on. He started calling me about 5pm and I told him I couldn't hang out until after 8pm when Chloe went to bed. He told me he had scored some recreational drugs and clearly did not understand why I couldn't drop everything at that precise moment to go hang out with him. I told him the climate had changed while he was away and if he wanted to hang out, it would have to be after my kid was in bed. He called back after 8pm and I met up with him at his old house. We engaged in the recreational activities and started having oral sex in his truck. He gets uber paranoid when he uses this particular substance, so I suggested maybe we go some place with less people around. We drove to his new house but his gf called along the way and inquired specifically if he was alone....hmmmmmm. He lied appropriately and I convinced him that his house probably wasn't the "safest" location either. I suggested a beach access and after driving around for about 15-20 min, he agreed. I took us to one of my favorite beaches and we hung out there just laying against each other watching the stars. It was totally non-sexual at that point. We talked about totally random shit and then he said he was paranoid again but this time over his warrants and being out in public, so he decided he'd rather come hang out at my house tomorrow night while Russell is at work (and hopefully his bf's house after). Side note, Gavin now has roommates and our roommate situations make it necessary to seek alternative locations when they are present, hence all the crazy driving around tonight.
So now I have an interview on Tuesday and clearly I would not pass a piss test at this point  if that's part of the job requirements...I actually think I was a lot more responsible at 25, but then again I'm fairly content in my current ways. What does this say about me? (Rhetorical question....) Strangely I'm not even sexually frustrated after this evening with Gavin because I think I've come to expect us to just hang out and get high and play around a little, but never to fully fuck where it's that kind of amazing satisfying sex. We do that sometimes, but not as much as we do this kind of thing. I wonder which way tomorrow night will go.
-Jules