Sunday, August 29, 2010

Reform School Girl

Boy has a lot changed in six weeks. Let’s recap shall we?  First there was the whole apex of my craziness and the night I found out I had Chlamydia, thanks to Cabana Boy – only boy I was with who had it. Interesting….  Then I met crazy IT and had that intense two week thing with it resulting in him going entirely batshit crazy and me considering changing my phone umber.  Then there was the resurgence of FJB, really the only guy I’ve actually “like” liked, and our majorly surprising date on Wednesday.  Sheesh!  Really this is my life? No wonder if feels like freaking summer flew by.

So after my whiney post on Friday I’m really trying to hang on to my sanity and not overanalyze everything with him.  We had extremely tentative plans to do something Friday night but then FJB decided he felt anti-social so I, yes Miranda the girl who hates to stay home, stayed home on Friday.  Know what I did?  I cleaned, organized my closet, hung a few pictures, did laundry, cleaned some more, unpacked a couple of boxes that were left from the move, watched really bad TV, and wound it up sewing on loose buttons on several items of clothes.  Hell of a Friday night folks.  But I was determined to stay in because I’m trying to be a reformed party girl for FJB.  Of course thinking of me as a reformed party girl is sort of like trying to claim that Paris Hilton actually has some sort of beneficial presence in the world.

So Saturday I spring from the bed to head to the pool with Gwyn and friends and as I’m checking email FJB pops up in IM.  We talk for a minute and then I give in and call him.  Let me digress to say I am so not a phone talker. I don’t know why.  I used to LOVE to talk on the phone but somehow now if it’s not texting, I’m just not interested.  So back to calling FJB, we talk for a few minutes and par for the course it’s like pulling teeth to get plans made.  Ex.  FJB – What are you doing tonight? Miranda – Nothing, I have no plans past going to the pool.  EONS OF SILENCE Miranda – Do you want to do something tonight?  FJB – Yeah sure.  Seriously!  Sometimes he’s so hesitant to put himself out there!

I actually invited him to hang out at the pool but he’s not much for pool time and I think the idea of walking in to a big group of my friends is probably too much for his anti-social self.  Side note – how is it that I “Ms Social Butterfly” have fallen for Mr. Anti-Social??  So he says to just call him when I’m on the way home.  Next follows several delightful hours of pool time with the girls and then I head back home for my as to yet unplanned date with FJB. 

We ended up just hanging out at his house for a bit and then headed downtown to listen to a band and have some drinks. Over drinks, I brought up the whole issue of what was going on with us.  We kind of started this thing as friends but clearly we did way more than what normal friends do so I just wanted some clarity.  I HATE AMBIGUITY!  We bantered back and forth and then headed back to his place.  FJB actually opened up to me (a little lol) on some of his trust issues and I didn’t want to pry for more details than he was comfortable giving but I do feel like I have a tiny bit more insight into him now.

We crashed because it was getting late and I have to say, I freaking love sleeping with him, get your minds out of the gutter! I’m talking actual sleeping.  I don’t know how it feels to him but it just seems so comfortable to me.  Just enough cuddling, some time apart, and then we end up back snuggling.  For the girl who was the anti-toucher while she was asleep, I sure do love sleepy time cuddling now. 

Undercover of darkness while we were lying in bed I decided to just lay it all out on the table. I figured if I wanted FJB to trust me, I had to blatantly tell him how I was feeling.  So I told him, and honestly, it scared me to death.  I told him I really liked him and that I always had.  That if this was just a “friends” thing I could try to be his friend but I didn’t think I’d be able to do just that.  But if he wanted to take this further, he should know I wasn’t talking to anyone else or dating anyone else.  The rest is up to him folks.

After another delightful FJB trademark wake up call we just lounged around and hung out for a while before grabbing some breakfast.  Then we watched a movie and I figured he was itching for some Gwyn sized alone time so I headed home.   Please note he did initiate the good bye hug and kiss and said he’d call me.

So the ball is in FJB’s court.  He’s running the show.  I’m going to just try to chill out and give him some space and let him take the lead. I think that’s what needs to happen for him to feel comfortable and for him to trust me completely.


PS – FYI – Twin texted me some on Friday and I succeeded in scaring him off telepathically.  He told me he thought I was “too wild for him but a hell of a sexy girl.” HAHAHAH!

Also, College Crush has been very distant so he is definitely picking up on my vibe of I’m interested in someone else.

Lastly, the fucking man radar was on high alert today apparently because who should call me, yes I said CALL me, while I was with FJB…. Fucking Sawyer.  He left an asinine voicemail about missing me and wanting to see me soon.  Time for Sawyer to get a rude awakening.

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