Monday, August 23, 2010

Undercover Lovin'

Seems like I'm not the only one who had an incredibly strange weekend thanks to Mercury and this insane POF identity-switching experiment! So I was supposed to meet Undercover for drinks on Friday night but when he texted to confirm around lunch time I decided to back out. Honestly, I was in the weirdest mood on Friday and I just didn't feel like being sociable. My astrological advisor (aka a girl I used to wait tables with) told me that due to the whole Mercury in retrograde crap I should keep my little butt at home, I followed her advice. Undercover wasn't too disappointed but he did put up a valiant effort to try and get me to change my mind. Instead of meeting him for drinks, I went home and literally sat in silence and enjoyed the peace and quiet for a couple of hours. I know that wasn't very Miranda of me to stay home on a Friday night but the thing I've learned with this whole experiment is that sometimes Gwyn just has to take over, it's beyond my control!

The Barber called me around 10:30 Friday night and we had a nice conversation that lasted almost an hour.  We actually talked about some really deep topics including me telling him that the only reason the mother of his child is acting the way she is is because she wants HIM and he isn't cooperating. It felt good to get that off my chest and he agreed with me, although he didn't want to admit it to himself. He apologized for taking so long to call me back and said he would aim to see me on Saturday night - I told him I was being patient but that I was definitely ready to see him. Then this is where it got weird - there was a moment of silence and then he said "Will you marry me?". I almost choked, managed to laugh a little bit and then said I wasn't ready. He then said "Come on. Let's just give it a shot." I don't remember what I said after that because I was in shock. The funniest thing about this is this is my second over-the-phone proposal. The first happened at 7am when I was 22 years old and my ex called me to play me a song over the phone that he had written me; he played the song (bass guitar was his instrument) and ended it with a proposal. Yes, that really happened to me. I may not find the clingers or the ones who pop the question for real, but I still manage to find my own brand of weird. After I got off the phone with the Barber I got in bed and called it a night. Incidentally, I haven't heard from the Barber at all since then. Par for the course.

I was supposed to play in a soccer game on Saturday morning but I managed to sleep until 10 minutes before the game was supposed to start - so I scratched that idea and decided to join Miranda and Josie at the pool. I headed to the pool fairly early and had been texting with Undercover briefly right as I was arriving. I was telling him how I had slept through my game and decided to make it a pool day - all of his responses were of the 'poor me I don't have a pool to go to' variety and although the Gwyn in me fought it, I decided as Miranda to extend an invitation for Undercover to join us at Miranda's. He seemed surprised that I actually invited him, just as surprised as I was that he accepted!!!!!! OMG I was so nervous. I immediately starting drinking a 32 ounce beer and decided that if this was going to happen I should at least have a buzz. The pressure of meeting Undercover for the first time with not a stitch of makeup on, my hair tied back and wet, and in a bikini started to hit me. I drank faster.

Undercover texted me when he got to the pool parking lot and I went out to meet him. I know the alcohol was sinking in by this point because I went to meet him in the parking lot in my bikini (as opposed to wearing my cover up) holding my enormous beer (as opposed to trying to make a good, sober impression). When I first saw him I was very relieved he was even hotter than his pictures. He gave me a quick hug and we headed back to the pool. Undercover fit in pretty well especially in a slightly overwhelming environment. It was me, Miranda, Ladybug and Leo, Josie and family, and even Miranda's sister! Not to mention Cabana Boy! Undercover played with the kids and mingled with everybody. I just continued to drink. I tried to do my best Miranda and be flirty and nice - whatever I did it must have worked because he wanted to keep hanging out after the pool. There was no kissing or much physical contact at the pool so I wasn't sure of his interest level, plus I was drunk so I probably wouldn't have noticed if he pulled out an engagement ring.

Undercover followed me back to my house to continue this strange first 'date'. I had him sit with my roommate while I showered and then he asked if he could shower as well (after I was finished of course), so he did. While he was showering drunken Gwyn/Miranda decided she wanted to kiss him. I remember I was in the bathroom trying to figure out how to get the kiss to happen. I decided I would just sit on my bed and wait for Undercover to come out of the shower. I assumed, correctly, that if he saw me sitting on the bed then he would come join me and know he had the go ahead for a kiss. My plan worked perfectly and we had a nice little makeout session (after talking for a good while) which concluded with him pleasuring me for almost 20 minutes - yes, I did have to tell him up front there would be no sex and he took that news well and made no objection. I could tell already at this point that if I didn't kick Undercover out that he would end up staying at my house all night. So, in my drunken glory, I told him I was going out with the girls at 11pm so  he could stay until then. We talked a lot about the rules girls have for dating (and why the rules can be important but also when they can be broken) earlier in the night and he asked me if my kicking him out early was just a test that had to do with my silly rules. I assured him it wasn't - of course it was. I was getting the clingy vibe so I wanted to see how he would react to 'rejection' - we don't need another IT on our hands. Plus, The Barber was supposed to be calling and/or coming over that night so I didn't want to have any unfortunate crossing of paths. I walked Undercover out to his car and kissed him goodnight. When I asked him what he was doing the following day he said "Not much. Why? Do you want to hang out?" What have I gotten myself into? Thanks a lot Miranda! By the way, yes, he came over yesterday again to hang out - I'll do another post on that later today I'm running short on time right now.

So, being Miranda has already paid off. If I wanted to, I'm pretty sure I could make Undercover my boyfriend within the week. It's sort of tripping me out because he's so hot and, at least on paper, he seems like quite a catch (except for the whole unemployed thing) so it's funny to me that he's the one with stronger feelings in this situation (I know I didn't go into too much detail about his level of interest but I will in the next post). He's definitely really smart and has a little of the FJB vibe going on where he's almost too smart for his own good, which makes him seem slightly strange and awkward. But damn if he isn't too damn good looking! I think Miranda and Josie can back me up on that one - did I mention his body is almost perfection? Anyways, I'm not sure yet how I feel about Undercover but I like him enough to see where things may go. I'm going to do my best to handle this just like Miranda would but I may have to throw in a little Gwyn here and there as to avoid having to turn down a proposal. The part about this that is even funnier is that as Miranda, I've attracted a man who at least has the potential to be a clinger. But since I've been Gwyn partially, the clinger I've attracted is still a Virgo with the dreaded first name that all my serious boys have. This experiment is really interesting.

I'll post the Undercover date details later this afternoon......there are a couple of gems that I can't wait to report. Until then.......



  1. ...he asked me if my kicking him out early was just a test that had to do with my silly rules. I assured him it wasn't - of course it was.

    That made my day :)

    I don't think it's weird that you're not sure how strongly you feel about Undercover yet; that actually seems a lot healthier than falling head-over-heels crazy for someone before you get to know them.



    ARE you gonna marry the Barber?

  2. DN - If I knew the answer to that question then my current dating life would get a lot simpler really quickly! I love The Barber but I can't wait around forever so I'm just not sure how this whole thing is going to work out.